No meal choice for vegetarians

[zoebartlett]

Sleeping Beauty''s thread made me think of our menu and in looking at it again, I realized that we don''t have a choice for vegetarians. I know that we have at least 1 guest who is a vegetarian but we could have others. We may have distant relatives or family friends who are vegetarians and we might not know it. What do you think we should do?

I just e-mailed my mom and she said that we''ll have sides (roasted red potatoes, veggies) and a ceasar salad and they can have that. I don''t think it''s fair to ask guests to suck it up and eat just the side dish but she thinks I''m perseverating on this issue. Part of the reason that I''m a little worried about this now is because I''ve already e-mailed the printer with our "okay" to begin printing after she makes a few changes to the invitations, reply cards, and inserts.

 

[Future Mrs Polka Dot]

Hi Zoe,

I can definitely see where your mom is coming from, and I don''t think anyone would think it was wrong or insensitive to not have a veggie option. But...that being said, I was a veggie for the longest time and it was sometimes tough to just eat the potatos and a salad. What if you kept the menus printed as is but just got out the word that there is a veggie option? One of my friends did this at her wedding - and those who were veggie just let her know (even though only chicken and meat were listed on the website).

One option - if you have a website, make a note that says something like "If you require a vegetarian entree, please contact the bride at ....."

 

[Haven]

The ONLY reason that we''re having a vegetarian station is that my father and his entire extended family are all vegetarian. You could ask your caterer if they can accomodate one or two vegetarians--surely they''ll be able to whip something up.

I can say that my father rarely gets a special vegetarian meal when he goes to events, and when he does it''s always a treat and unexpected, he definitely doesn''t expect people to accommodate his special eating habits.

Also, ceasar salad isn''t vegetarian, but it sounds like you have enough of other things to suffice.

 

[Gypsy]

I have a vegetarian friend and there will be a vegetarian meal available for her, and I''m requesting 4 more on standby as well. See if your venue will just allow you to have some on standby, then just put it out by word of mouth if you can''t change your printing at this late a date.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for easing my mind. I know it''s hard to plan for one or two people who may be vegetarian when the rest of the guests aren''t. I know they''re probably used to it but I want them to enjoy the food as much as anyone else. I like the idea of contacting the restaurant and see if they can whip something up. That way we don''t have to change the wording on the reply card. We do have a website so maybe we''ll put something on it.

Okay, I might have just over reacted. I feel better now. My mom''s mad at me now for making this an issue but that''s to be expected once in a while.

 

[Independent Gal]

Most caterers will be able to make 2 or 3 vegetarian dinners available, in case someone asks and they usually don't charge extra for this. At least where I come from.

My dad's been a strict vegetarian for 45 years, and while he understands when there's nothing for him to eat but salad, he obviously goes home feeling hungry and undernourished. Just cause you're a vegetarian, doesn't mean you can be full on salad anymore than anyone else can. You need protein, just like everyone else! So if your caterer can provide a protein-rich alternative main-course that will show you care for sure. May as well ask. It may be no problem at all.

The trick is not to advertise it, since then more people might want it than you have available. Strict vegetarians will say something. Then the waiter can respond.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Honestly, maybe its a regional thing (I''m in Northern California), but I''ve been a vegetarian since age 5, strict since age 10, and I''m usually pretty shocked when there isn''t a vegetarian option at a restaurant or an event. At the very least, see if the caterers would be willing to have a veggie option on standby as others have suggested - definitely if people are strict they will ask.

And I don''t know if your meal is buffet style or pre-plated, but if its the latter, consider that many vegetarians won''t really be comfortable eating veggies or potatoes or anything else that has been swimming in meat "juices" on the plate - I know personally I just wouldn''t be able to bring myself to touch it, I would probably be ill.

Sorry if that sounds snotty - I really do totally get where you are coming from, but I really don''t think the caterer will think its unreasonable to have a couple of veggie entrees on standby.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/13/2008 9:32:36 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Honestly, maybe its a regional thing (I''m in Northern California), but I''ve been a vegetarian since age 5, strict since age 10, and I''m usually pretty shocked when there isn''t a vegetarian option at a restaurant or an event. At the very least, see if the caterers would be willing to have a veggie option on standby as others have suggested - definitely if people are strict they will ask.


And I don''t know if your meal is buffet style or pre-plated, but if its the latter, consider that many vegetarians won''t really be comfortable eating veggies or potatoes or anything else that has been swimming in meat ''juices'' on the plate - I know personally I just wouldn''t be able to bring myself to touch it, I would probably be ill.


Sorry if that sounds snotty - I really do totally get where you are coming from, but I really don''t think the caterer will think its unreasonable to have a couple of veggie entrees on standby.

I have to agree...if you *know* that there will be vegetarians there, it is thoughtful to make sure there is something besides side dishes to eat...

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 2/13/2008 9:38:09 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 2/13/2008 9:32:36 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Honestly, maybe its a regional thing (I''m in Northern California), but I''ve been a vegetarian since age 5, strict since age 10, and I''m usually pretty shocked when there isn''t a vegetarian option at a restaurant or an event. At the very least, see if the caterers would be willing to have a veggie option on standby as others have suggested - definitely if people are strict they will ask.


And I don''t know if your meal is buffet style or pre-plated, but if its the latter, consider that many vegetarians won''t really be comfortable eating veggies or potatoes or anything else that has been swimming in meat ''juices'' on the plate - I know personally I just wouldn''t be able to bring myself to touch it, I would probably be ill.


Sorry if that sounds snotty - I really do totally get where you are coming from, but I really don''t think the caterer will think its unreasonable to have a couple of veggie entrees on standby.

I have to agree...if you *know* that there will be vegetarians there, it is thoughtful to make sure there is something besides side dishes to eat...

That''s what I was thinking. I''ll have to check with the restaurant tomorrow and see if they can have something on stand-by. I don''t think that would be a problem at all. Since it''s a restaurant, I''m sure they deal with this pretty regularly. One of our menu choices is lobster stuffed haddock and although that''s not meat, I''m not sure how many vegetarians would eat it because it''s fish -- it was alive at one point.

 

[basil]

We don''t have an official vegetarian option. None of us can think of any vegetarians that are attending, but admittedly we might not know every guest of a guest, etc. Our caterer suggested that we put "vegetarian available upon request" at the bottom of the menu, and then the vegetarians could notify our server. They are supposed to have something available such as mushroom ravioli, I think.

All our hors d''oeuvres and even our salad are not vegetarian. But we sort of decided that we didn''t want to compromise what we wanted for some yet-unknown vegetarian.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Zo,

Good for you for being thoughtful and looking into this. I wouldn''t count on the vegetarians eating shellfish. I think vegetarians - at least the ones I know - usually don''t eat anything that was alive.

I''d bet anything this will not be a problem at the restaurant. But if you want to be EXTRA thoughtful, check if the restaurant has a veg option that has substance to it - protein and vegetables, not just carbohydrates (so, not just a plate of pasta, if you can help it! thought that will do in a pinch) .

 

[Octavia]

Until recently, I didn''t eat any meat, although I did eat fish. At the last wedding I went to, the reply card gave the choice between beef and chicken. Luckily, it was a close friend''s wedding so I emailed him to find out what the sides were for each, so I could pick option with the best ones and just have them leave out the meat. He wrote back saying that they were going to have a vegetarian meal for those who asked, so just to write it in on the card. No big deal.

Unfortunately, the veggie meal was pretty horrible...I *think* it was trying to be veggie lo mein but I still can''t be sure...but I grinned and bore it because I was just glad they had something non-meaty. But, if at all possible, choose something that can''t be messed with too badly because I think some caterers tend to just throw it together when it''s not one of the actual menu choices.

 

[surfgirl]

zoe, I''m with Amber. If people are coming to attend your wedding, at least give them a proper meal. If you''re not a veg you can never fully understand how it feels to attend an event and be expected to smile and appreciate the extra helping of salad or veggies in lieu of a proper meal. People feel left out, and hungry, and can get cranky. In fact, my great aunt is having a 60th anniversary bash soon and her RSVPs had no veg option so I emailed her and asked if we should bring a little something extra (I knew she''s say no but I felt it was less pressure that way) and she said she''s ask the caterers to make up a special veg plate for us. Now I dont know what that means, but I always thing it''s cool to offer a pasta dish - like pasta primavera - so veggies can have something real to eat. I''m sure if someone''s a veg they''ll let you know...I would. I once went to a friend''s for dinner only to realize once I got there that it was a dinner party, sort of in my honor, and the hostess was serving salad and steak and pomme frites! I had to pull her aside and tell her I dont eat meat, which she suddenly remembered and felt stupid for not realizing. Me, I didn''t remind her beforehand because I assumed she remembered. So now I always tell/remind people and offer to bring something so it''s easier. I hope your veg guests will alert you and perhaps you can have the caterer bring X extra pasta dishes?

 

[Haven]

I''m sure your restaurant will be able to accommodate the vegetarians, a quick phone call will probablydo the trick.

I suppose I understand what some of the vegetarians are saying about how necessary it is to provide a vegetarian meal. I forget how vegetarianism has become a more popular option for people in the last decade--as someone who was raised vegetarian I grew up expecting to *not* be able to eat meals at events or friends'' homes, and it did always feel awkward and left me hungry.

I ate meat for the first time when I was 19, however, and that was the last day of my vegetarian life. (I still haven''t eaten fish yet, working on that one. I figure once every ten years is a good time to try something new, right? I''ll try fish in 2009.)

 

[FrekeChild]

Amber, it''s definitely a regional thing. California is a different beast when it comes to vegetarians. My brother and his family (they are strict vegans) live in L.A. and they never have any problems there, but here in New Mexico, it''s rare that you can find veggie plates in general. Especially in New Mexican restaurants where people will look at you crazy if you ask for vegetarian meals. Vegan is even worse to have to find here.

I''m not planning on inviting them to my wedding, for the record, but it''s not because of their dietary needs. It has more to do with him being a jerk and the fact that I want a very small wedding.

 

[gtn]

When I saw your post, I couldn''t help but think of that episode of friends where Phoebe says to Monica "Are you going to have any vegetarian options?" Monica''s reply was: "yes, there will be dancing"

All tangents aside, I think you are doing the right thing by asking the restaurant to prepare veggie meals and on your website specify, "if you have any dietary needs, please let you know and you will try to accommodate them.

 

[bensbride]

I think this thread makes a very good point. However, I think its a bigger deal in different regions. I only know of one vegetarian...but I live in the midwest. We like our beef and pork out here in the heartland! It also kind of makes me cringe when people start talking about what "guests deserve" at a reception. They are guests...they are there to celebrate a marriage. Basically, you can''t please everyone, and stressing out about each person who doesn''t eat meat, dairy, gluten, fructose, nuts, etc etc etc is only going to make you nuts.

 

[Linda W]

Zoe,

I went to my 40th high school reunion last year. They had a few dishes for the vegetarians there. They had a few pasta salads that were out of this world. I ate them myself, instead of the meat dishes. Maybe that could be an option at the restaurant??? Just an idea.

Love, Linda

 

[Sabine]

Zoe, definitely check with your venue. Ours needs an EXACT count of meals before the wedding, including how many vegetarian meals. If we asked them to have a few extra on standby, we would pay for all that they made (I know it doesn''t seem like much, but we are sticking to a VERY tight budget). It worked out well for us to include the vegetarian option on the response card, because this might sound cheap, but it''s cheaper than our 2 other options, so if a lot of people want the vegetarian option, it actually saves us money. I only know of 2 strict vegetarians who are coming to our wedding, but they are important people to me, so it was a big deal for me to make sure they had an option I would actually want to eat as a meal.

 

[Isolde]

Date: 2/14/2008 1:56:04 AM
Author: bensbride
I think this thread makes a very good point. However, I think its a bigger deal in different regions. I only know of one vegetarian...but I live in the midwest. We like our beef and pork out here in the heartland! It also kind of makes me cringe when people start talking about what ''guests deserve'' at a reception. They are guests...they are there to celebrate a marriage. Basically, you can''t please everyone, and stressing out about each person who doesn''t eat meat, dairy, gluten, fructose, nuts, etc etc etc is only going to make you nuts.

I do think it''s a couple''s responsibility to try to accommodate others as well as they can, personally. Sure, they are guests, but the day isn''t all "me, me, me" either. If you have a reception, it''s essentially like throwing a huge dinner party (assuming it''s a traditional reception), in my mind. At a dinner party, wouldn''t the host and hostess take into account the dietary needs of their guests? I definitely understand what you mean about not having to go overboard about it, but, it doesn''t mean the couple has the right to be insensitive or oblivious to it. If a guests shares the happiest day of your life with you, makes a long trek to be there, buys you a gift, surely they at least deserve to be fed properly? It''s a matter of being reciprocal, I think.

That said, I''m a vegetarian, and I''ve had many side dish meals

. They''re definitely not filling; I always find myself raiding my own fridge after. It''s also hard to dance, and partake in other festivities when you''re absolutely starving. A good vegetarian meal isn''t hard to prepare, and I don''t think the kitchen staff would throw a fit over it, or anything. A lot of Italian food is vegetarian, and is always a fabulous option. A nice veggie and cheese lasagna? Stuffed pasta shells? Stuffed cannelloni? They are all delicious, and just as filling as a meaty meal.

Good luck!

 

[sleeping beauty]

Zoe sorry that my post gave you and extra thing to worry about.

But, i agree with the others, a real vegetarian plate should be available if you think you are having any veggetarians at your wedding. see what options your venue has. maybe a nice veggie lasagna that they can have with a salad, or maybe a tofu stir-fry.

But just add a note on your website about contacting you if they need a vegetetian meal if its too late to print on the card.

 

[Miscka]

This topic is very interesting. I myself am a veggie, and I really never expect anyone to go out of their way to accomodate my eating choices. I realize fully that it is my decision and that it is sometimes inconvenient. However, as Indy said, it is hard to be full on salad. As a guest I would never expect it, but would be very touched and grateful for the thought if an option was made available to me.

 

[LegacyGirl]

I''m going to have some strict raw foodists at my wedding. I have to figure out how to deal with that

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 2/14/2008 7:04:28 PM
Author: LegacyGirl
I'm going to have some strict raw foodists at my wedding. I have to figure out how to deal with that

Oy. Sashimi and salad? Yikes. Do they eat raw fish? Or is it raw grains and greens only? Yikes!

 

[zoebartlett]

Okay, good news. My mom called the venue and she inquired about whether vegetarian meals would be available to those who wanted one. They assured my mom that it wouldn''t be a problem -- it''s common practice that they have vegetarian options available. So I guess I was kind of freaking out over nothing.

I still wish that we had let it be known to our guests that there will be a vegetarian option upon request. The venue even said not to bother putting it on the reply card. I''m just afraid that for those who are vegetarian, they''ll look at the reply card with our 3 menu choices and notice that none of them are truly vegetarian-friendly. Maybe they won''t know that they''re welcome to request that at the reception. I could put that info. on our wedding website and hope that people check it frequently.

 

[Independent Gal]

Bensbride, it''s funny that you say "they are guests". Maybe it''s a cultural thing, but the way I was raised, if someone is your guest, you do your utmost to make them feel comfortable and looked after. Particularly if someone has a lifelong, moral commitment to vegetarianism, or religious restrictions on what they can eat, or a life threatening health condition, I think it''s nice to try to accomodate them if you can. If you care about them, that is!

 

[diamondfan]

It is nice to have the option for those who are not meat eaters. But you cannot begin to anticipate all the needs of people. When I did my son''s bar mitzvah I did two entree choices. I offered meat and a fish, and then someone said, well what if they do not like that fish? I thought, hey, of course you want a decent meal, but with 200 people I am sure I will be serving something to someone that they do not love. Honestly, between the sides and the salad ingredients and some people like X and some people like Y...well, it can make you a bit nuts. A veggie Napoleon is a nice idea for those who do not eat meat. Or a risotto or pasta dish...

 

[Fancy605]

oh Zoe, I think it''s very sweet of you to have been so concerned. I''m glad it worked out. At my own wedding, we ended up offering beef, chicken, or fish. Luckily our only vegetarian guests were more like non-red meat eaters and were able to enjoy the fish or the chicken. I did have one guest who cannot have dairy at all, so we had to have a non dairy option created especially for him (he can''t have anything that so much as has milk baked into it).

 

[Octavia]

Zoe, I wouldn''t worry too much about the reply card. I''m sure that if people really care, they''ll either ask of their own accord or see it on the website. And if you already know the identities of your veggie guests, you could always call or email them just to let them know that the option isn''t on the card, but is available. Everything will work out, no need to stress especially since your caterer is being accommodating!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/14/2008 7:08:40 PM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 2/14/2008 7:04:28 PM
Author: LegacyGirl
I''m going to have some strict raw foodists at my wedding. I have to figure out how to deal with that

Oy. Sashimi and salad? Yikes. Do they eat raw fish? Or is it raw grains and greens only? Yikes!

I was thinking about just serving them a plate of grass....

Hahaha! I''m not quite sure they are willing to even eat raw fish. I know how to make a killer raw ice cream that they will eat. I think I''m just going to have a really nice raw salad for them or see if they will lighten up a bit and eat raw fish (I would LOVE to have sushi and sashimi at my wedding, but it was so expensive when we looked into it and SO doesn''t even eat it so he can care less).