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Love at First Sight - Do you Believe?

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Maybe not love, but serious interest. When I first met my husband our eyes met and I instantly knew there was just somethin'' about him. 20 years later, here we are.
 
I agree. Don''t know about love at first sight, more like infatuation at first sight. Love is much deeper than just a feeling.
 
I wouldn''t call it love at first sight either, but I also "knew" something about my husband when I first met him. The instant he smiled at me I felt "home".
 
I believe there is lust at first sight. Love is such a strong emotion and I believe it takes so much time to really blossom.
 
I would sort of agree. I definately had an instant attraction to my husband, but not love.

But my son is another matter. I loved him the second I saw him.
 
I definitely believe in it - it was that way for both FI and I.

It most definitely wasn''t a lust thing either - it was much more an instant connection as if we had known each other all our lives.
I cancelled plans I had spent 6 months putting together (including a new job) within 15 minutes of meeting him. Which is VERY unlike me!

And told my mother I had met my husband - she was shocked! I must have had about 12 bfs in the past including 5 serious relationships and I had NEVER said anything about marriage before.

My parents were exactly the same - my father had another girlfriend at the time he met my mother. He went round to her house to take her flatmate (who was an ex of his) out for dinner. My mother opened the door for him and he took her out for dinner instead. He went home that night and dumped the existing girlfriend and had proposed to my mother within 2 weeks.
 
No, I don''t. I believe in lust at first sight but not love. I think true love goes way beneath the surface.
 
I don''t believe in love "at FIRST sight", but I do believe in love "within a short duration of first meeting." DH and I had been together for 3 weeks, and I knew he was going to be my husband (which was really weird because I was only 17.) I told my mom that, and she said she knew she was going to marry my dad when they had been together for 3 weeks, too. And, my grandparents got married after knowing each other for 6 weeks. (six weeks from "hello" to "I do")
 
Date: 2/13/2008 4:35:37 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
No, I don''t. I believe in lust at first sight but not love. I think true love goes way beneath the surface.
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Ditto.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 4:42:42 PM
Author: snlee
Date: 2/13/2008 4:35:37 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

No, I don''t. I believe in lust at first sight but not love. I think true love goes way beneath the surface.
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Ditto.
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Yeah I agree
 
I don''t believe in love at first sight. I believe that love is something that develops over time. I believe in instant attraction though.

When I first met my FI, there was an instant attraction on both sides. When I first laid eyes on him I thought to myself "PHWOAR! He''s a bit of an alright!!" I fell in love with him as I got to know him.
 
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
 
Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
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I think the love a parent has from a child is COMPLETELY different than romantic love between two adults.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 3:57:19 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would sort of agree. I definately had an instant attraction to my husband, but not love.

But my son is another matter. I loved him the second I saw him.
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Ditto. I definitely had instant attraction and a serious case of "gotta get to know THIS guy more!" but the love part happened at about 2 months into dating. I did know at 2 weeks of dating that he was a great guy, and if it didn''t work out, that we had to stay friends! He''s just too cool not to be around, lol. (he would also die if he knew that I just posted that about him
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)

But with my kids, absolutely head over heels in love at first sight! If not sooner with this rolls, kicks, flips, and little hiccups in utero
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Date: 2/13/2008 4:55:29 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
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I think the love a parent has from a child is COMPLETELY different than romantic love between two adults.
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I agree, but if it is possible in one aspect of human interaction, why couldn''t it be possible in another aspect?
 
Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn't the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
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LitigatorChick-- Were you in love with your son when you first found out you were pregnant? Or was he someone you were excited about and the connection was something that grew as he developed over the 9 month period?

If I had known that I was going to meet Chris, the love of my life, 9 months before I actually did; the anticipation would have led to love at first sight also.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
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That''s because there''s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. You don''t marry someone you love, you marry someone you are in love with. I love many men, but they are not the ones I am in love with.

The love a parent feels for their children is completely different to that of their partner.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 5:05:44 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
Click to expand...
LitigatorChick-- Were you in love with your son when you first found out you were pregnant? Or was he someone you were excited about and the connection was something that grew as he developed over the 9 month period?
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He was not "real" to me until he was born - hard to explain. But the second he was born was an instant and overwhelming love for him, and it has never really diminished. I see what you are saying Meresal, but I''m not sure about it. What if, as an adult, you have been planning your perfect man, and you meet him. Maybe that''s what "love at first sight" is - meeting the person you had imagined.

I''m rambling... done now.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 5:05:44 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
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LitigatorChick-- Were you in love with your son when you first found out you were pregnant? Or was he someone you were excited about and the connection was something that grew as he developed over the 9 month period?

If I had known that I was going to meet Chris, the love of my life, 9 months before I actually did; It would have been in love at first sight also.
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Exactly. If I had hauled TGuy around in my gut for 9 months, I may have fallen in love with him at first sight too. Just not the same thing. You''re talking romantic love between a man and a woman, with an entire different set of expectations and parameters vs a far more unconditional, maternal love.

I don''t say to TGuy, "Bad boy! Don''t do that!"

Or maybe I do.
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Date: 2/13/2008 5:10:05 PM
Author: LitigatorChick

Date: 2/13/2008 5:05:44 PM
Author: meresal


Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn''t the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
Click to expand...
LitigatorChick-- Were you in love with your son when you first found out you were pregnant? Or was he someone you were excited about and the connection was something that grew as he developed over the 9 month period?
Click to expand...
He was not ''real'' to me until he was born - hard to explain. But the second he was born was an instant and overwhelming love for him, and it has never really diminished. I see what you are saying Meresal, but I''m not sure about it. What if, as an adult, you have been planning your perfect man, and you meet him. Maybe that''s what ''love at first sight'' is - meeting the person you had imagined.

I''m rambling... done now.
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Well, that''s part of the delusion right there...no such thing as the "perfect" man, IMHO.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 5:10:05 PM
Author: LitigatorChick




Date: 2/13/2008 5:05:44 PM
Author: meresal





Date: 2/13/2008 4:51:03 PM
Author: LitigatorChick
I would have agreed, but having my son has proven to me that this instant and deep love is possible. So if I can have it with my son, why couldn't the same thing happen with 2 adults? Or a parent meeting their adopted child for the first time? Or other types of love?
Click to expand...
LitigatorChick-- Were you in love with your son when you first found out you were pregnant? Or was he someone you were excited about and the connection was something that grew as he developed over the 9 month period?
Click to expand...
He was not 'real' to me until he was born - hard to explain. But the second he was born was an instant and overwhelming love for him, and it has never really diminished. I see what you are saying Meresal, but I'm not sure about it. What if, as an adult, you have been planning your perfect man, and you meet him. Maybe that's what 'love at first sight' is - meeting the person you had imagined.

I'm rambling... done now.
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I understand, I'm just glad the man I'm going to marry, isn't the man I thought I wanted in college.
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Maybe we can finish this conversation the day after I have my first child... I may have a different view.

Apparently my "Perfect Man" is addicted to sports, ESPN, video games, wearing jersey's to sporting events, and staying up late to do laundry... that last one isn't so bad!
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Date: 2/13/2008 5:16:26 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
Absolutely. I talked back and forth to my husband long before I actually met him and saw him irl, I absolutely knew I loved him immediately.
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SDL, I think that''s a little different. It''s almost like you ARE carrying him in your gut for 9 months...at least you are carrying him in your heart.
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Back in 96, when it was still considered "weird", I met someone I talked to over the Internet. It was SO much more innocent back then. I had to snail mail him a photo of me, as I wasn''t that computer savvy. We went a few weeks before even knowing what each other looked like, and 4 months before we finally met, with nightly phone calls.

When I did finally meet him, there was so much more of a bond. But would I have felt that if I saw him on the street knowing nothing about him? Not a way.
 
I didn''t love my husband the first time I saw him. In fact the opposite happened. I couldn''t bear him! The love grew over many months.
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Litigator chick~ I understand what you''re reasoning is about love at first sight. If it''s possible in one circumstance, then why not another?

My best answer is this...The first time I found out I was pregnant (on our first wedding anniversary), I knew that I completely loved our child. I continued to love him through my miscarriage, and even now. But, after having my son (whole, perfect, and beautiful), I''ve realized that while I do have love for the babies I''ve lost, it''s not that in-depth, can''t go one day without touching you kind of love. I think the same exists with romantic relationships. When I first met DH, I knew there was something, I may have even thought it was "love at first sight", but after knowing him, that''s when it developed into the in-depth, can''t go one day without touching you kind of love.
 
I agree somethingshiny. I feel like I love this kid right now (it''s baking). It awes me that it isn''t anything like how I am going to feel when I see him/her.

I think it depends on one''s definition of "love" too. I think there are a lot of people who don''t really understand what love entails...even after marriage. Love is more of a "I love him because of the way he makes me feel" kind of thing, vs a willingness to be commited and working on making it grow.
 
TG- Actually, I sort of disagree with your definition of love.

I do think "I love him because of the way he makes me feel" is entailed. But, I think more accurately "I love him because of the way it(the love I have for him) makes me feel". The aspect of loving someone else is what you're able to feel more deeply than their love for you.

Also, I think the "willingness to be committed and make it grow" is an even deeper love. That's when you've realized that it's not all flowers and sunshine, and that even through the hard times, you WANT/WILLING to take the bad with the good. I think commitment is the deepest form of love.

That committed love is what you have for your child. "I will do anything and everything for you including giving up my own life to make sure you're happy." (granted, that's also unconditional) The commitment to a spouse is "I will do anything and everything for you including only sharing my most intimate feelings/desires/hopes with you." (and of course, you may have no problem dying for a spouse also)

I do agree that everyone's definitions of love are different. And, I definitely think that anyone's definition changes as they grow, or experience changes (birth or death).

ETA- I think commitment alone is all but useless, and must still be accompanied by the intimacy, friendship, passion, etc to make it the "whole love" for a spouse.
 
Date: 2/13/2008 5:58:55 PM
Author: somethingshiny
TG- Actually, I sort of disagree with your definition of love.

I do think ''I love him because of the way he makes me feel'' is entailed. But, I think more accurately ''I love him because of the way it(the love I have for him) makes me feel''. The aspect of loving someone else is what you''re able to feel more deeply than their love for you.

Also, I think the ''willingness to be committed and make it grow'' is an even deeper love. That''s when you''ve realized that it''s not all flowers and sunshine, and that even through the hard times, you WANT/WILLING to take the bad with the good. I think commitment is the deepest form of love.

That committed love is what you have for your child. ''I will do anything and everything for you including giving up my own life to make sure you''re happy.'' (granted, that''s also unconditional) The commitment to a spouse is ''I will do anything and everything for you including only sharing my most intimate feelings/desires/hopes with you.'' (and of course, you may have no problem dying for a spouse also)

I do agree that everyone''s definitions of love are different. And, I definitely think that anyone''s definition changes as they grow, or experience changes (birth or death).

ETA- I think commitment alone is all but useless, and must still be accompanied by the intimacy, friendship, passion, etc to make it the ''whole love'' for a spouse.
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Actually, I do agree with you. Commitment alone is not love. Commitment alone...well, that was my parent''s marriage.

I was probably not being clear enough. I just hear so many people respond to "why do you love your man" with "he makes me laugh" or "he does this for me" etc etc. I always think...what happens when that stops? Do you stop loving him? Thus the commitment and work point.
 
TG~ I''m picking up what you''re laying down!
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I too think it is a chemical attraction type reaction, that WOW when you first lock eyes or touch hands or see someone. Something, that chemically thing, is the catalyst. It makes you want to know more, spend more time, etc. Sometimes, that WOW factor is all that is really there. Or, something stronger and deeper grows, and the WOW continues too. I think the WOW is not like it is initially for all time, it does tend to shift, not in a negative way, but all things evolve over time, nothing is static. I also know people who were not really attracted to or liked their future spouse when they first encountered them, but were together enough times that things flowered and grew over time.

A mom or dad''s love for a child, hopefully, unconditional and limitless and pure, is totally not the same thing as romantic love or being in love, though I do say I am in love with my kids. I mean it in a different way, that I am head over heels taken with them...and knew it the moment I held my kid after birth. It just suffuses through your body, the love, the protectiveness, and the all those instincts. It did for me, and it was cool to realize it.
 
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