TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
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PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!
- Thread starter neatfreak
- Start date
jas
Brilliant_Rock
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Hi...I''m also poking my nose into this thread.
Rather than reiterate what has been said, I will say that I agree with Tgal and Janine. Telling me I''m harming my kid, the health system, the economy, my life, etc. is a lot throw at me. Saying that formula feeding is better than not feeding at all is, at best, damning with faint praise. I am going to assume that comment was expressed in a way that had unintended consequences.
And, for funsies and for a little different perspective, when my kids were hungry, they did suck on their hands. It''s not to say that they ONLY did it at that time, but it was an initial sign for me. I had to learn to read it, and often I spoke outloud, "Oh, are you hungry?" Honestly, if people had raised their eyebrows at this, I would have been mortified. Do I need to say that my kids are skinny minnies now?
We do the best we can. I am highly educated, and like so many here on PS, I research. It was the right decision for me to stop BF. I don''t think I should have to explain why in order to get put in the "oh, that reason is ok to stop BF." I tried. I tried harder. I succeeded. I failed. I had support. I had help. I had information. I made the choice to stop. It''s not like I put them on a diet of Mountain Dew and PopRocks.
Obviously, I am feeling rubbed raw by this topic, so I may not be adding much to the conversation.
I have to believe that all mothers want to do the best by their babies. Who wants to harm a newborn? Who wants their kid to be at the low end of the curve right from the start?
Rather than reiterate what has been said, I will say that I agree with Tgal and Janine. Telling me I''m harming my kid, the health system, the economy, my life, etc. is a lot throw at me. Saying that formula feeding is better than not feeding at all is, at best, damning with faint praise. I am going to assume that comment was expressed in a way that had unintended consequences.
And, for funsies and for a little different perspective, when my kids were hungry, they did suck on their hands. It''s not to say that they ONLY did it at that time, but it was an initial sign for me. I had to learn to read it, and often I spoke outloud, "Oh, are you hungry?" Honestly, if people had raised their eyebrows at this, I would have been mortified. Do I need to say that my kids are skinny minnies now?
We do the best we can. I am highly educated, and like so many here on PS, I research. It was the right decision for me to stop BF. I don''t think I should have to explain why in order to get put in the "oh, that reason is ok to stop BF." I tried. I tried harder. I succeeded. I failed. I had support. I had help. I had information. I made the choice to stop. It''s not like I put them on a diet of Mountain Dew and PopRocks.
Obviously, I am feeling rubbed raw by this topic, so I may not be adding much to the conversation.
I have to believe that all mothers want to do the best by their babies. Who wants to harm a newborn? Who wants their kid to be at the low end of the curve right from the start?
Dreamer_D
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Mara When Hunter was 9 weeks old I was nursing him on demand about every 2 hours in the day time and then 2-3 times at night. I think pumping is a horrid and annoying pain in the a$$ so I never did it at all. I think that if you do not want to BF many times in the day, then your supply will dwindle fast, especially prior to 12 weeks. Most women''s dwindles with only pumping too.
Dreamer_D
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Sabine
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Tgal, thanks for your comments.
RPS, while I understand what you''re saying, I personally felt the old familiar pang of guilt when I read what you were saying, so you may want to consider your phrasing.
I''m sure some of you will remember that I had a really rough time of it at first. At the hospital, even with the help of 2 different lc''s, we only got Jacks to successfully feed once or twice, and that was with the help of one nurse who was on overnight and gave me attitude when I called her for help in the middle of the night. Neither LC was able to help me get him to nurse. I won''t go over the whole story again, but even though I was able to get my milk to come in through pumping, neither dh nor I could handle the schedule that we needed to be on to keep my supply up by pumping and feeding him at the same time. When I think back to Jackson''s first days at home, all I remember is crying all day every day because of the feeding issues. Making the decision to formula feed was such a relief, but at the same time I had burst into tears any time a dr. asked me if he was breast or formula fed and the guilt to a LONG time to fade. Sometimes I still find myself questioning if I could have done more to try harder to bf. And with the exception of his eczema, Jackson has never been sick.
So basically I wholeheartedly agree with those of you who are saying that while breast is best, a woman should not need to feel guilty for choosing to ff for any reason whatsoever.
RPS, while I understand what you''re saying, I personally felt the old familiar pang of guilt when I read what you were saying, so you may want to consider your phrasing.
I''m sure some of you will remember that I had a really rough time of it at first. At the hospital, even with the help of 2 different lc''s, we only got Jacks to successfully feed once or twice, and that was with the help of one nurse who was on overnight and gave me attitude when I called her for help in the middle of the night. Neither LC was able to help me get him to nurse. I won''t go over the whole story again, but even though I was able to get my milk to come in through pumping, neither dh nor I could handle the schedule that we needed to be on to keep my supply up by pumping and feeding him at the same time. When I think back to Jackson''s first days at home, all I remember is crying all day every day because of the feeding issues. Making the decision to formula feed was such a relief, but at the same time I had burst into tears any time a dr. asked me if he was breast or formula fed and the guilt to a LONG time to fade. Sometimes I still find myself questioning if I could have done more to try harder to bf. And with the exception of his eczema, Jackson has never been sick.
So basically I wholeheartedly agree with those of you who are saying that while breast is best, a woman should not need to feel guilty for choosing to ff for any reason whatsoever.
Mandarine
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ditto, ditto, ditto TG, Janine and Jas!!!
TGal, Thank you!!! I am so rested today!!! I honestly opened my eyes at 6am and that was the first time I saw the clock since 10:30pm! I hope they keep it up!!!!!!!!!!
So thanks everyone for giving kudos to the little dudes, they deserved them!
Superwoman...I mean, Viz I''m happy Charlie is going longer stretches! And 3 minutes...look at you, toughin'' it up
It''s hard for me (sometimes) to let them cry...so I know it must be REALLY hard for you because well, otherwise you would have done it already, right?. I just wanted to say, that I always tend to think they''re going to react to things much worse than they actually do. I thought it would be a nightmare to stop rocking them and it took two days. I thought if I tried to CIO, they would cry all night long...and it didn''t happen.
What I did NOT know is how hard breaking them off the swaddle would be! haha...go figure. Maybe I should always prepare myself for the worst so that I am pleasantly surprised!
Sippy cups/water So when do I give the sippy cups with water to start "training". They don''t really need water, do they?...part of me thinks they will be very soon since the summers here are brutal (FL) and they will be 6 months in a few days. Thoughts?
TGal, Thank you!!! I am so rested today!!! I honestly opened my eyes at 6am and that was the first time I saw the clock since 10:30pm! I hope they keep it up!!!!!!!!!!
So thanks everyone for giving kudos to the little dudes, they deserved them!
Superwoman...I mean, Viz I''m happy Charlie is going longer stretches! And 3 minutes...look at you, toughin'' it up
What I did NOT know is how hard breaking them off the swaddle would be! haha...go figure. Maybe I should always prepare myself for the worst so that I am pleasantly surprised!
Sippy cups/water So when do I give the sippy cups with water to start "training". They don''t really need water, do they?...part of me thinks they will be very soon since the summers here are brutal (FL) and they will be 6 months in a few days. Thoughts?
TravelingGal
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That makes me so happy to hear Mandy! Your boys are so adorable and I am always happy to hear when twin mamas get a good break.Date: 4/8/2010 12:47:02 PM
Author: Mandarine
ditto, ditto, ditto TG, Janine and Jas!!!
TGal, Thank you!!! I am so rested today!!! I honestly opened my eyes at 6am and that was the first time I saw the clock since 10:30pm! I hope they keep it up!!!!!!!!!!
So thanks everyone for giving kudos to the little dudes, they deserved them!
Dreamer_D
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Mara
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dreamer, oh he sucks when i threaten to pop him off (aka get the finger in the mouth around the nipple)...then it''s like ''oh crap i better eat''... i think he is just easily distracted. it''s why it''s easier to feed him the bottle and know he''s getting sustenance, because this kid would just rather stare around the room than eat half the time.
this morning he got up after almost 12 hours of sleep, i changed him and i could hear his tummy growling. i warmed his bottle and put him in the boppy and he sat there sucking on his hand for like 10 min, not a peep...just staring around. it''s hello kid you are hungry remember? he reminds me of greg...we''ll sit down to watch a movie and eat dinner and G will sit there with his food on his plate for 5 min getting cold as he is totally immersed in the show and i''m like hello..food!! eat!!
i actually have only been pumping 2x a day for almost 2 weeks now, but i was feeding him that one extra time that i tried to remove which is when the supply dropped...so i''ll add it back in just for nipple stimulation even if J isn''t really eating a whole lot at that time.
jas...ITA sometimes he sucks his hands cuz he IS hungry and i can tell the diff...one is like a real suck/stuff hand in mouth, and the rest of the time it''s just like here''s my hand, i''m slobbering on it. the way this gal said it was to ME... she is like ''is he hungry?''... TWICE.
yes i''m starving my child. look at his leg rolls. it was prob just ''filler'' or whatever for convo but still..it bugged.
FWIW i do believe that the unforutnate phrasing on the BM vs FF convo is what is causing the debate. saying something is risky implies doing something intentionally to hurt your baby, no mom wants to feel like that.
this morning he got up after almost 12 hours of sleep, i changed him and i could hear his tummy growling. i warmed his bottle and put him in the boppy and he sat there sucking on his hand for like 10 min, not a peep...just staring around. it''s hello kid you are hungry remember? he reminds me of greg...we''ll sit down to watch a movie and eat dinner and G will sit there with his food on his plate for 5 min getting cold as he is totally immersed in the show and i''m like hello..food!! eat!!
i actually have only been pumping 2x a day for almost 2 weeks now, but i was feeding him that one extra time that i tried to remove which is when the supply dropped...so i''ll add it back in just for nipple stimulation even if J isn''t really eating a whole lot at that time.
jas...ITA sometimes he sucks his hands cuz he IS hungry and i can tell the diff...one is like a real suck/stuff hand in mouth, and the rest of the time it''s just like here''s my hand, i''m slobbering on it. the way this gal said it was to ME... she is like ''is he hungry?''... TWICE.
FWIW i do believe that the unforutnate phrasing on the BM vs FF convo is what is causing the debate. saying something is risky implies doing something intentionally to hurt your baby, no mom wants to feel like that.
OK Ok, I should probably stick to my thread like janine...
but how is saying that there are risks associated with formula any different than saying there are risks associated with c-sections? There are many women that NEED a c-section cause v-birth is not going well and it sure as heck beats the alternative (letting baby stay in there), just as for many women breastfeeding is not going well and formula feeding sure beats the alternative (no food). Many other women choose c-sections or formula feeding for less dire reasons but because they think it is best for them and their baby balancing all the medical, health and other considerations. I don't think they should be made to feel guilty for their choice but is it really necessary to insist that there are *no risks* associated with one choice or the other, or forbid saying there are risks or downsides to a particular choice just to keep people from feeling guilty?
In other words, if breast is best, how are you allowed to support that statement in a way describes the actual benefits of breast feeding over formula? No one thinks formula is a worse choice than starvation, but mothers are human and subject to advertisements and marketing and sometimes make choices that they think are in the best interests of their family but without all the education or support that would be useful to them. Take the study that shows free formula in the hospital reduces breastfeeding rates - how else to counter the advertising effects and convenience of a free formula can when your breast hurts and your baby is crying than education on the benefits of breastfeeding over formula?
Which is not to say that I don't think that women need support for both breastfeeding and formula feeding when that is the right choice for them. No one should be made to feel guilty over how they end up feeding their child, I guess its just a hard line to walk sometimes if you also want to have a more substantial discussion.
ETA: Okay, I submitted this well after I wrote it, and reading all the interim posts its clear that women DO feel guilty when risks are mentioned with FF. I just want to make clear my questions above are not rhetorical then - how do you have a conversation on the topic that is not just lip service to 'breast is best' without making people that don't breastfeed for whatever reason feel guilty? Or is it like politics and religion at dinner parties - best avoid it?
but how is saying that there are risks associated with formula any different than saying there are risks associated with c-sections? There are many women that NEED a c-section cause v-birth is not going well and it sure as heck beats the alternative (letting baby stay in there), just as for many women breastfeeding is not going well and formula feeding sure beats the alternative (no food). Many other women choose c-sections or formula feeding for less dire reasons but because they think it is best for them and their baby balancing all the medical, health and other considerations. I don't think they should be made to feel guilty for their choice but is it really necessary to insist that there are *no risks* associated with one choice or the other, or forbid saying there are risks or downsides to a particular choice just to keep people from feeling guilty?
In other words, if breast is best, how are you allowed to support that statement in a way describes the actual benefits of breast feeding over formula? No one thinks formula is a worse choice than starvation, but mothers are human and subject to advertisements and marketing and sometimes make choices that they think are in the best interests of their family but without all the education or support that would be useful to them. Take the study that shows free formula in the hospital reduces breastfeeding rates - how else to counter the advertising effects and convenience of a free formula can when your breast hurts and your baby is crying than education on the benefits of breastfeeding over formula?
Which is not to say that I don't think that women need support for both breastfeeding and formula feeding when that is the right choice for them. No one should be made to feel guilty over how they end up feeding their child, I guess its just a hard line to walk sometimes if you also want to have a more substantial discussion.
ETA: Okay, I submitted this well after I wrote it, and reading all the interim posts its clear that women DO feel guilty when risks are mentioned with FF. I just want to make clear my questions above are not rhetorical then - how do you have a conversation on the topic that is not just lip service to 'breast is best' without making people that don't breastfeed for whatever reason feel guilty? Or is it like politics and religion at dinner parties - best avoid it?
anchor31
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Re: Overfeeding - That reminds me of when J''s pedi told me that a baby should never empty a bottle. I decided to not follow that advice. It took J about 12 weeks to figure out that he can stop eating if he''s not hungry anymore, so I only just started increasing the size of his "dinner bottle" from 5oz to 7oz. Since he went down to 5 feedings a day by himself and cluster feeds in the evening (4PM-6PM(bottle)-8PM(bed)), it seems reasonable to me to give him that amount.
Re: Lazy nursers - I have one of those and I EBF. The whole nursing and diaper changing process never takes less than 30-40 minutes, and I have to switch sides frequently. If we have another kid and s/he''s as lazy as J, I''m not sure how long I''ll be able to BF... I can''t imagine spending so much time sitting on the couch while having to care for a toddler.
I have some good news re: J''s tummy aches and sleeping issues. Things are slowly reverting back to the way they were before. I''ve been giving him his meds in the morning instead of evening and I''ve also been giving him infacol (he spits it out most of the time, but I try), and last night he was down at 8:15PM with no tummy aches and minimal fussing!
He was up at 4:15AM to eat and then 8:15AM for the day. This kid has one heck of an internal clock to be on the dot like that. It was a great night (first early bedtime and first 12h night, even if there was an interruption), so I''m praying for a repeat.
Re: Lazy nursers - I have one of those and I EBF. The whole nursing and diaper changing process never takes less than 30-40 minutes, and I have to switch sides frequently. If we have another kid and s/he''s as lazy as J, I''m not sure how long I''ll be able to BF... I can''t imagine spending so much time sitting on the couch while having to care for a toddler.
I have some good news re: J''s tummy aches and sleeping issues. Things are slowly reverting back to the way they were before. I''ve been giving him his meds in the morning instead of evening and I''ve also been giving him infacol (he spits it out most of the time, but I try), and last night he was down at 8:15PM with no tummy aches and minimal fussing!
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
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Sippy cups - Mandy, I gave Daisy one from when she was 6 months. She only just learnt what to do with it....
mainly she just turns it upside down, trys to get the lid off, peers down the little holes, shakes it to watch the water come out and then throws it on the floor!
Instead I''ve always given her water from a glass with us both fighting over who held it.
Instead I''ve always given her water from a glass with us both fighting over who held it.
jas
Brilliant_Rock
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I wish I had better answers to your question, and the time to address this better. (DH has the kids for another 3 minutes). I don''t necessarily feel guilty as much as I feel negatively judged for certain informed choices I made re: feeding my child...is it that I feel sometimes people think it''s stupidity on my part? Or, worse, informed negligence? For me, it was a difficult decision to know I was giving my kids "second best" and not one made lightly.
I think these discussions always bring out a tinge of Mama Judgement and Mama Defense Systems in everyone.
It''s a great question...maybe it''s context of the discussion? Language used? Should we assume most mamas here know that breast is best?
Something to gnaw on, that''s for sure.
janinegirly
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cara: i ditto jas on this one. And yes, the way certain opinions are phrased do nothing but make other moms feel guilty-and as moms, we know firsthand how awful that is. Now sometimes it is just poor phrasing, other times the insinuation comes across loud and clear. I guess I'm from the school of thought that you should assume the mom has made her choices after much research and careful thought, and does not need to be lectured (unless she asks for feedback). Does that mean you have to self-censor, no, but understand you need to tread carefully. Much like daycare--another heated topic that could be made alot simpler if others (moms in most cases) just respected that persons' choices as being most suitable for them. Often people get on their soapbox (not talking about anyone specific here) in an effort to promote their own choices by making others question theirs. This is not cool in my book.
On a more personal level (since I don't want to speak for anyone else) I also just happen to not see the risk of forumula feeding or increased risks. What are those??? Decreased immunity? I don't see a clear cut direct and measurable correlation and certainly not in my experience so far. Obesity? Same. And like I said for every study saying one thing, there's another saying another. Anyway, I don't want to be bombarded with studies and links, this is just my opinion and I think it's perfectly fine to express it.
Regarding marketing you are right that it's tough to ignore. But then "breast is best" is a form of marketing too. Does that mean formula is worst?
On a more personal level (since I don't want to speak for anyone else) I also just happen to not see the risk of forumula feeding or increased risks. What are those??? Decreased immunity? I don't see a clear cut direct and measurable correlation and certainly not in my experience so far. Obesity? Same. And like I said for every study saying one thing, there's another saying another. Anyway, I don't want to be bombarded with studies and links, this is just my opinion and I think it's perfectly fine to express it.
Regarding marketing you are right that it's tough to ignore. But then "breast is best" is a form of marketing too. Does that mean formula is worst?
NovemberBride
Brilliant_Rock
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These posts on BF vs. FF are so timely for me. I intended to EBF for a year and I really did not want to supplement with formula. However, I went back to work at 12 weeks and since then my supply has slowly dropped to the point where pumping 3 times a day at work for 20 min. each was only yielding me 7-10 oz per day, and Olivia was eating 12-15 at daycare each day. Since I can''t really devote more time than that to pumping - I do have to work, which involves attending meetings without flanges stuck to my chest, I decided to supplement with formula. I felt guilty about it, but I knew I needed to do it. FWIW, I tried fenugreek (made both baby and me super-gassy). I looked into Reglan, but that stuff has some nasty side effects (and that''s coming from someone who worked for the pharmaceutical industry and is generally pro-pharmaceuticals). My guilt was made worse by the fact that Olivia has a milk protein allergy and developed a terrible rash and projectile vomited up every bottle of formula. We have now solved that problem by using a hypoallergenic problem, but I do feel guilty because I know she didn''t have the problem with bf''ing.
I''ll admit that I do judge moms who don''t even try to breastfeed for superficial reasons like not wanting their boobs to sag - I do believe breast is best and if you can do it, why wouldn''t you? If you tried and couldn''t or couldn''t keep up it is a different story in my opinion (just my opinion, not saying it is right or wrong). I think it is nearly impossible to be a working mom in the US and EBF for a year. I don''t know anyone who has done it - most women''s supply dwindles with pumping and even if it doesn''t dwindle, pumping is awful and finding the time to do it at work is next to impossible.
I''ll admit that I do judge moms who don''t even try to breastfeed for superficial reasons like not wanting their boobs to sag - I do believe breast is best and if you can do it, why wouldn''t you? If you tried and couldn''t or couldn''t keep up it is a different story in my opinion (just my opinion, not saying it is right or wrong). I think it is nearly impossible to be a working mom in the US and EBF for a year. I don''t know anyone who has done it - most women''s supply dwindles with pumping and even if it doesn''t dwindle, pumping is awful and finding the time to do it at work is next to impossible.
TravelingGal
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I have no problem with saying there are "risks" when using formula. Sure there are, but they aren''t big ones, or the chances (like contamination) are slim. I don''t think formula feeding is "risky BEHAVIOR" and that''s the wording that I think is setting some off.
I have an issue with saying that we can''t say "formula feeding is fine" because I think it is.
I have no issue with anyone saying BM is better. I have no issue with anyone glowing about the benefits of BFing, because there are many.
My comment that formula feeding is fine meant that for whatever reason, if you choose not to BF, your kid will (most likely, if we want to talk "risks" here) be fine. I don''t think formula only has a "place". I think it is an acceptable alternative should mothers choose to do so at any stage in the game.
I have an issue with saying that we can''t say "formula feeding is fine" because I think it is.
I have no issue with anyone saying BM is better. I have no issue with anyone glowing about the benefits of BFing, because there are many.
My comment that formula feeding is fine meant that for whatever reason, if you choose not to BF, your kid will (most likely, if we want to talk "risks" here) be fine. I don''t think formula only has a "place". I think it is an acceptable alternative should mothers choose to do so at any stage in the game.
vizsla
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hahahah fiery.... no, i won't tell your uterus anything because mine does the same thing
mandy - i don't know why your little post to me made me cry but it did. i'm by no means doing anything special (hello twins!!
) .. there is nothing super about not sleeping
i do find myself getting a little overwhelmed more days than not. work is crazy, c is getting to be so enjoyable and i still feel guilty about not being around during the day - and haven't found anything yet that gives me a better work/life balance
i just hope that all of the sacrifice now will help pave the way for a better future. it's so hard to think that way when *immediately* it seems like i'm doing the wrong thing...
which brings me to the whole guilt thing... for me, that is the bottom line - guilt. guilt that i'm not doing right by my child by giving him formula. i hate that. i remember during our first apt at the pedi she asked how BF was going - to which i broke down in tears because it was going AWFUL. and she said that my job was to enjoy this time with my baby - happy mom = happy baby - which was in direct opposition to everything else i had heard/read/felt. in the end i'm glad i gave it the effort i did - and i do wish more people would at least *try* because ya just never know how it's going to turn out. i also wish there wasn't the shame/guilt/shunning associated with FF.
mandy - i don't know why your little post to me made me cry but it did. i'm by no means doing anything special (hello twins!!
which brings me to the whole guilt thing... for me, that is the bottom line - guilt. guilt that i'm not doing right by my child by giving him formula. i hate that. i remember during our first apt at the pedi she asked how BF was going - to which i broke down in tears because it was going AWFUL. and she said that my job was to enjoy this time with my baby - happy mom = happy baby - which was in direct opposition to everything else i had heard/read/felt. in the end i'm glad i gave it the effort i did - and i do wish more people would at least *try* because ya just never know how it's going to turn out. i also wish there wasn't the shame/guilt/shunning associated with FF.
KimberlyH
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Swaddling: Anyone have any great tips or must have blankets? I hate the Aden and Anais blankets for this purpose, I find them useless. I swaddled the girl 11 times in a row the other night before I finally got the wiggly worm to stay put. We live in So Cal w/ no air conditioning and I''m a bit concerned that summer is coming and the only blankets I have that work are thermal, meaning it''s going to be too hot for them soon.
Breastfeeding: First, I envy anyone who thinks 40 minutes is a long time to feed, and I''m a bit confused, according to every nurse and lactation consultant I''ve spoken to that is totally normal timeframe for younger babies. My girl eats for at least an hour at a time, with one extra long feed (one and a half hours) before bed. John calls it my new full time job.
Second, I knew it would be tough, and I can totally understand why someone would make the decision that it isn''t working for them and their family -- there have certainly been nights when I''ve been up for way too long and wondered how much easier and faster feeding her would be if we were using formula. The idea that they are putting their baby at risk is a bit extremist. They may be more likely to have allergies or get sick, but kids get sick and kids have allergies, such is life. It''s not like deciding to breastfeed is comparable to driving around in a car with a baby on your lap, to me that''s a true risk.
Mandy, hooray for sleep!
Steph, I''m not comfortable posting pictures of her, unfortunately. I''d love to share but it makes me a bit nervous. There is one in the pregnancy thread.
*****
We''re going on our first car trip tomorrow to visit family. My grandma is turning 90 on Saturday and is finally going to meet Jane. She has Alzheinmer''s, I''m hoping she''s having a good enough day to be coherent and aware of what is going on. We''re staying in a hotel and I''m trying to pack. I keep reminding myself there are stores where we''re going, it''s no big deal if I forget something!
Breastfeeding: First, I envy anyone who thinks 40 minutes is a long time to feed, and I''m a bit confused, according to every nurse and lactation consultant I''ve spoken to that is totally normal timeframe for younger babies. My girl eats for at least an hour at a time, with one extra long feed (one and a half hours) before bed. John calls it my new full time job.
Second, I knew it would be tough, and I can totally understand why someone would make the decision that it isn''t working for them and their family -- there have certainly been nights when I''ve been up for way too long and wondered how much easier and faster feeding her would be if we were using formula. The idea that they are putting their baby at risk is a bit extremist. They may be more likely to have allergies or get sick, but kids get sick and kids have allergies, such is life. It''s not like deciding to breastfeed is comparable to driving around in a car with a baby on your lap, to me that''s a true risk.
Mandy, hooray for sleep!
Steph, I''m not comfortable posting pictures of her, unfortunately. I''d love to share but it makes me a bit nervous. There is one in the pregnancy thread.
*****
We''re going on our first car trip tomorrow to visit family. My grandma is turning 90 on Saturday and is finally going to meet Jane. She has Alzheinmer''s, I''m hoping she''s having a good enough day to be coherent and aware of what is going on. We''re staying in a hotel and I''m trying to pack. I keep reminding myself there are stores where we''re going, it''s no big deal if I forget something!
steph72276
Ideal_Rock
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Yeah, I will admit that I stopped nursing completely about a week ago and didn''t say anything about it here to avoid feeling judged for not trying hard enough, but I try not to get too worked up about what others think because when it comes down to it, it''s my job to be a good mother, and that I am. In fact, after spending months nursing for an hour, then listening to him scream for more while I supplement with a bottle, then starting the process over in an hour, I realized I was completely stressed out with nursing. I pumped, but could only get .5oz at a time, which meant that I had to pump EIGHT TIMES PER DAY TO GET ONE BOTTLE! So that coupled with the fact that I couldn''t spend hardly any time with my 5 year old and found myself putting him in front of the tv or him coloring alone since I had to really focus on nursing and getting E to stay awake and eating, just really took a toll on me. I felt like a bad mom for not being able to spend the time I needed to with my older son, but felt like a bad mom for "giving up" on BF. However, I can say I am 100% happier since I''ve gone exclusively to ff and that in turn makes our entire household happier. E has started sleeping through the night for 10-11 hours, and I''ve got more time to focus on my other son as well as the baby and my husband. Like Jas said, I of course am educated enough to know that BF is the best, but I did what I had to do to keep my sanity and continue to be a good mother.
Mandarine
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Viz You know....while I wouldn't be able to go on so little sleep...and to still have a sense of humor...I just REALLY feel for you because I completely get what you mean. You are doing what you think is best for Charlie...and I know you know that other methods might get Charlie to sleep more or whatever...but you're not ok with those other methods right now, and that's ok. You just really really feel strongly about those things and that's why I feel for you...because I know you must have some internal battles....to get the strength to continue to do what you think is right vs what other people think 'may do the trick'. I hope you know what I'm saying. So hang in there because all that matters is that YOU and your hubby are behind all the decisions you make...and at the end of the day you still seem to me like a happy mommy and that, to me, is the most important thing we can give to our LOs.
So you're not doing anything wrong!!!. I just wanted to point out (to maybe help you with the guilt part) that maybe you think (like I did) that if you let C cry, he's going to cry for hours and hours. That's why I was comfortable with giving CIO a try...because I told myself I wouldn't let them cry more than 45 minutes (combined...which is probably more like 20 or so minutes each baby since it's never constant).
And please, on the formula thing do not feel guilty for one second. That is just crazy talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You went above and beyond what any mom (including myself) would have done to continue BFing.
Re: sippy cups Thank you!!! I think I'm going to hold off and offer water from my glass if they seem thirsty...
Solids Boys just tried peas and they LOVED them!. I was going to start with avocado or green beans first...but decided to try peas instead, don't ask me why!. I just steamed/pured a baggie of frozen organic peas. They couldn't get enough!
Kim Glad you popped in!! I've got two words for you: Miracle Blanket.
ETA: Steph...exactly. I felt the same way. I was pumping every 3 hours to not even be able to give each baby one full bottle. It really came down to "do I want to be sane, happy, enjoy my babies and stop crying everyday?"....or do I want to continue this because formula is evil?. I chose sanity
So you're not doing anything wrong!!!. I just wanted to point out (to maybe help you with the guilt part) that maybe you think (like I did) that if you let C cry, he's going to cry for hours and hours. That's why I was comfortable with giving CIO a try...because I told myself I wouldn't let them cry more than 45 minutes (combined...which is probably more like 20 or so minutes each baby since it's never constant).
And please, on the formula thing do not feel guilty for one second. That is just crazy talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You went above and beyond what any mom (including myself) would have done to continue BFing.
Re: sippy cups Thank you!!! I think I'm going to hold off and offer water from my glass if they seem thirsty...
Solids Boys just tried peas and they LOVED them!. I was going to start with avocado or green beans first...but decided to try peas instead, don't ask me why!. I just steamed/pured a baggie of frozen organic peas. They couldn't get enough!
Kim Glad you popped in!! I've got two words for you: Miracle Blanket.
ETA: Steph...exactly. I felt the same way. I was pumping every 3 hours to not even be able to give each baby one full bottle. It really came down to "do I want to be sane, happy, enjoy my babies and stop crying everyday?"....or do I want to continue this because formula is evil?. I chose sanity
steph72276
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fieryred33143
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Kim-I''m a huge fan of the swaddleme blankets. Too bad I can''t send you the two I have (in pink of course
) so that you don''t spend money on something that you may not like. Either way, I thought they were loose enough in the bottom area to where she didn''t feel too restricted and could wiggle around but tight enough that she couldn''t get out of until she was much older. I bought the "summer" ones so they''re really great for the summer time but also kept her warm.
As for the bfing, Sophia would nurse for an hour at a time as well. I was lucky if she came off after 45 minutes. But then I went to the LC and found out she was getting all she needed within the first 15 minutes so no more hour nursing for me
As for the bfing, Sophia would nurse for an hour at a time as well. I was lucky if she came off after 45 minutes. But then I went to the LC and found out she was getting all she needed within the first 15 minutes so no more hour nursing for me
E B
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Well stated, cara.
When I say "breast is best," it certainly isn't to make moms who formula feed feel guilty. But if we're coming from an educational standpoint, it's a correct statement. It doesn't, however, mean that formula is "the worst" choice by any means. As I said before, it's a perfectly acceptable alternative.
The 'Breast is Best' campaign is simply meant to inform women of the power of breast milk. It's to get women to want to breastfeed, to TRY to breastfeed, even if it's just to provide your baby with colostrum the first few days of life. It's meant to help women power through some of the more solvable issues- nipple cracking, pain, issues with uneven supply. They're supposed to be a helpful few words.
All kinds of parenting decisions come under scrutiny from one group/side or another, but as long as we know we're doing the best we can for our children, that's what matters. I've had to deal with judgment about certain choices I've made for my son, but I tell myself that I made the best decision I could at the time. We're only human.
KimberlyH- Henry was practically attached to my breast for the first several weeks. When he wasn't, he was sleeping. I remember not being able to do much but read or watch TV because I was being held hostage by a moody little man. My MIL (former LC), Henry's pediatrician (LC) and Henry's nurse (LC) all assured me that as long as his latch was good and he was gaining weight, this was normal. Jane's helping you build one heck of a supply.
When I say "breast is best," it certainly isn't to make moms who formula feed feel guilty. But if we're coming from an educational standpoint, it's a correct statement. It doesn't, however, mean that formula is "the worst" choice by any means. As I said before, it's a perfectly acceptable alternative.
The 'Breast is Best' campaign is simply meant to inform women of the power of breast milk. It's to get women to want to breastfeed, to TRY to breastfeed, even if it's just to provide your baby with colostrum the first few days of life. It's meant to help women power through some of the more solvable issues- nipple cracking, pain, issues with uneven supply. They're supposed to be a helpful few words.
All kinds of parenting decisions come under scrutiny from one group/side or another, but as long as we know we're doing the best we can for our children, that's what matters. I've had to deal with judgment about certain choices I've made for my son, but I tell myself that I made the best decision I could at the time. We're only human.
KimberlyH- Henry was practically attached to my breast for the first several weeks. When he wasn't, he was sleeping. I remember not being able to do much but read or watch TV because I was being held hostage by a moody little man. My MIL (former LC), Henry's pediatrician (LC) and Henry's nurse (LC) all assured me that as long as his latch was good and he was gaining weight, this was normal. Jane's helping you build one heck of a supply.
E B
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fieryred33143
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I don''t think there is anything wrong with saying Breast is Best because Breast IS best. There''s just a really fine line between saying breast is best and implying that if you do anything other than breast, you don''t have your child''s best interest at heart.
I don''t think there''s anything wrong with comparing breast milk to formula and stating the benefits it provides that you just don''t get with formula. No one can argue with these statements.
I also don''t think there''s a problem with stating the factual "negatives" (for lack of a better term) of formula when comparing to breast milk. I think the problem or the feeling of guilt comes in when you start stating other factors of formula such as it can lead to obesity, it can lead to sicker babies, etc.
It''s like ''ok, if I give my kid formula she won''t get the benefit of what breast milk provides but man I''m going to make her fat AND sick too! Well, don''t I suck'' KWIM?
And November-I agree that it''s hard to EBF when you''re working fulltime. It can be done though because I know moms here, in higher positions, who made it work but it is hard.
I don''t think there''s anything wrong with comparing breast milk to formula and stating the benefits it provides that you just don''t get with formula. No one can argue with these statements.
I also don''t think there''s a problem with stating the factual "negatives" (for lack of a better term) of formula when comparing to breast milk. I think the problem or the feeling of guilt comes in when you start stating other factors of formula such as it can lead to obesity, it can lead to sicker babies, etc.
It''s like ''ok, if I give my kid formula she won''t get the benefit of what breast milk provides but man I''m going to make her fat AND sick too! Well, don''t I suck'' KWIM?
And November-I agree that it''s hard to EBF when you''re working fulltime. It can be done though because I know moms here, in higher positions, who made it work but it is hard.
janinegirly
Ideal_Rock
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I'll have a look--I heard it on the radio in the morning (probably a few months back). Same way I heard about this more recent study (which seems to have gotten more press).
Oh and didn't mean to question why "breast is best", just pointing out that marketing can work both ways and how some can take it too far to insinuate the opposite is also true.
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
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And I agree with that. Plus it has a much catchier ring than "breast is better."Date: 4/8/2010 2:34:55 PM
Author: E B
Well stated, cara.
When I say ''breast is best,'' it certainly isn''t to make moms who formula feed feel guilty. But if we''re coming from an educational standpoint, it''s a correct statement. It doesn''t, however, mean that formula is ''the worst'' choice by any means. As I said before, it''s a perfectly acceptable alternative.
The ''Breast is Best'' campaign is simply meant to inform women of the power of breast milk. It''s to get women to want to breastfeed, to TRY to breastfeed, even if it''s just to provide your baby with colostrum the first few days of life. It''s meant to help women power through some of the more solvable issues- nipple cracking, pain, issues with uneven supply. They''re supposed to be a helpful few words.
All kinds of parenting decisions come under scrutiny from one group/side or another, but as long as we know we''re doing the best we can for our children, that''s all that matters. I''ve had to deal with judgment about certain choices I''ve made for my son, but I tell myself that I made the best decision I could at the time. As many of you have said, we''re only human, and we''re doing the best we can.
KimberlyH- Henry was practically attached to my breast for the first several weeks. When he wasn''t, he was sleeping. I remember not being able to do much but read or watch TV because I was being held hostage by a moody little man. My MIL (former LC), Henry''s pediatrician (LC) and Henry''s nurse (LC) all assured me that as long as his latch was good and he was gaining weight, this was normal. Jane''s helping you build one heck of a supply.
I''m probably up in arms over it because while so many here have different parenting styles, I do feel like overall, advice is given because moms understand each other''s pain and want to make things better. If you''re having a tough time with your kid sleeping, people will throw all kinds of opinions at you, and why it worked for them, or why they don''t think something is detrimental. CIO is one of those types of debate. People can feel judged at any time, probably because we moms are hardest on ourselves. But if we were to all stand back, I think most of us could agree that the advice is coming from a place to try to ease your frustration, even if its actually aggravating it!
RPS, I guess I have an issue with what you said because many, many women here have made the often hard decision to go to formula. To come and say that formula feeding is not fine as a choice for economic reasons and because you don''t like having your health premiums go up does not come across has helpful to other moms to ease their frustration. It comes across as a serious agenda.
I applaud you helping many PS moms with BFing, so I am trying to understand where you are coming from. Lord knows I''ve come across as too blunt when I''m only trying to help.
cdt1101
Brilliant_Rock
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Not sure if you really wanted an answer here, but I''ll bite....I CHOSE not to because eventhough I could have really tried and certainly am aware of its benefits, it just wasn''t something I could see myself committing to. I just didn''t see BFing fitting into my lifestyle. If that makes me selfish/stupid/bad mommy/whatever...than so be it. It''s my choice, my son, my decision. And frankly (and this is not directed at you specifically) I''m OVER the mommy guilt thing and people who attempt to play on a mother''s sensitivities to make them feel bad. I *know* I''m a great mom and love my son more than anything (and more than I ever could have imagined). Not BFing doesn''t negate that.
It''s been said so many times here, but still I just don''t get why woman have to be so judgemental towards each other??? I REALLY don''t understand it
cdt1101
Brilliant_Rock
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