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Let it all hangout -- The Grumpies, whinies, complainies Get It Off Your Chest Thread....

@RWS, give yourself some grace. You were trying to do what you felt was best for her. At least you were with her and she was in familiar surroundings. Losing these babies is always such a traumatic experience no matter the circumstances. You rescued her and gave her a good life including medical care. None of us have a crystal ball to know what lies ahead; the important thing is that you acted in her best interest. I am terribly sorry for your loss.
 
@RunningwithScissors
This is hard to read.
We all want to do the right thing by our pets. But how can we really know what is right, and when is the right time?
I experienced something similar with one of our cats several years ago.

I'm so sorry for your loss and all the trauma, too.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I don't know where to post this so I guess here is as good as anyplace.

I'm feeling very sad. We have three dogs who are all older gals. The one that seemed the most athletic, energetic, and mentally together all of a sudden became drastically ill one week ago tonight. She literally went from joyously running everyday almost two miles to at death's door. We were in and out of our regular vet all week. Her vitals kept crashing and they couldn't find a reason, best guess was a kidney infection because her white blood cell count was high and she was a girl prone to UTIs. But she didn't respond to antibiotics. She didn't want to eat all week and couldn't even keep water down with chronic vomiting. She was in the emergency vet hospital all weekend. Finally yesterday we got a diagnosis. Lymphoma of the liver and intestines. I didn't even realize lymphoma could be outside of the lymph nodes. Only thing to do was to euthanize her. She couldn't eat or drink and the disease was too advanced for chemo. She was in pain and couldn't exist without being on an IV.

We took her home yesterday evening so she could be put to sleep at home. She was originally a shelter dog (we adopted her 10+ years ago) so she was terrified of hospitals and anyplace that resembled a shelter. We didn't want her to die in the hospital and think she was at a shelter for her last moments on earth.

So she came home yesterday evening and we had a vet scheduled to come to our house this morning to put her down. But she died overnight. It was a terrible death, not at all what we wanted for her. Pain, and vomit, blood, diarrhea everywhere. We thought we were doing the right thing, but we ended up having her suffer badly overnight. No-one realized she'd go downhill that quickly, we all (even the vet) thought we had a couple days and bringing her home was the gentlest option.

I feel so terrible we didn't have her put down at the hospital now. We created a situation where she was in agony and very traumatized. I'm so sorry. We thought we were lessening her suffering by bringing her home to die.

Also, I've had dogs all my life, and have never had one go from super athletic happy bouncy gal to at death's door literally overnight, then dead within the week. I've even had dogs with cancers before (even lymphoma, though of the lymph nodes) and it's been year+ long decline, not months, certainly not days.

I'm shocked, wracked with guilt I chose the wrong ending for her, and didn't see this coming at all. And of course I miss her terribly. I feel like I've failed all around. I loved her so much and I've totally failed her.

It was such a long, hot, horrible summer this year, she and I both were looking forward to finally getting to go for some hikes this fall. It breaks my heart that's not going to happen.
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Dear running with scissors. I am so so sorry for your terrible loss. I want to offer you words of comfort to ease your pain. I 100 percent get how you’re feeling because something so similar happened to us with Francesca. I won’t go into details here suffice to say I get it completely. And what I want to say is hindsight is always 20/20 and we can’t know the future.


We do the best we can at the time with the knowledge and info we have. And that’s the best we can do.


Your sweet baby knew how much you loved her. She knew unconditional love. Many dogs never do. She died at home in your loving care. She’s free from pain now. Take comfort from that.


I am sending you so many gentle hugs. I know this pain and it never fully goes away. But in time you will make peace with this. Because you did your very best for her and her time on earth was filled with love and light because of you.

You not only didn’t fail her you made her life brilliant and special. Please know that.


(((((Hugs))))))
 
Hello:

RWS your lived experience is a sad one. You did the best you could--given the no win situation. I am sorry for loss of your glorious pooch.

Healing vibes across the miles.

kind regards--Sharon
 
@RunningwithScissors I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. My heart goes out to you, there are no words that can possibly make you feel better right now. It's hard, it's actually really worse than hard to lose a pet. The pain takes your breath away at times, makes you want throw up and sobbing is a temporary release valve. Take care - sending you gentle hugs.
 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your girl, RunningwithScissors. She knew how much you loved her.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
But still I believe I chose the wrong ending. It's so hard to know what to do when they can't talk to us and tell us what they want or how much they hurt.
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I know that your heart is broken, but don't beat yourself up over this. You had no idea the end was so near and being at home for the end is so much better for them. I've had my pets euthanized at the vet, and at home, and home is so much more comforting for them, and for us.
I honestly think that dogs can seem healthy one day and go downhill very fast. You did your best and I'm sure that she knew it. At least she was at home.
 
@RunningwithScissors, I’m so so sorry. I know you are heartbroken and feeling shattered right now but please try to be gentle with yourself. Please try to find some peace in knowing you were with her at the end. I think we all do what we feel is the best for our fur babies. Unfortunately there are times in life where we don’t know what that is. Life doesn’t come with a crystal ball telling us how things work out. You did the very best you could. She knew how much you loved her. Please don’t lose sight of this. Hugs, Callie
 
@RunningwithScissors I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I’m still consumed with grief over my own loss of my baby beagle, Daisy, who I often wrote about here.

Please know this: you cared, and you tried. You did all you could do. And that’s all that truly matters as far as lives go in this world. This is likely just a reiteration of other points made, I don’t know because I can only bear to read so many thoughts about pet loss, although I tried to read through all the lovely comments.

It’s totally fine to feel like absolute sh*t for awhile. Or feel relieved that your girl is gone. Or whatever you’re feeling. Grief is so ridiculous. Out of the blue it can come up and punch you in the throat. No other dog or pet can make up for the one you lost. Your other dogs will grieve as well, I’m sure you know that already.

Wishing you strength and peace in the near future and coming months/years over the loss of your girl. Lots of warm thoughts and virtual hugs and pats on the back as well. Hey—it’s gonna be ok.
 
@RunningwithScissors, please don’t beat yourself up, you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time, you had no way of knowing how it would go. Your heart was in the right place and she knew and I believe still knows. Sending you a big hug.
 
Thank you all so much. I've read everything everyone has posted and I appreciate the love and support very much. I'm too sad right now to respond to anyone individually, but do know I appreciate each one of you.

I know many of you have lost not only your fur babies, but human relatives as well, in difficult ways. Being alive and loving others means going through this type of things all too often. And it sucks big time (not the loving part, but the suffering and death and feeling helpless part).
 
RWS, I’m so sorry about the loss of your pet. You did what you thought was best and you gave your dog a great life. We’d all like a crystal ball when we make decisions, but we just have to do what feels right at the time. I hope that over time you take comfort knowing that you gave her a happy life and she didn’t suffer for very long.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
Thank you all so much. I've read everything everyone has posted and I appreciate the love and support very much. I'm too sad right now to respond to anyone individually, but do know I appreciate each one of you.

I know many of you have lost not only your fur babies, but human relatives as well, in difficult ways. Being alive and loving others means going through this type of things all too often. And it sucks big time (not the loving part, but the suffering and death and feeling helpless part).
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I'm struggling with how to send comfort the right way because I understand your grief, and I don't want this to be about me.

We recently suffered a loss.

From my heart, I personally feel that all losses of loved ones are the same.

I allow myself daily moments to grieve, but I also try to find some joy and laughter each day.

I've found that I'm more perceptive to coincidences and they comfort me.

It might sound trite at this moment, but my daughter, a veterinarian, and I commissioned commemorative pendants that truly bring us happiness every day.

My husband, my daughter, and I send our condolences on your loss.
 
Rebel Rebel said:
It might sound trite at this moment, but my daughter, a veterinarian, and I commissioned commemorative pendants that truly bring us happiness every day.
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Thank you.

I understand the pendant thing. I've actually been looking around online for an antique locket. I'm usually a very modern person, but since this happened I've been feeling very Victorian in my grief. I have a small curl of her hair that I'd like to wear in a locket pendant. It will help me in the letting go process.

All the dogs I've ever had, and I've had many, have gotten very, very old and I've been able to slowly get accustomed to the idea of them passing far ahead of their actual deaths. And their passings have all been peaceful too. This is the first one that is very sudden, completely unexpected and horrific.

Because I'm just not ready to let her go, I think placing some of her black fur in a locket will help me.

Love my PS family.
 
I was okay all day and now I'm super weepy. Sorry guys. Maybe it's because I'm tired.

Each day brings reminders that make me sad.
 
@RunningwithScissors, You are being so hard on yourself. What you went thru this week is awful and heart breaking. I doubt there is a person on here who can’t relate to what you are writing or feel your pain. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time to grieve and also please know you have emotional support here when you need it.
 
@RunningwithScissors I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved Sophie. Loosing our fur babies is so traumatizing. I, like you, always play everything back in my head. I should have done this or that, but we just do the best we can with what we know at the time. Torturing yourself does nothing positive. After a time, you will remember her with joy. Don’t feel guilty, she knows you loved her. I hope you find peace
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I was okay all day and now I'm super weepy. Sorry guys. Maybe it's because I'm tired.

Each day brings reminders that make me sad.
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I have delayed responding to your horror, even though I wanted to try and comfort you, because I know first hand, what you are going through, and know how traumatic it is. All I can say is to let yourself experience your grief when it hits you. I think its the only way to get past it. Not over it, just past it. Losing a beloved pet can be just as traumatic as losing a family member, and I don't know why we feel embarrassed to grieve an animal. It was my experience that the guilt I felt long outlasted the sadness of missing them. But know that one day you will be able to say, without the intense pain, that had you known x, you would have done y. And that self forgiveness, allows you to be a better pet parent to the next family member. Hugs.
 
DST is bad enough for humans; animals are like …wtf, where’s my food?! It’s time for a walk!
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I feel so terrible we didn't have her put down at the hospital now. We created a situation where she was in agony and very traumatized. I'm so sorry. We thought we were lessening her suffering by bringing her home to die.
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I'm seeing this a bit late. I'm so very sorry for your loss and for what you went through.

You couldn't have known. It's not your fault. I went through something similar with my elderly cat over two years ago who got pulmonary edema as a result of spreading breast cancer. They stabilised her at the clinic and said it would be okay to bring her home, and have a vet come put her to sleep. But as soon as we got home, she took a turn for the worst and suffocated in my arms.

No one tells you of this risk. No one warns you that your pet might get severely sick and die before the euthanasia, if you take them home where you don't have quick access to medical care. And in the moment, when you're sick with worry and the only straight thought in your head is to prevent suffering, you don't have the mental capacity to think of these things. You couldn't have known, and you did what every other loving pet owner would do - aim to bring their pet home so that can die in peace.

This is partially the reason why I'm bringing this up again, two weeks later. There are many pet owners here. Such painful experiences, as terrible as they are, can serve others, so that they can make informed decisions about their pets. I wish vets discussed this with the owners facing a similar choice, but sadly they often don't.
 
I have a dear friend who loves rescue animals and who has had many dogs and cats over the years.
As soon as a pet is diagnosed with a terminal condition, or suddenly becomes gravely ill, she has them put down.
She doesn't wait for the numerous vet appointments or the lengthy ineffective treatments.
This seemed like a cold attitude when she first told me about it.
But after losing two cats in recent years, I now see her point.
 
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Avondale said:
I'm seeing this a bit late. I'm so very sorry for your loss and for what you went through.

You couldn't have known. It's not your fault. I went through something similar with my elderly cat over two years ago who got pulmonary edema as a result of spreading breast cancer. They stabilised her at the clinic and said it would be okay to bring her home, and have a vet come put her to sleep. But as soon as we got home, she took a turn for the worst and suffocated in my arms.

No one tells you of this risk. No one warns you that your pet might get severely sick and die before the euthanasia, if you take them home where you don't have quick access to medical care. And in the moment, when you're sick with worry and the only straight thought in your head is to prevent suffering, you don't have the mental capacity to think of these things. You couldn't have known, and you did what every other loving pet owner would do - aim to bring their pet home so that can die in peace.

This is partially the reason why I'm bringing this up again, two weeks later. There are many pet owners here. Such painful experiences, as terrible as they are, can serve others, so that they can make informed decisions about their pets. I wish vets discussed this with the owners facing a similar choice, but sadly they often don't.
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Agreed. It took an experience with our first cat's death, and the excruciating guilt I felt afterward, to teach me to be a little more "clinical" with decision making for animals that came afterward. It is hard though: you don't want (understandably because you love them) to euthanize too early, but don't want them to suffer either. This last time around, I was very upfront with his vet, asking what the end of intestinal cancer "looks" like, so that I would know when it was time. But then we also lucked out because things did move slowly. I agree veterinarians would benefit patients if they warned their owners of the worst case scenario. Then again, I see how they would not want to come across as a "grim reaper." In the end I think both sides try to do the best they can.
 
stracci2000 said:
I have a dear friend who loves rescue animals and who has had many dogs and cats over the years.
As soon as a pet is diagnosed with a terminal condition, or suddenly becomes gravely ill, she has them put down.
She doesn't wait for the numerous vet appointments or the lengthy ineffective treatments.
This seemed like a cold attitude when she first told me about it.
But after losing two cats in recent years, I now see her point.
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I have a sister who has a shelter for FeLV and FIV cats, and she is the same way about knowing when to call it. But my sister has the benefit that, because there are so many of them, they aren't true pets in the same way. She knows she won't have them long going into it, and that her job is to make sure that the time they do have is happy.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I was okay all day and now I'm super weepy. Sorry guys. Maybe it's because I'm tired.

Each day brings reminders that make me sad.
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IDK if you are familiar with Best Friends Animal Society but it is a wonderful,long established rescue organization with headquarters in Kanab,Utah. If you go to : resources.best friends.org , you will find many links to helpful articles ,organizations and other resources that may help you deal with the grief/guilt that you are feeling. If I could, I would send you my copy of their Nov/Dec magazine. It has an excellent article discussing exactly what you are going through. Anyone who has loved/lost a pet has felt the same way that you do. It will get better.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
The only positive in our decision to bring her home to die was that our long-time pet sitter who lovers her like her own was able to come over and say goodbye to her. She stroked her head and said loving things to her. I honestly believe Sophie (our dog) liked that even in her misery. And our pet sitter needed it too.

But still I believe I chose the wrong ending. It's so hard to know what to do when they can't talk to us and tell us what they want or how much they hurt.

I sooo wish I had taken her on a hike last week before this all hit. Just one fall walk would have been nice.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. You absolutely did the right thing, you loved her every second of her life and that's the best thing we can do for them. She went on her own terms. It's such a hard and painful feeling when we lose them, I hope one day you can find peace.
 
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