Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ...

[jillianfl]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

Ah, I'm interested in seeing how this goes. Maybe another poll for the guys to answer what they prefer too?

Haha, but SirGuy, the big day is all about the girl haha It is a catch 22 because it's something as a woman you are going to wear for rest of your life so you want to be totally happy with it so definitely makes sense for woman to pick it out, but at same time, it is nice to be surprised. But I am such a picky person, I would want to pick it out (and I did pick mine out although too quickly and before pricescope !, so I would have hoped that bf (my now husband) would have asked me things that I liked and that way I could let it be known exactly what I wanted- then he could have surprised me by getting me exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't have known it was coming for sure or when

But there was no real proposal just a "do you want to get married" so it was definitely a bummer after the initial excitement of "we're getting married" wore off, because when friends & family asked "oh how did he do it, did he do anything special?" Then I realized oh wait, no he didn't! So better make sure you have a fantastically romantic and memorable proposal because you will never live it down if you don't!!! It's been 6 years and I still bring it up sometimes lol... Maybe to some I sound so b*tchy but seriously, every woman dreams of this day so make it special so it can be remembered as special...

 

[sonyachancs]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

DH's usual motto is "get what you really want," so I oblige him in picking out my own settings!

+1

I knew how this poll would turn out, DF!!!

there is a catch 22 in this question I think - as most of the women on this forum are particular (and possibly obsessive) about the way their jewelry looks (which really explains why we're here).

but as a young chinese female, and one in singapore, I can tell you that most women would prefer their husbands to pick. not just to pick, but to guess accurately at what they want - the most they would go is to hint very strongly (not that many men remember) - it seems to be an overriding attitude that this is more magical and special.

but then again, this region sees a lot of brides that go for the traditional tiffany (whether truly tiffany or not), so it's not so difficult for men

I knew I would need to design my own - he doesn't have bad taste, but I certainly don't think he'd pick what I've ended up with

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I voted for choosing the setting together, but actually, I had already found the setting I wanted and then e-mailed it to my husband to see what he thought. He loved it too, so we went with that. When we had been dating for less than a year, my husband (then boyfriend) got me a claddagh ring since we had a trip to Ireland coming up. It was a very sweet gesture but a very cheap ring. I gently broke it to him that I didn't care for it, and that was the last time he surprised me with a gift.

 

[Lorelei]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I always find it interesting that DF, true to form, always starts these threads then clears off, never to return....

 

[little_birdie]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I love the idea of a surprise, but for a gift this expensive and one that I would be wearing most days for many years on I would definitely want input. We ended up choosing together something we were both happy with.

My jewellery choices are not what most people would choose and my bf realised after the first present he purchased for me (a floating heart necklace) that is lovely but I am not keen on that he cannot choose based on the opinion of the salesgirl/salesman as to what 'every girl loves'.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I always find it interesting that DF, true to form, always starts these threads then clears off, never to return....

IMO ...always let the gf choose her own setting b/c too many things can go wrong and if he is going with a custom ring, it can also be a very costly mistake at the end. The worse part of all is that she hates the ring but holds her feeling inside b/c she does not wanna hurt his feeling.

 

[Astheros]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

how do i bring this up to my soon to be fiancee? i think she really wants the surprise factor though we have gone to look at diamonds togethers at zales and such. i have been looking for a great center stone for weeks....i guess id want her to pick the setting to make sure she likes it..

maybe i am too set on the idea of it being a romantic surprise.

 

[Lorelei]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I always find it interesting that DF, true to form, always starts these threads then clears off, never to return....

IMO ...always let the gf choose her own setting b/c too many things can go wrong and if he is going with a custom ring, it can also be a very costly mistake at the end. The worse part of all is that she hates the ring but holds her feeling inside b/c she does not wanna hurt his feeling.

My American BF speaks truth!

 

[missy]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

how do i bring this up to my soon to be fiancee? i think she really wants the surprise factor though we have gone to look at diamonds togethers at zales and such. i have been looking for a great center stone for weeks....i guess id want her to pick the setting to make sure she likes it..

maybe i am too set on the idea of it being a romantic surprise.

Can you propose with another piece of jewelry perhaps and still keep the proposal a surprise that way and after she accepts you both can go ring shopping together...that's what I would choose if I was in that situation now. I was very happy my dh's proposal was a surprise and I wouldn't have wanted him to spoil the surprise by asking for my ring input beforehand. But it would have been great if he proposed with another type of ring or different piece of jewelry and then we could have done the ring shopping after the proposal.

Good luck!

 

[cflutist]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

My hubby-to-be proposed without a ring knowing that I would be extremely picky having my Gemologist (GIA) background.

So what I did was to switch my 2.05 D-VS2 RHR to my left as a temporary e-ring until we got the pear.

Being surprised is nice but my hubby is also very practical (well except when he said to buy the Tiffany Fancy Yellow while on vacation when I knew I could get a similar stone online for a third of the cost).

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

how do i bring this up to my soon to be fiancee? i think she really wants the surprise factor though we have gone to look at diamonds togethers at zales and such. i have been looking for a great center stone for weeks....i guess id want her to pick the setting to make sure she likes it..

maybe i am too set on the idea of it being a romantic surprise.

Look but don't buy at Zales..

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I always find it interesting that DF, true to form, always starts these threads then clears off, never to return....

IMO ...always let the gf choose her own setting b/c too many things can go wrong and if he is going with a custom ring, it can also be a very costly mistake at the end. The worse part of all is that she hates the ring but holds her feeling inside b/c she does not wanna hurt his feeling.

My American BF speaks truth!

Yup, too many things can go wrong, wrong shape, wrong color, wrong clarity, wrong ring style, wrong size, wrong metal color.

 

[TC1987]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I always find it interesting that DF, true to form, always starts these threads then clears off, never to return....

Get him one of these:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/151116820/engraved-wooden-spoon-gag-gift-greatest

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

Guess what I got Kenny for Christmas last year?...

 

[crr243]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I'll answer for my gf...

She wants it to be a complete surprise as she thinks shopping together will ruin the magic of it. She said she'd go to a jewelry store with me but would not give any opinions. So, I've had to make a decision based on casual information phishing conversations and some discussion with her parents.

I'm terrible at finalizing a decision, but I pride myself on choosing gifts that perfectly reflect what the person wants. I guess she trusts that I'll do the same thing here.

I would think you would be on dangerous ground on this one. She does not want to give an opinion? OK, you buy the ring and she hates it, now what? I guess you could tell her it was all her fault for not giving an opinion, that would be a great start to an engagement - not!

This:

I think it's worth considering that some women really don't know much, or anything meaningful, about diamonds or engagement rings. Many of the lovely ladies here express strong opinions about absolutely wanting to be part of the selection process. But I wonder if that's because they're already fans of this stuff and already have strong feelings about it.

There are some women who really don't have a clue. In those cases, I'm sure they're a lot more comfortable letting the fellow do the research and selection. So the poll here may be a little biased because women on this site usually are interested in learning about engagement rings already!

Some gals just quip, "As long as it's sparkly, I'm happy."

but...

Personally, I can't imagine the stress of thinking I didn't have a say in the matter -- then again, if the FH was totally okay with upgrades, then I guess it would be fine... as long as he knew the "upgrade" may be within the first week after he proposed.

That's exactly her situation. As long as it's sparkly!

I did manage to get some very key information out of her by people watching and phishing (3-stone, plat/white gold, etc), but I had to make judgment calls on other things (overall style, diamond shape, size).

 

[msop04]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

OP, why don't you choose a PS-trusted vendor that has a 30 day (or longer) return/exchange policy and propose to her with a diamond you think she'd like. If you don't already know which shape she'd like, get a round and have it set in a classic solitaire that is relatively inexpensive. After you propose, tell her that she can exchange the stone and/or setting to whatever budget you have in mind. Best of both worlds.

 

[jillianfl]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

OP, why don't you choose a PS-trusted vendor that has a 30 day (or longer) return/exchange policy and propose to her with a diamond you think she'd like. If you don't already know which shape she'd like, get a round and have it set in a classic solitaire that is relatively inexpensive. After you propose, tell her that she can exchange the stone and/or setting to whatever budget you have in mind. Best of both worlds.

I like this idea, except, IMO I would say buy the stone but propose with the stone only, then you have the actual diamond (which could be exchanged if it is the wrong shape) because if she is not a solitaire person, she might not change it and not want to offend once it is set, plus it will cost more $$ to have it removed from the solitaire setting, and you can't exchange the stone after it's been set right??... My husband said he was planning on just getting me a solitaire and in the end decided to just let me pick it- and WOW am I glad he let me pick b/c I am not into solitaires at all

 

[msop04]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

OP, why don't you choose a PS-trusted vendor that has a 30 day (or longer) return/exchange policy and propose to her with a diamond you think she'd like. If you don't already know which shape she'd like, get a round and have it set in a classic solitaire that is relatively inexpensive. After you propose, tell her that she can exchange the stone and/or setting to whatever budget you have in mind. Best of both worlds.

I like this idea, except, IMO I would say buy the stone but propose with the stone only, then you have the actual diamond (which could be exchanged if it is the wrong shape) because if she is not a solitaire person, she might not change it and not want to offend once it is set, plus it will cost more $$ to have it removed from the solitaire setting, and you can't exchange the stone after it's been set right??... My husband said he was planning on just getting me a solitaire and in the end decided to just let me pick it- and WOW am I glad he let me pick b/c I am not into solitaires at all

The stone will need to be set to propose (it would be awkward to get down on one knee with a loose stone, and I wouldn't want to use one of those stone clamps either)... it would be hardly any money to have it reset. A simple white gold 4 prong would work nicely. I would make it very clear to her that the setting is only temporary/not meant to be kept and that she will choose one that she likes -- that way, if she truly wants a solitaire, she could pick a nicer/sturdier one. And, yes, you can absolutely exchange a stone after it's been set.

Like you, jillianfl, my husband would have gotten me a solitaire if he didn't know I was so dang picky!

 

[jillianfl]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

Learn something new everyday I did not know that it could be exchanged after setting good to know! Then yeah I'm with you! I can tell by your gorgeous halo ring you are a halo lover, too!! Love your ring!! I only usually go for halos myself If it's like 3+ carats I could maybe do solitaire, but I just love the extra sparkle, style, and presence of halos no matter what the size!

 

[minidancer]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

DF picked out the setting AND diamond. I am VERY picky, but DF has great taste. I loved what he picked!! He has bought me jewelry over the years and I can honestly say I liked them all.

I also gave him some very specific guidelines* and we looked at rings together. I am a sentimental person, and don't believe I'll want an upgrade. But I can admit it would be awful if I hated what he chose

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

DF picked out the setting AND diamond. I am VERY picky, but DF has great taste. I loved what he picked!! He has bought me jewelry over the years and I can honestly say I liked them all.

I also gave him some very specific guidelines* and we looked at rings together. I am a sentimental person, and don't believe I'll want an upgrade. But I can admit it would be awful if I hated what he chose

Thanks honey!...

 

[vedder50]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

As a guy, I'd like to offer a different opinion than the consensus thus far. Clearly, any female who has joined this forum is much more into diamonds and settings than the average girl. They have obviously invested time into figuring out what exactly they like and don't like.

I had tried to subtly feel out my gf when walking by a jewellery store, and got NOTHING for feedback. What I got out of it was that she cared more about the surprise and wearing something that I had picked out.

With that said, I have bought her jewellery before and she has almost always liked it (I know because she wears most of it a lot).

However, I have yet to propose, so who knows...hahaha!

My advice would be:

1. If she's liked the jewellery you've bought her before....and
2. You've tried to get some hints from her without getting anywhere....then

She probably values your thought in picking out what you think she'll like.

 

[Agnasia]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

I vote surprise! I love the romance and magic of not knowing about either the ring or proposal and hubby felt strongly about proposing with the ring.

I think in the UK most men will buy the ring themselves but some do go and choose together after the proposal. I do think though that you can get swept up in the occasion of it so it's important to have some idea of what she likes, you don't want regrets down the line once the excitement has worn off. I have actually just upgraded my diamond but kept the design the same so it is the same ring just with a bigger stone.

I would try and get opinions from her and take them in to account, she may not think she feels strongly about it but sometimes it surprises you how you do have preferences eg I definitely wanted platinum, a round diamond and some diamonds in the shank and I have all those things

 

[minidancer]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

DF picked out the setting AND diamond. I am VERY picky, but DF has great taste. I loved what he picked!! He has bought me jewelry over the years and I can honestly say I liked them all.

I also gave him some very specific guidelines* and we looked at rings together. I am a sentimental person, and don't believe I'll want an upgrade. But I can admit it would be awful if I hated what he chose

Thanks honey!...

OOOOOH I get it. Took me a while. Hi there, DF!!

 

[dragonfly411]

Re: Q for you ladies..would you prefer your bf/DH to pick ..

We designed my setting together and I could not be happier. Originally, I looked at doing it as a bezel setting with mil grain, but SO was skeptical, and I'm glad he was. The stones really stand out in my ring in the prong setting. The setting is very me, and one of a kind. I constantly get compliments.