My mom is such a hypocrite!

[Sabine]

Okay, for those of you following my mom''s dress saga, here''s an update. She returned the pale gold dress that I asked her not to wear because it looked slightly inappropriate, and I was afraid other people would be afraid that she was trying to send a message that she did not approve of the wedding or wanted to outshine me, etc. I really did NOT think that was her intention in buying that dress, she is just really having a hard time finding something she feels comfortable in, and she wants to look nice she she will be attending the wedding alone and my dad will be there with his girlfriend. But since you all had such adamant responses that you thought she was trying to look like a bride herself, I really started to believe that is what our guests would think as well.

She ordered the same dress in a pale blue that will look gorgeous with our wedding colors of dark blues and purples. It came, it fits, but she just doesn''t LOVE it like she loved the pale gold dress. She calls to tell me this after I had a really crappy day at work (I made one of my students cry), and I''ll admit, I got angry with her. She basically told me that she wasn''t sure yet what she was going to do. I told her that other people were waiting to find out what she was going to wear (my FI''s mom and my dad''s gf), so please let me know when she decides. I assumed she would either go with the blue dress or start over and pick something else out. She then told me to go ahead and tell them her dress would either be light blue or pale gold. I was like, what? You''d actually go back and buy that dress after I told you how I felt?

And the worst part is that she keeps making these comments about how she would never want to do something that would make me feel uncomfortable at my wedding or make things more stressful for me! If she really meant that, she wouldn''t even consider going back and buying the dress I asked her not to wear. I have a feeling she will just end up wearing the blue dress, but I''ll have to hear the whole time about how she''d rather be wearing something else and how she just doesn''t feel great about it. Sheesh, I think I need to just give up and add this to the thread of things I just don''t care about anymore. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[misysu2]

I''m so sorry this is going on Sabine! I''m sure at the heart of this your mom just wants to make the right choice and look nice for you on your big day. There may also be extra pressure for her because she''ll be by herself.

On the other hand, maybe you can talk to her one more time and help her keep it in perspective that it''s just a dress. Being blue or gold won''t matter in the long run to her, but it sure will to you. Good luck.

Sending hugs your way!! {{Sabine}}

 

[VRBeauty]

Sabine: I am so sorry you''re going through this! It does sound like your mother is channeling some insecure, teenage part of herself to choose this dress. In a way it''s too bad that she doesn''t post here... she might get the message after receiving 100 or so responses telling her to just suck it up!

Knowing that your dad will be at the wedding with his girlfriend does explain her behavior a bit. I mean, she''s dealing with a whole set of emotions and concerns beside the usual mother of the bride concerns. There was some musing in prior threads that some part of your mother was either competing with you or trying to use your wedding as her time in the spotlight. I suspect the GF is the reason for all this MOB wierdness.

It might help if you cut the connection between your mother''s dress choice and the GF''s. It would take some of the pressure of your mother and eliminate any subconscious benefit for dragging the selection out (as in, the longer your mom takes to choose a dress, the less time GF has to find hers).

A girl''s shopping day with your mother might be a huge help, if there''s any way you could swing it. By taking the time to go shopping with her you''d reinforce her position in the wedding (as in more important than the GF) and -- more importantly -- in your life.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks for the hugs misysu and the advice minims. Actually, I''ve kept the fact that my dad''s gf has even asked what my mom will be wearing from my mom. I know the gf asked because she wanted to make sure she didn''t look too similar to look like she was trying to compete with my mom, but I doubt my mom would see it that way. I''m sure she probably wonders what dad''s gf will be wearing too, but she just doesn''t want to hear about it/ask about it. I don''t think my mom is really worried that the gf will have more of a role in the wedding/my life since I barely know the woman. We did 2 shopping trips a few months ago, once to downtown Pittsburgh and once to all the bridal stores in our area, and she just didn''t find anything she liked, and I won''t be in town for another month. And as I said in my earlier post, she won''t order something online unless she''s tried it on in person first.

The most frustrating part is that my mom wants to look nice, and I get that, I feel her insecurities, and I really want her to look fabulous too. But the dress she thinks she will look fabulous in will actually make people judge her more because it''s inappropriate for a MOB. She said she doesn''t understand the whole "wedding rules" game and doesn''t think any of the people at the wedding would take a second glance at a pale gold dress, but why would she want to chance it if it could bring her negative attention?

 

[surfgirl]

I think she''s trying to look better than her ex''s gf. End of story. It''s sad, but I suppose understandable? I also think since she says she doesn''t want to cause you any stress or upset you, that you need to jump on that and tell her straight out, "Mom, you''re upsetting me about this dress situation. I do not want to think back on planning my wedding and have all this stress over your dress choice overshadow what is supposed to be a really special time for me. You''re my mother and I want you to look beautiful at my wedding and I LOVE THE BLUE DRESS so please wear it and stop finding reasons to continue hemming and hawing. I DO NOT want you to wear the gold dress or ANY gold dress, are we clear?" I''m not sure how direct you''re being with her so that''s why I''m suggesting the above conversation. If you''ve in fact been direct with her, then tell her again, how much this is stressing you out and upsetting you. Tell her what you want her to wear and that the gold dress is unacceptable to you. Period. She''s not welcome to wear that at your wedding. Unfortunately, you''re going to have to be brutally direct with her because she''s not listening to you right now. Sorry you have to deal with this. You could always have her read this and the other threads on this so she can see what others feel about this situation...

 

[LegacyGirl]

Oh wow.. the above poster might be right. She may be trying to upshow the girlfriend. It''s got to be hard on her.

I hope it works out well for you.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/16/2008 1:38:28 PM
Author: surfgirl
I think she''s trying to look better than her ex''s gf. End of story. It''s sad, but I suppose understandable? I also think since she says she doesn''t want to cause you any stress or upset you, that you need to jump on that and tell her straight out, ''Mom, you''re upsetting me about this dress situation. I do not want to think back on planning my wedding and have all this stress over your dress choice overshadow what is supposed to be a really special time for me. You''re my mother and I want you to look beautiful at my wedding and I LOVE THE BLUE DRESS so please wear it and stop finding reasons to continue hemming and hawing. I DO NOT want you to wear the gold dress or ANY gold dress, are we clear?'' I''m not sure how direct you''re being with her so that''s why I''m suggesting the above conversation. If you''ve in fact been direct with her, then tell her again, how much this is stressing you out and upsetting you. Tell her what you want her to wear and that the gold dress is unacceptable to you. Period. She''s not welcome to wear that at your wedding. Unfortunately, you''re going to have to be brutally direct with her because she''s not listening to you right now. Sorry you have to deal with this. You could always have her read this and the other threads on this so she can see what others feel about this situation...

Ditto. And ((HUGS))

 

[CJ2008]

Sabine, I agree with Surfgirl...it''s hard to tell from your posts how direct you''re being. Maybe you''re saying the right words (I don''t want you to wear that dress) but if you don''t want to sound too harsh or are afraid of a confrontation, your "tone" may make you sound wishy-washy. I think you''ve been patient with her, so now you need to step it up or you''re going to end up seriously resenting her. You need to call her on the fact that she SAYS she does not want to upset you, and you need to speak to her in whatever way it takes for her to understand that the gold dress is not an option.

 

[bee*]

I agree with surfgirl-just tell your mom straight out that she is causing you stress by talking about the light gold dress. Sending hugs though-I know it can''t be easy!

 

[isaku5]

Sabine, since I''m probably closer to your mother''s age than yours, I''ll try to explain how I (as a mother) would feel about my MOB dress.

She is not trying to look like a bride! I assure you that no one will mistake your mom for you. She''s not trying to "steal your thunder" .

She is attending the wedding alone, not with a BF (assumption here; correct me if it''s a mistake, and she''ll arrive accompanied by a TDF guy)

Your dad is bringing his girlfriend, probably the one he left your mom for; the newer model.

If I were your mom, I would buy the snazziest (not sleaziest) dress I could find and wear it proudly, not tell you so that you could tell "chickie" what I''m wearing, and enjoy my daughter''s wedding. My behaviour would be above reproach and I wouldn''t feel like the throwaway that friends are thinking I must be.

She''s not going to rain on your parade, or make a scene. She''s going to feel good about herself too as the MOB should.

See, there are worse things to obsess about: I could be your mother!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Isabel...you made me chuckle...

And Sabine I am so sorry I am chuckling at the last post after the rest. SG has a great point. And yet Isabel does provide a gentleler view. I had previously missed the gf dynamics. I may have voted differently had I known. This is going to be a gut wrenching thing for you mom...even if she and the gf were great pals...it is not the way she envisioned your day to be...Him with another woman. I was all puffed up in thinking she was going to look bridal...I see now that is not her intention.

I realize this is ABOUT YOU...and your wedding, but I seem to have lost my drive to lamb bast your mom.

Is there any other shade in that style of dress she can wear? I bet she was feeling more elegant in the gold, and after feeling that emotion she is now feeling like a big blue Easter egg. Don''t take that wrong...I love the blue...I really love your colors...I like Isabel am trying to get to the bottom of the angst your mother feels, so you can deal with it better. Would you consider a dark gold or a taupe for her? I bet she did feel slimmed in the gold...and the blue while it matches the wedding, made her loose her slimming effect?

I bet the gf is not going to wear matching colors...but what ever makes her look beautiful. Oh this has been one of the most emotional MOB threads and I so want it to work out for the two of you. I mean no offense, just support.

 

[sunnygirl]

Sabine, what a tough situation! I totally could see why she is concerned about the girlfriend and all that. Ultimately though, I think it is weird for her to wear that dress and, as your mother, she should respect that it makes you feel uncomfortable and is causing stress. She is your mom and should be helping make all of this LESS stressful (although i know it doesnt always work that way from some wedding experiences with my mom!). I second what othes have said - be as direct as you can be. "Mom this is making me uncomfortable. Let''s do whatever we can to find a dress that is even more perfect for you and doesnt look too similar to my dress." After all, you dont want to blend together in the pics!!

 

[sunnygirl]

Also, i dont think you should make her wear the blue dress - if she doesn''t like it, she doesn''t like it. I know dress shopping is hard for you guys because of the distance (I think I read that?) but maybe you can try to make it work so she can find the right dress (that isn''t gold!)

 

[cara]

Sabine, is there any way to take a step back from this and say see that it just doesn''t matter? Obviously it matters if you are upset with your mother on your wedding day, but the thing that you have control over here is YOUR feelings.

Many MOBs wear beige or gold, and their age and position in the party make it clear that they are not the bride. Your mother''s dress might be a bit lighter and a bit lacier than typical but NO ONE is going to think your mother is the bride. A few, few guests might privately remark to themselves that your mother''s dress is a bit ivory or something, but your mother feeling pretty in her dress is important too.

At this point, I don''t think much is to be gained by fighting with your mother over this. She might not be respecting your wishes, she might in some way trying for a bit more limelight, but I don''t honestly think she is trying to upstage *you*. The new girlfriend, maybe. All this is probably complicated by the fact that her fashion sense is a bit off, in that she is picking slightly inappropriate things for herself and thinking they are right for her.

But adults get to dress themselves and suffer the consequences.

I would just ask your father''s girlfriend not to wear gold or light blue and do your absolute best to move on from this issue and look forward to your wedding day. I mean, your mother could have some kind of midlife crisis and show up with a tattoo, pink hair, and a new leather-clad biker boyfriend and she would still be your mother, there to see her girl get married.

(but here''s to routing for the blue!...)

 

[Sabine]

I appreciate all the care and advice! I was really angry with my mom this morning, and I''ve since had some time to calm down.

Some clarifications: After thinking about the gold dress and posting about it on here, I talked to my mom a couple times about it. I got increasingly firm with her about how I felt about it, and we left the conversation with a very stern me saying: Mom, if you do not want to order the blue dress, please don''t, but I DO NOT want you to wear the gold dress. I also made it crystal clear to her that although I didn''t think she was trying to upstage me and I wanted her to look gorgeous, I also did not want to have to worry about what other people were thinking about what she was wearing. That was when she took the gold dress back and ordered the blue one.

I think that is why I felt a bit blindsided when she started complaining about how much she loved the gold dress and how she wanted to go back and buy it again.

At this point I think we should just return the blue dress too and start over to find something that she will look smoking hot yet appropriate in that is not close to ivory

. She would look great in a dark gold, a bronze, a chocolate brown, a plum, but I would be happy with almost any color. However, I acted like a brat on the phone with her today, and I have a feeling she might just go with the gold either way. She has quite clearly told me that she thinks I''m acting like a bridezilla over this, and she doesn''t think I should have a problem with the gold dress or that anyone else will. If she decides to wear it, I will be disappointed, but I''ll get over it.

I love my mom, and I am trying my best to understand her position, but this is just one more in list of things that we have been clashing over. I am constantly hearing from her how she would never want to be one of those overbearing mothers who have to have their own way, but she threw a fit when I made decisions that she didn''t agree with, such as me not wanting to invite all of her relatives that I''ve never even met (I gave in on that one because she felt her side of the family was underrepresented and I felt bad because I''m closer to my dad''s side...so again, the divorce is factoring in), then I had to invite ALL of the CHILDREN of all of these distant relatives (again I gave in because I just gave up fighting with her), and also she wanted me to invite ALL of these female relatives to the bridal shower (I stood my ground on that one, I wanted a more intimate shower with just the people I care about). I know it could be much worse, I just wish she could be as supportive of what I want as she thinks she''s being. She''s making me feel like I''m asking for so much and blowing things out of proportion and that I should just compromise, and I''m tired of it. Although I want her to enjoy the wedding as much as possible, it is about FI and I getting married, and I don''t want to make the whole thing about our family issues.

 

[isaku5]

Date: 2/16/2008 8:38:29 PM
Author: Sabine
I appreciate all the care and advice! I was really angry with my mom this morning, and I''ve since had some time to calm down.

Some clarifications: After thinking about the gold dress and posting about it on here, I talked to my mom a couple times about it. I got increasingly firm with her about how I felt about it, and we left the conversation with a very stern me saying: Mom, if you do not want to order the blue dress, please don''t, but I DO NOT want you to wear the gold dress. I also made it crystal clear to her that although I didn''t think she was trying to upstage me and I wanted her to look gorgeous, I also did not want to have to worry about what other people were thinking about what she was wearing. That was when she took the gold dress back and ordered the blue one.

I think that is why I felt a bit blindsided when she started complaining about how much she loved the gold dress and how she wanted to go back and buy it again.

At this point I think we should just return the blue dress too and start over to find something that she will look smoking hot yet appropriate in that is not close to ivory

. She would look great in a dark gold, a bronze, a chocolate brown, a plum, but I would be happy with almost any color. However, I acted like a brat on the phone with her today, and I have a feeling she might just go with the gold either way. She has quite clearly told me that she thinks I''m acting like a bridezilla over this, and she doesn''t think I should have a problem with the gold dress or that anyone else will. If she decides to wear it, I will be disappointed, but I''ll get over it.

I love my mom, and I am trying my best to understand her position, but this is just one more in list of things that we have been clashing over. I am constantly hearing from her how she would never want to be one of those overbearing mothers who have to have their own way, but she threw a fit when I made decisions that she didn''t agree with, such as me not wanting to invite all of her relatives that I''ve never even met (I gave in on that one because she felt her side of the family was underrepresented and I felt bad because I''m closer to my dad''s side...so again, the divorce is factoring in), then I had to invite ALL of the CHILDREN of all of these distant relatives (again I gave in because I just gave up fighting with her), and also she wanted me to invite ALL of these female relatives to the bridal shower (I stood my ground on that one, I wanted a more intimate shower with just the people I care about). I know it could be much worse, I just wish she could be as supportive of what I want as she thinks she''s being. She''s making me feel like I''m asking for so much and blowing things out of proportion and that I should just compromise, and I''m tired of it. Although I want her to enjoy the wedding as much as possible, it is about FI and I getting married, and I don''t want to make the whole thing about our family issues.

Okay, I just went back and had another look at "the dress". In the photos it looks kind of pinkish, but if it''s really light gold, I''m okay with that. I just had to refresh my memory before I commented further.

" I also did not want to have to worriy about what other people were thinking about what she was wearing." Forget what other people will think about her dress and think more about what those same people will think about your dad bringing his GF. That should cause far more more buzz.

The dress itself is lovely and with the jacket it looks quite appropriate for the MOB to wear. What bothers you so much about it? The beading? When I was the MOB, my floor length pale pink dress had beading as well. With the jacket on for the ceremony, it looked very appropriate.

I will not harp on the dress any further, but please put yourself in your mom''s position for a minute. Your mom could have refused to show up at all if your dad was bringing his GF. Instead she took "the high road" and is attending (without an escort?) so that she can see her lovely daughter marry the love of her life. I''m sure she had a different scenario in mind when she and your dad were together.

As long as your mom shows up wearing whatever, be thankful she''s well enough to attend at all. Many brides only wish they still had their moms.

 

[FrekeChild]

How long ago did they get a divorce? And how long has your father been with his GF?

 

[Neveah]

Oh Sabine! So sorry you''re going through this.... A suggestion if you don''t mind my .02!

My entire family is from Pittsburgh. And, well, there''s not a whole lot of decent shopping. Pittsburgh is a little.... um behind the times. (please no offense... I''m only stating this because I am there often and my family travels to do good shopping!)

I''m not sure where you''re from our how close your wedding is (forgive me for being too lazy to go through all the posts... but I have been following your saga since your Mom wanted to wear a David''s Bridal BM dress....OY. You poor thing)

Anyway, what about a trip to Columbus OH? I suggest this because my Aunt was having the same problem when her daughter got married. We drove to Columbus (only about 2 1/2 hours away) and went to Easton Malll: www.eastontowncenter.com They have Nordstrom, Macy''s, pretty much anything you could imagine. It''s every shopper''s dream... it''s in it''s own damn town! There were almost too many dresses for her to pick from and they shipped directly to her in Pitt with no shipping charge. There were just so many more options and we made a total "girls day" out of it and had a blast. Just something to think about! Hope you don''t mind the suggestion!

 

[Neveah]

More suggestions.... please stop me if I''m being a pain! But what about something like this??? It seems your Mom wants a something a little sexy? But it has a jacket.....

 

[Neveah]

MOB DRESSES OOPS. Couldn't attach dress for the life of me. These dresses are gorgeous and perfect (read: appropriate!) Actually the whole collection is great and the colors are gorgeous!

 

[princesss]

You''re not a bridezilla until you burn the gold dress.

Honestly, she might just show up in the gold dress. She''s being really stubborn, and at this point I''m not sure how many "Mom, remember how you said you didn''t want to be overbearing? And how you steamrolled all over me on x, y, and z? This is REALLY important to me, so please do it," conversations it would take to get her to see your side of this.

Honestly, I''m about as stubborn as they come, and even I might give up on this. Give it one last go, try to have a rational conversation about it and get your point across (I might actually mention the things you''ve given in on because she wanted them, but only if I could do it calmly), but there is *no* way you can be completely certain she won''t just decide she looks great in it and show up wearing the gold anyways. I''m really sorry, but I think that''s what it boils down to. No matter what she says, you won''t actually know what she''s wearing until the day of, and I would bet it''ll be something she feels amazing in (which, unfortunately, seems to be the light gold dress).

*hugs* I really hope she comes in the blue. I really does. But make sure you''re prepared for anything.

 

[door knob solitaire]

Would silver or pewter colors be an option?

I bet she and you have had it up to HERE on the dress shopping stuff. It would be great if the same dress could be obtained in an agreeable color. I fear if you open the can of worms and offer a new dress, you may have style conflicts and this thing will start all over again. (sorry about adding a can of worms...it isn''t appropriate to the subject, exactly, but it makes a visual impact, don''t you think?)

 

[surfgirl]

You know what? At this point, I''M ready to buy the damn gold dress just so it''s not available! Seriously. Honestly, I can understand your mother''s apprehension about attending your wedding with your father''s gf (and honestly, how long as this gf been around because if she''s new, why is she coming at all?)...But all that aside, she needs to get over her issues and be a supportive mother to you, not a thorn in your side, which is what she sounds like. She IS being "one of those overbearing MOBs" and she needs to stop. Honestly Sabine, she sounds like she''s bordering on passive aggressive with all the "sort of threats" to re-buy the gold dress when she knows you dont want her wearing that. And to be clear, the gold of that dress is very bridal, it''s not a deep, rich gold, which would probably look fine, it''s a very light bridal gold. Period. And if I''m still being honest, it''s not even that flattering a dress, IMO. She can do better. Take her somewhere like a nice high end dept store and look in the evening wear dept. I''m sure you can find something there!

I like this one way better if you want her in blue...
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2975647/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=1

Or this one is a deeper gold and not at all bridal:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2974882/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=1

This one is light in color but doesn''t look at all bridal and it''s contemporary and would flatter any body shape, I love this one! Not matronly at all!
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2975213/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=2

This one is more formal but quite chic:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2943079/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=2

If it''s an evening wedding why cant she just wear black, it''s chic and flattering on everyone.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2942480/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=5

Or what about this top:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2911160?refsid=188781_1&refcat=0%7e2376776%7e2374325%7e2380800&SourceID=1&SlotID=2&origin=related

With this skirt:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2807364/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=6

 

[mimzy]

you tell''em surfgirl! amen sista.

 

[Anastasia]

Surfgirl,

You hit the nail on the head with your last post. I love all of the dresses you have suggested and I think they are much more appropriate, beautiful and elegant!

Sabine, I think that your mom needs to be reminded that this ain''t the prom! I am closer to your mom''s age than yours and I''m in pretty good shape. I like myself in spaghetti strap and strapless dresses, but if I was buying a MOB dress now (which I won''t be doing for a while - DD turned 9 yesterday!) I would want to feel beautiful, sophisticated, elegant and AGE APPROPRIATE!!

The "gold" dress looks entirely too bridal, and doesn''t look all that well made to me. I think Surfgirl has made some great suggestions that would be stunning. I think there is a lot to be said for wearing something that makes the most of what you have, and is appropriate for your stage in life. I don''t think the other choices do that for your mom.

Your mom says she is not trying to stress you out, but you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that any further discussion of the gold dress is stressing you out and she needs to move on from it.

Best of Luck, you seem like a sweetie!

 

[isaku5]

I agree with surfgirl that the second goldish outfit is lovely if she has the slim build needed to wear it well. The others are either too dowdy or too informal. JMHO.

What's really interesting to me is the dynamics that are going on here between Mom and Sabine and also the comments made by recent brides or brides-to-be. As a MOB twice and a MOG once, I only had one conversation with my daughter about an ivory dress. She said, " Don't go there, Mom" and I didn't, BUT she didn't question any choices I made and didn't see either of my dresses until the night before the weddings. (DD was married twice).As MOG, nothing was said at all about what I would wear. It was assumed that I'd show up wearing something that was appropriate...end of story.

When I got married, my mom picked her own dresss and attended with my dad. No drama.

My point is: All this drama about a dress, a dress! is being blown way out of proportion in this instance.

Send Mom a picture of the gold one #2, Sabine, and see if she likes it.

Some of you brides are really scary, and honestly, I would not be proud to call you my daughters. Sorry, but that's how it is.

ETA: Calling your mom a hypocrite is far, far more unacceptable than any dress she could choose. I hope she doesn't see this on the forum.

 

[surfgirl]

isaku, I can appreciate your bringing in the actual MOB perspective and I thank you for that. But...I'm guessing that you didn't select a dress that was so light in color that it looked very bridal, hence you're not having any issues with your own MOB dresses. Sadly, Sabine's mother isn't doing the same. And the issue is really that she SAYS she doesn't want to stress out Sabine and be "one of those MOBs" and then she goes and does EXACTLY that. She takes back the light gold dress then more or less threatens to re-buy it? That's just annoying and childish. To me, that's passive aggressive and I dont care for it in anyone, at any age. Any of the options I recently posted could be fancied up with the right jewelry and accessories and be elegant and formal and not dowdy. At least IMO.

The real issue that I'm hearing is that it's not really about *a dress* as you put it, it's about a mother saying one thing and doing another, and upsetting her daughter needlessly over yes, *a dress*. I think Sabine's mother has issues with her ex that have nothing to do with Sabine and sadly, this wedding is bringing her anxiety and self esteem issues to the forefront. And yes, that's hypocritical. Or passive aggressive. Take your pick, to me it's the same thing in this case.

But the saddest thing is I dont even think that light gold dress is NICE. To me it screams DOWDY. I think the third option I posted would look beautiful on her mom, and it's forgiving in hiding any problem spots, yet looks modern, chic and elegant, all of which would go a long way to making Sabine's mom look hot!

 

[risingsun]

I found this dress and there are others by the designer. I would happily wear this to my daughter's wedding or around the house or just have it in my closet...
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2927415?refsid=182119&refcat=0%7e2376776%7e2378685%7e2380947%7e2380968&SourceID=&SlotID=2&origin=related

More affordable in blue, try this one...
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2955383/0~2376776~2378685~2380947~2380968?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=2380968&P=7

I just think they are so elegant and slimming.

 

[mimzy]

sabine, how about some of these?

this is the one my mom got, in the pewter color, which was really gorgeous.
jessica mcclintock 1

this one is a pretty color blue
http://www.jessicamcclintock.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10002&storeId=10001&productId=113126&categoryId=10325&subcatname=Evening%20Gowns&spage=2&langId=-1&parent_category_rn=10317

a pretty short one
http://www.jessicamcclintock.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?
catalogId=10002&storeId=10001&productId=126129&categoryId=10335&subcatname=Mother%20of%20The%20Wedding&spage=1&langId=-1&parent_category_rn=10318

there are more on that page, but i didn''t one to post every one....

here''s a jordan design
http://www.houseofbrides.com/product.php?productid=17027&cat=468&page=1

this one is a little younger/bridesmaidy, but still totally MOB appropriate.
http://www.houseofbrides.com/product.php?productid=26279&cat=468&page=2

p.s. none of those colors are the ones i''m suggesting, but they all have at least one color that would work!

good luck

 

[isaku5]

Some of those dresses from The House of Brides are beautiful and very affordable

.

I hope Sabine has a look at these and passes them on to her mom.