Living together before marriage

[ljmorgan]

I think I may be one of the few ladies here living with her fiance before marriage -- while still being able to admit that the statistics of success are not as high as for those who don''t move in together after marriage! The statistics are truthful, but there are so many factors to consider regarding your own personal relationship. Last year I read psychology magazine that had an article on this subject. The strongest indicator of divorce was not necessarily the living together -- it was the instability, if the couple was not sure about their relationship status, which can be very stressful apparently. The article said that couples who lived together who already had solid plans to marry, did just about the same as folks who moved in together after the wedding.

There are just so many things to consider, and there''s no one right answer! If you''re both committed, you can make a marriage work... whether you live together before the wedding, or not

Oh and FI and I are getting married in less than a month!

(and for the curious gals, we moved in together one month after getting engaged.)

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:05:54 PM
Author: Galateia

Date: 12/10/2006 10:58:00 PM
Author: TravelingGal
don''t like pie? sacrilege! I love pie, it''s my weakness. Actually it''s pie crust I love. I wonder if there is pie out there where the filling has heaps of pie crust mixed in?

What about making a pie in the style of lasagna? Cook them separately, maybe, to ensure flaky crusts and then just assemble it immediately prior to serving? You could do it ''a la mode'' and use the layer of ice cream to ''stick'' the layers together. Just an idea.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

problem is I don''t bake in any way. Love to cook, but not bake.

You are more than welcome to send me a pie of such description though.

 

[TravelingGal]

btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

 

[mia15]

Because it''s Finals, of course!

Why study when you can be on PS?

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

I''m avoiding studying complex analysis.

 

[poptart]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:15:11 PM
Author: emeraldlover
Because it''s Finals, of course!

Why study when you can be on PS?

Exactly! I''m currently "working" on my rewrite that is due at 9 am tomorrow. I have fixed only one paragraph, thanks to PS...

*M*

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:15:11 PM
Author: emeraldlover
Because it''s Finals, of course!

Why study when you can be on PS?

I don''t know how you students do it. I''m not ancient or anything, but when I was in college, the internet was not a big part of our lives (actually it wasn''t at all). I would have never gotten any studying done! I''m embarrassed to say I TYPED my way through college (yes, on a TYPEWRITER). My roommate did have a computer, but I was scared of it. Now I am in the technology industry, go figure.

I still remember coming home from my first business meeting in 1995. We all got shirts that had our web address on them, and someone said to his friend on the plane while pointing to my shirt, "look at that www thing...I hear more people are doing that."

 

[mia15]

Sigh. I still have to edit a 15-page paper and cite sources.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:20:44 PM
Author: emeraldlover
Sigh. I still have to edit a 15-page paper and cite sources.

Make sure your sources are objective.

 

[poptart]

I use it as a distraction... kind of like putting music on. I can''t just sit down and write something. I need to have an outlet because my mind tends to wander off topic. Especially on something as boring as Shakespeare (I think I have written at LEAST ten Shakespeare papers, and I have nothing left to say!)

*M*

 

[Maria D]

Musey, thanks for explaining the stat numbers for me. I didn''t know about the no-fault blip. I''m happy that you are doing all the research and then taking the time to explain -- so I don''t have to do it myself!

I''m hanging out because I''m Christmas shopping online. What did we do before the internet? I''m so happy I don''t have to step foot in a mall if I don''t want to!

 

[mia15]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:19:56 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 11:15:11 PM

Author: emeraldlover

Because it''s Finals, of course!


Why study when you can be on PS?

I don''t know how you students do it. I''m not ancient or anything, but when I was in college, the internet was not a big part of our lives (actually it wasn''t at all). I would have never gotten any studying done! I''m embarrassed to say I TYPED my way through college (yes, on a TYPEWRITER). My roommate did have a computer, but I was scared of it. Now I am in the technology industry, go figure.


I still remember coming home from my first business meeting in 1995. We all got shirts that had our web address on them, and someone said to his friend on the plane while pointing to my shirt, ''look at that www thing...I hear more people are doing that.''

I love it! I''m rolling on the floor laughing.

There was a thread a while ago about trying to study while staying away from PS. I tell you it''s tough! When I read the part about you hanging out with a glass of wine, I felt this wave of envy and went to look longingly at some of the wine I got this year as a birthday present.

 

[cellososweet]

ohhhh novia. . . .junior mints!!!

FI and I live together. Has worked out great. Reaaaally bad arguments, financial issues, walk-out the door and scream periods. But then you suck it up and get over yourself and it works. I''ve learned to calm down, he''s learned to speak up. personally. . . i don''t know if it would have worked out so well for us if we would have waited for marriage. our love takes constant work. for us it just doesn''t work itself out. also, i used to be pretty controlling (living with FI has realllly helped with that) and have an issue with feeling "trapped" in life. I think that if i would have gotten married first, i would have felt frustrated that i jumped into something i didn''t know (because. . . .daaaarn have i learned a lot about FI since we moved in together. nothing to do with sloppiness, more to do with self-esteem issues, family issues, healing a broken ego, etc). I think we would have fallen apart if we would have waited. I would have felt overwhelmed i think and he would have felt frustrated. Now i know that we can work things out no matter what. it''s our thing. i completely understand other peoples points. if it works for you, it works for you. i know that this wouldn''t work for everyone. as long as it makes your relationship strong, i say go for it!

p.s.- my parents lived together before marriage and are celebrating 29 years in january. So, i''m guessing (as some people would say) that your marriage parallels what you see in your parents to some extent.

 

[Maria D]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:19:56 PM
Author: TravelingGal

I don''t know how you students do it. I''m not ancient or anything, but when I was in college, the internet was not a big part of our lives (actually it wasn''t at all). I would have never gotten any studying done! I''m embarrassed to say I TYPED my way through college (yes, on a TYPEWRITER). My roommate did have a computer, but I was scared of it. Now I am in the technology industry, go figure.

I still remember coming home from my first business meeting in 1995. We all got shirts that had our web address on them, and someone said to his friend on the plane while pointing to my shirt, ''look at that www thing...I hear more people are doing that.''

haha I wasted all my time playing PINBALL in college. If we''d had internet I''m sure I would have flunked out. I not only typed everything, I made decent money typing other people''s stuff. Remember white-out?

 

[mia15]

MariaD, it''s so true, the internet has freed us from malls. Or least, lessened its grip. I''d almost rather study than shop. Did I just say that?

TG, my sources are always objective because my only agenda is getting the paper finished!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:27:40 PM
Author: emeraldlover

Date: 12/10/2006 11:19:56 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 11:15:11 PM

Author: emeraldlover

Because it''s Finals, of course!


Why study when you can be on PS?

I don''t know how you students do it. I''m not ancient or anything, but when I was in college, the internet was not a big part of our lives (actually it wasn''t at all). I would have never gotten any studying done! I''m embarrassed to say I TYPED my way through college (yes, on a TYPEWRITER). My roommate did have a computer, but I was scared of it. Now I am in the technology industry, go figure.


I still remember coming home from my first business meeting in 1995. We all got shirts that had our web address on them, and someone said to his friend on the plane while pointing to my shirt, ''look at that www thing...I hear more people are doing that.''

I love it! I''m rolling on the floor laughing.

There was a thread a while ago about trying to study while staying away from PS. I tell you it''s tough! When I read the part about you hanging out with a glass of wine, I felt this wave of envy and went to look longingly at some of the wine I got this year as a birthday present.

Well, keep on studying, it''s all worth it when you have a life where your job ends at a decent hour and your evenings are yours to drink wine and watch movies. Wonderful...

However I thought students these days were all about multi-tasking? How come you can''t drink wine and study at the same time? hehehe.

Poptart, I hear ya. I was an English major and wrote 10, if not many more papers about Willy over my 4 years in college.

Maria D, the Internet is LIFESAVER for a shopping hater like me!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

Saints/Cowboys game??? Ughhhhh...I''m waiting for that to be over so I can have one of my three kids or DH back. My margarita didn''t help...I think I''ve been through every thread on PS, taken and posted pics of my pets...And I''m still bored...I decided not to get involved in this thread (but, have been enjoying it) since I was a tremendous sinner and even had a child out of wedlock. I didn''t want to get thrown under the bus by folks that think they know what makes the world go ''round. Hehe! Hoefully the boredom will pass soon.


BTW...That layered pie thing sounds really fab...I think I''ll try it!

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:26:57 PM
Author: Maria D
Musey, thanks for explaining the stat numbers for me. I didn''t know about the no-fault blip. I''m happy that you are doing all the research and then taking the time to explain -- so I don''t have to do it myself!

I''m hanging out because I''m Christmas shopping online. What did we do before the internet? I''m so happy I don''t have to step foot in a mall if I don''t want to!

I went with FI to his company holiday party last night. Midway through the evening, I decided that what my outfit was really missing was a tennis bracelet. There was a mall practically right next to the party, and after a couple of drinks we thought that going in all dressed up and shopping for a tennis bracelet was a stellar idea. (FI loves jewelry but hates shopping.) It was closed.

We tried to go Christmas shopping at the local mall tonight, and got there an hour after it closed. I actually want to go to the mall, and can''t quite manage to work with their schedule! I''m spoiled by the internet, and being able to buy things whenever I want.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:32:32 PM
Author: Miranda

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM
Author: TravelingGal
btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

Saints/Cowboys game??? Ughhhhh...I''m waiting for that to be over so I can have one of my three kids or DH back. My margarita didn''t help...I think I''ve been through every thread on PS, taken and posted pics of my pets...And I''m still bored...I decided not to get involved in this thread (but, have been enjoying it) since I was a tremendous sinner and even had a child out of wedlock. I didn''t want to get thrown under the bus by folks that think they know what makes the world go ''round. Hehe! Hoefully the boredom will pass soon.


BTW...That layered pie thing sounds really fab...I think I''ll try it!

That''s the one. It''s over now, I believe. I don''t mind just surfing the net though. I love lazy sundays. We were out last night until 3 am out a holiday party so it feels great to not move from our apartment. We''ve been rummaging for things to eat over the course of the day...it''s quite funny the food we''ve been able to put together from random things we are finding in our fridge. No pie materials though.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:32:32 PM
Author: Miranda

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM

Author: TravelingGal

btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

Saints/Cowboys game??? Ughhhhh...I''m waiting for that to be over so I can have one of my three kids or DH back. My margarita didn''t help...I think I''ve been through every thread on PS, taken and posted pics of my pets...And I''m still bored...I decided not to get involved in this thread (but, have been enjoying it) since I was a tremendous sinner and even had a child out of wedlock. I didn''t want to get thrown under the bus by folks that think they know what makes the world go ''round. Hehe! Hoefully the boredom will pass soon.



BTW...That layered pie thing sounds really fab...I think I''ll try it!

Haha, ''thrown under the bus'' indeed! I''m currently defusing from a very long phone conversation with my FMIL last night, and mourning that I didn''t make my workout window today. I am sure it would have helped with my mood. This thread is proving pretty entertaining, I have to say.

Thanks, btw, I just made up the pie idea as I tried to solve the ''less pie, more crust'' request from TravellingGal.

 

[poptart]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:31:16 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 11:27:40 PM
Author: emeraldlover

Date: 12/10/2006 11:19:56 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 11:15:11 PM

Author: emeraldlover

Because it''s Finals, of course!


Why study when you can be on PS?

I don''t know how you students do it. I''m not ancient or anything, but when I was in college, the internet was not a big part of our lives (actually it wasn''t at all). I would have never gotten any studying done! I''m embarrassed to say I TYPED my way through college (yes, on a TYPEWRITER). My roommate did have a computer, but I was scared of it. Now I am in the technology industry, go figure.


I still remember coming home from my first business meeting in 1995. We all got shirts that had our web address on them, and someone said to his friend on the plane while pointing to my shirt, ''look at that www thing...I hear more people are doing that.''

I love it! I''m rolling on the floor laughing.

There was a thread a while ago about trying to study while staying away from PS. I tell you it''s tough! When I read the part about you hanging out with a glass of wine, I felt this wave of envy and went to look longingly at some of the wine I got this year as a birthday present.

Well, keep on studying, it''s all worth it when you have a life where your job ends at a decent hour and your evenings are yours to drink wine and watch movies. Wonderful...

However I thought students these days were all about multi-tasking? How come you can''t drink wine and study at the same time? hehehe.

Poptart, I hear ya. I was an English major and wrote 10, if not many more papers about Willy over my 4 years in college.

Maria D, the Internet is LIFESAVER for a shopping hater like me!

YEA!!! You are were an English major and you have a JOB!!! I was afraid DH was going to have to support us, hahahaha (not). Every time I talk to someone... "Oh, you''re an english major, are you gonna be a teacher?" .... "NO, I will be a fabulous writer living on the edge of controversy and revolution!!" Or at least somewhere that I don''t have to teach. I love children. I don''t want to corrupt them if they aren''t my own!

*M*

 

[poptart]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:39:05 PM
Author: Galateia

Date: 12/10/2006 11:32:32 PM
Author: Miranda

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM

Author: TravelingGal

btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

Saints/Cowboys game??? Ughhhhh...I''m waiting for that to be over so I can have one of my three kids or DH back. My margarita didn''t help...I think I''ve been through every thread on PS, taken and posted pics of my pets...And I''m still bored...I decided not to get involved in this thread (but, have been enjoying it) since I was a tremendous sinner and even had a child out of wedlock. I didn''t want to get thrown under the bus by folks that think they know what makes the world go ''round. Hehe! Hoefully the boredom will pass soon.



BTW...That layered pie thing sounds really fab...I think I''ll try it!

Haha, ''thrown under the bus'' indeed! I''m currently defusing from a very long phone conversation with my FMIL last night, and mourning that I didn''t make my workout window today. I am sure it would have helped with my mood. This thread is proving pretty entertaining, I have to say.

Thanks, btw, I just made up the pie idea as I tried to solve the ''less pie, more crust'' request from TravellingGal.

I bet your idea would work, too. Hell, you can wrap a CD so it looks like a SWAN. You can probably do anything. lol.

*M*

 

[mia15]

Umm..that''s exactly what I was thinking! I was an English major and now I''m back in school.

I dream of finding a job that will indeed let me off at a decent hour to go home to movies, wine, and my lovely (future) husband, but I''ve almost given up. I''ve had very rewarding jobs but that 1. lets me out at dinnertime 2. pays a living wage.

 

[poptart]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:45:31 PM
Author: emeraldlover
Umm..that''s exactly what I was thinking! I was an English major and now I''m back in school.

I dream of finding a job that will indeed let me off at a decent hour to go home to movies, wine, and my lovely (future) husband, but I''ve almost given up. I''ve had very rewarding jobs but that 1. lets me out at dinnertime 2. pays a living wage.

Stop! You are shattering my dreams! I can''t do this school thing again...

*M*

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:41:34 PM
Author: poptart
YEA!!! You are were an English major and you have a JOB!!! I was afraid DH was going to have to support us, hahahaha (not). Every time I talk to someone... ''Oh, you''re an english major, are you gonna be a teacher?'' .... ''NO, I will be a fabulous writer living on the edge of controversy and revolution!!'' Or at least somewhere that I don''t have to teach. I love children. I don''t want to corrupt them if they aren''t my own!

*M*

poptart, people who think english majors can only be teachers aren''t aware of the power of communication.

Math: there is a right and wrong answer. Same with a lot of other "hard" sciences.

But English...what is English? My dear, you are getting a B.A. in B.S.! What is life after all, but a lot of interaction with people? Think about writing a paper...we all know that English is a very subjective area. You go to class. Size up your professor, and say something in your work that he would like to hear (that is, if you want to get an A.

) A lot of times in life, it is about sizing people up and figuring out what they want to hear - and sometimes it may be BS. I am not talking about close relationships by the way...because I know this sounds shallow. But in a lot of ways it is the key to success that not a lot of people have. And if you can be sincere in the process, that''s golden.

Especially these days where so much of our communication is in the written word (corporate emails, etc), it''s amazing what good communication will get you. Not to mention how it helps in personal life such as relationships!

 

[poptart]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:49:10 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2006 11:41:34 PM
Author: poptart
YEA!!! You are were an English major and you have a JOB!!! I was afraid DH was going to have to support us, hahahaha (not). Every time I talk to someone... ''Oh, you''re an english major, are you gonna be a teacher?'' .... ''NO, I will be a fabulous writer living on the edge of controversy and revolution!!'' Or at least somewhere that I don''t have to teach. I love children. I don''t want to corrupt them if they aren''t my own!

*M*

poptart, people who think english majors can only be teachers aren''t aware of the power of communication.

Math: there is a right and wrong answer. Same with a lot of other ''hard'' sciences.

But English...what is English? My dear, you are getting a B.A. in B.S.! What is life after all, but a lot of interaction with people? Think about writing a paper...we all know that English is a very subjective area. You go to class. Size up your professor, and say something in your work that he would like to hear (that is, if you want to get an A.

) A lot of times in life, it is about sizing people up and figuring out what they want to hear - and sometimes it may be BS. I am not talking about close relationships by the way...because I know this sounds shallow. But in a lot of ways it is the key to success that not a lot of people have. And if you can be sincere in the process, that''s golden.

Especially these days where so much of our communication is in the written word (corporate emails, etc), it''s amazing what good communication will get you. Not to mention how it helps in personal life such as relationships!

I agree completely. It''s just the actual thought of finding a career that has me scared beyond belief!

*M*

 

[galeteia]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:42:41 PM
Author: poptart

Date: 12/10/2006 11:39:05 PM

Author: Galateia

Date: 12/10/2006 11:32:32 PM

Author: Miranda

Date: 12/10/2006 11:13:43 PM


Author: TravelingGal


btw, since we''ve gone off topic, why is everyone hanging out on a Sunday? I am sitting here waiting for football to be over so my hubby and I can watch the movie we were supposed to watch on Friday. At least I am sitting with a glass of wine and PS is keeping me entertained!

Saints/Cowboys game??? Ughhhhh...I''m waiting for that to be over so I can have one of my three kids or DH back. My margarita didn''t help...I think I''ve been through every thread on PS, taken and posted pics of my pets...And I''m still bored...I decided not to get involved in this thread (but, have been enjoying it) since I was a tremendous sinner and even had a child out of wedlock. I didn''t want to get thrown under the bus by folks that think they know what makes the world go ''round. Hehe! Hoefully the boredom will pass soon.




BTW...That layered pie thing sounds really fab...I think I''ll try it!

Haha, ''thrown under the bus'' indeed! I''m currently defusing from a very long phone conversation with my FMIL last night, and mourning that I didn''t make my workout window today. I am sure it would have helped with my mood. This thread is proving pretty entertaining, I have to say.


Thanks, btw, I just made up the pie idea as I tried to solve the ''less pie, more crust'' request from TravellingGal.

I bet your idea would work, too. Hell, you can wrap a CD so it looks like a SWAN. You can probably do anything. lol.


*M*

Well, they don''t necessarily look like swans... but thank you for the compliment. I have further pie/ice cream lasagna thoughts to report: the question of hot/cold difficulties come to mind, right? Normally this isn''t a problem if the pie is beside the ice cream, but the ice cream will melt fast if the pie is even warm. I''m guessing that the pie will need to be cooled at least a bit before assemblage, or it might fall apart.

If the ice cream needs to be spread over the pie, it will need to be ''soft'', right? This poses a melting danger. So, my solution is thus: line a pie plate of an appropriate diameter with saran wrap, a bit like a ''pie crust'', ironically. Soften the ice cream enough that you can dollop it in, and flatten it out. This will become your first ''layer'' of ice cream. Slap another layer of saran wrap over it, and repeat the process. And again, if necessary. Freeze. Theoretically, you should be able to take the re-hardened ice cream out of the fridge, and by pulling on the saran wrap hanging over the sides of the plate, you should be able to pop out 2 perfectly shaped ice cream ''disks'' which can easily be slapped between your layers of pie!

Note: make sure you remove and discard the saran wrap from the disks.

What do you girls think? Would that work?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2006 11:53:45 PM
Author: poptart
I agree completely. It''s just the actual thought of finding a career that has me scared beyond belief!

*M*

Don''t blame you. When I got out of school, I need a job and found part time work at "The Gap". Back then, SNL had Gap Girl skits and there was this funny image of the sales people. I remember when someone I knew walked in, I was so embarrassed I, a college educated woman, was working at the Gap that I went back to hide in the stockroom!

Off to watch my movie...yay!

 

[mia15]

Poptart, school's not so bad, though a few years ago I was dreading going back. It's amazingly rewarding, especially as an older student. I actually love it.

However, I have to admit that there seem to be fewer and fewer jobs that don't require long workdays and sometimes the more creative a field you work in, the more employers seem to see that as a privilege that demands horrible hours. So I'm actually back in school to try to get a more independent life back, with time and/or money for travel.

How did we get here from cohabitation?

 

[poptart]

I know school isn''t terrible, but it took me two years to get done and I am really not a college type person. Luckily I already have a small network built up in the field I want to work in, so hopefully I can find some type of career!

*M*