The April LIW small talk thread

[FrekeChild]

Date: 4/5/2009 10:20:10 AM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
Freke I read through your post and I can see where youre coming from. I''m not even a year old here so my perception of the LIW forum is much greener than yours. I wasnt complaining so much about the lack of a completely supportive environment - in fact I stay away from most posts here that involve relationship trauma and ''is he, will he, why wont he'' because most of the time I feel even my honest opinion of the post would go in one ear and out the other. I probably would enjoy the posts more and read through more threads if I knew honest opinions were going to be more along the lines of reality or atleast what I was thinking in my head as a response. Im sure you think of me as one of the young posters and not a large contributor to anything significant but I still appreciate the forum regardless of how much I post or how immature some of my posts may be. I was more annoyed with the things that sammy pointed out for the most part. Sarcastic, snarky posts that have no relation to LIW other than to belittle the term and all the posters here as a whole. Perhaps those posters were doing it simply to get a rise out of us and AGAIN I look green and immature for biting at the bait but its just obnoxious I feel.

I do not have a large number of older adults in my life to go to for advice and I more than welcome comments from women AND men who''ve been there and done that and can say ''hey, are you reading what youre writing here?''. And although the forum may be whiney and superficial at this point compared to what it was a couple years ago I assume that it goes through phases and will eventually come back around to a more laid back place once a few more posters who arent anxious or questioning their engagement appear.

The bottom line is I''m not an 8 year old idiot, I can obviously read, and the sarcasm and mockery arent that hard to pick up on - even in text - especially with smilies attached. Thats obviously the intention of these posts the past month or so and it hurts to see that unprovoked intention surface.

What is up with the assumptions?! I personally haven''t said anything about thinking how "immature" of a poster you are, or an eight year old idiot, and I certainly haven''t said anything about anyone being whiny, or belittling anyone. At least as far as I''ve read and evaluated what I''ve wrote. Have my words been taken in some other manner? I really would like to know.

I don''t know what happened last month, I lurk around here relatively often compared to say, "Family and Home", but I still don''t get everything. So I have no idea what''s going on there. I''ve been around more because of waiting for Gwen''s engagement, but other than that I''ve been sticking to BWW and CS.

The LIW forum seems to be cyclical.

It seems to go:
LIW rule the roost, get defensive when other posters "invade"
Chaos ensues for a while
Balance of reality and hopefulness occurs
Other posters fade out and stop with the reality posts
LIW rule again

So on and so forth.

Now it wasn''t that long since I was where you guys are now. I know that anxiety and I know what it''s like just wanting him to propose already. What sucks is that sometimes the LIW seem to forget that other people have also been there, and even though they aren''t going through it anymore, they may have insight that could prove helpful. Perhaps it''s the way that it''s presented, or perhaps just giving it in general can be offensive to some, but a lot of the time it kind of sucks to post what you think, and then have it thrown in your face. I can give advice all day long about how to do something with cupcakes (and I have) but when someone comes back later, hasn''t taken the advice that took me an hour to type up, or even taken it into consideration, that kind of sucks. Yeah, that''s a less serious situation than the future of a relationship, but it''s still the same kind of situation for the poster giving advice. But you''ve gotta go with the flow I suppose. Anyway, my point there is I think that some people (and this is all over the forum, not just in LIW) will just neglect the advice given, do whatever they were doing/going to do anyway, perhaps sometimes even bash the person giving the advice, and that sets a nasty precedent for that thinking about giving advice some other time. (Been there, done the bashing.)

Now I''m only speaking for myself here, but I don''t type out multiple sentences for my health. I do it hoping that the person I''m *talking* to will at least take one or two points into consideration and think about them.

Having said that I like to goof off and have been known to be snarky on occasion, but often I really am hoping that the person I''m talking to thinks about what I''ve said. It''s hard to keep giving advice to people who reject it all of the time, and only the most stalwart of posters seem to keep plugging away at it. I have to give them credit. But this is often what happens in the LIW board. One LIW gets upset, posts a vent, people from all over post their opinions, but when someone says, "Oh I think he''s an idiot and you''re an idiot for staying with him", now while it may be true, the rest of the LIW and the OP get up in arms and defensive. Which is sometimes warranted, but sometimes it isn''t. Most of the time it''s the brutally honest people who will come out and say these things, and they can put them in less than stellar language, and that REALLY sets people off.

So I can see why it happens. Sometimes the LIW are right. Sometimes the brutally honest poster is right. Sometimes they are both right, and because of phrasing, they can''t see that they are saying the same thing. It''s very tiring to watch sometimes.

I think that the LIW board is the only one that is running at a high level of emotion all of the time. BWW is filled with planners and people bouncing ideas off of each other. Rocky talky is filling with people trying to find the best prices, SMTR has everyone showing off their bling, CS is a bit of both RT and SMTR, etc etc. Sometimes stuff in Family can get more emotional, like when a baby is born, or someone is separating/divorcing/going through other family issues, but nowhere else on PS are emotions running as high as they are in LIW.

I''m going to stop now because I feel like I''m running at the mouth.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/5/2009 12:39:29 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Can I throw in my two cents?

In 99.999999% of situations, the responses that might be viewed as underhanded, or sarcastic, are usually given to posters who have a history of negative behavior on the boards. The throwing of temper tantrums in LIW is what gives us a ''bad name.'' Those temper tantrums are not endearing, cute, mature, or conducive to any sort of real discussion on LIW

FTW.

The only ones complaining about how things are "negative" in this forum now (which I lurk in all the time, but don''t post because, well, I''m married), are the ones that don''t like to hear the truth.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Date: 4/5/2009 4:05:22 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 4/5/2009 10:20:10 AM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
Freke I read through your post and I can see where youre coming from. I'm not even a year old here so my perception of the LIW forum is much greener than yours. I wasnt complaining so much about the lack of a completely supportive environment - in fact I stay away from most posts here that involve relationship trauma and 'is he, will he, why wont he' because most of the time I feel even my honest opinion of the post would go in one ear and out the other. I probably would enjoy the posts more and read through more threads if I knew honest opinions were going to be more along the lines of reality or atleast what I was thinking in my head as a response. Im sure you think of me as one of the young posters and not a large contributor to anything significant but I still appreciate the forum regardless of how much I post or how immature some of my posts may be. I was more annoyed with the things that sammy pointed out for the most part. Sarcastic, snarky posts that have no relation to LIW other than to belittle the term and all the posters here as a whole. Perhaps those posters were doing it simply to get a rise out of us and AGAIN I look green and immature for biting at the bait but its just obnoxious I feel.

I do not have a large number of older adults in my life to go to for advice and I more than welcome comments from women AND men who've been there and done that and can say 'hey, are you reading what youre writing here?'. And although the forum may be whiney and superficial at this point compared to what it was a couple years ago I assume that it goes through phases and will eventually come back around to a more laid back place once a few more posters who arent anxious or questioning their engagement appear.

The bottom line is I'm not an 8 year old idiot, I can obviously read, and the sarcasm and mockery arent that hard to pick up on - even in text - especially with smilies attached. Thats obviously the intention of these posts the past month or so and it hurts to see that unprovoked intention surface.

What is up with the assumptions?! I personally haven't said anything about thinking how 'immature' of a poster you are, or an eight year old idiot, and I certainly haven't said anything about anyone being whiny, or belittling anyone. At least as far as I've read and evaluated what I've wrote. Have my words been taken in some other manner? I really would like to know.

I don't know what happened last month, I lurk around here relatively often compared to say, 'Family and Home', but I still don't get everything. So I have no idea what's going on there. I've been around more because of waiting for Gwen's engagement, but other than that I've been sticking to BWW and CS.

The LIW forum seems to be cyclical.

It seems to go:
LIW rule the roost, get defensive when other posters 'invade'
Chaos ensues for a while
Balance of reality and hopefulness occurs
Other posters fade out and stop with the reality posts
LIW rule again

So on and so forth.

Now it wasn't that long since I was where you guys are now. I know that anxiety and I know what it's like just wanting him to propose already. What sucks is that sometimes the LIW seem to forget that other people have also been there, and even though they aren't going through it anymore, they may have insight that could prove helpful. Perhaps it's the way that it's presented, or perhaps just giving it in general can be offensive to some, but a lot of the time it kind of sucks to post what you think, and then have it thrown in your face. I can give advice all day long about how to do something with cupcakes (and I have) but when someone comes back later, hasn't taken the advice that took me an hour to type up, or even taken it into consideration, that kind of sucks. Yeah, that's a less serious situation than the future of a relationship, but it's still the same kind of situation for the poster giving advice. But you've gotta go with the flow I suppose. Anyway, my point there is I think that some people (and this is all over the forum, not just in LIW) will just neglect the advice given, do whatever they were doing/going to do anyway, perhaps sometimes even bash the person giving the advice, and that sets a nasty precedent for that thinking about giving advice some other time. (Been there, done the bashing.)

Now I'm only speaking for myself here, but I don't type out multiple sentences for my health. I do it hoping that the person I'm *talking* to will at least take one or two points into consideration and think about them.

Having said that I like to goof off and have been known to be snarky on occasion, but often I really am hoping that the person I'm talking to thinks about what I've said. It's hard to keep giving advice to people who reject it all of the time, and only the most stalwart of posters seem to keep plugging away at it. I have to give them credit. But this is often what happens in the LIW board. One LIW gets upset, posts a vent, people from all over post their opinions, but when someone says, 'Oh I think he's an idiot and you're an idiot for staying with him', now while it may be true, the rest of the LIW and the OP get up in arms and defensive. Which is sometimes warranted, but sometimes it isn't. Most of the time it's the brutally honest people who will come out and say these things, and they can put them in less than stellar language, and that REALLY sets people off.

So I can see why it happens. Sometimes the LIW are right. Sometimes the brutally honest poster is right. Sometimes they are both right, and because of phrasing, they can't see that they are saying the same thing. It's very tiring to watch sometimes.

I think that the LIW board is the only one that is running at a high level of emotion all of the time. BWW is filled with planners and people bouncing ideas off of each other. Rocky talky is filling with people trying to find the best prices, SMTR has everyone showing off their bling, CS is a bit of both RT and SMTR, etc etc. Sometimes stuff in Family can get more emotional, like when a baby is born, or someone is separating/divorcing/going through other family issues, but nowhere else on PS are emotions running as high as they are in LIW.

I'm going to stop now because I feel like I'm running at the mouth.

I didnt mean to direct my last paragraph at anything you typed in your first post Freke. I was talking about DFs post made me feel and an experience I had a couple months ago on LIW, but reading over it I see how I didnt make that clear until a few posts later. Sorry. And when I was speaking of the significance of my posts or the immaturity I wasnt doing it to make you feel as if you were calling me either but it point out that compared to what is going on everywhere else on the form my dilemmas may seem immature. I feel like this is getting misconstrued into something it wasnt meant to be at all - I have no problem with the posts or respsonses here. I was just aggravated about DFs post which had nothing to do with LIW or responses to anyones vents or relationship woes and knew that Sammy was aggravated at the end of last month over something similar. I really dont feel like this forum should be filled with a false sense of reality and emotional cushioning for all and thats not the point I was trying to make. I'm sorry that my first respsonse to your post came off the wrong way, you didnt call me immature or whiney in any sense I was just typing out how I felt LIW are generalized. I appreciate the time you took to type both responses and Im sorry that my initial post sparked all of this, it really wasnt my intention.

 

[FrekeChild]

It''s all good! I just got kind of freaked out after people thinking I was being malicious on CF''s thread.

<---is being sensitive

And I just ignore DF''s threads most of the time, unless I can think of some kind of snarky comeback...

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I know, Im realizing now that I'm the only person posting here who hasnt really come across DF to know better when he posts. Someone shouldve warned me!

I guess its my own fault for not straying away from LIW too much to familiarize myself with his shenanigins. You werent being sensitive Freke - my mind thinks more than I can type when I'm getting going and when I go back and read what I wrote in the context you were reading it I completely see how you couldve interpreted it as me directing those comments at you. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[FrekeChild]

It''s all good! No worries!

 

[Lauren8211]

I''ve been working on this F&%#ing medical sociology paper for like 8 hours today. I''m BURNT OUT.

Supposed to be 20 pages and I''m on 12. Slowly but surely. This is what happens when you take an entire semester''s worth of work and try to squeeze it in to one Sunday.

We''re supposed to get something like 8-10 inches of snow tomorrow. What is THAT all about? Stupid Michigan.

 

[musey]

Date: 4/5/2009 7:14:07 PM
Author: SailorsSweet<3
I know, Im realizing now that I''m the only person posting here who hasnt really come across DF to know better when he posts.

Yes, dancingfire''s threads = best to be avoided.

Now you know.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hey I haven''t posted lately either. Best to stay out of everything is my motto

Elle- I AM MAD! I liked walking to class in the sun and riding my bike which IS NOT GOING to happen tomorrow

I had a HUGELY busy weekend- but the sparty''s made it to the finals! WOOT WOOT I feel some major school spirit! It''s so exciting when your team does good. I babysat for people who went to the game and made a HUGE chunk of change watching their 7 week old. Last month I was EXTREMELY stressed because I was going to be late on my rent

and I already made my rent in this past weekend from work at the daycare, and two babysitting jobs.

I have another huge project due tomorrow and then another one Wednesday but then I am done for a couple weeks with big things due but only another month left!

well I hope everyone has a happy Sunday!

 

[Lauren8211]

Smart thinking, ILA!

Yeah, I''m really upset about the snow. I mean, I knew we''d have to get hit one more time as we haven''t had any significant snow since like February, but I was secretly hoping it was over.

Good luck on all of your projects that are due!

GO GREEN!!!!!

 

[misskitty]

That's awesome, ILA! (oops: edited -- I mean, that's awesome that you made big bucks babysitting, not the snow thing)

And even though I bleed scarlet & grey, I'm thrilled that a Big 10 team made it to the finals.

 

[Lauren8211]

Ok. HOLY SHIZ.

The snow outside my house right now is seriously intense. Worst snow I''ve seen this year. In APRIL!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Yeah my cats are watching is from their cat post and they are probably thinking "what the heck is that???" Louie keeps trying to chase it..

crazy cat.

Yeah I am excited for the game!! It''s so funny- my teachers keep e-mailing everyone and saying,"Yes there still is class tomorrow!" but my night class that is from 5-6:50, and the teacher e-mailed us saying there still is class BUT we get out early because she doesn''t want to deal with all the shenanigans that are going to be occurring (most likely) all over East Lansing... and some students have tickets and driving to Detroit.

Anyone seen any movies worth seeing lately? I have been glued to my computer lately working on this massive project but I want some good movies to watch while I''m doing it!

ETA- everyone can blame my BF for the snow if you want- last week we were laying in bed and he said he wishes it was snowy again and I IMMEDIATELY said- take it back take it back you are wishing that on us!??!!? And look what freakin'' happened!!!

 

[somegirl932]

My BF just told me we were expecting snow tomorrow too! (I''m a bit further south)

This is a craaaazy week for me too (tests, quizzes, design reviews, homework, programming assignments, and a project proposal... plus my normal slew of meetings!) but BF has promised me some quality time this weekend because he''s also done with a big project this week.

So, I''m looking forward to Friday!

 

[sammyj]

I totally feel like I''ve been posting to myself for the past couple of weeks...ah whatever. Maybe it''s just time to x the box.

It''s pouring rain here but we''re expecting wet snow today....up to 15 cms!!!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

I appreciate your posts ms.sammy. plus the orange candy is an eye catcher just like frekes blue shoe which I always enjoy. (yes weird designer who loves saturated colors.) I must be the most southern out of everyone here - we're just getting rain.

So my cat killed a baby rabbit a couple days ago and left it by the side fence. Hes not really an outdoor cat- sometimes he sneaks out, I'm just worried that hes going to end up catching something viral or the like if he keeps running out of the house and I definitely have no $$ left for the vet since the other cat has his tail amputated. We dont have any Veterinarians that post around here, huh?

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/6/2009 8:02:15 AM
Author: sammyj
I totally feel like I''ve been posting to myself for the past couple of weeks...ah whatever. Maybe it''s just time to x the box.

It''s pouring rain here but we''re expecting wet snow today....up to 15 cms!!!

You crazy? I read all your posts. The ones I see anyway...

Yesterday was the most beautiful day...100% SPRING! 65 degrees and sunny. I was at Prospect Park in Brooklyn for a memorial--a friend of FI''s family. It was so nice, and not morbid at all. Definitely the way to go out. I''m glad the family had such beautiful weather

Today, it''s raining cats & dogs.

 

[Lauren8211]

I also always read your posts, Sammyj!

I think we got 6 inches last night. Yuck.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/6/2009 8:02:15 AM
Author: sammyj
I totally feel like I''ve been posting to myself for the past couple of weeks...ah whatever. Maybe it''s just time to x the box.

It''s pouring rain here but we''re expecting wet snow today....up to 15 cms!!!

I enjoy your posts sammy!

 

[misskitty]

Date: 4/6/2009 10:04:04 AM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 4/6/2009 8:02:15 AM

Author: sammyj

I totally feel like I''ve been posting to myself for the past couple of weeks...ah whatever. Maybe it''s just time to x the box.


It''s pouring rain here but we''re expecting wet snow today....up to 15 cms!!!

I enjoy your posts sammy!

Me too!

 

[sammyj]

awww man, thanks ladies! I feel like I''m some sort of attention-seeker or looking for people to boost my ego but I''m totally not...I promise! I''ve got plenty of ego to go around (jk

)! I just felt a little invisible for awhile there but thanks for reminding me that I''m not. I think it''s middle child syndrome rearing it''s ugly head again. I''ll stop with the whining....

It''s crazy. Yesterday we went to get ice cream and take a little walk after dinner, and now today and this crappy weather??

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 4/6/2009 11:00:29 AM
Author: sammyj


It''s crazy. Yesterday we went to get ice cream and take a little walk after dinner, and now today and this crappy weather??

That''s how we feel during the winter here. One day it''ll be 80 and we''re in the pool, the next in the 50s. Spring is pretty consistent weather: hot (it was 90 on Friday). But for some reason we''re having crazy weather this week. It goes from 88 (today) to 74 then back up to 80

.

 

[jcarlylew]

hey lovies-
i hope all of you had a good weekend! we had the wedding that i managed to get E all dressed up! he looked so daper ;p
of course he told everone about our pending engagement...except me!it was all very cute. of cousre i had to kill the evening by fracturiing my foot twice AND spraining my ankle, and turing into a total beotch b/c booze and massive pain and i do NOT mix. ut the morning all was forgiven and E was a complete prince and took me to the ER.

so now i am on percocet(sp). blah. at least i get to spend the next few days off .
how was everyone elses weekend!
also i am trying respond to most posts(thank goodness for my phone..i dont know how much tv ican watch!) but if my posts a bit short, blame it on my ankle!

 

[Bia]

Oh no jcarlylew! You poor thing

Well, put your feet up (joke hehe) and enjoy being at home with nothing to do but letting your man wait on your hand and foot! And have an excuse to be on PS as much as you want

Feel better sweets (((hugs)))

 

[jcarlylew]

 

[jcarlylew]

Thank you Bia!

arg! cell phone at the post. what i WAS going to say was that while in the hopsital, totally bawling my brains out (i have no pain tolerance) E was so sweet, and asked what he could do, knowning that there really isnt anything.. but low and behold, i saw a cartier ring ad and told him he could get me that and my ankle would be fixed

it definately lighted the mood.

but, all in all he is being aprince. he even set up a cooler next to the couch for me so i do not have to go far if i get hungry or thirsty

what a sweet

 

[Bia]

LOL! I thought it was totally on purpose and was going to respond with a double

(in ref to your man waiting on you)

hehe...

Feel better babe.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Hey Sammyj- i just wanted to let you know I have read all your posts lately and I do agree with almost everything you said, I just wanted to stay out of the middle of it. I''m kind of glad this thread has lightened up a bit since this weekend!

 

[misskitty]

Oh no, jcarlylew! I hope your ankle heals ASAP!

 

[misskitty]

So, not really a vent, just kind of an update -- the engagement almost certainly isn''t going to happen this year. B called me at lunch to tell me that he had a conference call at work today with some bad news; thankfully he still has a job, but he isn''t going to get any of the bonuses he was supposed to get for last year or this year. Since that''s where the ring fund was coming from, it''s going to take longer.

I''m really just happy he wasn''t laid off, since his industry is suffering pretty hard.