Anxious to get the engagement ring

[njc]

Glad to hear you got an answer from him. Knew there would be a good reason. Well, now that you arent in that "anytime now" mode, maybe you can really be TOTALLY surprised.

Being in the "money is tight" situation i think is the hardest thing. All of us want to be engaged and married and move on with our lives, but deep down know that we need money to do it all. And i'll have to say, even though it hasn't been easy waiting and waiting and waiting and being told, next month, now its 2 months, oh wait itll be 6 months, etc., im happier knowing that neither me nor my B/F is going to be deep in dept going into our marriage (student loans dont count!

). We both have decent savings that we know is going to go towards our house and future together!

BUT I STILL WANT THE RING... NOW!!!

 

[roadpupp]

All this hand wringing about waiting to be asked. It seems so hard for you all.

Perhaps unknowingly I spared my sweetheart this stress by NOT consulting her on the ring and just suprising her with a proposal?

If so, I am glad I took this route. If she really doesn't like the ring, I am sure she can tell me and I set it up so that we can get a full credit toward something else.

I have my own countdown going, One week until we are on vacation and hopefully the second night the situation will arise that we can be on the beach at sunset or in the moonlight and I can do the deed.

(See, you all aren't the only ones waiting anxiously for the proposal) When I pull this off, it will be the biggest planned event of my life! Three months of planning and research and all the vacation arrangements including rebooking us because the Hurricane Jeanne wiped out the resort I booked on Dominican Rep.

So, just know from the guy's perspective that they probably would like to have the whole thing done and settled too!

6 days and counting.......

 

[njc]

Roadpupp, you might need to start a new thread for the guys called "Anxious to GIVE the E-ring"!

Good luck with everything! And dont forget to come back and tell us all about it with a TON of pics!

 

[kaya]

Melissa, I'm glad you feel better, now that you've got some answers. Dont let this waiting bother you too much. At least you get to see your SO often, mine lives in another country. Thanks for the congrats, I'll try to post some pictures of it, its packed up but it was fun to choose it I guess.

 

[MelissaSue]

roadpupp - You're right I'm sure. I'm glad that we did pick out my ring together.. because I'm getting exactly what I want (although I am sure I would love what ever he picked out just as much.) I think it would have been difficult under any circumstances.. I mean we have been talking about getting engaged for so long, and I had been expecting to get engaged this past summer, even before we started ring shopping. It just kind of worked out that it was easier for me to pick out what I wanted... He went back and did the ordering and everything all by himself.. I wasn't even supposed to know when he did that, but I did know.. it was TWO MONTHS AGO wednesday. Its been a long time!!
I'm sure he is waiting anxiously too and he is prolly really mad about all the delays.. I sort of wish he would have TOLD me that sooner instead of promising me deadlines. I hope you have a GREAT trip and no more hurricanes get in your way. Does she really have no idea its coming? hehe. I can't even imagine how that would feel. must be fun!!

Kaya - can you at least TELL us about your dress even if you can't get pics?

Melissa

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 9/30/2004 11:10:09 AM roadpupp wrote:

Three months of planning and research and all the vacation arrangements including rebooking us because the Hurricane Jeanne wiped out the resort I booked on Dominican Rep.


----------------

OT - Was it Casa de Campo?

 

[roadpupp]

Fire

It was Secrets Excellence Punta Cana and they had no power or running water for two days. Finally the National Guard had to evac everyone by helicopter as the roads were all washed out!

We are going to Secrets Capri Riviera in Mexico at Playa del Carmen, south of Cancun.

Most of the Punta Cana resorts were damaged, but Secrets was hit the worst. It is supposed to reopen this week, but I didn't want to be there so soon after the massive flooding, beach erosion and leaking roofs. (MOLD!)

I'm very excited to be on vacation as work has been stressing me out and I am hoping she really has NO idea that I am planning to propose.

 

[JCJD]

Melissa - I'm glad you're feeling better too!! It sucks when you're expecting something and you find out at the last minute that it's not going to happen...
I'm really glad I asked my b/f to tell me a month in advance if he can't make the January cut-off date (page 7). That way, I won't have my hopes up above Mt. Everest only to plummet down to the Mariana Trench on January 1 when it doesn't happen. Maybe you could discuss something like that with him? Perhaps he could let you know ASAP about any delays that might prevent him from meeting the latest deadline. That way, you're informed about the reasons behind his delay, and your spirit isn't yo-yo-ing as much anymore.
You know, your b/f's car analogy would be appropriate if you already had the "porsche" in your possession. But, since you don't have the "porsche" yet, you've got to have some sort of "transportation" in the meantime!! Much like a loaner while the mechanic's got the porsche. Therefore, I see no problems at all with looking at, buying, and wearing "fake" rings while the real one is MIA!

Just an innocent little thought and extension of his analogy... And you can definitely tell him it's me who got him in trouble!!

That's funny how your parent's call your b/f "the boy". My dad has been referring to mine as "that tall guy" recently. Like he can't remember his name or something!! I LOVE the fake blue ring!! And congrats on the promise ring purchase!!! Hopefully you won't be wearing it for too long

And I missed you too! I just got so busy for a couple of weeks that I was barely even checking my email every day!!

rfath - I'm not so sure that guy on the subway was right about his ex. She probably would have married him if the wedding had been sooner, but I don't think she (or he) would be very happy in that marriage. Oh well.....sad.
I went to an apartment-warming party a couple weeks ago with my b/f, and there were some people there we hadn't met before. All of the "new" guys there kept flirting with me until they found out I'm dating someone. So on the way home, I told my b/f that he'd better get moving on the e-ring fast so people can 1) stop staring expectantly at my left hand every time they see me, and 2) so guys I don't know will stop flirting with me!! I think that got him thinking.....

Maybe I'll hit the fake ring racks at Walmart this weekend.....

Ginger & NJC - Boys are insane, girls are not. End of story

. Buying a new game console and buying a 50-cent Claire's ring aren't even in the same category!!

And besides, if he buys a car or a game console, he's the only one who gets to (or is "allowed" to) drive it or play it, and there are many other peripheral purchases that are involved - oil changes, games, etc. However, if he buys a diamond ring, it's a one-time purchase (until you join H.A.G.S!), and while you get to wear it, he gets major kudos from you and everyone else for a long time, plus unlimited kisses and.... other stuff

for the rest of his life!!! You see - Diamond rings are practical, games and cars are not.

I agree though - we do all seem to be dating the same guy!! Perhaps if we explain the logic behind buying a diamond instead of a car, we'll all graduate from this club in record time!!

roadpupp - how long have you and your g/f been together? I sure hope she's expecting a proposal at all, or else you'll have a BIG surprise on your hands!!

J/K!! And believe me, not consulting her on the ring and surprising her DOES NOT NECESSARILY SPARE YOUR GIRLFRIEND STRESS!!!!! My b/f and I haven't even gone ring shopping together, but the proposal is *somewhere* around the corner. So I think I'm actually under more stress (feel free to argue here ladies!!) than girls who know what ring they're getting (or at least have some idea which one) and that it's either ordered or being ordered already. Much of my stress comes from not knowing what's going on with a ring and proposal. Women in our society have a lot of freedom of choice and control over our personal lives - college or not, kids or not, work or stay home - you get the idea. However, the marriage proposal is still the one thing that most women don't get control over. We've been told from a young age that we can do anything we want to, unlike previous generations of women, but they don't tell us that it doesn't apply to this situation! In other words, if she's expecting a proposal anytime in the future from you, the uncertainty surrounding the situation is still probably stressing her out, regardless of whether she was involved in the ring-buying process. Sorry for the Women's Lib. lecture! I hope I didn't freak you out or offend you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just trying to offer my point of view on being "just surprised".

This post is too long, and I have homework to do, so goodbye and goodnight until next time!!

JCJD

 

[MelissaSue]

JCJD - So my boyfriend had seen that I had posted about the porcshe analogy.. and he was kinda upset, because he thought it made him look like a big jerk.. (I didn't think of it that way, I thought it was funny) so he asked yesterday if anyone had said he was a jerk right as I was reading your reply, so I told him what you said.. and he wants me to inform everyone that he has bought me some "Camrys" in the past.. haha.. He's bought me a lot of jewelery in the past year or so. A couple rings, two necklaces and a tanzanite set.. And he's also going to pay for the ring I ordered from zales cuz he feels bad that I bought it for myself. LOL.. I still think I am allowed to buy fake jewelery. I can't bring myself to buy any ones that look like diamonds though. Its just too depressing.

Melissa

 

[roadpupp]

JCJD

There are no bad suprises in my future. My girlfriend and I are in our early thirties and have been living together for almost a year. Our parents have met (under the unspoken idea that we wanted them to meet , you know, cause things are serious with us).

So, even though, hopefully, she is clueless, we have discussed marriage and children and buying a house in the next year or so. She has dropped a few hints that before we can talk about buying a house, that some other things would need to be taken care of first!

I just think it will be so much fun to see the look on her face when I propose in Mexico next week and I'm glad she hasn't had the stress that I hear all you going through. I am sure we will all be engaged before too long.

Even though I have only been dating her for two years, it seems like there shouldn't be a rush if you will have your whole life together.

I hope it happens soon for all of you.

 

[cowboy1230]

Roadpup,


I just proposed on Tue to Alice in diamond land. She was anticipating a proposal but the suprise was in the timing. Timing is all the suprise needed, which it sounds like you will have

. I think it's a bit foolish to buy a ring and propose without talking about it first.

 

[JCJD]

Edited

 

[JCJD]

Melissa - I certainly didn't think his analogy was "jerk-y" in any way! I thought it was funny too!! And congrats on the "Camry's" btw!! You can tell your b/f that I think he's actually rather sweet (from what you tell of him

), and I didn't mean any harm.

But you're definitely allowed to buy fakes in the meantime!!

Cowboy - I just read Alice's post!!! Congrats and blessings to you both!! That ring is a stunner!!

JCJD

 

[JCJD]

Wanna hear what my sweetie did for our anni?

I thought you would!

We decided to get "dolled up" for dinner, even though we weren't going anywhere, so he wore a pinstriped black suit with a black shirt and black tie

, and I got to wear a beautiful Express creation that I bought last winter for a Christmas formal - black, strapless, kind of slinky dress with a HUGE slit extending up to mid-right thigh. It's got kind of a starburst pattern of beading (black too) going across the stomach from the right-side of the waist. I might try to find some pics from that formal for you guys... don't know how difficult they'll be to find...
He made spicy black beans with rice for dinner (can also use black lentils) and coconut rice pudding (kheer) for dessert. Yes Ivana, a man that makes Indian food is a keeper!! I was so full!
Then, we decided to rent a movie for the rest of the evening, so we went to Hollywood Video in our snazzy duds!! I was actually expecting much more staring and questioning looks than we actually got; maybe people normally visit the video store in a suit....

I don't remember the name of the movie, but it's the new romantic comedy with Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan - very cute! I recommend.

And that was our low-key, very sweet, very romantic, very enjoyable 7-year anniversary celebration. The End

JCJD

 

[gingerBcookie]

----------------
On 10/1/2004 1:08:41 PM JCJD wrote:

Wanna hear what my sweetie did for our anni?

I thought you would!

We decided to get 'dolled up' for dinner, even though we weren't going anywhere, so he wore a pinstriped black suit with a black shirt and black tie

, and I got to wear a beautiful Express creation that I bought last winter for a Christmas formal - black, strapless, kind of slinky dress with a HUGE slit extending up to mid-right thigh. It's got kind of a starburst pattern of beading (black too) going across the stomach from the right-side of the waist. I might try to find some pics from that formal for you guys... don't know how difficult they'll be to find...
He made spicy black beans with rice for dinner (can also use black lentils) and coconut rice pudding (kheer) for dessert. Yes Ivana, a man that makes Indian food is a keeper!! I was so full!
Then, we decided to rent a movie for the rest of the evening, so we went to Hollywood Video in our snazzy duds!! I was actually expecting much more staring and questioning looks than we actually got; maybe people normally visit the video store in a suit....

I don't remember the name of the movie, but it's the new romantic comedy with Julianne Moore and Pierce Brosnan - very cute! I recommend.

And that was our low-key, very sweet, very romantic, very enjoyable 7-year anniversary celebration. The End

JCJD----------------

awwww! sooo cute! was it your idea or his?

 

[ivanadiamond]

That sounds like a fabulous evening, YAAY

I love that you guys got dolled up for the occasion. That makes it so much more festive-

 

[JCJD]

Ginger and Ivana - It was his idea to dress up

and it definitely made the evening more special and festive. This was definitely my favorite anni - nothing too fancy, just us appreciating each other and celebrating our love.

But of course, I'm still [*insert title of this thread*]!!!!!

And we all know there's only one cure for that!!

Hee-hee! I'm mean.

 

[ivanadiamond]

I hear ya sister-

We actually went and looked and some rings last weekend and I found one that I fell in love with. It is a RB, 1.71 F color and i think VS2. It is so sparkly and I am having separation anxiety already...

I am so excited and elated, and then there is another part of me that has to be patient and not too pushy (which is umm, well quite difficult for me). I just can't wait to be his fiancé and not be so "anxious" anymore. And it isn't about the ring, I am just so anxious to be my b/f soon to be wife and relish in the fact that we chose to spend our lives together.

I am not sure where I am going with this, I think I just needed to vent, sorry!

 

[JCJD]

Don't be sorry Ivana! We're here to vent and listen to vents! Congrats on finding a potential ring! As goldengirl noted pages and pages ago, I hope my b/f at least gets a nice stone for my e-ring now that I'm all educated and biased

.
I know what you mean about this anxiety not being about the ring itself. We all know we want to be with these men (or women, roadpupp and cowboy

) for the rest of our lives, but for some reason, the rest of our lives can't start until after we get the e-ring!! It's like the tollbooth to the road of life, or something equally philosophical and witty.

Hang in there Ivana! We'll be here to help when you need it!
JCJD

 

[MelissaSue]

JCJD - Your anniversary dinner sounds wonderful!!! I wish I had an occasion to get all dressed up for. I have a black strapless dress that I haven't gotten a chance to wear yet because we never go out. At least not anywhere dressy. i think you should try to find us a picture of your dress because it sounds wonderful..
We once went to walmart all dressed up... got LOTS of strange looks there.. And once, before one of my high school dances I had to go into a grocery store in my long formal dress.. So Hollywood Video is not that weird.. hehe.. but its still a little weird

Actually, a girl I work with, her 1 year anniversary is tonite and they were planning on getting dressed up to go to dinner and then going to a haunted house! Like.. a halloween one.. not a "Real" one.. that would have been funny to see. Ironically also at work today, another girl asked me if I had seen the movie you rented, but neither of US could think of the name either. It must not have been a very good name..
ANd yes.. my boyfriend is VERY sweet. He skipped class yesterday to help my dad unload like 1000lbs of slate (my mother paints on slates.. its her craft business) from his truck.. And he is just the cutest sweetest boy ever.. He is not "romantic" exactly, but he means well and only wants what will make me happy. I was gonna take a picture of my "Camry" collection..(i think that SOME of them are only.. say ..kia rios.. if my e-ring is the porsche.. but they are all very cute) but I think he took our digital with him.. I may still attempt it with my crappy old digital.. if i can find batteries for it before he gets home..

 

[MelissaSue]

Here are all my "Camrys" that my boyfriend has gotten me...

This is my tanzanite set

These are all my rings

and the attached photo is of my two diamond necklaces which I could not get a good photo of with the crappy camera.

 

[kaya]

those are all pretty, I esp like the heart ring, it looks very delicate

 

[MelissaSue]

Kaya - THanks.. that is one of my favorites too.. Except it keeps falling apart. I've had it since.. probably April, and I already lost one of the teeny diamonds out of the band (the DAY after I got it) and the stone was loose in the prongs and had to have that fixed (got it back from repair on monday). BUt it is still very pretty. It was the only one that was for "no occasion" really.. but the only way I can get him to buy me stuff (expensive stuff at least) for no occasion is to buy him stuff.. I had to buy him an Xbox to get that ring.. and the xbox cost almost twice as much! I got GIPPED lol.

Melissa

 

[Momoftwo]

You had to buy him an xbox to get a piece of jewelry? That's an interesting relationship. Sorry, that just struck me the wrong way. Having been happily married for over 20 years I see things in relationships that may be signals. Just my 2 cents.

Your rings are pretty. I have a collections of birthstones, and other stones collected over the years and I just don't wear them anymore, but I have found the more delicate sized rings just don't take wear as well.

 

[goldengirl]

Hahahaha, I'm loving this car analogy!!

SO and I have only been together a year, so he hasn't had so many opportunities to present me with Camrys. But I got this Camry for my birthday! Ceylon sapphs and diamonds...but everybody thinks they're tanzanites.

 

[MelissaSue]

----------------
On 10/2/2004 11:32:21 AM Momoftwo wrote:

You had to buy him an xbox to get a piece of jewelry? That's an interesting relationship. Sorry, that just struck me the wrong way. Having been happily married for over 20 years I see things in relationships that may be signals. Just my 2 cents.
.----------------

Mom of two -
I was almost going to defend myself to you.. but then I realized that I shouldn't because what you said is not only rude, but also incredibly ignorant and judgemental. I made that comment jokingly, and you have NO idea about the story behind it, or my relationship..
Melissa

 

[MelissaSue]

Golden girl- Those are pretttty. they do look like tanzanite though.

 

[Momoftwo]

You're very defensive. If you weren't a little concerned you would have just ignored it. I know you've been asked before about your relationship because you've made other complaints about how he hasn't proposed yet or did something that upset you. One response to you I remember recently questioned if he was the one. I was pretty careful about how I worded it. If you don't want to hear concerns, then don't complain. And I don't mean just about the xbox. It didn't sound like a joke at all. I said it sounded like an interesting relationship. Interesting could mean a great many things.

Roadpupp, I think you did it the right way. An engagement ring is a gift that shows your commitment to the person you're gong to marry. I loved the ring my husband let me pick out, but that's just the way it worked out. I never told him or anyone else that I had to pick the ring. I would have been perfectly happy if he'd suprised me. It was his money to spend then. If you check this site thoroughly, a lot of women upgrade and change their settings, some after an unbelievably short amount of time, or receive a solitaire setting and then pick out a set for the wedding.

 

[duBarry]

As hopeful as I am for all you ladies, I do find it mildly disturbing that here we are in 2004 and there are still women in an agony of expectation, waiting for a man to pop the question.

 

[JCJD]

----------------
On 10/3/2004 4:14:04 AM duBarry wrote:

As hopeful as I am for all you ladies, I do find it mildly disturbing that here we are in 2004 and there are still women in an agony of expectation, waiting for a man to pop the question.----------------

Thank you for your concern duBarry, but I think that the greatest accomplishment of the Women's Movement is that women can freely make choices concerning their personal lives now. I have chosen not to propose to my b/f, and ultimately, I'm happier with that decision. As I've mentioned many times previously, I am "in an agony of expectation", as you say, because my b/f wants to give me an engagement ring, not because he thinks I expect or demand one.
There is a world of difference between choosing to be and being expected to be "pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen," as it were.