Posters, I can''t believe I even have to say this.

[somethingshiny]

I''m glad you brought this up. Not only online, but in every day life, it irks me when people can''t even manage a small gesture of gratitude. The other day my husband and I bought a rather expensive item. You''d think after spending hundreds of dollars, the sales associate would at least say Thank you. But, instead, she acted like she was doing us a favor simply by stocking the item. DH had our toddler in one arm, bags in the other, I was laden with bags, but we still managed to hold the doors open for 3 teenage boys. First, I thought "they could have held the doors for us", then I moved on to "they could have held the doors open for themselves", finally all I wanted was a simple "thanks". I just don''t get it.

DH and I started looking at all the stupid billboards along the way home. I couldn''t help thinking they should replace a few of them with "JUST SAY THANKYOU!" I think that would make more of an impact on our communities.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 2/24/2008 2:01:16 AM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 2/23/2008 1:46:31 PM
Author: risingsun

*Ellen~are you the official 'smack on head' person on PS? That's the word the on the street

Marian, I used to be the official 'smack on head' person.....and then I got neutered. Chainsaw-ectomy.

You feel for you, really I do. You have to be dignified and professional and all that now. Getting neutered..wow...that must have been painful, at least that's what my dog told me

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/24/2008 11:57:53 AM
Author: risingsun

Date: 2/24/2008 2:01:16 AM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 2/23/2008 1:46:31 PM
Author: risingsun

*Ellen~are you the official 'smack on head' person on PS? That's the word the on the street

Marian, I used to be the official 'smack on head' person.....and then I got neutered. Chainsaw-ectomy.

You feel for you, really I do. You have to be dignified and professional and all that now. Getting neutered..wow...that must have been painful, at least that's what my dog told me

To your original Q Marian which was 'did you pass the chainsaw off to Miss Ellen'...I just gotta chime in and say there's no one as qualified as Al to wield that sparkly little chainsaw. Thankfully!! It belongs in a museum.

DF I like Cool Whip too...I'm not picky...if it's fluffy and white, it's probably good.

Ellen..I didn't say I didn't agree with you...I actually do for the most part...but I just don't agree with the nature of a thread like this. Getting faux parenting on a diamond forum by faceless strangers doesn't really work for me. I mean...at least post a picture of yourself with the naughty waving finger or something and that might make it a little more patalatable. Hee.

 

[Maisie]

I dunno.... Ellen has given me quite a lot of slaps lately. I think she is more than qualified!

With all due respect Mara, I think this thread is no worse than the one about PS members we are thankful for. Just as people got a bit paranoid with Ellen's thread, they also got paranoid on that one... a lot of people were probably upset if they didn't get a mention.

We just need to remember that the majority of threads are started with a genuine heart and a lot of people read and learn from them.

 

[risingsun]

Mara~you are quick on the uptake

I edited my post when aldj said she was keeping the "saw of death" for herself. I''m still not sure we are safe from her fearsome blade, but I will breathe easier for awhile

 

[Lynn B]

OK, I should probably just stay out of this at this point... but hey, I'm leaving for vacation tonight and feeling a little plucky!

First of all, let me reiterate that I do believe that manners are important... and "pleases" and "thank yous" are worth their weight in gold (or platinum... or diamonds...

) in any aspect of life. There's no need to convince me of that, I'm already a convert.

I just honestly do not see the big deal about it *here*. And apparently that must be because either (a) I am a guilty party or (b) I haven't really noticed a problem. Yes, a few (very few) posts (or posters) may make me feel a little irritated at times, but so what? I just move on. No harm, no foul, no biggie.

That being said, I thought this post was very interesting:







Date: 2/23/2008 2:14:51 AM
Author: Po10472

I think the fact that this isn't just your ordinary forum, people have a personal interest in what they are contributing and feel passionate about this topic, therefore, not being thanked for any comments or help is seen as a rejection. When we post a threat we want everyone to respond and when they do you feel good about yourself and listened to and conversely, like 'norman nae mates' when you get no replies. So, in essence, its about inclusion and recognition and respect for your fellow PSer's and this is what makes PS. We have our own PS culture and when things start to shift we all feel it.

I have every confidence that Po is a caring, thoughtful person, and I think I can understand where she is coming from. But to be very candid, I have a different perspective. (FWIW, I am not familiar with the expression 'norman nae mates' so take that into consideration, please, as you continue reading! Thank you!)

PS (as much as I love it, and you guys know I do!) is an internet forum. Period. It is not my real life. (Believe it or not!

) Of course I love a lot of replies to my threads as much as the next poster, but I do not need someone to "respond to my thread" to feel "listened to" or "good about myself." I have my husband, my family, my friends, and myself to do that job nicely. Neither do I see not being "thanked" in a thread as any type of personal rejection. IMVHO, allowing oneself to feel that sensitive to replies, inclusion, recognition and thanks on an internet forum is simply giving it waaaaay too much influence and power.

And BTW, Mara, move over and make room -- any whipped cream will do for me, too! Fresh, canned, frozen, in the tub, heck, I'll even WHIP IT MYSELF!!!!

 

[Maisie]

Norman nae mates = the little man in the corner with no friends.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 2/24/2008 12:18:27 PM
Author: Mara

Date: 2/24/2008 11:57:53 AM
Author: risingsun

Date: 2/24/2008 2:01:16 AM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 2/23/2008 1:46:31 PM
Author: risingsun

*Ellen~are you the official 'smack on head' person on PS? That's the word the on the street

Marian, I used to be the official 'smack on head' person.....and then I got neutered. Chainsaw-ectomy.

You feel for you, really I do. You have to be dignified and professional and all that now. Getting neutered..wow...that must have been painful, at least that's what my dog told me

To your original Q Marian which was 'did you pass the chainsaw off to Miss Ellen'...I just gotta chime in and say there's no one as qualified as Al to wield that sparkly little chainsaw. Thankfully!! It belongs in a museum.

Mara~you are quick on the uptake

I edited my post when Al said she was keeping the "saw of death" for herself. We can breathe easier now...but I'm not entirely sure we're past the danger zone

 

[Mara]

"Mara, I think this thread is no worse than the one about PS members we are thankful for. "

____

Actually Maisie in THAT thread...no one made veiled innuendos about not continuing to respond to 'veterans' posts who aren't thankful enough.

And in that thread, no one came in as a result of it and said 'gosh I hope it's not me that does this' and no one responded saying 'No it's not YOU...of course darling....' dot dot dot...leaving it open as to WHO it might be....OR even making more veiled innuendos or discussion on who it might be.

Seriously, do people think that gossip and rumors don't get around? Behind the scenes chat is still rampant. People KNOW who other people are talking about much of the time, when they make veiled references to people. PS has been around long enough for us all to 'know' each other a little better than your average random internet poster and GET what people are saying. So when people think they are being sly...they really aren't.

That is just what bothered me personally about this thread, but maybe I know too much. I also don't need 5 pages of people agreeing with me to know my point is valid. Great intentions are all well and good and I can totally support those mentally as we have all been there and done that and had others say 'gee that was a little harsh', and as I said, I pretty much agree people should be more thankful in general and on PS sure. But, if I want a reminder on how to behave, I can always count on my MOTHER to give me one. And I never like hearing it from her either but since she squeezed me out and raised me, I figure she has a right.

Really, no one is going to change my mind or rationalize away what I saw just scrolling through this thread last nite. But I don't need them to. We don't all have to agree. I just think that while it might have had diff intentions, there were some comments that were not super cool and I wanted to speak up. That's all.

I still want pie....with fluffy white creaminess. Come here, Lynn!!!

On that note, I have a baby shower to attend. I hope that the new Mom is appropriately thankful for my gifts and presence!!

 

[Lynn B]

Date: 2/24/2008 1:05:51 PM
Author: Maisie
Norman nae mates = the little man in the corner with no friends.

Why thank you, Maisie! I learned something today. Is it a Brit thang?!

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/24/2008 1:07:06 PM
Author: risingsun

Date: 2/24/2008 12:18:27 PM
Author: Mara

To your original Q Marian which was ''did you pass the chainsaw off to Miss Ellen''...I just gotta chime in and say there''s no one as qualified as Al to wield that sparkly little chainsaw. Thankfully!! It belongs in a museum.

Mara~you are quick on the uptake

I edited my post when Al said she was keeping the ''saw of death'' for herself. We can breathe easier now...but I''m not entirely sure we''re past the danger zone

LOL I was like hey where did that tidbit go! I liked it!!

Yeah that Al...she''s a slick one. She''s entirely too protective of that beauty to be totally neutered.

 

[Lynn B]

BTW and speaking of, I literally LOL over Alj's "neutered" comment!!!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 2/24/2008 1:15:38 PM
Author: Lynn B

Date: 2/24/2008 1:05:51 PM
Author: Maisie
Norman nae mates = the little man in the corner with no friends.

Why thank you, Maisie! I learned something today. Is it a Brit thang?!

I think that one may be scottish, we say ''billy no mates!''

Means the same thing though.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, I absolutely have outside people to talk to, but there is something really nice about being able to post here about things that I just do not want to talk about irl. The neutrality of the board is nice, as is the fresh perspective that maybe is lacking in my everyday world. Maybe I cannot tell hubby for the umpteenth time how much I detest his mom, he KNOWS and cannot really do much with the information, so I have stopped with that convo in my house.
Now, I would not take medical advice or serious advice without a thought, for sure, but I do think with the vast array of life experience here, something can just be the perfect impetus for me to seek more information in life. And I hope if I share my views on a health issue or child rearing issue that at the end of the day, it just adds some insights and information...and then the person can utilize how they see fit. I like knowing I am not the only one to feel something or to have had a certain experience, it somehow normalizes things. And while it may be a silly or false sense of it, it does make me feel a bit better some nights!

Mara, do you know if you mix cocoa powder into the cool whip it is almost like chocolate mousse? YUM. Chemical laden and totally bad for you but easy and kind of good!

 

[galeteia]

This is an interesting thread. It has me thinking about my own track record of thanks!

I am not ashamed to admit I do not always thank people individually for their help, even as I am grateful for the responses, as I personally feel that a person-by-person thank you by me would have an element of artifice because I would be doing it expressly because I didn''t want to leave anyone out. It is just my own posting style, I express heartful gratitude usually by thanking everyone for their replies, and if someone has provided specific info, like a link, I think I do thank them specifically.

I am always grateful for the posters on PS who answer my questions, and I hope that I manage to express that gratitude even if I don''t single everyone out.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

AGBF/Deb,
You are one of the sweetest people on here. I mean who else sends cakes?!?

Unfortunately certain news does get swept away quickly (I know I have missed things too when I have been out of town). I would never hold that against you!

 

[Harleigh]

Thank you for pointing out the need for better manners, Ellen...this is one of my biggest pet peeves, on here and IRL. I am constantly drilling please, thank you, and I'M SORRY into my second graders every chance I get...maybe they'll be better for it someday, I dunno...

Here on PS, I often feel I go over the top to respond to every single person that bothers to take their time to not only read a question or problem I post about, but to those who care enough (or as much as they are able to on an online forum!) to take the time to respond, when I am aware there are many other things they could be doing rather than helping me. I think I try to thank each and every person profusely (probably too much, I'm guessing,) but I have never been one to take other people doing anything for me lightly, and though I still feel like a newbie here at times, I continue to be awestruck that many people on PS really do seem to care about several of us, and it doesn't seem to matter how long the poster has been a member...they genuinely want to offer their help or advice, which I appreciate more than you could ever know.

I am often humbled here by the thoughtful replies that people have taken the time to give, not just to me, but to many others, and I do admit to being irritated occasionally when many of us take the time to give our thoughts and post our ideas when people ask for kudos or help, to then be completely ignored, no acknowledgement, no future correspondence, etc. I know people have busy lives, but I just think it is common courtesy to at the very least thank everyone as a group in a thread for their thoughts, whether or not you may agree with them.

I do realize that not everyone can agree, but if you put yourself out there and ASK for the opinions of thousands and thousands of unknown people on an online forum, there are bound to be disagreements, but I think they should be taken in the spirit of the poster who replies having good intentions but very possibly different tastes as the OP, but I do think the OP should at least acknowledge the efforts of those who are taking their time and trying to help.

PS is the only forum I have been an active member of and plan to continue to be a member of for a long time to come, whether or not my contributions are helpful, taken seriously or people are just humoring me at times.

I think some of the newer posters can be intimidated by the friendships that have formed on here and are so obvious to many, but that was one of the things that finally convinced me to join PS...many of you genuinely seem to like each other, and I often get the sense that so-and-so is someone I could genuinely like and be friends with in my everyday life, and that was one of the most precious aspects I have ever found on an online forum, and I hope it continues on in that vein.

So, with that said, thanks everyone! You are the best!

 

[enbcfsobe]

interesting you should bring this up. i don''t say thanks every single time someone leaves a compliment because i don''t like it look like i''m bumping my thread to the top. i do try to answer questions, though. i am sometimes unsure of whether to say thanks to a comment in response to a post i''ve made in someone else''s thread -- it makes it feel a little like i''m hijacking. basically, i worry about not offending people by wasting their time posting something that just says thanks, but apparently i was doing the opposite??

 

[Ellen]

Date: 2/24/2008 1:10:48 PM
Author: Mara
'Mara, I think this thread is no worse than the one about PS members we are thankful for. '

____

Actually Maisie in THAT thread...no one made veiled innuendos about not continuing to respond to 'veterans' posts who aren't thankful enough.

And in that thread, no one came in as a result of it and said 'gosh I hope it's not me that does this' and no one responded saying 'No it's not YOU...of course darling....' dot dot dot...leaving it open as to WHO it might be....OR even making more veiled innuendos or discussion on who it might be.

Seriously, do people think that gossip and rumors don't get around? Behind the scenes chat is still rampant. People KNOW who other people are talking about much of the time, when they make veiled references to people. PS has been around long enough for us all to 'know' each other a little better than your average random internet poster and GET what people are saying. So when people think they are being sly...they really aren't.

That is just what bothered me personally about this thread, but maybe I know too much. I also don't need 5 pages of people agreeing with me to know my point is valid. Great intentions are all well and good and I can totally support those mentally as we have all been there and done that and had others say 'gee that was a little harsh', and as I said, I pretty much agree people should be more thankful in general and on PS sure. But, if I want a reminder on how to behave, I can always count on my MOTHER to give me one. And I never like hearing it from her either but since she squeezed me out and raised me, I figure she has a right.

Really, no one is going to change my mind or rationalize away what I saw just scrolling through this thread last nite. But I don't need them to. We don't all have to agree. I just think that while it might have had diff intentions, there were some comments that were not super cool and I wanted to speak up. That's all.

I still want pie....with fluffy white creaminess. Come here, Lynn!!!

On that note, I have a baby shower to attend. I hope that the new Mom is appropriately thankful for my gifts and presence!!

Wow. You're putting far too much drama in this Mara.

Really, I simply made this thread as a little reminder to those who NEVER say thank you, to do so. It's rude not to. That was it. I never dreamed so many people would feel as if I might be talking to them. Actually, I never dreamed ANYONE would, to the point of asking. So when they came in and said, "I hope it isn't me", what was I supposed to say, instead of assuring them it wasn't? Nothing? That would have really made them wonder, don't ya think? I didn't really have a choice there, unless I wanted things to get worse.

Of course no one came in your thread and said "gosh, no one picked me, I guess I don't matter/no one likes me", which is what I'm sure some people thought. Who would actually say that?

And I don't know where the "veiled innuendos" comes from. I flat out said I wasn't going to rush to compliment someone I knew to not be appreciative. I don't know how I could have been any more blunt, without naming names. Which I guess would have made you specifically happier? And for the record, I posted to Lynn, it wasn't a slew of regs, it was a few.


I don't get the whole next paragraph about gossip, behind the scenes, the "veiled" reference again, and being sly. I wasn't trying to be sly, at all.


Again, I don't know what you mean by you know too much. And if you felt you didn't need to hear the message in this thread, that's great. But some DID need to hear it, and it was mainly newbs, which I stated more than once in here. Just like I stated that I didn't mean everyone should get thanked individually, or more than once. As I said, it was aimed at those who NEVER say it.


And I didn't say all this to change your mind, I said it to clear things up. You took the intention and context of my thread and ran with it, imo. I wanted to set the record straight. And while I don't need 5 pages of people agreeing with me to validate my opinion either, it does in fact make a statement that so many understood exactly what I was saying. I think those who have a real sense of who I am, knew I meant absolutely no harm by this post. And I honestly didn't.



And to all who posted since my last response, thank you. I appreciate your thoughts, a lot.

 

[surfgirl]

ellen, I''m just going to DITTO your entire above post. You said what I was thinking as well.

 

[TravelingGal]

Just my two cents on this thread being like the thankful thread. Sorry, I just don't believe that a thread trying to start nice feelings with others is the same as one with the intention of chastising - as valid as it may be.

I do agree that BOTH threads resulted in some feelings coming to the surface. Those that weren't mentioned in the thankful thread were a bit put out and hurt (and even some of those that were mentioned didn't like the singling out aspect of it, fair enough). On this thread, people got paranoid.

Re: veiled references...I don't think Mara meant just you Ellen. There have been a few in this thread that I "got" because I've been around for a bit. And they weren't ones made by you.

Personally, I agree with strm. While manners are nice, I really don't feel the need to make or remind people thank me for anything I do or say on here. That's probably because people want to hit me more than they want to thank me for my input.

 

[Mara]

"I never dreamed so many people would feel as if I might be talking to them. Actually, I never dreamed ANYONE would, to the point of asking."
_____

Seriously? Wow. The moment I read the first post I thought Oh Boy. Totally wasn't surprised to then see a ton of people going 'Gee I hope it's not me'. And NO, of course I wouldn't want you to name names, what a ridiculous suggestion...why would I want to see anyone called out when one person thinks they aren't being 'appropriately thankful'? But that just speaks to the whole I never would have started a thread chastising people for not being effusive enough anyway.

I think it's wonderful that so many people on here are so amazing they can be like 'wow thanks for the reminder'...I am definitely not one of those. And yeah, this thread did rub me wrong, even the title bugged. And I am not into veiled innuendos, which regardless of what was said publicly, was definitely happening. No further 'clarification' necessary on your part...I don't mind being the voice of dissent or speaking up on how I feel, even if it's just me who doesn't get it....keeps the world interesting.

 

[Maisie]

I have taken my comment out, its not worth getting into trouble over!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:04:37 PM
Author: Maisie
You know what I think really puts people off from being honest round here? The little groups who go round backing each other up. No doubt I will get shouted down for saying that.

MAISIE HOW DARE YOU!!!

Hehehe, just kidding. Hey, some people agree with some people more than others. I sometimes find myself seriously agreeing with one poster, and then the next day seriously disagreeing with them. Actually...funny that you should say that...the one time very recently I found myself typing a pretty winded post disagreeing strongly with Mara, my post didn''t make it! Ali locked the thread 2 seconds before I hit submit. So Mara will never know which post I thought she was being a nutter. Hehehe.

Interesting point though, the whole "clique" concept, which was something that came up a lot in the travel forum I frequented. And personally, I think everyone should be honest because I think for every person who disagrees with you, you''ll find someone that agrees with you and backs ya up.

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:04:37 PM
Author: Maisie
You know what I think really puts people off from being honest round here? The little groups who go round backing each other up. No doubt I will get shouted down for saying that.

Ha Ha Maisie...I think it's rather ironic you say that...hehehe....I'm thankful for the giggle!

I welcome honesty quite frankly, I like it much better than passive-aggressive.

There's way too much of that in real life!

TG you know you can always tell me that you think I'm being a nutter...with or without a long-winded post. A few succinct words like 'whatever weirdo!' would make me smile.

 

[Maisie]

Of course don''t let me taking my comment back stop you posting it anyway Mara

 

[TravelingGal]

ETA sorry Maisie, I quoted you before your revision. If you would prefer, I can delete the quote out of my post, but honestly, I think you were fine by making the point.

 

[Maisie]

TG I do feel that there are cliques here and its a shame.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:11:05 PM
Author: TravelingGal
ETA sorry Maisie, I quoted you before your revision. If you would prefer, I can delete the quote out of my post, but honestly, I think you were fine by making the point.

Thank you but there isn''t any point deleting it. Its there in maras post anyway. I do appreciate the offer though

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:12:18 PM
Author: Maisie
TG I do feel that there are cliques here and its a shame.

Maisie, there are "cliques" in every forum. If that means that there are some posters one identifies with more than others, I am OK with that. I think the issue comes in when one clique is a bit more vocal than another. Then everyone cries "clique! clique!" not realizing that they are probably part of one as well.

On PS, there are some people who become part of a clique just by the mere fact that they have been around for along time. That''s kind of normal, in my opinion. People will invest more affection in those who they know will not disappear tomorrow.

Personally, I don''t feel part of any clique. Whether or not people perceive me as part of one is another story. I have only met one PSer in real life, and of course that is Mara. I feel a real affection for her because I''ve gotten to know her above and beyond her PS personality and it is far more endearing than people would guess on here. So I guess that colors my view.

Of course, Maisie, I think you''re very endearing, and I''ve never met you.