Stopped wearing the rings- Online Dating?

[Vera W]

I'll spare you my dating advice, but I just wanted to extend my (belated) condolences on the loss of your dear husband. And, of course, best wishes to you for a lifetime of love, light, and happiness!!

Thank you ever so kindly @Autumn in New England My hubby left me with a lifelong legacy of love and laughter and that carries me through. And per our talks about should one of us pass away, I know he is in agreement with my new adventure and probably is pushing who he thinks might fit the bill, over my way. LOL Big Hugs. Love your Avatar, a Horse ride in Autumn, are a few of my favorite things.

 

[Vera W]

Thanks so much to you ALL. My heart and soul have been touched deeply by all your care and kindness. Thank you also to those who either called me or sent a private message.

Just a simple and quick update. The one suiter I have been getting to know since the end of June is coming along well. Just one bit of advice, when you are snooping on your suiter's book on Amazon at 3 AM. Don't mistakenly order it when you meant to "preview" it. How Embarrassing!! LOL I can't wait to see what he says about that.

Have a great evening y'all. The saga continues.

 

[emmy12]

Hello @emmy12 !! Well, you may be younger Emmy12 but you are WISE beyond your years for certain!! I so appreciate how you laid this all out, no doubt many people who read this will garner very good insight from your expressed experiences and advice. Thank you so much. Congratulations on finding you're special SO!! I am too old for Tinder but have heard from several younger folks that it worked very well for them!! Woot Woot.

This is one of my favourite TED talks. I watched several years before getting into online dating. It's a humourous watch (though some may be offended by her "data gathering" technique) but my concept of "fishing with the right bait" was definitely influenced by this talk!

How I hacked online dating

Amy Webb was having no luck with online dating. The dates she liked didn't write her back, and her own profile attracted crickets (and worse). So, as any fan of data would do: she started making a spreadsheet. Hear the story of how she went on to hack her online dating life -- with frustrating...

www.ted.com

 

[RunningwithScissors]

I hope your experiences with online dating are going well Vera. You deserve happiness and we are all rooting for you!

I did online dating for several years in the early 2000's when I was in my late 20's - early 30's. I was divorced. My first marriage was really short-lived and the man was abusive.

After my divorce, I was fine living on my own, and did so for several years before dating. But at that age, I wanted to feel what a real marriage was like. My parents where happily married, and so were my friends and I just wanted to be in a good, happy, loving partnership they all had.

I went on a lot of dates (literally several hundred) through both online dating, speed dating and singles events/charity functions. (Do they still have speed dating? I have no idea! It wasn't my favorite.)

At times it tired me out. Sometimes I liked a guy and he didn't like me back. Sometimes someone like me but I wasn't into him. Sometimes they were just plain WIERD!

If I had any advice it would be this:

1. Don't instantly write someone off if you are not physically attracted to them at the very beginning. Give them a few dates. Often times, you'll grow in attraction to another person as you get to know them and see who they really are. I read somewhere, and believe its true from my own experience, that "women are like ovens, men are like blow torches" meaning that often women's passions heat up more slowly than men's do as we get to know someone. I know that generalization might not be politically correct, but I've seen it happen with all my girlfriends and myself. If a man has good character, and treats you well, what's the harm in giving him a few dates before deciding if you are attracted to him or not? At the very worst, perhaps you'll make a new friend.

2. Don't ignore "red flags" on the personality front no matter how much you are physically attracted to another person or how good they seem on paper (what their job is, etc.)

3. There may be times you feel tired or worn out by dating. That's totally normal and its fine to take a break and come back to it later when and if you feel ready.

4. Guard your heart. Its easy to get excited when you meet someone new and start to fantasize about living happily ever after with them. Don't do it. Yes, be open to the other person, and optimistic, but keep your wits about you and don't start thinking about growing old with them/wedding bells until much further down the road after they've proven themselves worthy. Otherwise, dating will too much of an emotional roller coaster.

5. Be the healthiest and happiest person you can be. Like attracts like. Focus on leading a fulfilling life and let your inner happiness radiate out. Believe in you're own worth and expect to be treated well.

6. Find a few IRL girlfriends who are also dating so you all can share stories and laugh off the weird ones. I swear the only way I stayed sane during my dating years was having a handful of single lady friends I went to dinner with once a month.

Lots of hugs and love to you Vera!

 

[emmy12]

5. Be the healthiest and happiest person you can be. Like attracts like. Focus on leading a fulfilling life and let your inner happiness radiate out.

100%

6. Find a few IRL girlfriends who are also dating so you all can share stories and laugh off the weird ones.

Also this is mandatory

 

[Vera W]

This is one of my favourite TED talks. I watched several years before getting into online dating. It's a humourous watch (though some may be offended by her "data gathering" technique) but my concept of "fishing with the right bait" was definitely influenced by this talk!

How I hacked online dating

Amy Webb was having no luck with online dating. The dates she liked didn't write her back, and her own profile attracted crickets (and worse). So, as any fan of data would do: she started making a spreadsheet. Hear the story of how she went on to hack her online dating life -- with frustrating...

www.ted.com

Thanks so much @emmy12

 

[Vera W]

I hope your experiences with online dating are going well Vera. You deserve happiness and we are all rooting for you!

I did online dating for several years in the early 2000's when I was in my late 20's - early 30's. I was divorced. My first marriage was really short-lived and the man was abusive.

After my divorce, I was fine living on my own, and did so for several years before dating. But at that age, I wanted to feel what a real marriage was like. My parents where happily married, and so were my friends and I just wanted to be in a good, happy, loving partnership they all had.

I went on a lot of dates (literally several hundred) through both online dating, speed dating and singles events/charity functions. (Do they still have speed dating? I have no idea! It wasn't my favorite.)

At times it tired me out. Sometimes I liked a guy and he didn't like me back. Sometimes someone like me but I wasn't into him. Sometimes they were just plain WIERD!

If I had any advice it would be this:

1. Don't instantly write someone off if you are not physically attracted to them at the very beginning. Give them a few dates. Often times, you'll grow in attraction to another person as you get to know them and see who they really are. I read somewhere, and believe its true from my own experience, that "women are like ovens, men are like blow torches" meaning that often women's passions heat up more slowly than men's do as we get to know someone. I know that generalization might not be politically correct, but I've seen it happen with all my girlfriends and myself. If a man has good character, and treats you well, what's the harm in giving him a few dates before deciding if you are attracted to him or not? At the very worst, perhaps you'll make a new friend.

2. Don't ignore "red flags" on the personality front no matter how much you are physically attracted to another person or how good they seem on paper (what their job is, etc.)

3. There may be times you feel tired or worn out by dating. That's totally normal and its fine to take a break and come back to it later when and if you feel ready.

4. Guard your heart. Its easy to get excited when you meet someone new and start to fantasize about living happily ever after with them. Don't do it. Yes, be open to the other person, and optimistic, but keep your wits about you and don't start thinking about growing old with them/wedding bells until much further down the road after they've proven themselves worthy. Otherwise, dating will too much of an emotional roller coaster.

5. Be the healthiest and happiest person you can be. Like attracts like. Focus on leading a fulfilling life and let your inner happiness radiate out. Believe in you're own worth and expect to be treated well.

6. Find a few IRL girlfriends who are also dating so you all can share stories and laugh off the weird ones. I swear the only way I stayed sane during my dating years was having a handful of single lady friends I went to dinner with once a month.

Lots of hugs and love to you Vera!

Ahh, so true and refreshing. Thank you so much @RunningwithScissors I appreciate your sage advice.

 

[Vera W]

Hello One and All,
I wanted to drop in and give you an update on my Online Dating adventure.
I have been enjoying conversing with several potential suitors over the past few weeks.

The initial contact that I “friend zoned” twice has really turned out to be quite the honorable and intriguing man, I am very much getting smitten by him, although he is out of the State of Texas but assures me, he will come for visit when we both agree it is time. We have been conversing, emailing, and texting since Mid-June. Talking on the phone only in the past 3 weeks.

There have been various ones that I naturally delete once I get a sense that they are just playing around or possible Cat Fishers! UGH. Those creeps.

The next runner up who I had really hoped to spend some time with, is a widower here in Houston, his wife passed away 3 years ago. Although he has expressed, he is still angry at God for taking her away, he says it is time to make new friends. We were chatting through the app for a couple of weeks and were just starting to plan our first meet and greet. I was excited as he is 6 feet 4” and the thought of our height difference tickled me as it would make me feel smaller. LOL As if that is possible. Additionally in his youth he looked just like Tormund Giantsbane (Game of Thrones Character) and had that fiery red hair and beard, but alas, in his aging his hair has turned a soft blonde color. Anywho. Just as I had answered him back in agreement to meet for lunch on a Saturday, HE GHOSTED ME!!! Then he CAME BACK 3 weeks later to ask me to go to his HS reunion but he didn’t have a 2nd ticket so he suggested I drive him there, ( he has no license. ) for me to hang around until the reunion party is done and then go hang out in a bar with all his HS buds and then go the nice hotel he booked with a jacuzzi!! He wants an Uber with Benefits sort of thing! I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. He got a polite NO on that invite and I am done with him.

A few more looks from some super youngsters that creeped me out. Delete, Delete, Block, and Delete.

It is interesting and fun that as a paid member you get to see who looks at your profile and how many times they look at you. My first guy has the highest count of 18 times, the next is a 70 year old from Alaska, 11 times, he only looks, no wink and no contact so I just leave him be. If looking at my pictures brings him some sort of joy, so be it.

Random Storytime: Some time ago I was following this lady Deputy as she did some Plus size modeling, well her site disappeared so I went looking for her, low and behold I found a “FansOnly or OnlyFans” I can’t recall the correct title but anywho it is her page where you have to pay to be a member to see her “stuff”. From what little I did see I could tell I didn’t want to pay to see anything she was doing on there. But let the woman make that $$$$$$ however she wants, KUDOS to her. She retired from being a Deputy. After seeing this sort of Fan page, I joked with the girls at work that I was going to start one of those pages and get my feet all dolled up with pedicures and various photoshoots like my feet in smashed grapes or covered with chocolate syrup, something crazy like that. If someone wants to pay me for such a thing, WHY NOT???!! Those girls at work laugh so loud when I tease them about doing that.

You know I JEST people; I am not so bold to do that, but you NEVER KNOW!! Hee Hee,

Back to my last silent admirer, y’all, now hold on to your hats. This guy that has viewed my profile 10 times is named PediLover and claims to think that he picks the best women by the condition of their feet. I DON’T EVEN HAVE A PICTURE OF MY FEET THERE. No winks, no messages, just looks, that is all he does. So just because I do have a Sassy side on occasion, I am going to upload one picture of my feet with my pretty pedicured toes, then we will see what he thinks of that. Maybe I can convert him into my first Feet Fan!!

That is pretty much all I have for now. I will admit that I have felt a renewed confidence in doing this experiment and it is nice to get the right kind of attention from proper suitors. For now, I will just keep chatting and getting to know the various ones that suit my fancy and will definitely continue with Guy #1 in the meanwhile.
The saga continues.......

BTW I did invest in an account with Truthfinders and that really is helpful.
Thanks so much all you lovely Peeps. Big Hugs from Texas!

 

[Gussie]

You rock @Vera W! This post made my night. I am glad you are having fun! You may get a proper gentleman and a side career!

 

[emmy12]

Love the updates! You sound like you're a Pro!

 

[monarch64]

Vera you can make lots of $$$ from feet pics. Lol

I’m worried about the first guy. Trust no one.

 

[Matata]

I wanted to drop in and give you an update on my Online Dating adventure.

I predict, because life always plays by its own set of incomprehensible rules, that you'll meet Mr. Right in an unexpected way -- at the grocery store when you hands reach for the same piece of fruit, at the gas station jockeying for the same fill hose, the plumber who comes to unclog your pipes....

Good luck in your dating adventures and thanks for keeping us posted about your potential suitors.

 

[DAF]

"Uber with benefits" had me rolling. Living vicariously through you. It's three years ago that I ended a 26-year relationship and although I've tried POF and am now on Bumble, I seem to attract scammers. Covid happened, too, so I haven't been out on a date yet.

 

[Patty]

Vera, what an adventure for you! I’m dying at the “Uber With Benefits” story. I mean, come on…after sitting alone in a car for a few hours and then watching him drink and party with people he’s known all his life, at least you’d get a Jacuzzi bath out of it!

 

[Rockdiamond]

Wishing you all the luck and fun in the world Vera!!! You've got such a strong spirit!
I decided to post a real pic of myself ( that's not me in the profile pic)

 

[Rockdiamond]

HEre's a better angle....in my car...



ETA-I'm all for joking around but clearly, people posting false info on profiles is a real life problem for folks...

 

[Mrs_Strizzle]

@Vera W I am totally stealing the "Uber with Benefits " the next time I am hubby's DD

 

[MissGotRocks]

Vera, I love your spice for life! You will find a special person when you least expect it and he won’t be an Uber with Benefits!! Some folks are just so galling! Carry on, dear woman, and all the best to you!! Can’t wait for the next update - lol!!

 

[Vera W]

I predict, because life always plays by its own set of incomprehensible rules, that you'll meet Mr. Right in an unexpected way -- at the grocery store when you hands reach for the same piece of fruit, at the gas station jockeying for the same fill hose, the plumber who comes to unclog your pipes....

Good luck in your dating adventures and thanks for keeping us posted about your potential suitors.

Thank you @Matata from your mouth to God's ear!! This scenario would work just fine for me.

 

[Vera W]

Howdy Y'all. Thank you all again for all of your encouragement and excellent humor. Life is so much better with great humor involved.
@Gussie @emmy12 @monarch64 @Matata @DAF @Patty @Rockdiamond (you so crazy man!!) @Mrs_Strizzle @MissGotRocks

Just a quick update. Sadly PediLover is still gawking at my profile but no reaction to my toes picture. I am SO Heartbroken, NOT!! It is just that my feet look so pretty, how could he DIS me like that!! LOL

I had a brief revisit from a guy (profile name Human)who ghosted me when I asked to see a picture of him with his ID, he said I would never get anyone to do that, but I did and still found out those two yahoos were lying, anywho Mr. Human came back and we chatted a bit and then he wanted to talk on the phone, so I gave him my number and an approximate availability of times to call. He never called but would text me to call him. I had told him I am an old-fashioned gal and would not be making the first call. So after a week of this cat and mouse messaging, I politely bowed out of the conversation and bid him farewell.

Still, the "Mr. Uber with Benefits" guy is trying to get me to meet up even though I keep telling him NO. I am thinking of telling him that I am hanging the "No Vacancy" sign on my heart as I do believe I am deeply smitten by the very first guy whom I will refer to as Dr. K from GA. This man has been deeply pursuing me from the minute I signed up, and continued even when I friend-zoned him twice. We enjoy talking on the phone every few days and he is a very intent listener as he later writes me a funny or sometimes almost passionate (Not in a naughty way) follow-up email and includes great detailed points that we discussed or things that I specifically mentioned. I have never been treated to such a delightfulness of writings and musings. Or that he remembers all the things I say. He knows all my close family members' names and our 5 pets' names as well. WOW. One of his stories was how he was coming to Texas to "protect his woman" from any other potential suitors that I may be conversing with. By the time he wrote that story, last week, I had been done with all the others. So now we are in the process of planning his visit to Texas to see me and spend a couple of days seeing some things around town and probably a drive in the country as well. I am SUPER excited to get this on the calendar and I know I am going to be a nervous wreck during our face-to-face meeting.
Please think good thoughts for me so that we don't figure out that we have no chemistry when we meet. I am really enjoying becoming his friend and he being mine.

The saga continues still.......

 

[mrs-b]

@Vera W -

Eeeeek! Things are hotting up! Can't wait till Dr K makes an appearance! Praying for you that this is something that clicks. oxo

 

[marcy]

Hi Vera, I just remembered to check on your thread. I'm sure busy for a retired lady. Ha Ha.

What unique experiences you've recounted, you should write a book as well. Lots of adventures. You are a beautiful, lovely, caring, witty and wonderful lady so I have no doubt you'll connect with the right person and it will be the luckiest day of their life!

I personally never tried online dating - it wasn't around in my younger days. But I know the hopes and fears from meeting people, blind dates, etc. It is rough and adventurous sometimes. Some things and people, I would just rather forget. I had pretty much given up on finding someone, when out of the blue I met Marty and we just clicked. I believe it's just a matter of time for that to happen to you and everyone.

Wishing you the best in love and life - Always.

Marcy

 

[Vera W]

Hi Vera, I just remembered to check on your thread. I'm sure busy for a retired lady. Ha Ha.

What unique experiences you've recounted, you should write a book as well. Lots of adventures. You are a beautiful, lovely, caring, witty and wonderful lady so I have no doubt you'll connect with the right person and it will be the luckiest day of their life!

I personally never tried online dating - it wasn't around in my younger days. But I know the hopes and fears from meeting people, blind dates, etc. It is rough and adventurous sometimes. Some things and people, I would just rather forget. I had pretty much given up on finding someone, when out of the blue I met Marty and we just clicked. I believe it's just a matter of time for that to happen to you and everyone.

Wishing you the best in love and life - Always.

Marcy

Thanks so much @marcy It truly is a fun and nervous adventure.

 

[Vera W]

@Vera W -

Eeeeek! Things are hotting up! Can't wait till Dr K makes an appearance! Praying for you that this is something that clicks. oxo

Thanks so much @mrs-b I deeply appreciate your prayers and support.

 

[Vera W]

Howdy Y'all!!
Ok, exciting update. Sadly, I had to put Dr. K from GA back into the friendzone, it turns out that he has a lot more health issues that keep preventing him from coming for a visit. I had no doubt he would come but I decided that it was not the right time. We will continue being friends as I still have a soft spot for him. He graciously accepted and agreed with my decision.

However, a man contacted me here in Houston, we will call him Bill. He is 63 and a widower. His wife passed away one year before my husband. He is Canadian but has lived in the US since 2005, has dual citizenship. We chatted through the app for almost two weeks and then switched to phone calls for the past week and a half. His first contact was kind of strange as he just said, "I haven't read Men Are from Mars and Women are from Venus", as I mentioned it in my bio. From then on, we have enjoyed talking. He has not love-bombed me with the "you are so beautiful" like the others, which is fine by me. Although he would say I take good pictures and that he loved my look in this picture or that picture. We got on the phone together yesterday for nearly two hours and went through all the apps compatibility questions to see how we matched up; we were at 90%. Some of those questions were rather awkward too, I mean involving "S-E-X" talk. Blush, blush. Yes, I am 56 years old but my goodness that was out of my norm. LOL Anywho, we are going out for dinner this Saturday. I am so giddy and yes somewhat nervous; we have talked so much on the phone that we will probably just sit and stare at each other since we have gotten through a lot of background. When I asked him what kind of car he drove, he replied "A BBW approved Yukon" It didn't hit me until the next morning that he said BBW (big beautiful woman), so I had to giggle and send him a text and thank him for the giggle and then I said that had he said he drove a Mini Cooper, then I would have had to kick him to the curb. I did a proper background check, and all points checked out. Oh, and he is a Music teacher, plays piano, guitar, and clarinet. I hope he can sing me a song.
I will let you all know how it goes. Think good thoughts!! Thanks in advance.

 

[marcy]

Hi Vera,

Sorry to hear Dr. K has health problems. I wish him well.

Bill sounds intriguing. Have a wonderful time at dinner this weekend. It's great the two of you can easily chat with each. Keep us posted.

Marcy

 

[lovedogs]

I am rooting for you, Vera! You are a truly wonderful person, and I am confident you will meet the right suitor soon.

 

[Ibrakeforpossums]

A musician - how fun! Never-ending topic for conversation. Have fun, stay safe, and keep us posted.

 

[whitewave]

Good luck! I hear Bumble is where it’s at these days. My friend just got engaged to her Bumble match.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Good vibes coming your way for a fabulous dinner date on Saturday! Please let us know how it all goes - excited for you!!