Wanting but Waiting...

[ilovethiswebsite]

Honest opinions, please?

FSIL's baby shower is this weekend. I am really hoping I can get enthused about this and big a good sister-in-law/aunt-to-be and not be all "but I want a baby, too!" I'm trying! But anyway, FI asked me this morning for help wording the message he wanted to write on her card. He said he wanted to write something about how she's his little sister, so she grew up always watching him do things first (school, driving, college, dating, etc.). And now that they're all grown up, he thinks it's so great watching her be the first to...have a baby, I guess? I told him I thought it was weird/inappropriate to put a focus on the timeline like that, and draw attention to who's having a baby before whom. I suggested instead that he say something about how amazing it is that his baby sister is now having a baby of her own. He didn't like that. I wouldn't say that we argued about it, but he was kind of miffed I didn't like his message.

I'll admit that I am a little sensitive about this. I am a little envious that she is having a baby before we are, before we're even married. I have been really working on it and trying to put these feelings aside and be happy for her, because she absolutely deserves nothing but happiness. But the undeniably human part of me is totally jealous. So it's possible that the way he wanted to word his message just bothered me because it felt like salt in the wound. So. Is his message weird, or is it me?

Unfortunately at the end of the day, it's his sister, and he has the right to write whatever he likes if that's how he feels. Maybe he really is proud she is having a baby first... Are you guys TTCing yet? Sounds like you are still engaged, no? If you aren't ready to have a baby yet, not sure why you would be upset your FSIL is pregnant... One thing I know is that having a baby is a huge step, and many things must be in place before it's a good idea to conceive... Everyone is going to be 'ready' at different points in their lives, so there is no sense in comparing yourself to other people. Having a baby is a huge commitment, and shouldn't be a competition. I can totally understand women who are TTC and are having difficulty, and how that might be hard... But if you haven't even started trying yet it just seems a bit silly to me.

 

[megumic]

Honest opinions, please?

FSIL's baby shower is this weekend. I am really hoping I can get enthused about this and big a good sister-in-law/aunt-to-be and not be all "but I want a baby, too!" I'm trying! But anyway, FI asked me this morning for help wording the message he wanted to write on her card. He said he wanted to write something about how she's his little sister, so she grew up always watching him do things first (school, driving, college, dating, etc.). And now that they're all grown up, he thinks it's so great watching her be the first to...have a baby, I guess? I told him I thought it was weird/inappropriate to put a focus on the timeline like that, and draw attention to who's having a baby before whom. I suggested instead that he say something about how amazing it is that his baby sister is now having a baby of her own. He didn't like that. I wouldn't say that we argued about it, but he was kind of miffed I didn't like his message.

I'll admit that I am a little sensitive about this. I am a little envious that she is having a baby before we are, before we're even married. I have been really working on it and trying to put these feelings aside and be happy for her, because she absolutely deserves nothing but happiness. But the undeniably human part of me is totally jealous. So it's possible that the way he wanted to word his message just bothered me because it felt like salt in the wound. So. Is his message weird, or is it me?

I think his message is totally sweet and not weird at all. That said, I completely understand how you might feel that way. I had a similar scenario happen to me when my brother got both engaged and married right in the middle of my engagement. Do you feel at all like this baby is detracting attention from your wedding? I would certainly feel that way and I DID feel that way when my brother up and married in a flash!

I think it's okay to feel the way you're feeling. And maybe even tell her that. You could simply say, I'm so happy for you to have this baby and I really look forward to having a little cousin for your baby! I would certainly tell your DH the way you're feeling so he can understand and be sensitive to your feelings and that might help make things easier.

As for the shower, I say do your best to be happy for her and be excited that you have so much to look forward to. You get to enjoy your wedding and your future DH, and when the time is right you can TTC. Honestly, there is SO MUCH to look forward to. Be grateful that it's all on the horizon and not behind you!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Honest opinions, please?

FSIL's baby shower is this weekend. I am really hoping I can get enthused about this and big a good sister-in-law/aunt-to-be and not be all "but I want a baby, too!" I'm trying! But anyway, FI asked me this morning for help wording the message he wanted to write on her card. He said he wanted to write something about how she's his little sister, so she grew up always watching him do things first (school, driving, college, dating, etc.). And now that they're all grown up, he thinks it's so great watching her be the first to...have a baby, I guess? I told him I thought it was weird/inappropriate to put a focus on the timeline like that, and draw attention to who's having a baby before whom. I suggested instead that he say something about how amazing it is that his baby sister is now having a baby of her own. He didn't like that. I wouldn't say that we argued about it, but he was kind of miffed I didn't like his message.

I'll admit that I am a little sensitive about this. I am a little envious that she is having a baby before we are, before we're even married. I have been really working on it and trying to put these feelings aside and be happy for her, because she absolutely deserves nothing but happiness. But the undeniably human part of me is totally jealous. So it's possible that the way he wanted to word his message just bothered me because it felt like salt in the wound. So. Is his message weird, or is it me?

I personally like your message suggestion more than what he wanted to write... but c'est la vie. It is his sister, after all, and it sounds like he's going to go ahead with his message. It's fine, but yours seems sweeter and about HER more than about HIM (ie: I did this, this, and this, and now you're doing this.)

FWIW- I understand why you're somewhat upset and perhaps envious of your SIL's pregnancy, even though you aren't actively TTC... Because you're SO looking forward to starting a family with your FI and wish you could do so sooner than later! There's nothing wrong with that, so long as you keep those emotions to yourself (or perhaps share with your FI and us PSers) and don't rain on your SIL's parade. We can't always help our emotions, and we're not perfect creatures who can avoid feelings of jealousy. And I am sure when the new babe is here you will be overjoyed and so excited to be an aunt.

Your turn as a first-time-momma will be here before you know it! And until then, you have a wonderful wedding to look forward to!

 

[blacksand]

ILTW: believe me, I get what you're saying! I know I shouldn't be jealous or upset, there's no question of that. The problem is I have been feeling that way, and trying very hard to stifle it by telling myself exactly what you're telling me. It's not a competition, it's a huge step, everyone is ready at different times, etc. My question was more about FI's message, which put the focus right back on who's having a baby first, even though she's younger, etc. I just thought that was a weird message, but I wasn't sure if my feelings were clouding my judgment.

Anyway, I threw myself into shopping for baby presents as therapy. I think we now have eight presents for the shower this afternoon. Everything was too cute, sorry! FI and I settled on an edited version of his message for the card. I think we're good.

I do feel a little twinge of "this is taking away from our wedding," and I'm almost certain she also feels a twinge of "this wedding is taking away from my pregnancy." But we are both adults and we aren't about to act on those feelings, of course. We're both more interested in building a strong family for her baby (and my future babies, hopefully!) to grow up in. We both think family is so important. I think we both also know that we will get over it and be happy for each other eventually. I know she'll be happy on our wedding day and I definitely know that as soon as my nephew is born, I'm going to love him to PIECES.

Thanks as always for your thoughtful replies!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

ILTW: believe me, I get what you're saying! I know I shouldn't be jealous or upset, there's no question of that. The problem is I have been feeling that way, and trying very hard to stifle it by telling myself exactly what you're telling me. It's not a competition, it's a huge step, everyone is ready at different times, etc. My question was more about FI's message, which put the focus right back on who's having a baby first, even though she's younger, etc. I just thought that was a weird message, but I wasn't sure if my feelings were clouding my judgment.

Anyway, I threw myself into shopping for baby presents as therapy. I think we now have eight presents for the shower this afternoon. Everything was too cute, sorry! FI and I settled on an edited version of his message for the card. I think we're good.

I do feel a little twinge of "this is taking away from our wedding," and I'm almost certain she also feels a twinge of "this wedding is taking away from my pregnancy." But we are both adults and we aren't about to act on those feelings, of course. We're both more interested in building a strong family for her baby (and my future babies, hopefully!) to grow up in. We both think family is so important. I think we both also know that we will get over it and be happy for each other eventually. I know she'll be happy on our wedding day and I definitely know that as soon as my nephew is born, I'm going to love him to PIECES.

Thanks as always for your thoughtful replies!

I get it - feelings are not always rational. They only thing you can do is try to be patient and keep reminding yourself that when the time is right for you, you won't remember these days of feeling jealous anymore... Time passes so quickly - before you know it you will be married and a little one will be on the way!!!!

 

[blacksand]

Thanks! I actually had a lot of fun at the shower. My FMIL asked me to help set out the favors and write down all the gifts for thank you notes, which made me feel kind of special, like I'm really part of the family. Then FSIL called me "Aunt" Blacksand for the first time ever and my heart basically melted. Then when we were leaving we got two totally unexpected engagement presents from future in-laws. We didn't open them until after we left the party, of course, because we didn't want to take away fro
FSIL's day. But I felt like everyone went out of their way to make me feel included and special, and it was really touching. All my worrying was for nought.

 

[Haven]

Thanks! I actually had a lot of fun at the shower. My FMIL asked me to help set out the favors and write down all the gifts for thank you notes, which made me feel kind of special, like I'm really part of the family. Then FSIL called me "Aunt" Blacksand for the first time ever and my heart basically melted. Then when we were leaving we got two totally unexpected engagement presents from future in-laws. We didn't open them until after we left the party, of course, because we didn't want to take away fro
FSIL's day. But I felt like everyone went out of their way to make me feel included and special, and it was really touching. All my worrying was for nought.

I just caught up on your posts, Blacksand, but I'm so happy to hear how the shower went. I agree that your feelings are your feelings, and you're entitled to them no matter what they are. It's clear that you love your brother and your FSIL, and I imagine when the baby comes your excitement about being Auntie Blacksand will overcome any twinge of jealousy you might feel at seeing your FSIL with a baby.

I came back to this thread because my wanting/am I wanting? and waiting issue has been tugging at me all week.

First, my sister was married on Sunday, (best wedding EVER, by the way) and DH and I spent the entire weekend answering the following two questions:
- How long have you been married? (3 years)
- When are you going to have babies? (When we FEEL like it!)
Basically, all of our close family and family friends were in for the wedding, and they were pushy to the max about the baby issue. It did make me a bit frustrated at times, but really it was just because I don't know when we're planning on having babies.

Second, my best friend N shared that they're going to start trying in July. My *other* best friend J had her first baby in March, and so N was my "we're totally happy baby-free for the moment!" friend. It's the strangest feeling knowing that they're ready to start trying, I really can't explain it. It was like I took comfort in the fact that I wasn't alone in dragging my feet, and now I feel like I am alone! I know this probably sounds really stupid, but, well, that's how I'm feeling right now. I suppose it's making me really consider whether I want to start trying now and what I'm really waiting for. I feel like this is the toughest decision I will ever make, and it's really plaguing me at the moment. Anyway, thanks for giving me a place to vent!

 

[Haven]

double post, sorry

 

[blacksand]

Thanks, Haven! I know all traces of jealousy will disappear when I get to hold my baby nephew in my arms. I can't wait. (This is my FI's sister, by the way, but yes, I do love them).

And I absolutely know what you mean. I have two or three single friends, but everyone who does have an SO is married with babies. My best friend from childhood, who is two years younger than me, just announced this morning that she is pregnant with her third child (let's not talk about how old that makes me feel!). I have exactly one couple of friends who are married and are happy without children for now, and I basically cling to them for dear life, since they are the only couple we can hang out with without worrying about babysitters and talking about brands of strollers. But my friend (the wife) just finished her MA, and has a great job pending. If she gets the job, she has announced that they are going to start TTC. Which is great for them, but yeah, it makes me feel like I'm just light years behind and I need to get with the program. Which is a silly way to feel. I guess we're all just ready when we're ready. I know I'm not ready now, even though I'd love to. Haven, if you're not ready yet, that's all that matters... but maybe you're getting there? Keep us posted on what you decide!

 

[Octavia]

Haven, I empathize with how you're feeling. I'm having pangs right now, too, and though it's not for quite the same reasons, I feel like I completely understand where you're coming from on a general emotional level. For me, it's not so much having friends who are planning or in the process of making babies (though many are) but that my hubby and I are going to be moving cross-country in a couple months. I'm excited for the most part, but we were thinking of "stopping avoiding" around this time next year and the thought of being THAT far from my family when we haveittle ones scares me s#!&less. Objectively, I know we wouldn't see them that often anyway, as they live almost 5 hours from where we are now, but it is still possible to get together for a weekend. When you add flights and time changes into the mix, it's not so easy. And I was visiting my preggo friend recently while her parents were there as well, and it just made me think about my mom and I missing out on all the bonding (which was totally obvious with my friend and her mom). And I know that whenever I say "Seattle," my mother's brain translates it into "the abyss into which my potential future grandchildren are disappearing." She has been craving grandchildren forever, and I am actually feeling quite guilty about leaving now, when we're getting closer to having them. Part of me is kicking myself because DH and I could have started trying months ago, though logically I know we have a million good reasons why we decided to wait. But there's still this weird sense of loss which I can't even fully explain, like did we really need to wait and what have we given up by choosing that path, and trepidation about what the move will mean for us reproductively (which, I realize, sounds pretty strange). Almost everyone I know who has kids lives reasonably close to at least one side of their family, but we will be thousands of miles from either of ours. I've never had qualms about living far away before, and in pretty much every other way I'm looking forward to it, but the family angle is hitting me hard right now (and I'm sure it doesn't help that DH is currently away for three weeks). I'm just a jumble of crazy mixed-up emotions and I am trying to chill because I know it will be fine in the end, but it's hard.

 

[Haven]

Blacksand--Oh my gosh, when you hold your nephew for the first time it is going to be nothing but LOVE! I'm not really a baby person, but I wept like a baby myself when I first saw and held my BFF's son in March. He is just so perfect, oh! I'm going to cry now just thinking about him. I think you're going to be an awesome aunt, and a mom, and by the time you have your own your SIL and BIL will have lots of hand-me-downs to pass on to you--bonus!

Octavia--I'm sorry to hear that you have all the same mixed-up emotions as me, but I will admit that it is nice to know that I'm not alone! So, thank you for sharing your story. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to think about starting a family so far away from your own, so I'm sorry you're in that position. I can say that we have a couple of friends who are transplants from the East Coast and they live here in Chicago. Even though their families are both far away, they have been adopted by our group's families and their babies are surrounding with surrogate aunts, grandparents, cousins, etc. I bet you'll find the same "family" after you've settled in to your new home. I think having children actually makes that easier, because you'll meet other parents of young children. That way you'll family will expand, and that's always a good thing. I have an extremely small family but I don't feel like it because we have so many "family" members who we've adopted over the years. It's wonderful, and we all got to choose each other!

 

[random_thought]

I thought I would chime in Having only had ds for a month, I cannot wait to have a sibling for him SOMEDAY! 4 reasons for waiting for numero 2

1. I had a very hard pregnancy (pre-eclampsia (bed rest and twice weekly doctor visits), sciatica joint dysfunction (basically I had a section of my spine that was larger than other parts and the baby was on top of it so I had physical therapy for awhile as well as taking percoset almost daily just to be able to walk!) and migraines daily that I was also put on medication for), a very hard labor and delivery (50 hours of labor, 5 hours of pushing, lots of blood loss and uterine infection that put ds in nicu) and recovery hasn't been a cruise vacation either. I'm really nervous about going through it all again...

2. We both would like to be able to advance in our careers. Dh has had 5 promotions in a year and is continuing to wow his bosses. I've been given a really amazing job that has been understanding through my entire pregnancy and allowed me to come back to work even after 2 rounds of layoffs! It's a great company that I'd love to stay with for quite awhile but that I can't justify the cost of daycare with. 2 kids in daycare would eat up half a months paycheck, ish! My thought is that we probably wouldn't even think of starting until ds is in kindergarten which is 5 years from now.

3. We would like to have the rest of our debts paid off before even thinking about another child. This is mainly student loans now as we have all of our credit cards and what not paid off We also would prefer to be in a house.

4. I'm having trouble just taking care of one right now! I can't imagine 2 at such a young age together! I want to feel more confident as a mom before adding onto the fam

Anyways, I'm sure I'll mostly lurk but just wanted to shout out that I'm hangin out around here

 

[stephbolt]

Octavia, I definitely relate to how you feel. I am about 3 hours away from my family and friends, and even though it doesn't compare to the distance you are looking at, it makes me sad that it's too far to have friends just drop by. DH has been in the area longer than I have, but his family is all still far away, and he doesn't have a ton of friends locally. I worry we will feel really isolated and lonely when we have a baby.

RT, if I had a baby as cute as your little man I'd want to go for number 2 as well! But I think your timeline makes sense given your situation, and C will able to be such a help if he's a little older when his sibling comes along!

Haven, I'm sorry your family is so nosy regarding your reproductive plans. I've been lucky that most of mine has kept their mouths shut so far, but my cousin's wife is newly pregnant so I suspect it's going to kick off the baby talk on that side of the family.

Blacksand, I'm so glad the shower went well! And I agree with Haven, think of all the great hand-me-downs! When is your wedding?

One of my dear friends welcomed her son this week, the first baby in the group of girls I grew up with. The pictures of him (and hopefully getting to see him this weekend) have kicked my baby fever into high gear! DH and I had a serious talk about our timeline this week. I think I am going to go off BC in July and we will prevent until September, because we are traveling to California in Sept. and I selfishly want to enjoy some wine! On one hand, I feel like we are mostly ready, but part of me is still terrified at the idea of introducing this crazy unpredictable factor into our lives! But I don't know that I'll ever feel totally ready for that.

 

[blacksand]

stephb0lt, we're getting married in December of 2012. Loooooooong wait, for various complicated reasons. The good news is we've agreed to start TTC as early as the honeymoon. We're older, and we both feel ready, we just have to wait a while. So hopefully in about a year and a half I'll be able to move to another thread, lol.

I don't think anyone's ever ready. I think there are certain things worth waiting on, like financial stability, [in my case] marriage, etc., but I think if people waited until they were 100% ready, no one would ever have babies. At a certain point you have to just decide you're as ready as you'll ever be. I have some friends who have two toddlers. The husband is a PhD student in NYC. The wife finished her MA last year (kids and all), worked full time for 6 mos., and is now quitting so she can stay home full time with the kids while husband writes his dissertation. They basically live off of his stipend. They have a tiny apartment, clip coupons, and just do the best they can to make ends meet. But they are the best parents I know. They provide for those children's every need (and many of their wants). They are raising smart, well-rounded, happy kids (and cute, to boot!). And they are such a happy family. I often wonder how they do it. But I guess they figured if they waited until they were fully established in their careers, owned a house, etc., they'd be too old to have kids. They were emotionally ready and knew they could provide for their kids' needs, so they decided to just go for it. At a certain point I guess you just have to leap.

 

[Octavia]

Aww, thanks for the kind words, Haven and Stephb0lt. I had a bit of a breakdown moment yesterday. And while my feelings obviously aren't exactly the same as anyone else's, I recognized that "gaaahhh, what on earth are we thinking/doing and why does everyone else seem to have things figured out and plans made while we're just left hanging" tone. Logically, I know everyone else actually doesn't have it all figured out and they are just making things work as they go, and we will do the same. It doesn't really make it easier, though. But I'm so glad we have each other to chat/vent/whine/figure things out with!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Octavia, I just wanted to tell you that I completely understand the guilt/insecurity around the decision to have kids when your family is not around. I'm really struggling with this as we TTC.

I grew up in the midwest and live in new england. My entire family is still in the midwest. D's family is here, but he has no siblings and his parents aren't really the "drop off your baby at our place" kind of parents. I love my family and I know they would be a very strong network for us (I have three sisters, they all have kids and are a huge support network for each other). Here, there will virtually be no network at all--we'll definitely be on our own and what's worse is that our kids will have a small family here (no cousins, aunts/uncles, etc.).

I feel very guilty that my parents won't have the opportunity to be geographically close to our kids. I don't quite know how to reconcile that because it really is my decision to stay in new england. Ultimately, this is how I'm dealing with it:

1. At some point, the focus shifts to building your own family. My husband, our pooches and our future kiddos are now my #1 priority. I know that we'll still see my family--not nearly as often as I would like--but they will be part of our kids' lives. I have to focus on what I feel is best for my future family, though, and right now I feel that it means staying put.

2. I have friends here in a similar situation and they have become a great source of support. In some ways, I do think your friends become your family.

I agree that nobody ever really feels ready. Heck, we've been planning for kids since we got marrried--where we work, the house we bought, the dogs we have--were all decisions made around having kids. And yet things always pop up. Byron getting sick delayed TTC for at least 6 months. I started having second thoughts about my job...it goes on and on. So even when you think you're ready, the doubts will be there!

Sorry for the long post--the family issue is a big one for me and I completely understand.

 

[Haven]

Big hugs, Octavia. I imagine going through this particular situation with your DH is just going to make the two of you infinitely stronger. And you can always come here to vent when you need to!

NEL--I get very excited whenever I lurk in the TTC thread and see you posting there! (Shhh . . . don't tell anyone I lurk in there!)

Blacksand--I really like the story about your friends. I think it's a good reminder that when there's a will, there's a way.

Steph--Thank you! Yes, my family is being very nosy and I can't say that it doesn't bother me. The good news about all their nosiness is that it did get us talking this week about what our plans actually are, and we've come to a timeline. EEEK! It's a bit scary, but:

DH and I will start TTC next summer, in June-ish of 2012. SO, we've adjusted our financial plans to put a certain amount away each month from now on to a) set aside enough money to cover at least first year expenses, and b) see how it feels to really live without the money that will end up going to a baby. I'm a little freaked out as I type this, and I know a year sounds like a lot of time, but it feels like NOTHING to me. Having a plan is making me excited about TTC, though, so I think it's a good thing.

I've been recovering from oral surgery since Monday so that's given me a lot of time to lurk around the Internet. I spent some time reading about preconception preparation, and is it ridiculous that the thing that most freaks me out is that I'll have to limit my caffeine intake? I am a monster without my morning coffee. I typically drink two cups' worth each morning, so I'm going to have to cut that back to one, apparently. I'll put that off for a while, though.

We're going to do some other things over this next year, such as prepare the house and take care of some big projects that we'll want finished before we have a baby. We're slow movers, so a one year timeline to start TTC is going to be perfect for us. That will also give us a minimum of five years of marriage and nine years of being together before we have our first child, which works for us, as well. I really wanted to spend a lot of "us" time together before we had kids, so there you have it.

Ooh, writing this all out makes it feel very real. I suppose we really are "Wanting but waiting" now, huh?

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

 

[stephbolt]

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

Just out of curiosity, is Container a name for a boy or girl?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

LOL! Apparently my husbby thinks Chesterfield is a decent option. Men....

 

[Haven]

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

Just out of curiosity, is Container a name for a boy or girl?

A boy, actually. It's so ridiculous that I can't believe he even wrote it down. I guess I can't blame him because we like to sit around with my sister and her now-husband and come up with funny names for our future children. My sis really wants us to name a future son "Sunovan" because our surname begins with a vowel, so it would sound like "Son of an Ourlastname."

Ilovethiswebsite--Chesterfield! Oy, sounds like a very old family name, as in "Chesterfield Sullivan James, III". I grew up with a boy name Winnie (as in "Winfield") and he definitely came from a very old money family, he was the seventh Winfield or something. BUT, at least Chesterfield is a real name, right? I knew a boy named Chester growing up, but the mean boys used to call him "Chester the molestor"--maybe that will dissuade your DH from liking that name!

My DH can come up with all the names he wants, but I already know what we'll be naming our future children so it's all moot.

 

[Haven]

random_thought--Congratulations on your newborn! That's very exciting news. I'm sorry to hear that you had a difficult pregnancy, but I do hear that the second is usually easier, right?

 

[blacksand]

Names are a hot topic around here, too! FI has very, very simple tastes in names, and thinks my favorite name (Norah) is too outlandish. Yes, because Norah is just this crazy, unheard-of name. We still can't agree on any boy names. We often disagree on whether or not it is okay to use the same name as a relative/friend/etc. Like, we both like the name Benjamin, but that's my best friend's son's name, so I think it's off limits. He figures it doesn't matter, since the kids aren't the same age and won't grow up together. I just think that my friend would be upset, so I wouldn't do it. I think it would upset me if a friend "stole" my name. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. I was upset about this, until I heard the suggestion "Container." I feel a lot better now.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

First off- for your updated timeline! That's so exciting and it sounds like it's a perfect plan for you and DH. ...And Container? It's still adorable that he's thinking of baby names, even if they are a bit obscure. At least wives have veto power when it comes to baby-naming!


And for all WBW posters: There's so much talk about not being 100% ready for a baby, and we all recognize that there is no truly perfect time for TTC. It seems to me, however, that this group of women are more prepared for parenthood than are many women. At least we're weighing the pros/cons of starting families and not diving in head-first! Perhaps I'm making inaccurate or unfair assumptions, but it really seems that you ladies have your you-know-what together! Whether you gals hold off on TTC for two years or have a surprise pregnancy in two months, I think you will make great mommas and manage just fine. Having a baby changes one's life a lot (or so I assume), but I think you are all capable of meeting the challenge

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Names are a hot topic around here, too! FI has very, very simple tastes in names, and thinks my favorite name (Norah) is too outlandish. Yes, because Norah is just this crazy, unheard-of name. We still can't agree on any boy names. We often disagree on whether or not it is okay to use the same name as a relative/friend/etc. Like, we both like the name Benjamin, but that's my best friend's son's name, so I think it's off limits. He figures it doesn't matter, since the kids aren't the same age and won't grow up together. I just think that my friend would be upset, so I wouldn't do it. I think it would upset me if a friend "stole" my name. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. I was upset about this, until I heard the suggestion "Container." I feel a lot better now.

I think Norah is a LOVELY name!

I'm embarrassed to admit that we have a running list of names. Every so often we read through it, mark our faves, add new options and remove ones that we no longer like.

 

[Haven]

Names are a hot topic around here, too! FI has very, very simple tastes in names, and thinks my favorite name (Norah) is too outlandish. Yes, because Norah is just this crazy, unheard-of name. We still can't agree on any boy names. We often disagree on whether or not it is okay to use the same name as a relative/friend/etc. Like, we both like the name Benjamin, but that's my best friend's son's name, so I think it's off limits. He figures it doesn't matter, since the kids aren't the same age and won't grow up together. I just think that my friend would be upset, so I wouldn't do it. I think it would upset me if a friend "stole" my name. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. I was upset about this, until I heard the suggestion "Container." I feel a lot better now.

I'm glad my crazy DH brought you some relief, blacksand! It really is bizarre, because of the two of us he is *usually* much more conservative and likes to stick with simple names. He is an unexpectedly quirky one, though, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I LOVE the name Norah, and I don't think it's outlandish at all! Names are so interesting because of the way they come in and out of fashion so quickly and unexpectedly. My eight year old cousin is named Lyla, and when she was born we thought "Wow, that's so old-fashioned but beautiful." But since then I've met what seems to be hundreds of Lylas. It's very strange how that name came to be so "in" so quickly.

I really enjoy thinking of baby names, and I have a whole list of names that I love. It bums me out when a name I love becomes popular because I don't particularly want to give our children popular names. My name is Lori, and for my generation I think it is perfect because it's not very popular, but not out there, either. I always had a lot of friends whose mothers were named Laurie, but have only known a handful of Loris/Lauries around my own age.

Pils--You're so sweet, and I think you're right. Your words are very comforting, thank you!

ETA: DH also suggested the name "Bridge" for a boy, but that was months ago. At the time I thought that was the most bizarre name I'd ever heard. He just reminded me of it when I told him I shared his affinity for the name Container with everyone. He was all "You thought Bridge was pretty strange too!" Yes honey, yes I did. Because it IS strange. OY.

 

[Haven]

Names are a hot topic around here, too! FI has very, very simple tastes in names, and thinks my favorite name (Norah) is too outlandish. Yes, because Norah is just this crazy, unheard-of name. We still can't agree on any boy names. We often disagree on whether or not it is okay to use the same name as a relative/friend/etc. Like, we both like the name Benjamin, but that's my best friend's son's name, so I think it's off limits. He figures it doesn't matter, since the kids aren't the same age and won't grow up together. I just think that my friend would be upset, so I wouldn't do it. I think it would upset me if a friend "stole" my name. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. I was upset about this, until I heard the suggestion "Container." I feel a lot better now.

I think Norah is a LOVELY name!

I'm embarrassed to admit that we have a running list of names. Every so often we read through it, mark our faves, add new options and remove ones that we no longer like.

So do we! Don't be embarrassed, I bet a lot of couples do this! I think it's really fun to keep a list of names together. Our list has grown very long over the years, so unless we have a lot of children we'll have some serious work to do figuring out which names we like best.

 

[fieryred33143]

Haven I'm excited for your TTC plans. I think you and your DH will make wonderful parents (which I realize is obnoxious to say but I don't care )

 

[Haven]

Haven I'm excited for your TTC plans. I think you and your DH will make wonderful parents (which I realize is obnoxious to say but I don't care )

Awww, thank you Fiery. Not obnoxious at all, I say. It's very encouraging. Especially coming from someone who is the mother of such a beautiful baby girl!

 

[lliang_chi]

Haven, yay! I'm happy you lurk in the TTC thread! (Am I allowed to say that?) And your timeline sounds like it's just right for you.

Blacksand, Norah is a beautiful name!

Octavia, I think you and your DH will come up with your plans in your own time. Hugs to you!! I'm fully confident you guys will make things work. And I hope the move goes smoothly.

 

[megumic]

Ooh, writing this all out makes it feel very real. I suppose we really are "Wanting but waiting" now, huh?

The scariest part? DH often comes home with ideas for future baby names written down in his palm pilot. They're typically a bit common or maybe slightly unique, but guess what he came up with a couple weeks ago? Container. Yes, that's right--Container. I was sure he was joking, but he was all "Listen to the sound of the word, ignore the meaning. Isn't it cool?" Um, no. No it's not. If you knew our last name it would sound even worse because there's a whole end-rhyme thing going on there. Frightening.

Yay congrats on pinning down a timeline! Makes it all real -- the light is ahead!

We also have a running list of names! I'm so glad we're not the only dorks sitting in bed on Saturday nights thinking about baby names. We have a diary of names written down and we date when we add them. Too funny!