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[goldenstar]

Date: 7/24/2007 5:37:26 PM
Author: Butterflies
Becky:


I haven''t been here in ages but I remember you situation very well and I felt the need to respond: IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP HIM. NONE WHATSOEVER. Let me ask you, if he would have been cheating on you all these years with women instead of men, how would have you reacted? Do you think you would have been as understanding and sympathetic? Why do you think there is a difference? The point is the same: he CHEATED on you. He LIED to you. How much longer are you going to allow to be taken advantage of? It is only UP TO YOU to have some self respect, pick up the pieces and move on, and I know you can do it.


(((((HUGS))))))

I agree that what he did was wrong, but I do see a difference between cheating with men and cheating with women. Becky''s bf had so much more to lose than a heterosexual cheater. Its by no means an excuse but its a little bit of the explaination. It doesn''t mean its right, but it anwsers the question "Why?". He is still a liar and a cheater.

 

[akw94]

Becky, I just came across your thread today and I am really very sorry you are going through this! You deserve so much better. To me, it''s not about who he was cheating with, it''s about the fact that he was cheating, on YOU. You are the person who''s most important right now, not him. Not helping him cope but helping you move on! Yes, he probably needs some counseling and maybe you do too to help yourself move on but I wouldn''t suggest counseling together. What would counseling together help provide? If the relationship is over, is it to repair the friendship? Would you really want him as a friend? This is someone that has cheated and lied to you for years. That''s not a friend!
I just don''t think there''s anything he can say, any reason he can give that can help justify or excuse his behavior. He made choices and those choices impacted your life. Now it''s your choice to remove yourself from his destructive pattern of behavior and move on.
I hope you''re able to move to Chgo soon and take the time to heal yourself vs helping to heal him.
You truly deserve better!

Take care of yourself!

 

[KimberlyH]

Becky,

You haven''t checked in for a few days; I''m sure you have a million things going on but wanted to let you know we''re still thinking of you and wondering how you''re doing.

~K

 

[Mara]

Becky I just saw this thread...I''m sorry that you are having such a hard time..and that things turned out the way they did for you. I agree with the others re moving back to friends and family, DO IT. Get away from there, you never really wanted to be there in the first place if I recall correctly.

This really is the best thing that could have happened, I would be counting my blessings that I found out now and not later. Chalk it up to a life experience...one day you will look back with a wry grin...you will find the one out there for you!! Good luck and stay strong.

 

[Mandarine]

Oh Becky...

I''m so sorry about all this. I too just came across this today and I''m just so sorry.

I didn''t read through all the responses, so forgive me if I''m being repetitive.

I am sure that by now you have gone through a roller coaster of emotions...anger, disappointment, feelings of uncertainty...and compassion. To me, that is the most important feeling of all right now because it will be the feeling that will help you to get through it. You can see that this has nothing to be with you. You are a great girl and deserve a man that loves you and wants to be with you....and you now that. Feeling compassion for him I think shows what a big heart you have and how much you cared (and still do) about him...not as a BF, but as a human being....and I''m sure this has been hard on him too and will only get harder until he makes some decisions in his life. So I understand and in a way applaud your compassion, and it will help you forgive which I think will be key to moving on!). However, you will have to see that feeling compassion doesn''t mean that you have to help him out of this. Right now, you will need to be selfish and put Becky first.

I think you guys still lived in separate places....I remember this was one thing that none of us understood...I now think that he made you feel that was the best thing to do...and somehow made you think that was your idea...in reality, he probably wanted his own place so that he could still live two lives.

A good friend of mine is gay and came out of the closet after dating a girl for like years. He knows it was wrong but I think he wanted so bad to be "normal"...until he just had to accept himself and come out. Was he being selfish at the time? sure. Just like your BF was selfish by having you go through all this when he knew deep down how he couldn''t really do this. It is wrong, he was selfish and it''s not right.....but Gosh...it has to be hard and he must have an internal battle with himself every day.

I will keep you in my prayers while you get tested. After you do and after you get all the answers that you want and DESERVE then all you can do is move on, hopefully forgive him but you will need to separate yourself from him because you need to heal.

Hugs!!!

M~

 

[janinegirly]

Becky, I hope everything is ok---please let us know (even if it's a couple of words) as we are all thinking of you!

 

[Erin]

Becky I'm really sorry that you have to go through the pain of seeing what you thought you wanted fall apart. But I guess the best thing I can remind you of (and this thought got me through a lot of self pity) is that you once were uncertain and worrysome and unhappy from the questioning and waiting and self doubting. Now you know for sure. You've got your answer and you know what you need to do next. There is power in finally having the answers - even though you're mourning a lost future, you don't really want it with him anyway. I wish you a smooth transition into a life with more happiness and satisfaction. Once you grieve the ending of this relationship, a bright shiney new one is right around the corner, I promise.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Thinking about you.

 

[JenStone]

Oh Becky....I haven''t checked the LIW board in ages and....I''m just speechless. Everything I want to say has been said by all the other wonderful ladies here. Please know that we''re here for you whenever you need to vent and I hope you''ll check in with us soon.

 

[Haven]

Just checking in, Becky. I hope you''re doing okay, and please come on the board if you need any support.

 

[KimberlyH]

Becky,

Just wanted to see how you''re doing. We''re thinking of you.

 

[Mandarine]

Just wanted to chime in too and say I''m thinking of you too!!

M~

 

[bee*]

Im thinking of you too. Hope you''re doing ok

 

[fire&ice]

Not to be an alarmist, but is anyone else concerned for her safety or well being?

Please pop in just to let us know you are o.k. My heart goes out to you. What a shock.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

I have been waiting for Becky to pop in to give us a quick hello....

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 8/2/2007 5:36:34 PM
Author: fire&ice
Not to be an alarmist, but is anyone else concerned for her safety or well being?

Please pop in just to let us know you are o.k. My heart goes out to you. What a shock.

This did cross my mind today.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 8/2/2007 6:03:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/2/2007 5:36:34 PM
Author: fire&ice
Not to be an alarmist, but is anyone else concerned for her safety or well being?

Please pop in just to let us know you are o.k. My heart goes out to you. What a shock.

This did cross my mind today.

Thritto.

 

[Efe]

Date: 8/2/2007 7:01:33 PM
Author: KimberlyH

Date: 8/2/2007 6:03:12 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 8/2/2007 5:36:34 PM
Author: fire&ice
Not to be an alarmist, but is anyone else concerned for her safety or well being?

Please pop in just to let us know you are o.k. My heart goes out to you. What a shock.

This did cross my mind today.

Thritto.

I am concerned also. I find myself checking repeatedly thoughout the day to see if you have checked in.

 

[Ellen]

*joining the concerned camp*

I really hope she''s busy moving home and that''s why she hasn''t posted.

 

[Mandarine]

me too!!!

M~

 

[sleeping beauty]

me too becky come on over and let us you you r ok..

 

[Harleigh]

Date: 8/2/2007 5:36:34 PM
Author: fire&ice
Not to be an alarmist, but is anyone else concerned for her safety or well being?

Please pop in just to let us know you are o.k. My heart goes out to you. What a shock.

I''ve been thinking the same thing...especially after someone pointed out that she holds his biggest secret.

Just know we''re all thinking about you, Becky...please stay in touch.

 

[janinegirly]

i check this thread every day too...
i''m thinking maybe becky needed a break from it all and took a week off somewhere (hopefully). i know she checks this forum often, so hoping she comes back soon to let us know she''s ok!

the one bad thing about this forum is we don''t actually know each other so we can''t call each other up!! I wish I could call becky and dixie up right now!

 

[luckystar112]

Me too!
It''s sad when people stop posting out of the blue. So Happy hasn''t posted in a while either! I''m worried about my virtual friends!

 

[Mandarine]

Date: 8/3/2007 10:33:01 AM
Author: luckystar112
Me too!
It''s sad when people stop posting out of the blue. So Happy hasn''t posted in a while either! I''m worried about my virtual friends!

So Happy or Dixie?

I''m worried about Dixie and Becky...I keep checking both forums!!

M~

 

[luckystar112]

So Happy, Dixie AND Becky!

 

[bee*]

just had to check in before I went to bed......please let us know that you''re ok becky!

 

[Aloros]

Hope you are doing ok, Becky!


I''ve always sort of wondered what happened to Blueroses...

 

[bee*]

yeah I''d love to know what happened to Blueroses also

 

[Becky P]

Hey girls. Just wanted to let you know that I''m alright. There''s NO WAY he would ever physically hurt me, so you have no need to worry about that. I''ve been trying to stay away from the internet as much as possible lately. The more I''m online, the more I continue to snoop and obsess over all the info I found, so I''ve just been trying to cut it off at the source. Things are pretty nuts. I''m working on packing, trying to find a new place, etc, etc.

I too always wonder what happened to Blue Roses. And, what''s going on with Dixie?? Maybe I need to jump over to hangout here in a minute or something... Yes, it is amazing how the virtual friendships become so real and we really worry about and care for the other ladies (and men) who we have never met in person... It''s nice. Thanks so much for all the caring thoughts. I know people out there are praying for me because I can sure feel it! Thanks!