The deadline has come and gone

[Mediterranean]

Date: 4/8/2009 10:58:37 AM
Author: Starset Princess
I agree. I'm tired of the dramatic letdowns, too, but just to be fair he has stated over and over again that he's not pulling me along for even one second. He's the kind of guy that takes two months to buy a tv. He has been giving it a lot of thought. Maybe even considering saying yes, but when it comes right down to it something inside him won't let him make that decision - whether it's fear, gut instinct, or self doubt.

You know what, Starset? YOU ARE NOT A TOUGH DECISION!!!! You are an absolute treasure, and when the blessing that you are appeared unexpectedly from heaven, he treats you like a...a..."decision"

No. Sorry, Mister. But there is no "Consumer Reports" magazine that will give you a star-rating on a future with an incredible woman who was so obviously prepared to make your life 100x better than it ever has been, or will be. It ain't like the 50" plasma, dude. Sorry. It's just not that cut-and-dried. These are the feelings (and future!) of a sensitive, intelligent, WOMAN we're taking about here. Not paint for the den, bro.

With all due respect to the gentleman in question and to your former relationship...he boned it, girl. Big time!!!!

You can do better. You WILL do better. There will be tons of guys who love you, it's just going to be about YOU choosing HIM, not the other way around

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/8/2009 5:53:06 PM
Author: bee*
I''m really sorry Starset. I really thought that it might have been good news. That''s rubbish that he jerked you around. You definitely deserve better. Sending hugs.

I agree. He''s being a toad. DO NOT HELP HIM PAINT ANYTHING, OR EAT ANYTHING... I think that will only make him feel better. If he''s not willing to bend on having children, and your not willing to bend on NOT having children, this is a non-negotiable... and will only drag out the inevitable.

SENDING ALL MY WARMEST HUGS YOUR WAY!

 

[mirre]

Well put Mediterranean!!!!!!

I second this!

 

[Erin]

So, ex-boyfriend's best friend emailed me today and I opened it at work. It took me an hour to read it because I kept tearing up. I never cry at work. OH well, it was sweet...

"Well, I don't know what to say, other than if you guys couldn't come to a compromise, as much as it sucks, you are probably doing the right thing. It is never easy to let go of someone you care about, but in time you will look back on this is realize that you would have never found true personal happiness if you would have stayed together. It sucks because I really liked you two together, but the sad truth is that you are just looking for two different things that you both feel strongly about. I know he is really going to miss you.

But hang in there kiddo, things are going to be just fine with time. I'm sure before you met him you never thought you would find someone that would make you happy, but you did, and you will again. Two of my favorite qualities about you are your positive outlook and your ability to make whomever you are standing next to feel really good about themselves. Don't change being that person. It's what makes you special. Take care."

I didn't even realize I did that. Pretty cool compliment. But it sounds like his interpretation is that we both feel strongly about our positions. I'm doing the right thing.

 

[VRBeauty]

Starset: What a sweet note for E-BF''s friend to send! He''s totally right too, but I guess I don''t need to tell you that. Stick to your guns -- as difficult as it seems right now, you''re going about it the right way and there will come a day when you''ll really appreciate that you ended this relationship with no ambiguity, and left it with no loose ends.

Meanwhile, don''t forget to treat yourself really, really well!

 

[Rock_of_Love]

Wow...talk about validation, or further confirmation, that you did the right thing. Obviously, his best friend even saw that your ex-bf (his bff) would never be able to give you what you want in life.

I know it is hard, but you will get through this! Time really does heal...and so does the next guy.

Hang in there!! Go on a girlie trip, or at least a girls'' night out or somethin''!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Um...is the BFF taken?

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 4/13/2009 11:36:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Um...is the BFF taken?

 

[KimberlyH]

Starset, what a sweet email and wonderful compliments. It sounds like the BF is quite intuitive and I''m glad it''s helped you feel more secure in your decision, as difficult as it has been. Still sending you my best.

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/13/2009 9:46:47 PM
Author: VRBeauty
Starset: What a sweet note for E-BF's friend to send! He's totally right too, but I guess I don't need to tell you that. Stick to your guns -- as difficult as it seems right now, you're going about it the right way and there will come a day when you'll really appreciate that you ended this relationship with no ambiguity, and left it with no loose ends.

Meanwhile, don't forget to treat yourself really, really well!

Ditto.

Sounds like the best friend's understanding was not of one of compromise. Though I don't see where having children is concerned that there really can be a compromise on I want them, or I don't. You can't meet in the middle, and half make and have a baby. I think though difficult, that you should stand firm. But what a friend, and WOW, what a compliment.

HUGE HUGS!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 4/13/2009 8:22:19 PM
Author: Starset Princess
So, ex-boyfriend''s best friend emailed me today and I opened it at work. It took me an hour to read it because I kept tearing up. I never cry at work. OH well, it was sweet...


''Well, I don''t know what to say, other than if you guys couldn''t come to a compromise, as much as it sucks, you are probably doing the right thing. It is never easy to let go of someone you care about, but in time you will look back on this is realize that you would have never found true personal happiness if you would have stayed together. It sucks because I really liked you two together, but the sad truth is that you are just looking for two different things that you both feel strongly about. I know he is really going to miss you.


But hang in there kiddo, things are going to be just fine with time. I''m sure before you met him you never thought you would find someone that would make you happy, but you did, and you will again. Two of my favorite qualities about you are your positive outlook and your ability to make whomever you are standing next to feel really good about themselves. Don''t change being that person. It''s what makes you special. Take care.''


I didn''t even realize I did that. Pretty cool compliment. But it sounds like his interpretation is that we both feel strongly about our positions. I''m doing the right thing.

wow. How sweet!

big hugs girl, and i hope you are doing well.

 

[Erin]

Date: 4/13/2009 11:36:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Um...is the BFF taken?

No, but he''s a jealous guy. Can''t do that type again. Whew!

 

[tlh]

Date: 4/14/2009 11:44:25 AM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 4/13/2009 11:36:14 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Um...is the BFF taken?

No, but he''s a jealous guy. Can''t do that type again. Whew!

Yeah, get you there... but I love the song!

 

[bee*]

What a nice email. That''s so cool of him!

 

[absolut_blonde]

That email was really nice of his friend.

I have to say, you are handling this amazingly well! I seriously admire how strong you are being. I know it can''t be easy but I really do think that you are doing the right thing.

 

[Erin]

Thanks for your supportive comments

You know, I''m not that strong. Sometimes I look at him from across the room and think about a child-less life of money, time, sleep and leisure. But then my phone will ring and I''ll snap out of it. But your encouragement is helping me. Thank you!

 

[blueroses]

You are a gem. Your ex''s friend''s comments are right on the money--you have that ability to do that even for friends on-line you''ve never met. Hang in there and keep us posted.

(((HUGS)))

 

[OUpearlgirl]

How''re ya doing Starset?

 

[vintagelover229]

HUGS! Hang in there hun! I promise it will get better! You''ll find someone with similar goals that will treat you like the princess you are who wants to have kids!

We are here for you! I''ve been following the thread for a while; sorry it took so long for me to post!

 

[blueroses]

How are you, friend??

Thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

 

[partgypsy]

Starset I feel like I have been listening in from the beginning, from your previous relationship and broken engagement through this relationship with this guy, to now this. Gosh your personality does shine through your posts and if I was a single guy I''d date you I mean you are a catch! There is no perfect life for everyone, but for any particular person it is to carve out what you want from life. Kids/no kids is one of those big flow chart decision makers. I also think it is heartbreaking that you were so compatible to someone else in so many areas but not this. But I''m glad that you are taking his decision (it is a decision) seriously and moving on to a course where you are true to yourself. No one knows what the future will hold but the only thing you have in life is to be true to yourself, and not to let other people push it around or water it down. And if you are at all like you are in these posts you are an incredible individual and there is someone out there who will be fantastic for you. The sad thing about breakups is all of the what might- have- beens. But don''t forget the might- have- beens regarding children, remember HE closed off, not due to some accident or nature or any forordained thing, but his decision. So you should take comfort in that.

 

[partgypsy]

Sorry about that; ate the last bit of brownie left, and now munching left over Easter jelly beans