Trade-in Old Engagement Ring towards new Engagement Ring??

[Rhea]

I agree that she should use the old ring toward the new ring if she can.

If they can''t work it out or they decide not to trade in the ring, is he going to be able to handle her wearing whatever she does trade it in for? She''s likely to have larger earrings/pendant/right hand ring than her engagement and I''ve got the impression that size could be a sore point between the couple.

 

[kittybean]

Date: 12/9/2008 12:40:03 PM
Author: decodelighted
I think she should ''sell'' the concept a little differently to her new fella. The ring is her asset. She kept it in the divorce. They are joining assets so, whether he likes it or not the ring will soon in the household asset mix. Wouldn''t it be better if it wasn''t? Trading in the ring is a way of GETTING RID OF THAT BAD MOJO and replacing it with something new & fresh & THEIRS. BOTH of theirs. A symbol of their NEW household & future union.

Selling it outright rather than trading it wouldn''t solve his current ''problem'' with the idea... you''re just taking a much bigger (& silly IMHO) opinion financial hit on it FOR NO GOOD REASON. If they $$ would help finance the new bling how is that any different than the trade in? (Except less $$/value).

DITTO. Trade that old stone in! Out with the old; in with the new!

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think she should sell the ring and use the money to pay for half of whatever he can contribute for a new stone.

I think it is ridiculous in this day and age for the man to not allow the woman to help buy her own ring. I paid for half of mine, and I got to pick it out myself. So he wants to go and buy it and surprise her, sure, go ahead. But don''t think your woman is not independent, she should be able to help pay for it if she wants to. After all, marriage is about being part of a PAIR, not being under your mans thumb. I understand that he feels like he is using the previous husbands money, and I also understand that it feels weird (I can fully admit I''d feel odd about it too). But if he wants to get her some huge rock he needs to be willing to take some help in it.

Even if she lets him buy it all on his own, I think she should still sell the ring. I wouldn''t want to wear it anymore, not when it came with a divorce. Wouldn''t that feel weird? Use it as a down payment on a house

 

[beach]

I think the issue is not really about the diamond but overall insecurity about the past relationship.... It is just being displaced on the diamond when I bet insecurity issues have come up on other issues in the relationship. Just my 2 cents.... A diamond is an asset/commodity and to simply throw it out and take such a large loss is a bad business decision and will not only affect them but their future childrens savings etc... The real issue is insecurity IMO.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/9/2008 10:20:10 AM
Author: cbs102
My fiance was married before so i might be a little sensitive to this subject. I would NEVER use a ring from his past for my ring of the future. when we got engaged we both agreed to leave our past behind us...including material things. i sold my rings that ex boyfriends had given me..and gave away all my tiffacy pieces. we both wanted to enter our marriage with a clean slate. so no, i don't think that she should use her old engagement ring towards her new engagement ring. put the money away for something else.

Hmm, interesting. But how does selling the diamond and buying bedsheets with the money actually help the guy cope with the fact that the previous husband bought her a nicer ring than he did?

Or that the previous marriage has contributed money to his marriage?

I mean, she can sink the money into something boring if she must, but for gawds sake, he (they) should look at that diamond money for what it is, as a general contribution to joint finances, and pull money out of somewhere else to cover the shortfall, depending on what her favoured concept of an engagement ring is (within reason of course), I think.

Rather than just getting a cheap ring/ the cheapest ring possible because he doesn't / can't afford to spend more.
Only a man (well, not a Pricescoper!!) would say that buying a diamond is wasted money. She obviously loves jewellery, otherwise whe would not have bothered upgrading her ring in the first place.

I am speaking from the heart here. As a woman who was talked into buying a $600 AUSTRALIAN engagement ring - which is sweet, but, well here I am on Pricescope, still dreaming - I would say to the woman, think carefully about what you want to do with the money. Is it joint money? Is it your own, to do as you like with? Perhaps she is over extravagent jewellery now. Tastes can change. Pave+huge diamond might seem OTT to her now, and she would prefer something a little less attention-grabbing...?

But I agree that a diamond purchase is a joint purchase, just as I think a car purchase for him is also a joint purchase. Every body's needs have to be considered. Only the very rich can buy themselves (or other people) extravagant gifts without considering the financial impact on the life partner.

 

[AprilBaby]

I would sell the old ring and use the money for something else and have the FF buy a new ring with HIS money to make him happy. She gets a downgrade...but sounds to me like that is more of the problem.

 

[mommy2iz]

what''s wrong with a woman contributing financially to the purchase of her ring? sounds like a possible red flag for other issues in the relationship...IMO a trade-in where he gets rid of bad mojo, she gets a ring she loves, and they both proceed without debt is the best of all worlds. why isn''t his priority her happiness instead vs. salvaging his ego?

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/9/2008 8:40:23 PM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 12/9/2008 10:20:10 AM
Author: cbs102
My fiance was married before so i might be a little sensitive to this subject. I would NEVER use a ring from his past for my ring of the future. when we got engaged we both agreed to leave our past behind us...including material things. i sold my rings that ex boyfriends had given me..and gave away all my tiffacy pieces. we both wanted to enter our marriage with a clean slate. so no, i don''t think that she should use her old engagement ring towards her new engagement ring. put the money away for something else.

Hmm, interesting. But how does selling the diamond and buying bedsheets with the money actually help the guy cope with the fact that the previous husband bought her a nicer ring than he did?

Or that the previous marriage has contributed money to his marriage?

I mean, she can sink the money into something boring if she must, but for gawds sake, he (they) should look at that diamond money for what it is, as a general contribution to joint finances, and pull money out of somewhere else to cover the shortfall, depending on what her favoured concept of an engagement ring is (within reason of course), I think.

Rather than just getting a cheap ring/ the cheapest ring possible because he doesn''t / can''t afford to spend more.
Only a man (well, not a Pricescoper!!) would say that buying a diamond is wasted money. She obviously loves jewellery, otherwise whe would not have bothered upgrading her ring in the first place.

I am speaking from the heart here. As a woman who was talked into buying a $600 AUSTRALIAN engagement ring - which is sweet, but, well here I am on Pricescope, still dreaming - I would say to the woman, think carefully about what you want to do with the money. Is it joint money? Is it your own, to do as you like with? Perhaps she is over extravagent jewellery now. Tastes can change. Pave+huge diamond might seem OTT to her now, and she would prefer something a little less attention-grabbing...?

But I agree that a diamond purchase is a joint purchase, just as I think a car purchase for him is also a joint purchase. Every body''s needs have to be considered. Only the very rich can buy themselves (or other people) extravagant gifts without considering the financial impact on the life partner.

I don''t know if it ever will make it easier to accept...but he has clearly stated that he does not want the money from her engagement ring from another man to help with her new engagement ring from him. bottom line- its what HE wants..he is the one proposing. i don''t think that he is being the selfish one...i think that she is.

 

[VRBeauty]

Rational or not, I suspect that if she uses her old ring in some way to help buy the new one, a part of him will always see that ring as being paid for in part by her former husband. I can see making the case for her contributing towards not more than half of the ring purchase -- but I think part of the point is that he''d like her to wear a ring that is (among other things) a reflection of the life she will be living with her new husband, and their joint financial priorities.

If I were a guy, I wouldn''t want people admiring my wife''s ring in my presence, then whispering behind my back that she has such a nice ring only because her former husband could afford it....

 

[cbs102]

Date: 12/10/2008 3:52:14 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Rational or not, I suspect that if she uses her old ring in some way to help buy the new one, a part of him will always see that ring as being paid for in part by her former husband. I can see making the case for her contributing towards not more than half of the ring purchase -- but I think part of the point is that he''d like her to wear a ring that is (among other things) a reflection of the life she will be living with her new husband, and their joint financial priorities.

If I were a guy, I wouldn''t want people admiring my wife''s ring in my presence, then whispering behind my back that she has such a nice ring only because her former husband could afford it....

exactly what i was wanting to say!

 

[onedrop]

Date: 12/10/2008 3:52:14 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Rational or not, I suspect that if she uses her old ring in some way to help buy the new one, a part of him will always see that ring as being paid for in part by her former husband. I can see making the case for her contributing towards not more than half of the ring purchase -- but I think part of the point is that he''d like her to wear a ring that is (among other things) a reflection of the life she will be living with her new husband, and their joint financial priorities.

If I were a guy, I wouldn''t want people admiring my wife''s ring in my presence, then whispering behind my back that she has such a nice ring only because her former husband could afford it....

This is how I feel as well. I''d been thinking the very same thing and wanted to come back and write it, but VRBeauty beat me to the punch.

 

[Rhea]

What I think I''d do if DH and I couldn''t agree is to ask for an eternity band as as engagement ring from him. Pair it with a plain band for a wedding band. That way it''s an entirely different piece of jewellery. It''s harder to see something totally different as a downgrade. Then I''d take my old ring, trade it in, and get a blingy right hand ring.

The new partner''s wish to not use the old ring is honored, it isn''t a downgrade, and the blingy ring is worn on the right hand. Discussing this for too much longer might really start to hurt their relationship if they are both stuck in.