PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[Mara]

viz why don''t you try CIO and see? i totally get that it''d be great if someone just said..hey you know what? C will CIO for 30 min and then that will be that. but you don''t know..and you are wondering. so try it. and if it doesn''t work or you can''t take it, then you KNOW at least.

someone else said that they are for CIO but havent really ever had to USE it hard-core...i kind of feel that way too. would i be for CIO if i knew J would cry for hours? probably not. but if he was waking almost every hour and i had to work on top of that? i''d probably have to tough it out AND he''d have to tough it and we''d have to SEE if it worked. because i don''t feel like that would be sustainable for us... in fact i know it wouldn''t. happy mom = happy household... and that equals happier child. i would be such a crap mom if i was sleep deprived so in that case it would not be selfish, it would be that my kid would be happier because *I* would be a better parent to him if i was sleep satisfied. i just know that about myself. it seems to me like you are doing ok with less sleep viz and you are a better person than me for sure just by that one thing. i just know i''d suck.

that said i also think parents know their kids pretty well (and TG yeah re: vomit.... once J was crying and i was like dude just tough it out--you need to nap....and then he finally slept for 40 min and i go get him and we are playing with him and G is like whats that smell. ummm little man pooped and i didn''t know so he was prob crying cuz he hates having a dirty butt and i was like ''SUCK IT UP''. bad mom!! but well, he lived and he was all smiles when he woke up so i figure we didn''t scar him too badly.

) for the most part...i know that when J is just light fussing that i can let him cry and he will fall asleep after about 5 min. but i know when he is full on crying that he will just keep working himself into a tizzy and only pure exhaustion will make him stop so it''s easier on us both if i go in and verbally soothe for a few min and calm him down to take us back to square one. because he does that rarely, it''s ok for me to do that mentally, it''s not taxing on anyone that way. soooo, i think for us, i would only do pure and true CIO if his schedule was making it impossible for any of us to have a ''normal'' schedule aka work and home without exhaustion.

anyway, viz....at this point i would not bother beating yourself up about anything, and don''t let any working mommy guilt in there to eat away at your soul either. i am sure C would be happier if he could sleep better. it''s up to you as the parent to figure out what he wants...and umm yeah our kids can''t talk. that''s why i think parenting is largely experimental. you try something and if it doesn''t work, you move on. you want to make it work so the intent is good...you WILL figure it out, it''s just a matter of when.

i was wondering today while making coffee if maybe C is a bad sleeper because he IS sleep deprived. and i don''t say that to have you go ''omg no he''s not''....but was just thinking well he doesn''t take much in the way of naps. who knows what the daycare schedule is really like for him, i always personally think places can tell you something but you don''t know for sure (unless you sit there watching a webcam all day). and then he is sleeping fitfully at night, is he ever really getting that DEEP sleep he needs? if not then he''s probably not well rested. and that creates a vicious cycle...and it makes it really hard for you, the parent, to help fix it. this is where i personally am no help at all and an expert would totally be better. how do you get him to sleep well enough to become not sleep deprived THEN you can start training?

if the above paragraph is right, then CIO may not even work because he might just scream for hours because he is soooooo overtired. i think i remember sha mentioning something like that previously? or maybe it was someone else. but it''s like a lose-lose.

anyway i am just thinking out loud. but viz, just know that regardless of whether i believe in something different than you might, i think you are a great parent and a wonderful mom. you are just doing the BEST YOU CAN like all of us. and your willingness to keep rehashing this tells us all that you want to make it work...but i think you need better tools than any of US can give you. maybe expand your search for sleep help outside of your local area? even if someone has to drive a few hours to see you or you them, i totally think it would be worth it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/4/2010 3:55:35 PM
Author: vizsla
no i''m looking for advice too and venting.. and being confused about both....

i want to join your happy place! and dang-nabit if 80% of our early trials and tribulations haven''t corrected themselves. C is, like, the happiest baby and full of chatter and charm. he''s super agreeable when we go out and doesn''t care who holds him or what strangers make funny faces at him. he eats it up! and laughs.. boy oh boy how the dude can laugh, and cuddle and make me smile. he lights up the second i walk into a room... it''s a melt your heart moment each and every time!

but i also don''t feel like i can go *anywhere*, and could never ask a baby sitter to do the stuff i do for c to keep him asleep. if they wanted to keep him asleep they would have to hold him the entire time. so, in that way, his sleeping patterns are impacting my day to day life. i can''t put him to sleep and do anything that isn''t a flight of stairs away from him..... i dread going to visit my mom or my sister b/c i know we will be up even more than we are. i dread having anyone watch him so DH and i can go out b/c ... well.... read above

i''m definitely at a cross roads and i''m having a hard time figuring out the right thing to do

I think that''s what so tough about your situation. I would go nuts, and if I''m not happy, that''s not going for anyone, so it''s important that I am a happy mom for the sake of my family!

I will just say I agree with those who say take him to a doc and don''t take no for an answer if they say it''s normal. SOMETHING seems to be waking him up. Something isn''t right. I know you believe he''s not developmentally ready (and I do think there is a big range of "normal") but it seems to me at his age, developmentally he should be going longer than 3 hours? As I said with my friend''s triplet, it''s mind boggling to me how a baby, when fully and deeply and TOTALLY asleep can wake up within 5 minutes of being put down EVERY time. How does that work? What is going on that this is happening? And this kid can cry. For ages. They know because sometimes they have their handsful with the other two. You can''t exactly let a preemie 3 month old triplet CIO on purpose, KWIM? And she''s in a situation where he wakes up the other two. Then the other two are inconsolable for bit, while their little "troublemaking" (her word, not mine) brother is happily asleep being carried on someone''s back. His dad calls him Lex Luthor because he''s so sure he''s conniving (says this in a joking way) and crafty...and knows how to plot to get his way.

I look at him compared to his brothers and something seems...not quite right. He just seems so tortured for a little one. That life, already, has become so exhausting for him. Breaks my heart.

Anyway, I digress. I''m sure there are many docs that would pooh-pooh you and say it''s something you''re doing. But if he didn''t want to go down to sleep, that would be one thing. These constant and pervasive wake ups seem strange. If he gets over all his health sues, that''s when his sleep patterns might change and the only thing you may be able to do is wait it out to see what he''s like after he''s been consistently healthy. Part of troubleshooting is the process of elimination and it seems to me you have to eliminate any physical impediment to sleep first before proceeding.

 

[cara]

OK BTDT moms (or currently living it moms) - what books for reading during pregnancy while reading is still an option? I looked over the sleep thread and it is kind of a blur but I can pick from those, are there any other books folks would recommend? Maybe something on the general baby stuff? DH and I are kind of sciency nerds, but probably not up for reading tombs of development stuff (who is?) if that makes a difference. Thanks!

And Viz, I''ve been reading about your sleep struggles and hope you find a path to more of it for you and C! Whatever you decide to do, don''t beat yourself up about trying to solve a problem for your fam - you are not a bad mom if you try something and it doesn''t solve the problem or you find a better way later... just a human one trying to find her way through!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 5/4/2010 4:17:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/4/2010 3:55:35 PM
Author: vizsla
no i'm looking for advice too and venting.. and being confused about both....

i want to join your happy place! and dang-nabit if 80% of our early trials and tribulations haven't corrected themselves. C is, like, the happiest baby and full of chatter and charm. he's super agreeable when we go out and doesn't care who holds him or what strangers make funny faces at him. he eats it up! and laughs.. boy oh boy how the dude can laugh, and cuddle and make me smile. he lights up the second i walk into a room... it's a melt your heart moment each and every time!

but i also don't feel like i can go *anywhere*, and could never ask a baby sitter to do the stuff i do for c to keep him asleep. if they wanted to keep him asleep they would have to hold him the entire time. so, in that way, his sleeping patterns are impacting my day to day life. i can't put him to sleep and do anything that isn't a flight of stairs away from him..... i dread going to visit my mom or my sister b/c i know we will be up even more than we are. i dread having anyone watch him so DH and i can go out b/c ... well.... read above

i'm definitely at a cross roads and i'm having a hard time figuring out the right thing to do

I think that's what so tough about your situation. I would go nuts, and if I'm not happy, that's not going for anyone, so it's important that I am a happy mom for the sake of my family!

I will just say I agree with those who say take him to a doc and don't take no for an answer if they say it's normal. SOMETHING seems to be waking him up. Something isn't right. I know you believe he's not developmentally ready (and I do think there is a big range of 'normal') but it seems to me at his age, developmentally he should be going longer than 3 hours? As I said with my friend's triplet, it's mind boggling to me how a baby, when fully and deeply and TOTALLY asleep can wake up within 5 minutes of being put down EVERY time. How does that work? What is going on that this is happening? And this kid can cry. For ages. They know because sometimes they have their handsful with the other two. You can't exactly let a preemie 3 month old triplet CIO on purpose, KWIM? And she's in a situation where he wakes up the other two. Then the other two are inconsolable for bit, while their little 'troublemaking' (her word, not mine) brother is happily asleep being carried on someone's back. His dad calls him Lex Luthor because he's so sure he's conniving (says this in a joking way) and crafty...and knows how to plot to get his way.

I look at him compared to his brothers and something seems...not quite right. He just seems so tortured for a little one. That life, already, has become so exhausting for him. Breaks my heart.

Anyway, I digress. I'm sure there are many docs that would pooh-pooh you and say it's something you're doing. But if he didn't want to go down to sleep, that would be one thing. These constant and pervasive wake ups seem strange. If he gets over all his health sues, that's when his sleep patterns might change and the only thing you may be able to do is wait it out to see what he's like after he's been consistently healthy. Part of troubleshooting is the process of elimination and it seems to me you have to eliminate any physical impediment to sleep first before proceeding.

I agree with the suggestion of going to a Dr again. I know that anecdotal stories are not especially helpful, but this one might give you some comfort? Maybe. Anyway - I have a co-worker who had a baby like this. He is about the same age as your LO and woke up every single time he's put down. Her life was a living hell until our GP (we live in the same village, and the man is awesome) sent her to a physiotherapist. Her baby had a trapped nerve, probably from L&D. After one session of physiotherapy, he was much, much better. It didn't solve the problem overnight, because he'd got used to being held, I think. It did make things a lot better though, and after about 4 weeks (I think) he was STTN.

ETA it also helped with his stomach and eating problems, because his diaphragm had been sort of scrunched up, causing him pain.

 

[vizsla]

TG your friend's baby sounds an awful lot like C - he knows the SECOND i lay him down... even if he's been in a 'deep' sleep. i tried tricking him when he was itty bitty by warming up the bassinet with a heating pad before laying him down - no go.

remember when i wrote that C likes to bury his face? in my armpit

a pillow

- he definitely has some sensory thing when it comes to his face.. even now when i lay him down i have to lay my forearm the length of his face so his nose touches the middle of my arm and my hand wraps around his head - a bit like palming a basketball if you want a visual. what's up with that???

BUT i *guess* the fact that he is falling asleep w/out being held is a MARKED improvement over where we were during the deepest darkest days of "colic".

this past weekend we also were dealing with is pea intolerance - yes, my baby is allergic to peas. they made his intestines bleed - which we discovered on saturday thru black flecks in his hunter green poo.

anyhoo, so yeah... it's like it's always something. and the more he continues to be uncomfortable the harder it is going to be to get him past that 45 min cycle hump, KWIM?

very interesting story mrs.mitchell - i have to tell my DH not to be such a worry wart b/c it DOES feel like there is always something wrong with charlie. i oftentimes take comfort in the fact that he IS happy all day long so that makes me think (hopefully) there isn't something else going on - aside from just not sleeping. am i going to be on mystery diagnosis in a few years???

mara - yes, exactly!!! sleep = sleep.. which is why we do just about everything to keep him asleep. which is also why my whole life is focused on sleep. that mantra runs thru my mind everyday when i obsessively call DH after he picks C up to ask him how he slept in daycare.

why is something so wonderful such a struggle??

i have so many ?s for the pedi on friday.. i hope she's ready

ginger - how are you doing?? been thinking about you!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/4/2010 4:18:53 PM
Author: cara
OK BTDT moms (or currently living it moms) - what books for reading during pregnancy while reading is still an option? I looked over the sleep thread and it is kind of a blur but I can pick from those, are there any other books folks would recommend? Maybe something on the general baby stuff? DH and I are kind of sciency nerds, but probably not up for reading tombs of development stuff (who is?) if that makes a difference. Thanks!

Cara, I have some books at home that helped me out. None I could say that I read from cover to cover and used every piece of advice. I just grabbed what I needed from each book. I will look over them tonight and let you know which ones I''ve read.

 

[Sabine]

Viz, hugs. I''m just feeling for you, because I remember how it felt to really second guess every decision, and then the relief to finally make a decision and say to myself "this will work" and then the terror of "but what if it doesn''t work" and the horror of not knowing if it wasn''t working for some outside reason like sickness (for us it was his gas issues and reflux) or if it just wouldn''t work for him, etc. So just hugs.

November, as someone who is pro-CIO, I still hope that every baby whose mom is on this thread does not need it because it was just soooo hard. When Jacks went through a sleep regression due to separation anxiety and he started crying before sleeping again, I definitely lost it a few times and went in to only make it worse/made him cry longer. But this is really what worked for him, and at this point I''m still so grateful that SOMETHING worked even if it wasn''t what I had originally planned on doing.

Cara, I liked books on pregnancy but they were all very similar. And a book for after the baby is born would be good (like what to expect the first years). My mom got me a book called I''m a Mom, Now What, and it was similar and all the resource I really needed. Personally, I honestly wouldn''t read more on specific topics like sleep unless you want to drive yourself crazy. There''s so much conflicting info. out there and so much depends on your baby that you can definitely be overloaded on stuff. And I don''t know if this is allowed or not, but honestly, I frequent thebump.com message boards because there''s soooo much more info out there from moms who are at the EXACT moment you are and going through the same things. This thread is great, but if I need to know something like "my ds just pooped and there were whole carrots in it, is this normal or do I need to call the pedi" I''ll have my answer in seconds (a resounding, yes, totally normal once they are eating finger foods).

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/4/2010 11:00:17 AM
Author: luvinlife
Fiery



I know you hear this all.the.time....but...one more time won''t hurt.


Your Sophia is beautiful

I meant to comment earlier. Thanks so much! That''s a very nice thing to say

 

[Mara]

viz hope tonite is a little easier for you guys. when you said that C is totally happy all day long...well i thought that doesn''t sound like a sleep deprived kid! hehe. so that is awesome at least.

speaking of happy...my baby is sooo happy lately. he is giggling and laughing up a storm. he''s newly TICKLISH which just drives me crazy. and he seems to be totally into his MOMMY now... which i totally admit (and fiery i think of you hehee) that i just love! and

i go back to work in 2 weeks but at least i will be working from home for 2 more weeks after that...but just

that now he is sooo much more fun and i will miss him horribly. anyway enough woe is me.

sabine i love googling random ''this is happening to my kid right now'' phrases, and finding answers on thebump or yahoo or babycenter. the internet truly is awesome.

re: books... the only thing i read ahead of time was HSHHC (1/2 of it) and no cry sleep solution. HSHHC is a lot more scientific whereas NCSS was a super easy read. and i touched on the first few chapters of ''what to expect the first year'' but quite frankly all of it went in one ear and out the other UNTIL i had the kid. then all those phrases and words that i read and digested but really made no sense before hand made perfect sense afterwards. so i would say don''t get too crazy reading ahead of time unless you just want to pass the time and/or familiarize yourself with general/broad ideas. i actually liked reading some of the sleep books ahead of time because i got a general idea of what i would or wouldn''t be interested in and i think it did prepare me a little...but i was interested in sleep training from day one even if some think that it''s too early right away.

so my supply seems to have suffered a bit from our trip so i am working on getting it back up. the time diff was 3 hours behind and so due to some of the events and things that we had to attend for the wedding and the time diff (aka sleep/waking times were diff) i ended up pumping at a diff time than my body was used to and i also pumped SUPER late on 2 days, like 3 hours after i typically did in the middle of the day so i think that told my body ''hey i don''t need the 3pm feed anymore'' because J is getting almost nothing at that feed right now, i can totally tell just by how my bb''s feel and his sucking. SO hopefully i can get that going within the next 3-4 days. and my morning and night pumps are a little less too. anyway i am glad i have a lot of frozen milk so i can supplement with that for now but i do need to get this going again before returning to work so it''s established.

hope everyone else is doing well, it''s so quiet around here lately!! ginger hope you are doing well... and things are better.

rps we still miss you. how is little ben doing?!?! since J and B were born so closely together i always think of him when J hits a milestone.

steph i had to tell you that i got a flat tire on the bumble yesterday. i took it into a bike shop today and had them put a heavy duty tube in and bought one more and we replaced it tonite. so now just the front tire is not a heavy duty but man i had to push the baby, flat tire stroller and 2 bags of groceries home a mile yesterday so i want to try to NOT have any more flat tires lol.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

viz-I am totally not a mom yet (we''re working on it), just a live-in nanny for multiples while I was in school. You''re situation sounds so difficult I thought I would just offer a few things that worked in places where I nannied. Again, just suggestions given with love as it sounds like an impossible situation you are currently in with C.

I would TOTALLY hire a babysitter to hold C while he sleeps You are paying them, let them do the holding--they''ll probably love it as will C and then you can get a break, a dinner and conversation with your busband every once in a while.

Does C like being in a carrier like an ergo or a beco b/c babysitter could also just chill with him in a carrier and let him sleep, perhaps for a longer stretch.

Also, have you tried a night nurse? They are hella expensive, but you would probably feel like a new woman actually getting a full night''s sleep and they could document exactly what Charlie goes through in the night (and respond with feedings, shushings, etc.) Perhaps that would help you come up with a new game plan after jsut a few nights (and get rejuvenated).

Also, have you tried having C sleep in something that is really elevated at night? I know when I have ear trouble I hate laying down and when I nannied one of the twins had some serious respiratory and asthma and ear issues and he often slept better in a more vertical position.

You are wonder woman for doing all you do on like zero sleep. I hope C feels better soon and that somehow you find something that works for your family.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 5/5/2010 12:08:49 AM
Author: Bella_mezzo

I would TOTALLY hire a babysitter to hold C while he sleeps You are paying them, let them do the holding--they''ll probably love it as will C and then you can get a break, a dinner and conversation with your busband every once in a while.

Does C like being in a carrier like an ergo or a beco b/c babysitter could also just chill with him in a carrier and let him sleep, perhaps for a longer stretch.

Also, have you tried a night nurse? They are hella expensive, but you would probably feel like a new woman actually getting a full night''s sleep and they could document exactly what Charlie goes through in the night (and respond with feedings, shushings, etc.) Perhaps that would help you come up with a new game plan after jsut a few nights (and get rejuvenated).

Ditto ditto ditto ditto ditto. Buy yourself a break, you deserve it and they will be getting paid so you don''t need to "feel bad". Win win.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Cara The Baby Whisperer. Read it before baby comes. Helped us train Hunter to go to sleep on his own starting at 4 weeks, helped us get into a routine, and I think those early foundations are a big part of why we have a 14 month old who we just plop into bed and he goes to bed! Never needed to rock him to sleep and all that. It is hard word, but worth it if you have a baby who will let you use the techniques

Take it with a grain of salt and use your own judgements to augment the routine as you see fit, but the EASY routing and pick-up-put-down saved us for those first 3 months.

 

[Sha]

Date: 5/5/2010 2:33:41 AM
Author: dreamer_d
Cara The Baby Whisperer. Read it before baby comes. Helped us train Hunter to go to sleep on his own starting at 4 weeks, helped us get into a routine, and I think those early foundations are a big part of why we have a 14 month old who we just plop into bed and he goes to bed! Never needed to rock him to sleep and all that. It is hard word, but worth it if you have a baby who will let you use the techniques

Take it with a grain of salt and use your own judgements to augment the routine as you see fit, but the EASY routing and pick-up-put-down saved us for those first 3 months.

Can someone give me a brief explanation of the EASY routine? I tried googling it sometime ago but didn''t come up with much. Just curious.

 

[steph72276]

Good morning! It''s 7:45 and both my boys are still in bed! Must be the dreary day we''re having here. I am going to be running around town today getting things ready to ship out to our moms for Mother''s Day (last minute, I know!). And then if it doesn''t rain, I''m going to go for a jog with the babe. I haven''t been since Sun b/c I''ve been a cleaning machine, but I need a break and my body needs a run! Hope everyone has a great day!

CC, I did your method of green foods first, then orange, then fruits with A so I''m sure I''ll do that with E when the time comes. I''m not in a rush, but he sure loves to look at our food and lick his lips like he wants to try it when we''re eating!!

Viz, hope you had a better night. Hugs again!

Fiery, yummmm to mac and cheese. I love it, but can only eat the white kind since I''m allergic to yellow food coloring. Panera has the best!

Mara, oh no to your flat. That must have been quite the workout pushing J for a mile. I will have to to the heavy duty thing if ours goes flat.

Nov, we don''t think you''re a wimp at all! I am one of those parents that would try CIO if I needed to but am glad I haven''t had to do it b/c I totally am a WIMP and would probably not be successful!

Cara, I got the What to expect in the first year. I read a few chapters, but it went on the bookshelf as soon as the baby got here, no time to read! But I''m glad I have it for reference at least. The Baby Whisperer sounds like a good read. I did the EASY method, but never read the book, just skimmed the basic points online.

Sha, basically the EASY method is Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You. It is a cycle that you do with the baby and the you part is where you get some things done. It totally worked well for getting E on a schedule. I didn''t read the book, but I know a lot on here did so they would be able to give you a more in depth summary I''m sure.

Hello to everyone else, I''ve gotta go get A up and ready for school!

 

[vizsla]

morning!
i don't know if you were all sending me good juju last night or what?? but i think something "clicked" in c's brain.

we did our normal night routine starting at 7:30p - and as i was giving him his bottle it dawned on me that i don't have a bumper on his crib and maybe that would help w/ his sensory thingamagig with his face. so i changed C into his pjs , plopped him on the floor and dug around for the old school bumper that came with our bedding set. i know, i know... there is a reason the AAP says 'no bumper' - for the very reason i was putting one on - but i figured since he is mobile he would roll away from the bumper if he *really* couldn't breathe, right? and i'm entering desperate mode.
anyhoodles, i tried to cuddle with him to 'wind him down' but he was so wiggly that i just put him into bed, rolled him on his side near the bumper and left. i was back in the room about 10 mins later to pat his bum and then..... sleep....... at 8:00p - face in the bumper! no tears!

he was up and grumbling at 9:15p - i went in, popped the paci in his mouth (i know...), and then...... sleep........

up again at 10:15 (to eat - 3hrs from last bottle) - DH fed him, and was back in our room at 10:30p, and then...... sleep.......

not up again until 2:15a (count it!! 4 hours!!!) i fed him, burped, back in the crib awake. i stood over him for awhile thinking he would cry at any min, but after 2mins of him just kinda blabbing to himself i decided to go into my room b/c he wasn't crying ... i must have fallen asleep and woke up at 2:45 in a panic b/c i didn't hear C. so i checked on him ...... he was sleeping!!!!!!!

up at 4:00a - DH went in and patted him bum and then immdediately ...... sleep...

up at 5:30a (his 'normal' wake up time) - i went in, plopped the paci back in, and then ..... sleep..... until 6:30a.

writing it out makes me realize he was up much more than i would like (or anyone would like) but it also is a HUGE improvement over the previous night....... fingers, toes and noses crossed that this is a pattern he is only going to improve on.

and for all i know he was up just as much as he was before but we didn't hear him or wake up b/c he wasn't next to us...

thanks everyone who is continuing to follow me along thru all of this. as weird as it sounds... knowing i have support really helps at night when i feel most 'alone'. it's so kooky b/c we've never met, and i can't really explain it.. but i can hear things like - 'he's not really crying so just see if he puts himself to sleep' in my head when i'm fluttering between my room and his room thinking 'what do i do, what do i do, what do i do?'

i also struggle a lot with using my instincts as a mom and using the advice of books, my mom, my friends etc. - does that make sense? a big part of me always thought i would just 'wing it' when it came to parenting. i know the type of child i want to raise. and then i will read something that says i should be doing this or that (some of which i had never even thought of/known of) so i then second guess my first instinct in favor of my new 'knowledge'. does anyone else struggle with this? i'm not at all saying i don't think books, advice etc. are helpful - that's crazy talk! - does anyone else ever feel 'over'knowledged? (<- ha! totally not a real word!)

for example: i was saying something to DH about being overwhelmed with the added pressure of solid foods for c. and we 'should' be doing it this way and we're only doing it 'our' way, but that way doesn't seem like the 'right' way. and he said to me 'what would you be doing if you never read anything about how to feed c solid foods?' i really had to think about it.... i probably would be feeding him every other morning and adding more when i thought he was ready.

it's like i'm totally caught between being the crazy researcher that i am (ahem.... the reason i came to PS in the first place and the person who wants to use their 'instincts' does that make sense? anyone else struggle with this?

 

[fieryred33143]

Viz-that is HUGE improvement!!! Even if he did have some periods where he was awake, just the fact that he didn''t call out to anyone for help in falling back to sleep is HUGE! He''s learning that his crib is an ok place to be. HUGE HUGE HUGE!

You won''t get a finger shake re: the bumpers from me because we have ours for the same exact reason. Sophia likes to put her bottom against it or sometimes she just likes to have a foot or hand on it.

I also think once he fully realizes that his crib is a-ok you will have a better chance of dropping the 2:15 feeding. We had dropped the overnight feeding, replaced it with the butt pat and shushing back to sleep and eventually she slept through that feeding.

Very proud of C

Steph-Hope you have a great day too! You''re much more organized than I am. I haven''t even purchased Mother Day cards! I need to get on that today!

Sha-Yup on what Steph described. We started following it loosely around 6-8 weeks and Sophia is on that schedule now.

Cara-I have Baby Whisperer, Happiest Baby on the Block, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, Breastfeeding Book (by Dr. Sears) and there was another one that escapes my mind now.

I really need to stay off of Etsy.

I have this and this in my cart right now and am looking for hair bows. I need to just click on the red X and walk away

 

[Sha]

Thanks Steph and fiery!

viz - glad that last night was better!

Hopefully, things continue to improve from here!

Solids - I'm also overwhelmed by the thought of introducing solids.

It makes breastfeeding look so easy - just whip out the breast and go! No bottles, no sterilizing, no high-chair, no balancing food groups and colours and tastes..... argh. I wish I could put it for longer. I'm finding it hard to figure out how I'm going to find time for all these new feedings. with time being strapped as it is.

Periods, for Moms who are mostly breastfeeding - when did you get your first postpartum period?

I'm 5 months pp this week and nothing yet, but I guess that's not unusual. I'm breastfeeding about four times a day and a couple times at night. Dalila gets formula when I'm at work.


ETA: fiery, those bows are so pretty!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/5/2010 9:09:57 AM
Author: vizsla

it''s like i''m totally caught between being the crazy researcher that i am (ahem.... the reason i came to PS in the first place and the person who wants to use their ''instincts'' does that make sense? anyone else struggle with this?

I struggled with this mostly when it came to scheduling. We were never on schedules. We slept wherever, whenever. Our parents took us out until late at night and we spent practically every single weekend rain or shine out of the house. I wanted to be the same way. I fought tooth and nail to be the same way. We would take Sophia out of the house at all hours of the night, let her sleep in her car seat, and then pray that she would sleep when we got home. And we accepted invitations everywhere.

To an extent, we are the same way. If there is somewhere we want to go, we still do. But we think long and hard before taking her with us and before accepting invitations. For example, this past Saturday FI''s best friend was hosting a bbq to watch the fight. We both love going there, especially for bbqs but Sophia had an off day, needed to sleep, so I told FI to go ahead and I stood behind so that she could sleep. Weekend before that we turned down an invitation to meet up for drinks with friends and the weekend before that we asked his parents to watch her so that we could watch a movie at a friend''s house because I knew it would be too noisy for her to sleep well.

Sometimes it just helps to take a step back and analyze whether your way is really the best way for baby. 8 out of 10 times (lol my own stat) it is but sometimes it isn''t and there''s nothing wrong with that. Like Mara said yesterday, parenting is experimental.

 

[steph72276]

Viz yay

. Sounds like a HUGE improvement! SO happy you guys had a better night. Maybe it was the sensory thing with the bumper, kind of like a security thing? Whatever it is, I hope it lasts and continues to get better for you. You deserve some rest, mama!

Fiery, I don''t know how you''re resisting those bows, too cute. We would be so poor if I had a girl to dress up in cute clothes and accessories...maybe one of my boys will have me a granddaughter to dress up one of these days (a long, long time from now!)

 

[vizsla]

hahahaha steph! i would be poor if i had a girl too!!! those are TOO CUTE! purchase immediately!

poor c, he''s always in brown, grey, navy or black solids. i wish you could ''accessorize'' boys like you can girls

fiery totally!! my mom would take us everywhere.. i remember falling asleep at her friend''s house all of the time (maybe b/c she was a single mom and she ''had'' to take us if she wanted to do anything?)... but yeah, i always thought that having a kid that could fall asleep anywhere would be awesome! (are you all laughing as much as i am at this?)

when i research i look for the information that supports what i want to do, but inevitably i find information that contradicts the way i think things should go - and then i second guess myself. and i don''t know what is worse. to be stubborn in my beliefs or to try and do too much?

i also wonder if, for whatever reason, c is ''ready'' for his crib now. i can''t explain why last night was different from the 50 times we have tried the crib in the past, but it was. i think TG said it best.. babies are weird.

wanna know something extra fun? i am supposed to go ''home'' this weekend for mother''s day (of which i have not bought a single card/gift for my mom, sister, gma either!) now, the ''wing it'' parent in me would say - "OMG viz, i can''t believe you are even thinking about NOT going - you can''t stay home just because C is learning to sleep in his crib." while the researcher parent in me is saying "OMG viz, you can''t possibly go this weekend - give it a few more weeks before you change things up again."

 

[NovemberBride]

Viz - Yay for a good night! If the bumpers help but you are concerned about C burying his face in them, maybe try the breathable bumper. We have those because Olivia is a wiggle worm and about 5 min after I put her down she has both legs all the way out of the crib. They are ugly, but safe.

Fiery - Ahh, you are such an enabler - those hairbows are too cute. Must. stay. away. from. Etsy. I have gotten some cute hairbows from seller thestripedcherry.

Mara - the flat tire sounds like a nightmare.

We just returned from our vacation on Sunday to Captiva Island, Florida. The resort we stayed at (South Seas Resort) was beautiful and I''d recommend it to anyone - very kid friendly and lots of activities for the older kids and great pool bar for the parents. We had a great time just relaxing and taking Olivia to the pool and beach. She loved the pool, the ocean not so much. Olivia was a dream on the plane, luckily there were extra seats so she slept the whole way there and back in her carseat. Here''s a picture of her hanging by the pool.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

YAY for C!!! That is a huge improvement Viz!

 

[Mara]

re: scheduling...i am a huge believer in consistency. i know a lot of people say ''make the baby revolve around you and your life'' and to SOME extent we do that, but mostly during the day. for me naps are not as important as a bedtime routine and consistency with long periods of sleep. probably because that is what *I* personally find precious to us. i think to some extent it also depends on your child and their temperment. some kids sleep well anywhere and some just won''t.

i also think having a dog showed us just how important routine and consistency is. people always tell us how great our dog is...and i remember saying once to someone who had a kind of high-strung HM dog that we just got lucky with portia. and she said something along the lines of ''oh no i think that it has a lot to do with the parenting and how the ''vibe'' is inside your house. obviously our dog knows our house is made up of crazy people'' kind of thing. and i laughed it off but privately i thought about it and went HMM. i also think it has to do with the dog''s temperment, just like with a kid. not everything works. but i am a huge believer in setting expectations and helping the smaller pack member succeed by being clear in what you want and not sending confusing signals.

viz i am glad last nite was better!! and like fiery said, even if he wasn''t ASLEEP all of the time that you were not in there soothing that is OK because it means he was self-soothing. plus you guys got some precious sleep without hearing his snuffling and random baby ''i''m mostly asleep'' noises to keep you up. hopefully he will just continue to get more comfortable. and you may be onto something with the bumper... it''s funny because while we took the bumper out of J''s crib, we still put him in his little mesh sleep positioner. WHICH he wiggles his way out of by like 1am as he starts his descent into crib spinning 360 degree madness. but i have noticed more than a few times when looking in the monitor if he is kind of restless and moving around that when he stops and relaxes is mostly when his cheek is resting against the positioner (it starts around the bottom of his shoulders and he wiggles down) and i have gone into his room more than a few times to check on him when his face is turned into it and his nose looks a little too close to the positioner....but he also seems to love having something right near his face or resting against it. so because it''s mesh and there is always some space there i usually just leave him alone. but yeah i wonder if it''s kind of similar. when i find him mashed up against the side of the crib he is probably like WHERE''S THAT SOFT CUSHY THING?? and maybe after month 4 i might put it back, we''ll see. he has great head control now anyway, and his yell is crazy loud and strong when he''s PO''d in the middle of the night but i am just worried about him being in such a deep sleep that he wouldn''t notice he can''t breathe...OR somehow turning over since he''s swaddled and not being able to notify us, though based on his head control that seems doubtful. also, based on his wiggling and movements it seems like after about 1am he is cycling pretty well between light and deep sleep which makes sense as i read that the first 5 hours of their sleep is their deepest, and it''s much lighter after that.

re: instincts vs book knowledge...agree that it is very confusing. in some instances i def say go with your gut. but on the flip side, sometimes the knowledge is totally worthwhile. aka what i just wrote above with the bumpers and what you did with putting it in the crib viz. or knowing that the first 5 hours is his deepest sleep..who would know that otherwise? i find offline or online knowledge to be helpful when i am faced with something TOTALLY foreign to me...and i have no idea how to go about it or if it''s ok. but the rest of the time i kind of just go with my gut and what the baby seems to need or want.

oh and speaking of overknowledge...i also find that when it comes to the food and stuff for the kids now. i mean hello i was raised on formula and processed foods. and while 30 years ago it was not necessarily as processed, it was still processed. and i turned out fine and totally healthy. but now it''s like organic this and fresh meals and everyone is making their own food. of course it all makes SENSE to do it this way as we all know fresher is better, but sometimes i think back and am like HMMM.

fiery those bows are so cute. my gf made a ton of bows for her baby girl, she just loves them.

i like buying my friends girl clothes but can i just say i LOVE having a boy? people are like ''oh now you have to try for a girl'' and i am thinking no thanks!! if we had another (not), i''d want another boy. i don''t know why, i just feel like it fits me better. and i love boy clothes.

viz, i know you said you don''t like all those cutesy patterned kid things but sometimes i put something on him that i am not sure about and it''s just so cute. i also think J looks awesome in stripes hehe.

steph, yay for sleep!!

speaking of sleep, J is sleeping fine, but i am the weirdo waking up at like 4:30 or 5am when G''s alarm goes off and not being able to go back to sleep for an hour!!! what the heck. i am just chalking it up to needing more mental stimulation, like i am not super tired at night so by 5am my body is like ''this is boring'' hehee. obviously i need better self-soothing techniques.

i eventually manage to get back to sleep but it''s usually when J decides he''s hungry and lets out a rebel yell. oh and what is up with that? now when he gets up for his 7am bottle it''s to the tune of a few monster screams/yells rather than whining and/or crying. weirdo!

 

[NovemberBride]

Re: scheduling - Pre-baby, I totally thought I was going to have the baby revolve around me. Well, after sitting through a couple of meltdowns at restaurants when we tried to go out past her bedtime, I realized that just doesn''t work, at least for my kid. Olivia thrives on routine - by 8pm you can actually tell that she wants to go to bed and she doesn''t fight us when we put her down. But if we don''t put her down she turns into a mini monster. I am also less strict during the day because Olivia can nap in the stroller or in our arms. If she couldn''t nap anywhere but her crib I might feel differently.

 

[ChinaCat]

VIZ- That sounds WAY BETTER!!

Maybe he''s ready for his crib. Around 6 months is when I implemented my rule that I only go into his room at night if he is full-blown crying/screaming. Most of the time if it''s just whimpering, yelling out in his sleep or whatever he''s not awake and going in will just wake him up. I also give myself a timeline- 5 mins or 10 mins or whatever before I go in to make sure he means it. I learned this accidentally- one night O woke up SCREAMING and I gave him 5 minutes but then my dog HAD to go outside so I had to wait for him to do his business and come back inside before I could go up to O''s room. I was standing there sweating it because O was screaming and I couldn''t get to him fast enough and I was feeling so guility about it and of course by the time my dog came back inside, O was fast asleep. Total time was 10 minutes. So sometimes I let him cry for 10 minutes or so to see if he''ll go back to sleep.

And yes, I often feel conflicted and overwhelmed by all the different "knowledge" out there. That''s why I sometimes say "step away from the books". In the early days I would just cry b/c the books said different things and O did not behave the way the books "said" he "should" and I would feel so lost. It gets easier as they get older. Like with the food thing. I kind of wing it and then I read something that said he can/should have something so I just add it in, better late than never. I don''t care as much b/c I can read O a lot better than when he was younger.

Feeding- I delayed it for awhile, but O clearly wanted food. Once you start it gets easier and it also becomes another activity to do. When I first started, I didn''t do it every day at every meal. Just once a day if I had time.

Viz- I think your instinct about feeding is right on.

Sha- I am almost 9 months PP, BF exclusively for 6-7 months, partially till 8 months and I have yet to see AF.

 

[vizsla]

nov!!! i got married on captiva! about 1/4 mile down the beach from the mucky duck! DH parents have a place on sanibel and we just knew that beach was 'the place' for us. south seas is super duper nice!!! i'm sooo so so so jealous.. i love it there!

cc - exactly! right now babycenter mentioned something about c being able to hold his bottle or drink out of a sippy cup.. and i'm like "whaaaaa?????? sippy cup??" i haven't even thought of introducing a sippy cup. i'm supposed to introduce a sippy cup??? he's supposed to hold his bottle? he's never once reached for it! so in my head i'm thinking... if i never read that would i even be concerned?

i'm still trying to figure out what is the optimal time i can leave C before he goes into full blown hysterics and i HAVE to revert back to the 5 s's to calm him down. for the most part i've found that if i can catch him before he wakes up up he will go back to sleep relatively easily.. but if we wait 15/20 mins he just gets so worked up that he won't go back to sleep... well i guess he would eventually but that would border CIO territory and i'm not ready to cross that bridge.

am i the only one that still doesn't 'know' their baby? i mean i know him and know his mannerisms, but i swear he throws me for a loop every day!

ETA: my AF came back about 6 weeks after i stopped BF/pumping. first one wasn't so bad... this last one... ummmmmmmm yeah...... not going to even get into it......

 

[ChinaCat]

Viz- I totally did the same thing. I was like, sippy cup? I''m supposed to give him WATER? Who knew? Well apparently every other mother. O JUST got a sippy cup at 8.5 months. And he loves it and totally started using it correctly right away. And sometimes he holds his own bottle and sometimes he doesn''t. Whatever. I kind of read that stuff as he CAN meaning he should have the skills to do so but not necessarily the desire. My nanny and I are obsessed with getting him to wave bye bye b/c BabyCenter said he "can".

I don''t really care if he "can" or not but it''s fun to try and get him to do it. I am convinced that he knows but is refusing on principle. He starts to but if we say "O, wave bye bye" and do the motion he clamps his fists and gets a blank look on his face like, you can''t make me. It''s funny. I figure he''ll do it when he''s ready. Or when I''m not watching.

November- Love the picture!!! Is Olivia crawling yet? (forgot how old she is) Just curious if she was mobile on the plane ride. We are taking O on a plane in July and I know he won''t sit still. Kind of dreading it. Any tips?

 

[Sha]

November - love that picture!! How cute! I love her bathing suit and sunglasses too.

 

[Sha]

I just took this quiz on justmommies.com a while ago for fun(it's a slow day at work today).

What is Your Baby's Personality?

I didn't think it would be that accurate, since who really knows at that age, right? And a lot of the questions seemed to be dependent on developmental stages (e.g sleeping habits) as well. I got this:

Your baby personality quiz results are below.....

What can you expect for your baby? She will be very dependable and responsible; the type that likes to make her parents happy. You can expect her to be able to handle stress and pressure well. She will not be the one you have to worry about. She is sensitive, friendly and caring. She doesn't like to stand out or draw attention. She is not likely to take a leadership position. She prefers to be the one that works in the background. In her attempt to be likable, she may cave in to peer pressure in her teens. However, she is not rebellious and cares about making her parents happy as much as she does her friends.


As an adult, she will likely go to college and pursue a stable job. She is not the type that will flip flop around in her career choices. She will pick something she thinks she will do well at and stick with it. Possible careers are laboratory technician, computer programmer, physical therapist, paralegal, or dental hygienist.


...which is pretty close to my own personality! Cool! I'm very calm and sensitive etc, and I love working in the background and HATE being in the spotlight. I'm also a pretty dependable person. I don't know if it's just a fluke or kind of accurate. Does anyone else want to try it and see?

 

[ChinaCat]

Sha- Here''s what I got. The funny thing is when I first did it, I got the same results as you. And that is so NOT my little guy so I re-did it. I think when I used your link, your answers stayed. I had to go to the website myself to do it.

What can you expect for your baby? He will be a very creative person. He is high-spirited and prefers to be on the go. He has a very hot temper so you don''t want to get in his way when he is mad. Even though he loses his cool easily he has a soft heart and doesn''t hold a grudge. His social life is important to him so expect him to spend a lot of time talking on the phone or hanging out with his friends. He is very giving and generous. If you need help he will always be there for you. He likes the feeling he gets from doing good deeds, but even more so the praise and admiration he gets from it. He is great at motivating people. He is a born leader. He prefers to be the one in charge and she is good at it. Yet, he has a hard time taking orders from other people.

He may take on many roles in his life. Don''t expect him to settle on a career path right away. He may go to college for a bit but quickly lose interest to pursue something else. He gets bored easily and does not like the mundane. He loves adventure so he may move several times in his life or even travel overseas. Careers he may choose include photographer, zookeeper, writer, reporter, police detective, or chef.