Anxious to get the engagement ring

[JCJD]

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On 10/2/2004 11:32:21 AM Momoftwo wrote:

You had to buy him an xbox to get a piece of jewelry? That's an interesting relationship. Sorry, that just struck me the wrong way. Having been happily married for over 20 years I see things in relationships that may be signals. Just my 2 cents.
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Well, in my 7 years, I have "only" received a necklace, one pair of earrings, and one ring from Claire's, and I only got the necklace after 2 years of dating when my college roommate suggested to him that he get me one (with no prompting from me). How interesting is that.....

I understand that you are trying to be kind and helpful, but since we don't know anybody in person here and we only read part of the picture, we cannot be true judges of a relationship's strength. What is important is Melissa's happiness. If Melissa is happy buying her b/f an Xbox because she loves him, and he reciprocates with a piece of jewelry because he loves her too, I don't see the problem. Notice that Melissa wrote:

"It was the only one that was for "no occasion" really.. but the only way I can get him to buy me stuff (expensive stuff at least) for no occasion is to buy him stuff.."

meaning he buys her jewelry for holidays, birthdays, etc. (just look at the collection of "Camry's"!)

IMHO, Melissa's parents gave this guy a family heirloom diamond for her e-ring! If her parents (who know her better than any of us) approve, I approve too.

Giving and receiving jewelry is not a valid indication of the strength of a relationship.

Sorry momoftwo, I don't want to be rude (although I think I sound that way.........Sorry!!!). I just don't think that we on the Priceline forum can be judges of "signals" in people's relationships without knowing the bigger story. As I'm sure you know from your long successful marriage, marriage takes work and compromise to last, not diamonds.

 

[JCJD]

And Momoftwo, the whole reason this thread was started was to provide a friendly place where we ladies-in-waiting could come and vent about how we are "anxious to get the e-ring". The ladies club is here to complain and comfort each other, so please don't tell us not to.

 

[Momoftwo]

I'm sorry if you took what I said as an attack in any way. That it wasn't. It was geunuine concern that comes from my 20+years in a happy, healthy marriage, watching those that failed after a few years because the person continued not to live up to expectations. People tend not to change, even after marriage.

And, I'm not the first to question her about her b/f. Someone else before me did the same thing, so maybe we see something there. This should not be a time in your life where you need comforting.

 

[duBarry]

I think it's really a stretch to correlate accomplishments of the Women's Movement and a woman waiting with baited breath for a man to give her a ring.

 

[reena]

why are you two giving these girls such a tough time?

 

[MrsFrk]

I think you are being awfully judgmental. To boot, this is a DIAMOND forum, we're not curing cancer or ending world hunger people!

I hope that all of the ladies-in-waiting are ladies-with-bling very, very, soon!

 

[goldengirl]

Wow, I came back to post pics of my new fakey fake ring and I find the thread's been corrupted by a party-pooper.

Well, I'm going to post them anyway!!!

I couldn't resist this little "topaz" sweetie for $12. It's 10mm X 7mm, and what I think may be cushion-cut??

Anyway, it's bold but still low-profile, and it makes a lovely statement...plus, it's the same color as my dog. LOL!!

To show the table:

And for scale--no making fun of my retard-o finger!!

It doesn't show in the pics, of course, but it's really got a surprising lot of scintillation--the thing twinkles even by moonlight. It's no ering, but it's pretty and it keeps me quiet for cheap!

Hope everybody else gets a RHR pretty for the waiting period!

 

[Momoftwo]

Obviously you don't see the importance in that marriage is a lifetime commitment. This is not about judgement, but about reality. There's a reason the divorce rate is as high as it is in this country. Sweeping it under the rug because you don't want your party ruined is a sad thing. The engagement and wedding planning is the easy part. If this is stressful to you, what is marriage going to be?

 

[ivanadiamond]

"As hopeful as I am for all you ladies, I do find it mildly disturbing that here we are in 2004 and there are still women in an agony of expectation, waiting for a man to pop the question."

___________________________________________________________


Dear Dubarry,

I am not sure what your point is: Agony is quite a strong word, and the title of the thread is anxious to get the e ring, not agonized.


happiness is just a mouse click away...

 

[gingerBcookie]

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On 10/3/2004 6:02:00 PM JCJD wrote:

----------------
On 10/3/2004 4:14:04 AM duBarry wrote:

As hopeful as I am for all you ladies, I do find it mildly disturbing that here we are in 2004 and there are still women in an agony of expectation, waiting for a man to pop the question.----------------

Thank you for your concern duBarry, but I think that the greatest accomplishment of the Women's Movement is that women can freely make choices concerning their personal lives now. I have chosen not to propose to my b/f, and ultimately, I'm happier with that decision. As I've mentioned many times previously, I am 'in an agony of expectation', as you say, because my b/f wants to give me an engagement ring, not because he thinks I expect or demand one.
There is a world of difference between choosing to be and being expected to be 'pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen,' as it were.----------------

say it again sister. all of us here love our bfs and are anxious to start our lives together in a time honored way...the giving and receiving of a token of commitment. or more simply put: are are all about to receive something pretty with a lovely sentiment attached to it and WE ARE EXCITED. what in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! to say that we are antiquated and are a throwback to women's liberation is a load of crap. sorry to be rude but i am sick of ppl thinking that unless you are a hard, unfeeling, un-emotional no-skirts-allowed, birth-control-toting, makeup-shunning HARDA$$ you can't be a "modern, liberated" woman. As a hair-curling, skirt-owning, lip gloss addict who also happens to be succeeding in the formerly male dominated field of medicine I would like to state that yes, I can't wait to be married and barefoot(cuz i'm asian

) and pregnant and NO that does not mean I will give up my career or let ANY man (my man included) treat me as a lesser indiviual simply due to my sex. If you read these posts, these girls are highly accomplished professionals who have bright careers ahead of them and who do not need a man to support them, financially or emotionally. They chose who they want to be with. They know they are loved. They know marrage is a foregone fact and that their man is already committed. They are feeling what any man or woman would feel if they knew something nice was coming, but just not when. this forum is for the fun of complaining and whining and relieving some of the built up excitement. take it for what it is and nothing more. just because we now have the "right" to vote and burn our bras does not mean we've lost the right to just be girls.

off my soapbox.

goldengirl-your fakey fake ring is so pretty! i love the way it looks next to your retard-o finger! hehe..jk! isn't it crazy how something that ridiculous can help ease the anxiety of waiting for the real thing? i love it!

 

[goldengirl]

Heh, thanks, ginger!

Since coming here I have developed a love of all things sparkly, real or fake. It's my inner girly-girl surfacing after so many years of repression...

I have decided to ignore the party poopers from now on, because we've already been over all their horrified objections, and if they'd READ the thread they'd know that. Plus, WE know the reason we're here and WE know it's not got anything to do with us being money-grubbing golddiggers or pathetic simpering Victorian ladies. And so long as our FI's-to-be know that...:shrug:...well, I don't care so much about the rest of them.

 

[Tybee]

Hey GoldenGirl!

Perhaps our fingers were separated at birth?? I too have an akwardly bent pinky. People often ask me if I've broken it, but then I show them the matching one on the other hand!! heheheh

Tybee

 

[reena]

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On 10/3/2004 11:05:50 PM Momoftwo wrote:

Obviously you don't see the importance in that marriage is a lifetime commitment. This is not about judgement, but about reality. There's a reason the divorce rate is as high as it is in this country. Sweeping it under the rug because you don't want your party ruined is a sad thing. The engagement and wedding planning is the easy part. If this is stressful to you, what is marriage going to be?----------------

okay, but unfortunately the title of this thread is not "Anxious to get your opinion on my relationship". it's pretty inappropriate to come out of the blue and attack a person you've never met and a relationship you're not familiar with. you're entitled to your own opinion, but if you don't like what's going on on this thread--THEIR thread--maybe it's best to just drop off. nobody is forcing you to post on it or read it.

 

[MelissaSue]

Hey Girls -
Thanks for all the nice comments. I was hoping these not-nice people were going to ruin our nice thread! I let them get to me at first.. but I realized how stupid it all really is. I agree that they should just be ignored. The rest of the girls participating in this thread are AWESOME.. I don't need to read crap like that.

Golden girl - I like your fake ring! Its awesome. Very big and pretty.

I wonder how much longer til I get my little heart ring from Zales. Which, by the way, my boyfriend is going to pay for, even though its on my credit card right now.. So I guess I'm getting another no occasion gift

!!!! The website said allow 4-6 weeks, so it will most likely come after I'm already engaged!!!!

Well I gotta go to school...
Melissa

 

[njc]

WHOA! I go away for the weekend and all hell breaks loose!

Melissa-I LOVE your heart shaped ring. That sucks it keeps breaking!

GoldenGirl-Love your ring too! I love that it matches your dog! If i tried that my B/F would REALLY think i had lost it, but id still do it!

So sunday i went to a baby shower. There is 6 of us that've been friends since middle school, 3 married, 1 has a child, the other the expecting one. As always the conversation swung to me and when in the hell i was getting engaged. Out of everyone, we've been together the longest. They were telling me how to get a ring out of him... one suggested i look at the jewelry next to the e-ring cases and get him to stand and HAVE to look at the e-rings! No one knows weve looked and ive picked out and im just waiting (and from some of yalls stories, im glad i havent told any one! Its hard enough taking questions they give me

). When i left 12 people (the girls, their moms, grandmothers, a great aunt id never met before!) told me that the next time we all got together it should be for my bridal shower.

I know they were just encouraging, but IM not the one that needs it!

And w/ 2 weeks to go to my b-day, i got the feeling that it isnt going to happen then. So kinda a bummy weekend!

 

[MelissaSue]

NJC - I know that feeling! We had the first wedding out of my friends from college this summer.. and all I heard was how the next wedding would be mine (or one of my other friends, but I think we all know mine is more realistic, even though they've been together longer and have been living together for awhile now.. they're just not the serious commitment type, whereas all my friends know that I've been talking about marrying my boyfriend since BEFORE we were actually dating. We would have gotten married a year ago if we could have. But it will be awhile, since we have no money and are in school.

My friend actually wants me to work on her boyfriend for her.. Like see if I can get any info out of him about if/when he's planning on proposing... I hope I get some good news for her! I have a feeling he's not going to give me any info though.

I'm REALLY going to school now! LOL

Melissa

 

[rfath]

Wow.. can I say that last week was crappy? :/

Had to put a ferret to sleep early in the week, then introduced my car to a guardrail while at the track late in the week.

But! Good news is that my ring is done. I can't wait to see it, though I have NO idea when I'll have it in my hands (boyfriend wasn't keen on my idea to pick it up for him ).

 

[JCJD]

Thanks for supporting me in my responses everyone - Reena, MrsFrk, goldengirl, ivana, Ginger, and Melissa. I can certainly appreciate genuine concern for our relational and personal/social well-beings, but personal attacks are completely uncalled for. I stand behind what I said.

Goldengirl - I love it too!!! I like the flashes of green and blue in the "topaz".

I really need to get a flashy-fake-non-ering-looking ring for myself.

Yay!!! More shopping!!!!! I broke my left arm in 4th grade, just above the elbow, so now my left arm bends out more than my right (it isn't actually straight when my arms are straightened). Plus, I have what my friends call "finger-toes", which are long and skinny. Embrace your retard-o finger!!! It makes you unique..........ummm....and Tybee too.

Ginger - I'm half Chinese (half Danish). What's your heritage? Are you in med school or practicing? Thanks again for your support of my response concerning women's liberation!! I completely agree - having gender equality does not mean girls can't be girls with voting rights, equal pay, and a proposal.

Melissa - I hope you don't think *all* of us think your relationship with your b/f is "interesting"!!! Speaking personally, I think that you seem perfectly happy with your b/f just as he is (although like the rest of us, you aren't quite as content with the timing of certain things...

). You guys communicate with each other, you work through your problems together, he's concerned when you're feeling down and works to make you happy again, and you have a sense of humor about the eccentricities of your relationship. And besides - if your dad approves, what else do you need?!?!

I'm glad you got that promise ring you wanted! And it's cute that your b/f is buying it instead! I think it'll make a nice RHR when it arrives

. Plus, I think it'd be a really sweet present for your future daughter!! You know, if you guys CHOOSE to have children.

njc - LOL - "I know they were just encouraging, but IM not the one that needs it!" - I know just what you mean!! I actually responded to a question from some friends that, yes, my b/f buys the whole engagement idea, he's just not buying yet!!! LOL!!!

rfath - So sorry about the past week for you!! It's so hard to say goodbye to both people and animals that we love. I'm glad you're OK after your accident!
But congrats on the ring's arrival!! We're waiting for pictures and the story!!!

OK - back to homework and class!!!

JCJD

 

[goldengirl]

Tybee--NO WAY!! Mine is the same on both fingers, too! Actually my right hand is a SMIDGE better, probably because I use it more. I'd never met anybody with retard-o pinkies before. You're my pinky twin!!

reena--maybe we should start an "Anxious to get your opinion on my relationship" thread for all those busybodies who simply MUST "help". Maybe it would improve the flavor of the "Thanks, but we're not asking for your opinion" threads.

melissasue--I think it's too cute your bf decided to pay for the ring once you'd bought it!! And I don't think you'll get any info out of your friend's bf, either...I mean, how obvious is it? Your gf's best friend oh-so-casually says "Soooooo.....thinking about diamonds??"

I know MY man would see right through it! And then laugh and ask why *I* didn't just ask him!

rfath--ouch, that is a rough week!

Hopefully you'll get that ring soon to make up for it!

and JCJD--we're all behind you in what you said. None of us approved, either. :/ But your finger-toes crack me up...my friend has "lightbulb" toes, really bulbous ends on a stick. The best part of it is, she cannot say "lightbulb" correctly. It always comes out with this butchered southern accent, like "lawtbowlb." And she's so Yankee it hurts!

 

[gingerBcookie]

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On 10/4/2004 12:38:22 PM JCJD wrote:


Ginger - I'm half Chinese (half Danish). What's your heritage? Are you in med school or practicing? Thanks again for your support of my response concerning women's liberation!! I completely agree - having gender equality does not mean girls can't be girls with voting rights, equal pay, and a proposal.


JCJD

----------------

I'm Vietnamese with some chinese thrown in from way back when. You have such an interesting background! I love hearing how interracial couples meet (since my bf is hispanic)...so hinthint, if you don't mind....how did your parents meet? How did their parents react? If i'm being too nosy, please feel free to tell me so! I won't be insulted.

I'm in med school,, just finished my third year and have one to go before I enter the purgatory otherwise known as residency (

) But currently, instead of finishing my fourth year, I am "taking a year off" to do some research. Partially to bump up my cv and partially cuz I need some time to, well be human before I start up with the 100+ hr work weeks again! Actually, switching from the 90+ hr work weeks of being a med student and the 50 hr work week of doing research is not as big of a change as I imagined...the biggest change was not having to rush home to study every night after work. I swear for the first month after starting research I felt soooo guilty about coming home and just relaxing that I couldn't relax and made up "homework" to do.

Sick isn't it?

hehe...my cuzin has "finger-toes", but we call 'em monkey toes, which I never hesitated in pointing out when she would tell me I had ugly toes. I also predicted that she would pass them to her kids if she didn't stop with the toes business...which she didn't stop and which my darling nephew is now paying for!

 

[Momoftwo]

okay, but unfortunately the title of this thread is not 'Anxious to get your opinion on my relationship'. it's pretty inappropriate to come out of the blue and attack a person you've never met and a relationship you're not familiar with. you're entitled to your own opinion, but if you don't like what's going on on this thread--THEIR thread--maybe it's best to just drop off. nobody is forcing you to post on it or read it.
----------------[/quote]


Okay, so what you're really saying is you only want positive opinions. None of you has met each other yet (as far as I know) yet you continue to give your opinions to each other and as long as it's what you really want to hear, then it's okay. All you have to go on is what is posted. That doesn't make it all true. Actually, I kind of enjoy what's going on in this thread, reading young women post about the most important thing in their life at the moment. I can also look at it with an objective eye since I'm not waiting for a ring. But, my point was that this shouldn't be a stressful time.

 

[reena]

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On 10/4/2004 7:02:24 PM Momoftwo wrote:







okay, but unfortunately the title of this thread is not 'Anxious to get your opinion on my relationship'. it's pretty inappropriate to come out of the blue and attack a person you've never met and a relationship you're not familiar with. you're entitled to your own opinion, but if you don't like what's going on on this thread--THEIR thread--maybe it's best to just drop off. nobody is forcing you to post on it or read it.
----------------

Okay, so what you're really saying is you only want positive opinions. None of you has met each other yet (as far as I know) yet you continue to give your opinions to each other and as long as it's what you really want to hear, then it's okay. All you have to go on is what is posted. That doesn't make it all true. Actually, I kind of enjoy what's going on in this thread, reading young women post about the most important thing in their life at the moment. I can also look at it with an objective eye since I'm not waiting for a ring. But, my point was that this shouldn't be a stressful time.
----------------

no, actually. what i said is that your opinion about other people's relationships--whether positive or negative--was completely unsolicited. the point of the thread is to provide a fun forum for a group of girls who are almost engaged to chat about the nervous anticipation that accompanies that stage in one's life. as far as i can tell, not one of the girls who posts on this thread ever asked for your (or anyone else's) opinion about the strength of her relationship or whether her significant other is "really the one".

and in any event, get real. of COURSE there is a difference between offering a postive or flattering comment to someone--"it sounds like your boyfriend is really sweet"--and making an impolite judgment about them or their relationship. to pretend there is not is just plain silly. that's why we have the old saying: if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

that's especially true here, where nobody ever asked for your opinion on this issue.

 

[1215n]

oh my goodness ladies..I too am still waiting and waiting...I tried to stay away from my compulsive obsessive diamond behavior,lurking,reading and of course waiting

but here i am again...just could not stay away.Congrats to all who have become engaged,I hope to be one of you soon

 

[JCJD]

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On 10/4/2004 7:02:24 PM Momoftwo wrote:


okay, but unfortunately the title of this thread is not 'Anxious to get your opinion on my relationship'. it's pretty inappropriate to come out of the blue and attack a person you've never met and a relationship you're not familiar with. you're entitled to your own opinion, but if you don't like what's going on on this thread--THEIR thread--maybe it's best to just drop off. nobody is forcing you to post on it or read it.
----------------

Okay, so what you're really saying is you only want positive opinions. None of you has met each other yet (as far as I know) yet you continue to give your opinions to each other and as long as it's what you really want to hear, then it's okay. All you have to go on is what is posted. That doesn't make it all true. Actually, I kind of enjoy what's going on in this thread, reading young women post about the most important thing in their life at the moment. I can also look at it with an objective eye since I'm not waiting for a ring. But, my point was that this shouldn't be a stressful time. ----------------[/quote]


I will ignore the rude personal attacks to Reena and others for the moment and concentrate on what I think you want to be your message to us, Momoftwo: "But, my point was that this shouldn't be a stressful time."

Have you ever been thrown a party? Even when you know exactly when the party is and what will happen at this party, you feel anxious for the party to start until it finally does. This is what we Ladies-in-waiting are experiencing, just a different kind of situation. I agree that in 20 years, all of us Ladies-in-waiting will look back on this time and wonder why we were so crazy, but the fact remains that this is "the most important thing in our lives at the moment" as you observed, and it IS stressful. Not because it should be, but because it simply IS.


Back to the general mood of all your posts so far....
Notice that when womanofgodwcci asked if he was the One, she not only spoke from a personal experience, but she offered kind, thoughtful advice. She made it absolutely clear that her sole concerns were for Melissa's happiness and well-being, not making a scene with her personal opinion.

I am glad you are amused by our concerns, but that does not excuse pointed accusations and underhanded insults based on the same information that we are provided with. Please, enjoy our concerns and giggle with your hubby about how silly we all are in here, but do not insult and ridicule us for being in a different stage of life than you are or were in. Remember that all YOU have to go on is what is posted here as well, and that does not make it all false.

I am referring you to This next thread concerns why people seem to only say nice things about posted pics on PS, which I feel may be relevant to your most recent question.

You may not feel that you are attacking us with your messages, but we do feel attacked, and that is important for you to realize and understand. If you cannot state your valid opinion in a kind and non-confrontational way, then stop unintentionally insulting us and move on to other threads.

Respectfully, JCJD

 

[JCJD]

Hi Ginger!! - My parents met on a blind date in graduate school (chemistry nuts

). I don't really know how their parents reacted to them dating and getting married, but they did marry with both sides' approvals. However, when my maternal grandmother was ordering the tuxes, she asked my father which color suit he wanted for himself and the groomsmen. He chose a dark charcoal grey, she ordered baby blue!!!!!!

With frilly vests!!!

Classic 70's wedding photos!!! Needless to say, my dad wasn't too thrilled about that... LOL...

Medical research, I'm assuming? It sounds like you're enjoying it - congrats!! Do you want to do research or practice when you get done? Are you doing a specialty? That's so funny about you making up homework to do!! I've heard that you get weekends off in the real world, and evenings too!!! Weird.... no homework......

I really don't know what I'd do with myself, which kind of scares me - I really am a perpetual student!!!!!

Your poor nephew!!!

You know, I've heard that long toes are a sign of superior intelligence, so you can tell him that when he's old enough to keep it from his mom!!!

Hee-hee-hee!!

JCJD

 

[MelissaSue]

You know, momoftwo is certainly not a rarity on pricescope.. There are lots of people in those "I don't like my e-ring" threads that feel that they can make judgements about someones relationship based on their reactions to a RING. AND, they find it appropriate to offer these opinions, rather than dealing with the problem posed by the poster. I just think its silly really. Someone doesn't like their engagement ring, and these people automatically assume that it means that their relationship is disfunctional. Maybe.. it means.. THAT THEY DON'T LIKE THEIR ENGAGEMENT RING. How weird would THAT be?

Welcome back 1215n! I think you were one of the girls I took off the list.. but I will re-add you the next time I make it up.

Melissa

 

[Momoftwo]

Actually I love my 1.06 ct diamond solitaire ring w/ 3/4 tw ct side stones, and my 1/4 ct channel set wedding ring, but I didnt' ask for it. They were gifts. And I only bring it up to show that I am not lacking in terms of diamonds since that seems to be your theory. I only mention it because of your comment. My husband adores me and tells everyone I am his bride, so I am very content and happy in my marriage and my two children have a wonderful example of commitment. I really do wish you all the best, because I have 20+ years in a happy marriage and can only hope the best for you. But, I also have real life experience with not so great relationships of family and friends, so I am speaking with objectivity. I just don't think complaining online with people you don't know is very respectful of your future spouse. Anymore so than doing it with people you do know. I'm happy that your family approves, but that doesn't guarantee anything.

I do not necessarily agree with the dubarry who questioned the issue of your agony, but don't think that those of us who question aren't educated. I paid my own way through college as did my husband and we do very, very well. I just think that some things do not change no matter how independent a woman thinks she is.

 

[reena]

just to clarify i don't think melissa sue meant to suggest that you are somehow unhappy with your own rings. i believe she's referring to a number of threads that have surfaced lately where a girl posts saying she's unhappy with her engagement ring and then lots of people post basically saying that she's a terrible person. i think MS was just trying to point out another instance in which some people on this board have seemed to make quick judgments about others and their relationships.

 

[MrsFrk]

I think that those who would hijack this thread and rain on someone's parade are pretty rude. However, regarding the "I hate my ring am I a terrible person" threads...if you post a topic like that, you are being deliberately obtuse or are hopelessly naive if you don't expect that you are going to get some flak. People are much braver online that they would DREAM of being in person.

Goldengirl, I love your ring!!!

I have tiny, pathetic little toes, and what my husband refers to as "hillbilly feet" (my apologies to any hillbillies I may offend), and my sister calls "Hobbit feet". Plus I run, so the toenails are in various states of disrepair, if they are present at all. Not pretty.

 

[JennaJ]

hi guys,

as an original member of the anxious for the e-ring group, just thought I'd drop in to say hi and see how you all are - I'm still checking every few days to see who is next off the list

I was originally going to get the band on my e-ring narrowed but after 2 1/2 weeks (it seems much longer than that that I've been engaged!) I'm used to the band width by now and lots of people have said that it looks perfect on my hand so I think I'll keep it as is