PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[natalina]

So we are taking a pic each month with Ellie''s bear to mark her growth like many of you do- first time I saw it was little Jake from MrsS and I thought it was so cute, I knew I had to do it when we had a baby! Here is Ellie''s 2 month. (The bear was a gift and is wearing a Grateful Dead poncho- DH loves it

) St he is wearing a bigger onesie and same BabyLegs. Here''s 1 month. She went from about 9 lbs at 1 month to 11lbs 7.5 oz!

 

[natalina]

And 2 months:

 

[fieryred33143]

Are we allowed to give coupon codes here? Snapfish is offering free 10 page flip books (just pay for shipping about $3). Makes for a cute gift for Grandparents and what not but you need a code. Is that against rules. Maybe I''ll just post on facebook?

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh and dur Natalina! Just saw the pics. Ellie is beautiful

. I think the bear pics is such a good idea. I wish we had thought of that. FI told me to photoshop a bear next to all of her pics. I won''t be doing this but how hilarious would a random bear be in all of her pics? LOL

She''s so pretty

 

[Pandora II]

OMG, this thread is flying! So many gorgeous pics - Fiery, those are adorable of Sophia! Ellie has grown like crazy in a month Nat!

I can''t remember everything I wanted to say, so here''s what I can...

Mandy - You are doing so well, twins must be really hard work - I can barely cope with the one. Arguments with DHs are also par for the course it seems. DH and I never argued at all before D was born, but I''m now sleep-deprived, tetchy, irritable, have someone demanding everything I have to give 24/7 and then my husband thinks I might have something left over??? Or he says that he feels tired??? TIRED... I''ll show you tired... etc etc etc. I wouldn''t have liked to have got into this baby lark with a dodgy relationship as it is so hard even when you both love each other like crazy.

I also had severe agrophobia about going out with Daisy at the beginning. I finally had to go out to a doctors appointment and had to take her too. I survived, we didn''t fall over/get run over/stolen etc and it has got easier ever since. Now it''s a breeze and yet she is far more of a handful than she was back then.

Blen - Uggghhhh. I hate that when they wake up too much and you sooooo need to sleep. D is also doing the roll-over, hands and knees, try to climb over mummy, roll-over, hands and knees and continue, right up till she decides to try and open my eyes for me - I look like I''ve had a fight with a thorn bush most of the time I have so many scratches.

Fiery & China - So sorry about the bfing.

Ebree - I think you and I have twins! That photo is great! We have to order an extra glass when we go out so that Daisy can have water too - she doesn''t want it in baby cups, so we have to help her with a big glass...

 

[Mandarine]

THANK YOU GUYS!!!!. So much!! ...really!

It''s just good to know I''m not crazy...and this is "normal" and it happens to the best of us.

TGal, your post really hit home. I actually read it during the 3:30m feeding and it made me cry...hehe. You are so right and I needed to hear those things!.

Today I am really-really trying. He came home earlier so I could go to the gym. I left, knowing the babies were going to freak out (as they do from 5:30-6:30pm). I told him this arrangement wouldn''t work out because that''s the worse time for the boys (they get SO fussy!). I had said I thought hiring a nanny so I could exercise in the am would be better, for everyone. He insisted we tried. I came back form the gym to two very upset and red from crying babies....and a very frustrated looking husband. I actually think this was good. I hate to know the boys had a hard time, but maybe DH needed to experience an hour of craziness by himself. Maybe he can then relate a little more. I think after today he will agree that maybe it''s better to hire someone a few hours a week so that I can be here for the crazy hour and bedtime routine.

Even though he is very quiet and definitely looked frustrated...I bit my tongue. All I wanted to say was "you see??? this is HARD!!!. Now you know how I feel and what I have been doing every day, 24 hours a day for 2 months!". But I stopped myself. I thanked him for trying and for coming home early to help out (even though, as we all know, this should not be considered "help", but just contributing to the family!). After reading what you guys wrote it really just hit me that guys are just wired differently...and a little "please" and "thank you" really goes a long way.

To give him a break, I out the babies in bed and told him to take the doggie out for a walk.

I think what has also been really hard is that we''ve had my family over for the last 2 months (first my mom and now my dad/stepmom). My dad and step mom are not staying with us...and they leave the house before DH even gets here...but still, it''s not our normal life and even though I couldn''t have done it without them these last couple of months, it''s hard to have someone over every day. The days that I feel grumpy or just not upbeat, I still pretend and try to smile because I don''t want to seem ungrateful to my family...and it''s hard. But, as I said, I needed them here so I''m not complaining...it''s just another thing to add to the mix of my life being turned upside down.

I''m going to keep taking it one day at a time...

Tomorrow the boys have their 2-motnh check-up and it''s time for vaccines. I''m really nervous. Any advice?...what should I expect?. I don''t even know what vaccines they are getting or if it''s a good idea to delay any?. I told myself I would study this, but I just haven''t had much time

. I hope the babies don''t get too cranky. I was also wondering if it would be good to do one boy tomorrow and another boy maybe Monday?

Have to warm up dinner! Thank you all again!

Natalina She''s so incredibly cute!!! Just precious!!

 

[neatfreak]

Mandarine, my best advice is just get all the shots and get both kids done at once. MUCH easier than going back multiple times with both kids, and there is no support in the medical community for delaying shots unless necessary or there are concerns with allergies (i.e., the kid had a reaction already). So personally I would just get them all. They are already crying KWIM? No need to make them cry 2-3x AND make numerous trips back to the Dr.

My boys cried for all of a few minutes and then fell asleep in the car. I try to have bottles ready to go to stick in their mouths and then am prepared to drive them around for an hour or more while they sleep it off if necessary. I also give them tylenol before we leave the house which helps with any low fever and pain.

Sometimes once they are asleep I go through the Starbucks drive through and read Us Weekly while they nap.

I highly suggest this tactic if your kids like to sleep in the car and don''t transfer well into the house.

Anyway, I have done most of their vaccine trips by myself and it isn''t really a big deal. Really by the time we were ready to leave the office they both have always stopped crying. And the nurses have always helped me by holding one, etc.

You can totally do it by yourself. Just go in prepared and you will be fine.

 

[natalina]

Thanks for the compliments on Ellie!

Just have a sec but wanted to say to Mandarine: Ellie had her 2 month shots Monday. She cried or a few minutes (so did I

) and then slept most of the day away. Woke up to eat, but then went back to sleep after 30 mins. or so each time. Then back to normal yesterday. I was prepared for a really rough couple of days, but it was fine. Doc said to skip the Tylenol unless absolutely necessary, and she didn't need it at all. You will be okay.

ETA: Had to add- TGal's post made me cry, too. Really hit home.

 

[TravelingGal]

natalina, what a difference a month makes. So adorable!

And I didn't mean to make you ladies cry. Gotta love them hormones.

Mandarine, glad to hear what happened today. You are right, it IS a good thing for him to experience it. What's even a better thing is for him to believe that you think he did a great job and you couldn't do any better. Children are a job that men just seem to believe that moms do better. The problem is that after awhile, they want to keep PASSING off the job because they don't feel like they can do it (or are lazy and tell the wife they do it better - one of my friends battles with this with her DH.) Phase two is to make your DH think he is the greatest thing to those kids...boost that confidence!

I remember the first night I left Amelia with TGuy - I got called home because he couldn't figure out how to make her stop crying. Bummer too, because I was out with tha girlfriend and enjoying it! I was miffied (like WE moms would EVER call the dad home because we couldn't figure out how to make the kid stop crying?) but told him he did a great job. I felt trite for saying that, but I didn't want to discourage him. Another time I left for TWENTY minutes and came home to a screaming baby an a very upset TGuy. He actually took it PERSONALLY that the kid did not like him and was upset the rest of the evening. Again, I told him it happened to me ALL The time (it sort of didn't, but had to make him feel better) and she must be going through a funky phase (yes, blame the kid...they don't know at this stage anyway.)

For weeks, I consistently told him stuff like, "Wow, she giggled! She doesn't do that with me like she does with you!" or "Man, she calmed down so quickly when you held her...she's been fussy with me all day!" Was it entirely true? Not really. It was sort of true...she did seem to be interested in him, but I certainly saw giggles and I certainly could get her to calm down. I'll never forget when I overheard him talking to a friend and he said "Amelia's going through a phase...I think TGal feels kind of left out because Amelia is really into me right now." Imagine me smiling and suppressing the urge to giggle by myself. He bought it hook, line and sinker and his confidence grew. I will never forget the first time I came home to them alone and things had gone successfully. He pretty well beamed and said, "Yeah, we had a great time!" It just took off from there and he's been sure of himself with her ever since.

Yes, there were times when he didn't smell the poo diaper and caused her to get a rash. There were times when he didn't feed her at the right times and she was hungry. If you want to get some time for yourself and share the responsibility in a happy way of raising children, anything that does not kill your child (or cause them really bad harm), gloss over when it comes to those early days with DH. Their egos are easily crushed and no husband wants to feel incompetent in front of his wife. I'm sure there are lots of women who would disagree with my two cents on this, but it's JMHO. Sometimes, we women need to work it to get what we want, and what we want in the first few months of our child's life is our sanity. That means happy help from DH, and that means some sweet talk from us!

 

[fieryred33143]

Is it weird sending cards to people you don''t really talk to?

The whole reason for doing the cards was to send a pic to my grandparents since they save them but its much cheaper to buy in bulk. My mom wants a bunch for her friends and I''ve gotten a few from my coworkers so I figured I''ll pass them out there too. But what to do with the rest? I was thinking about sending them to some family in NY but I never really talk to them. That would be weird, right?

Also thinking about which pic to send. I''m thinking probably the one with the onesie and reindeer hat.

In other news, Sophia has been putting herself to sleep for the third night! She cried a little today but I stroked her hair, left the room, and she fell asleep a few minutes later. She''s still sleeping 4 hours later I''m impressed she can despite being rocked and held to sleep all day at MILs

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/9/2009 11:36:37 PM
Author: TravelingGal
natalina, what a difference a month makes. So adorable!

And I didn''t mean to make you ladies cry. Gotta love them hormones.

Mandarine, glad to hear what happened today. You are right, it IS a good thing for him to experience it. What''s even a better thing is for him to believe that you think he did a great job and you couldn''t do any better. Children are a job that men just seem to believe that moms do better. The problem is that after awhile, they want to keep PASSING off the job because they don''t feel like they can do it (or are lazy and tell the wife they do it better - one of my friends battles with this with her DH.) Phase two is to make your DH think he is the greatest thing to those kids...boost that confidence!

I remember the first night I left Amelia with TGuy - I got called home because he couldn''t figure out how to make her stop crying. Bummer too, because I was out with tha girlfriend and enjoying it! I was miffied (like WE moms would EVER call the dad home because we couldn''t figure out how to make the kid stop crying?) but told him he did a great job. I felt trite for saying that, but I didn''t want to discourage him. Another time I left for TWENTY minutes and came home to a screaming baby an a very upset TGuy. He actually took it PERSONALLY that the kid did not like him and was upset the rest of the evening. Again, I told him it happened to me ALL The time (it sort of didn''t, but had to make him feel better) and she must be going through a funky phase (yes, blame the kid...they don''t know at this stage anyway.)

For weeks, I consistently told him stuff like, ''Wow, she giggled! She doesn''t do that with me like she does with you!'' or ''Man, she calmed down so quickly when you held her...she''s been fussy with me all day!'' Was it entirely true? Not really. It was sort of true...she did seem to be interested in him, but I certainly saw giggles and I certainly could get her to calm down. I''ll never forget when I overheard him talking to a friend and he said ''Amelia''s going through a phase...I think TGal feels kind of left out because Amelia is really into me right now.'' Imagine me smiling and suppressing the urge to giggle by myself. He bought it hook, line and sinker and his confidence grew. I will never forget the first time I came home to them alone and things had gone successfully. He pretty well beamed and said, ''Yeah, we had a great time!'' It just took off from there and he''s been sure of himself with her ever since.

Yes, there were times when he didn''t smell the poo diaper and caused her to get a rash. There were times when he didn''t feed her at the right times and she was hungry. If you want to get some time for yourself and share the responsibility in a happy way of raising children, anything that does not kill your child (or cause them really bad harm), gloss over when it comes to those early days with DH. Their egos are easily crushed and no husband wants to feel incompetent in front of his wife. I''m sure there are lots of women who would disagree with my two cents on this, but it''s JMHO. Sometimes, we women need to work it to get what we want, and what we want in the first few months of our child''s life is our sanity. That means happy help from DH, and that means some sweet talk from us!

TGal, you so crafty lady. My DH would know I was up to something if I tried that on him.

I try to never help DH when he has Hunter, I ignore his pleas for help and he figures it out

I use the same technique when he is looking for something in the fridge.

 

[Dreamer_D]

ALL THE BABIES ARE SO CUTE!!!!

Hunter had his secodn HINI vacc 2 days ago and like last time he was so fussy and clingy for the last couple days! I hope he feels better tomorrow.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Oaaaakay, now I feel inept! I was browsing this thread for the cute baby pics (oh, and are they CUTE!) and I have to admit, I phoned DH to come home and stop his baby crying MULTIPLE times in the first year. He also told me stuff like "you''re doing great" and now I see what he was up to. Dang.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2009 1:06:20 AM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

TGal, you so crafty lady. My DH would know I was up to something if I tried that on him.

I try to never help DH when he has Hunter, I ignore his pleas for help and he figures it out

I use the same technique when he is looking for something in the fridge.

Ha, I thought it sounded cheesy when I did it, but go figure, it worked. Never underestimate the power of stroking the male ego...

 

[fieryred33143]

Do any of your babies sleep in positions other than on their backs?

I always put Sophia on her back and she never moves but last night she decided sleeping on her side with her face burried in her arms is more comfortable. I hate it. I spent all night checking up on her. I would move her arms so that at least her face wasn''t covered and she''d move it right back. I''d put her on her back and she''d move on to her side. I know that babies move at night but I''m not loving this at all.

 

[taovandel]

My sister is coming over today to take pictures of Evan..I''m probably going to steal some of the holiday photo ideas I''ve seen on here and on FB.

Will post once they are done

 

[fieryred33143]

Tao-see if you can put him inside of a Santa hat! I know its cheesy but I think its so cute!! We tried to do that with Sophia but her thighs are way too huge lol. Can''t wait to see!

 

[janinegirly]

natalina: oh that is one cute baby!!!

mandy: glad you let DH see what reality is like. It just is so much harder with 2, but he needed to get the point. My DH did/does far less than I do (except for the first 2 weeks--he has never gotten up in the middle of the night for the baby--and I do the same commute/work day as he does). Somehow I''m ok with it though--I guess because I think of my dad''s generation (my dad changed only a handful of diapers and apparently pricked me with a pin..yup, I''m old!) and how far DH''s have come! Mine still isnt'' as evolved as others here, but he tries during the times he does take her. I do get annoyed that I have to actually suggest these times for him(rather than him volunteering), but like you said guys are wired differently and they just think "she''s the primary caregiver, I need to go relax." Hopefully your DH will come around and show more effort (which you can encourage like TG said, even if it''s 1/25th of what you do daily), or at the very least, want to make life easier for you even if that means getting some help like you mentioned (a great suggestion by the way). Everyone always suggests date nights too, but to be honest this was never very realistic for us, but maybe that could help.

How''s everything else, are the boys doing ok with formula?

 

[MustangGal]

mandy - for us the 2 months shots have been the worst so far, but he only cried for a minute, then concked out for 3 hours. When he woke up his theigs were sore where he got the injections, and he was crying as I held him. Took me 45 minutes to realize I was touching his sore legs! Your boys will be fine, and having them done at one time might be best, to just get it over with.

fiery - Kyle likes to sleep with his arms jammed against his face too. He's been doing it for a while now, so I guess he'll live through it...

***

10 days until I hit 30, can I just stop time now?

 

[taovandel]

Mandarine: My husband and I had a mini fight the same day you posted about yours. It wound up with me walking away and crying in the bathroom. The baby started crying and he made no move to go get the baby. I had been with the baby since his 6 a.m. feeding. and it was now 8 p.m. I went to rock the bassinet and looked at my husband and said, "It''s your turn to get him. I''ve been with him all day." or something along those lines. He kinda flipped and was like, "I''ve been at work all day! I hate when you say that!" So I picked the baby up, trying not to cry because he just doesn''t understand that being with the baby all day with no one to talk to, dealing with him crying or what not is just as much work as going and pulling a 8 hour shift at our paying job. So I was holding the baby and he came over to take him and I walked off to go pee and wound up bursting into tears in the bathroom.

My husband came to me and apologized and said that he felt that when I said that, I was acting like he is at work having a blast without a care in the world. Which is how I think he feels about me being at home right now! So we talked about it a bit and things seem fine for now.

He is normally a huge help (taking shifts at night, being with him when he gets home from work, going to all doctor appointments, changing diapers, feeding him, etc)--so I''m not really sure where the meltdown came from....I guess I was just tired or something.


Also, we got the clear for sex yesterday....the baby cooperated last night and slept...so we DTD and it didn''t really hurt! So woohoo--I had heard horror stories about sex after giving birth---happy to hear that wasn''t a huge problem with us.

 

[littlelysser]

Me-centric question for EBFing moms...so Calvin does this thing when he''s eating, basically he''ll start fussing and sometimes screaming bloody blue murder. He probably does it three times a day. The rest of the time, he''s a content eater. I''ve noticed that it is a few minutes after I let down - I don''t know if he''s frustrated because the milk is slowing down or what. Bless his heart, he can be quite the drama queen. If I switch sides, and the milk is flowing faster, he seems to be content again, until the milk slows down. Have any of you experienced this? If so, what''d you do?

And now back to our regularly scheduled program -

Hi ladies and all my new FB friends!!! Fun stuffs.

Things here are going well. Ends up I''m enjoying being a mom way more than I ever thought I would. Calvin is really a joy. He''s just so much fun - he has a great little personality and I just think he''s the cutest cute that ever cuted. He talks constantly. Squeals like a little piglet. Adorable. He''s rolling over and laughing. I just enjoy the heck out of him.

Mandy - I''m sorry to hear you are going through a rough bit. That just stinks. Boys are just not wired like we are when it comes to caring for the babes. And you really are my hero for doing it with two. As for shots, Calvin did really well with them. We gave him tylenol and hour before hand, as per the doctor''s order and he did great. Of course, when he got the shot he turned BRIGHT RED and screamed like crazy, but he calmed down and returned to a normal color pretty quickly. He was a little sleepy the rest of the day, but otherwise, good. Finally, I totally agree that you should encourage your DH as Traveling Gal suggested. It worked wonders for us!

Sabine - Glad Jacks is feeling better!

Amber - Welcome to the thread lady! I hope P.J. is sleeping better, but I''ll tell you that the book that my friends swear by pretty much says that when they are that little, any way they sleep is good!

Sha - Welcome! I love Delila''s name. That is actually one of my FAVORITE girl''s names...and had Calvin not been a boy, his name may have been Delilah!

Mustang - Adorable pic of Kyle!! I love it!

China - Hey friend. I''m sorry you are dealing with crap. I will say that if you are really struggling, medication can make a huge difference. My bestie in the whole world just had her second child. With her first, she had major problems with anxiety and depression - and she found that she didn''t really enjoy the first six months of her daughter''s life. She''s taking Zoloft with her second child and she said it is an entirely different experience. She''s enjoying her son and having a great time with him. I know that medication isn''t the answer for everyone, but yeah. Just my .02. And Zoloft (and really all of the SSRIs are safe for taking while BFing). Oh, and DO NOT beat yourself up about BFing. And even if O is getting one feeding a day, he''s still getting antibodies and all that good stuffs from you. You are a faboo mom, regardless of how O gets his calories!

Nat - Adorable pics. What a sweetie!

Fiery - Sorry to hear you are sad about stopping BFing. You know Sophia (who is so freaking cute) will be wonderful and fine either way!

PG - Funny you should mention a ring...DH is getting me a sapphire/diamond eternity band for xmas/push present... and I''m going to use it for exactly that purpose. I forget which side I''m on on a regular basis. Mommy brain exists!

Pandora - I''m another one who listed my maiden name on FB, but I don''t go by it anywhere else. Just figured it''d be easier for folks to find me that way.

Tao - Adorable pics! Love that bebe! I hope your pain subsides soon!

Ebree - Love the Avi. Baby toes and diamonds. What could be better? Also, love the drinking pic!

Sunkist - ADORABLE announcements. Love them.

Blen - Hope things are going well. How are you liking being a SAHM? I''ve recently transitioned too and I''ve pretty much decided I''ll stay home for at least a year or two...What have you found challenging? I''d be interested to get your take on it.

CDT - Sorry about the work vibe. That stinks. I know that my friends that have gone back to work noticed that they had a much difference perspective on work after having a baby. It really is simply about going and getting work done, not socializing and going to lunch or having drinks after work, you know? I don''t have any advice, but I feel you.

To everyone else - HELLO!

Alright, must go take a shower before the kiddo wakes up! Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/10/2009 11:29:58 AM
Author: littlelysser
Me-centric question for EBFing moms...so Calvin does this thing when he''s eating, basically he''ll start fussing and sometimes screaming bloody blue murder. He probably does it three times a day. The rest of the time, he''s a content eater. I''ve noticed that it is a few minutes after I let down - I don''t know if he''s frustrated because the milk is slowing down or what. Bless his heart, he can be quite the drama queen. If I switch sides, and the milk is flowing faster, he seems to be content again, until the milk slows down. Have any of you experienced this? If so, what''d you do?

Yes, HUnter prefers to have his food like a beer bong, all at once! I just switch back and forth until the let down. No biggie!

 

[fieryred33143]

LL-I posted about the same issue a few months back. Sophia would scream, cry, punch, and pull at the breast. I had no idea what was going on. I also had an overactive let down and I figured that she was just getting upset when it slowed down. What helped me was visiting the LC and doing a weighed feeding. In our case, she was overeating. She would get 3 to 5oz in the first 10 to 15 minutes but I was leaving her on for sometimes an hour because she didn’t know how to take herself off and I (being a new mom) thought she was just eating for that long. After that I paid real close attention to how she was eating. As soon as she switched to comfort nursing, I’d take her off. In my glory days (

), I would have multiple let downs so comfort sucking would always lead to another letdown within a minute or two.


Anyway, the point of that rambling is that maybe a weighed feeding can help figure things out.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 12/10/2009 9:32:18 AM
Author: fiery
Do any of your babies sleep in positions other than on their backs?

I always put Sophia on her back and she never moves but last night she decided sleeping on her side with her face burried in her arms is more comfortable. I hate it. I spent all night checking up on her. I would move her arms so that at least her face wasn''t covered and she''d move it right back. I''d put her on her back and she''d move on to her side. I know that babies move at night but I''m not loving this at all.

Yes, Hunter has slept on his belly since about 5 months and often sleeps on his side. I figure once past 6 months SIDS risk si so low, and as long as the crib is a safe environment then he is strong enough to move around and I just don''t worry about iy.

Mandarine DH and I have spats every once and a while about this issue. I think all parents do. He has actually never watched Hunter for more than about 2 hours i na row without me

Hard to do that when you EBH and hae pumping. I rub his face in it once in a while when I want him to do something, liek clean the kitchen

haha. Men just can''t share the load 100% in childcare if they are working and mom is at home, and the more mom is at home the greater therift in confidence and abilities becomes. We balance it by having DH take care of lots of other things around the hourse, and he wakes up wit hHunter in the morning giving me an extra hour of sleep. Overall it feels pretty fair even though we don''t actually *share* the same chores/activities, KWIM?

Mustang I have decided that I am dropping a year from my age every couple of years

 

[neatfreak]

Mandarine I agree 100% COMPLETELY with T-Gal. Might seem silly-but it WORKS.

I am now sitting pretty with the boys 1 year old and my DH as a VERY competent dad. I want to take a day trip into the city to do high tea at the Ritz? Done-DH will watch the boys. I want to go to the mall by myself? Done. I want to take a darn shower? Done.

But I WILL tell you that it took a LOT of coddling like TGal suggested to get him to a point where he was confident in his abilities to care for them. Now he takes a LOT of pride in the fact that he is very competent in caring for them. People always comment on what a good dad he is, how amazing it is that he takes them out by himself (I always roll my eyes at this-it's something special just because it's dad apparently), and he can handle a screaming baby just as well as I can.

But he wasn't always that way. He barely was comfortable holding them or feeding them at the beginning! So I think it's really really important to build their self confidence early on. Even if it means telling a few white lies.

In contrast we are friends with a lot of other twin parents around here (6 other families to be exact) and I have noticed that for those who didn't lay down the law at the beginning that dad was going to be a partner in parenting-the dad does almost nothing in caring for the babies. And if they leave for an hour to go do something and the babies cry-the moms get called by a panicked dad. Men are really like puppies in a lot of way. Negative reinforcement=bad. Positive reinforcement=good.

So for your own sanity, keep praising and build up his confidence now, and pretty soon you'll have a pro dad on your hands! SO SO much easier. And it lets you get out of the house on your own without feeling AS guilty because you know that even if dad doesn't do things exactly the way you do-the babies are still in good hands.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2009 12:04:14 PM
Author: neatfreak
Mandarine I agree 100% COMPLETELY with T-Gal. Might seem silly-but it WORKS.

I am now sitting pretty with the boys 1 year old and my DH as a VERY competent dad. I want to take a day trip into the city to do high tea at the Ritz? Done-DH will watch the boys. I want to go to the mall by myself? Done. I want to take a darn shower? Done.

But I WILL tell you that it took a LOT of coddling like TGal suggested to get him to a point where he was confident in his abilities to care for them. Now he takes a LOT of pride in the fact that he is very competent in caring for them. People always comment on what a good dad he is, how amazing it is that he takes them out by himself (I always roll my eyes at this-it''s something special just because it''s dad apparently), and he can handle a screaming baby just as well as I can.

But he wasn''t always that way. He barely was comfortable holding them or feeding them at the beginning! So I think it''s really really important to build their self confidence early on. Even if it means telling a few white lies.

In contrast we are friends with a lot of other twin parents around here (6 other families to be exact) and I have noticed that for those who didn''t lay down the law at the beginning that dad was going to be a partner in parenting-the dad does almost nothing in caring for the babies. And if they leave for an hour to go do something and the babies cry-the moms get called by a panicked dad. Men are really like puppies in a lot of way. Negative reinforcement=bad. Positive reinforcement=good.

So for your own sanity, keep praising and build up his confidence now, and pretty soon you''ll have a pro dad on your hands! SO SO much easier. And it lets you get out of the house on your own without feeling AS guilty because you know that even if dad doesn''t do things exactly the way you do-the babies are still in good hands.

Hahaha NF...and telling DH "Man, I am so happy I am not married to one of THOSE guys...you are such a great dad and husband!" doesn''t hurt either. In our circle of friends we have quite a few of slacker dads. My friends are impressed with TGuy and I make sure he KNOWS it.

Doesn''t mean he''s perfect, or some days he feels a little resentful that the other guys seem to get away with being slackers while he does the work. But I know at the end of the day, he''s proud to be a good dad.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/10/2009 12:36:53 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/10/2009 12:04:14 PM

Author: neatfreak

Mandarine I agree 100% COMPLETELY with T-Gal. Might seem silly-but it WORKS.


I am now sitting pretty with the boys 1 year old and my DH as a VERY competent dad. I want to take a day trip into the city to do high tea at the Ritz? Done-DH will watch the boys. I want to go to the mall by myself? Done. I want to take a darn shower? Done.


But I WILL tell you that it took a LOT of coddling like TGal suggested to get him to a point where he was confident in his abilities to care for them. Now he takes a LOT of pride in the fact that he is very competent in caring for them. People always comment on what a good dad he is, how amazing it is that he takes them out by himself (I always roll my eyes at this-it''s something special just because it''s dad apparently), and he can handle a screaming baby just as well as I can.


But he wasn''t always that way. He barely was comfortable holding them or feeding them at the beginning! So I think it''s really really important to build their self confidence early on. Even if it means telling a few white lies.


In contrast we are friends with a lot of other twin parents around here (6 other families to be exact) and I have noticed that for those who didn''t lay down the law at the beginning that dad was going to be a partner in parenting-the dad does almost nothing in caring for the babies. And if they leave for an hour to go do something and the babies cry-the moms get called by a panicked dad. Men are really like puppies in a lot of way. Negative reinforcement=bad. Positive reinforcement=good.


So for your own sanity, keep praising and build up his confidence now, and pretty soon you''ll have a pro dad on your hands! SO SO much easier. And it lets you get out of the house on your own without feeling AS guilty because you know that even if dad doesn''t do things exactly the way you do-the babies are still in good hands.

Hahaha NF...and telling DH ''Man, I am so happy I am not married to one of THOSE guys...you are such a great dad and husband!'' doesn''t hurt either. In our circle of friends we have quite a few of slacker dads. My friends are impressed with TGuy and I make sure he KNOWS it.


Doesn''t mean he''s perfect, or some days he feels a little resentful that the other guys seem to get away with being slackers while he does the work. But I know at the end of the day, he''s proud to be a good dad.

YES. Well said-I forgot to add that. Whenever we talk about the slacker dads I make sure to pump him up and tell him how lucky the boys are to have such a great dad.

 

[janinegirly]

We should start a thread on some DH's definition of "watching" LO's. Now that my DD is mobile, I'll ask DH to watch her so I can get some things done and leave them in the playroom (kitchen is on other side of house). Without fail, about 5-10mins later 2 of them are in kitchen and then C is pulling on my pants wanting to be picked up and then DH slips away.

 

[phoenixgirl]

Ha, Mrs. Mitchell. I know, DH chanted, "You're doing a great job" like a mantra beginning in early pregnancy. He says it so much it's lost all meaning.

Mandy, I know what you mean about guests being a big relief but also a bit of a burden at the same time. Maybe knowing that the extra help is leaving soon is bringing your frustrations with your husband to the fore. Do you think your DH is iffy about the babysitter because of the money or because he thinks it's implying that he can't handle taking care of the boys himself? If it's the latter, that might explain why he is getting upset, and TGal's advice should help. And if it's the former, then a couple of sessions alone with the boys during their fussy hour may drive home how well spent the money will be!

We had our two month appointment today too (early to make sure Claire's weight is on track). So far she seems fine, just sleepy, so I haven't given her any Tylenol (which dumb me didn't even have in the house so we had to make a trip home to get the stroller and then out to the store). So now I have officially taken Claire shopping by car. Her weight is up to 9.5 lbs, up 3/4 an ounce a day since the last appointment. She's only 25% percentile for weight (her friend born the same week is 13 pounds already!) but her gaining is right on track.

LL, your love for Calvin is so wonderful; I'm glad things are going well except for the shrieking while BFing. I don't have any advice, but I think I remember reading that you should ask your doctor if the crying happens in the middle of eating. Fiery's theory sounds promising.


My frustrations with DH are no longer over how much time he "puts in" with Claire, because that has turned completely around. If he's home, he's the one who's on call to get her when she cries, change her diaper, etc. I do it sometimes when he's busy and I'm not, but the expectation is definitely that he'll do it. So Claire goes down in the basement a lot to play and nap while Daddy plays with his bikes, or she goes to the neighbor's house to help Daddy borrow a tool. It's sweet.

Actually, now that I think about it, this has always been the norm starting with me having had a C/S and not being too mobile at first. The problem was that DH was doing way too many activities outside of the home. Now he's always asking when I want to run or work out, suggesting I go out with friends, offering to come home early so I can nap, etc. So that has been the change because he has always been really good with Claire *when* he's home.

But our conflict comes from me having trained Claire to be our Stepford Baby who likes to be put down in her crib. She'll start fussing, and I know that she would stop immediately if taken to her crib, but DH wants to keep doing things with her and expects her to fall asleep in his lap or lying on a blanket in the basement. I try to let it go but obviously I'm a bit of a control freak. The only time it really bothers me is when I have been slotted to work out but DH decides to play with his bikes in the basement with Claire and then doesn't get her right away when she starts crying. If I wanted to work out with my baby crying 5 feet away, I would have done it while DH wasn't home.

In more "please shut up about your perfect Stepford Baby" news, Claire went 7 hours between feedings last night. We had a business dinner for DH, so I actually went 12 hours without feeding her although I pumped twice. When I removed my nursing pads this morning, they were as heavy as wet diapers! The babysitter said she was good and "almost" cried a few times, but didn't.

Her last feeding was at 8 p.m., and I was expecting her to wake me up around 11 for another feeding. If I had known she had a 7 hour stretch to come, I definitely would have set my alarm and tried to get her to go from 11 to 6 instead of 8 to 3. I think if I make more of an effort to do cluster feeding at night with a dream feed at the end, we could really milk this for all it's worth (sorry about the bad pun

).

So we gave the sitter $45 for a little over 4 hours. Would you pay $10 an hour? The sitter is a poor college-student who mountain bikes with DH and whom he's taken under his wing in a mentoring type relationship, so we wanted to pay her well and didn't begrudge giving her a few extra dollars. Another couple at the dinner said they were paying $7 an hour for a high school student to watch a 2 year old and a 4 month old. I'm sure this varies a lot by location and according to the age of the sitter.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 12/10/2009 9:32:18 AM
Author: fiery
Do any of your babies sleep in positions other than on their backs?

I always put Sophia on her back and she never moves but last night she decided sleeping on her side with her face burried in her arms is more comfortable. I hate it. I spent all night checking up on her. I would move her arms so that at least her face wasn''t covered and she''d move it right back. I''d put her on her back and she''d move on to her side. I know that babies move at night but I''m not loving this at all.

Fiery, Daisy has ALWAYS slept on her side since she was born - she doesn''t much like being on her back, occasionally she''ll turn onto it while she''s asleep, but to get to sleep she has to be on her side. Her hands are normally up by her face and clasped together, I haven''t seen her bury her face in her arms though.

Sophia should be big enough now to move how she wants to - Daisy likes to sleep outside the duvet most of the night and my knees are below her feet and my arm above her head so she can''t move up or down, but when she''s awake in the morning she likes to get one of the pillows and put it right over her head and then lie there till she decides to peek out and ''suprise'' me. I nearly died the first time she did it - just seeing this little body sticking out

- but she''s quite strong enough to move it when she wants to and she finds it enormously funny...