Any plans due to the current situation in the USA?

[Ella]

Folks, I've removed some more posts that are directly talking politics. I am trying to leave this space for you all while respecting our no politics rule, please do not abuse it or I will need to close this thread down too.

 

[seaurchin]

My husband said something that made me feel a lot better, if this helps anyone else. He just said, "This is beyond us."

For some reason, that relieved a lot of my anxiety. I'm going to think of the uncertainty in our country the same way I think of getting ready for hurricane season. I never get anxious about that. I just prepare, to the extent that seems right to me/us.

So for now, instead of the larger house we planned to get here, we'll have the equivalent in small condos in different countries. We've already made our other arrangements. Then, we get on with enjoying our lives.

 

[Brigid]

We’ve just arrived home from remote island travel and due to this I haven’t had good net reception, I’m incredibly shocked and really concerned to hear this unbearable news! As are our family and friends throughout the world.

We have plans in place to visit and now those will be cancelled, close friends of ours are moving back to Australia which is very exciting!

Making big lifestyle changes like moving to another country is exhilarating, I’ve done it a couple of times in my life and have always gained much more, than I’ve lost.

 

[Calliecake]

In the past few days I’ve heard an aid who helps take care of my mom, laugh about a rapist, as if rape is now a funny subject. I’ve heard comments about men now saying to women “your body, my choice”. My SIL called this morning crying because she is fearful for her gay son.

Gee, and I wonder why I longer feel safe in my own country?

Thank you for your post @Brigid.

 

[Calliecake]

I know this has always been true @Avondale. I was so stunned hearing my mom’s aid. My mom is upset because I told her Thursday I am staying away for a few days because of this. When this happened I spoke out immediately that his comments were not funny and said that I had been raped. I stood up, kissed my mom goodbye and left abruptly. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that I was angry and upset. There was another elderly woman and female aid also there when this happened. When I got in to my car I was embarrassed for blurting out what I said and felt i should have just left without saying a word. This all happened on Wednesday evening and i’m still upset about it today. I’ve barely slept since this happened.

 

[Snowdrop13]

My husband said something that made me feel a lot better, if this helps anyone else. He just said, "This is beyond us."

For some reason, that relieved a lot of my anxiety. I'm going to think of the uncertainty in our country the same way I think of getting ready for hurricane season. I never get anxious about that. I just prepare, to the extent that seems right to me/us.

So for now, instead of the larger house we planned to get here, we'll have the equivalent in small condos in different countries. We've already made our other arrangements. Then, we get on with enjoying our lives.

Have you read any of the Stoic philosophers, particularly Marcus Aurelius? I have been finding their writings increasingly helpful over the past few years. They basically advocate not worrying about the things you can’t control, which is a lot of what’s happening these days (and I’m U.K. based so I’m not meaning recent US events only).

 

[Avondale]

When I got in to my car I was embarrassed for blurting out what I said and felt i should have just left without saying a word.

No, you shouldn’t have. You were right to say what you said.

The thing is, even though we may wish that the romanticised idea of people learning empathy through thoughtful deliberation were true, humans aren’t that spiritually, intellectually and morally elevated. Humans, more often than not, learn through experience - their own negative experience.

So maybe when you said what you said and acted the way you did, the aid felt embarrassed. Maybe his colleagues made him feel even worse after. Maybe all these negative feelings lead to him doing a little introspection and coming to the conclusion he should be more sensitive and considerate with inflammatory topics.

I’m not against dark humour in general, but its place isn’t in highly social environments where it can easily cause harm, regardless of intentions.

 

[Bonfire]

Oh @Calliecake I’m so sorry you experienced such insensitivity and verbal abuse. Thank you for trusting us with your feelings. Huge hugs!

Eta: Don’t regret standing up for yourself Callie. You said exactly the right thing by speaking your truth! XOXO

 

[seaurchin]

I know this has always been true @Avondale. I was so stunned hearing my mom’s aid. My mom is upset because I told her Thursday I am staying away for a few days because of this. When this happened I spoke out immediately that his comments were not funny and said that I had been raped. I stood up, kissed my mom goodbye and left abruptly. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that I was angry and upset. There was another elderly woman and female aid also there when this happened. When I got in to my car I was embarrassed for blurting out what I said and felt i should have just left without saying a word. This all happened on Wednesday evening and i’m still upset about it today. I’ve barely slept since this happened.

JMO but I think it's excellent that you spoke up. Hopefully, they got a much needed wake-up call there. Sorry it ruined your day, though.

 

[Matata]

When I got in to my car I was embarrassed for blurting out what I said and felt i should have just left without saying a word.

Silence is aiding and abetting. If people don't use their voices to counter the bad things in this world, the bad things will conquer.

 

[junebug17]

I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience @Calliecake. You were right to speak up. It will prevent this person from repeating these comments to others. I hope you can keep this in mind and it can bring you some comfort. I'm sending love and support, please try to take care of yourself. <3

 

[JPie]

I started reading a book called Let This Radicalize You, and I already feel more grounded and less anxious. It’s written by community organizers and talks about coming together to create the world we want.

It also happens to be free to download the ebook version right now: https://www.haymarketbooks.org/blogs/517-ten-free-ebooks-for-getting-free

 

[canuk-gal]

I know this has always been true @Avondale. I was so stunned hearing my mom’s aid. My mom is upset because I told her Thursday I am staying away for a few days because of this. When this happened I spoke out immediately that his comments were not funny and said that I had been raped. I stood up, kissed my mom goodbye and left abruptly. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that I was angry and upset. There was another elderly woman and female aid also there when this happened. When I got in to my car I was embarrassed for blurting out what I said and felt i should have just left without saying a word. This all happened on Wednesday evening and i’m still upset about it today. I’ve barely slept since this happened.

CC--you showed great restraint. I prolly would have drop kicked him. My foot to his body.

 

[Begonia]

CC--you showed great restraint. I prolly would have drop kicked him. My foot to his body.

I'll pull his jersey over his head for ya. No idea who offended whom, just showing up for sisters.

 

[seaurchin]

I'll do my part and twist his/her head off.

Road trip!

 

[Bonfire]

I started reading a book called Let This Radicalize You, and I already feel more grounded and less anxious. It’s written by community organizers and talks about coming together to create the world we want.

It also happens to be free to download the ebook version right now: https://www.haymarketbooks.org/blogs/517-ten-free-ebooks-for-getting-free

I just downloaded the audiobook. I like to listen while I exercise, drive, etc. Thanks for this great recommendation @JPie

 

[Calliecake]

I know the quote you posted is 100% true @Matata. I have great respect for you and your opinions have come to mean a lot to me over the years here, as many of the women’s opinions here have.

My mom has been living in a skilled nursing facility for the past 8 months. After 9 months of being my parents caretaker, I was told my mom needed more care than I was able to be provide her at home. I was lucky to find a wonderful facility. This man has always treated my mom with kindness and respect. I’m there almost everyday so see this on a regular basis.

Now I wish I had taken the man aside and talked to him privately. He has a 12 year old daughter he adores. All I would have had to say very calmly was imagine this happening to your daughter and imagine watching her struggle with the after effects for a long time. Also knowing that even though she’s put her life back together and is a happy person, you know there are times this haunts her and this will haunt her the rest of her life at times. Wouldn’t it hurt you immensely knowing someone hurt your daughter in such a way? Would you appreciate hearing other people laugh about rape as if it were a joke?

Does this approach seem wrong to those who you have read how I handled it and how I feel now. I so value the women’s opinions here. @Bonfire, @junebug17 @canuk-gal, @Avondale, @seaurchin @Begonia thank you for your feedback posts above.

I’ve just decided I am having this conversation with this man sometime this week. If nothing else I believe I will feel better for having done so. Maybe it will make him think. If not, I at least know I didn’t let it slide.

 

[Bonfire]

Because you have a relationship with this person through your mom, I think having this convo with him will help you to feel better and help you heal from his words. I can only hope he realizes he really stepped out of bounds and deeply hurt you and will give you the sincere apology you deserve and not backpedal or defend himself. I’ll be with you in spirit.

 

[Matata]

I’ve just decided I am having this conversation with this man sometime this week. If nothing else I believe I will feel better for having done so. Maybe it will make him think. If not, I at least know I didn’t let it slide.

Your strength is inspiring. I hope he listens respectfully.

 

[junebug17]

I think talking to him will help you feel better @Calliecake, and hopefully will make this person more sensitive to others in the future. I hope he apologizes so that you can heal from the hurt and anger. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

@Calliecake It is very difficult to digest disrespectful words/language/speech. In raising his awareness to how this made you feel--hopefully he will reflect and become more self aware. Strength to you CC.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[Austina]

I’m so sorry @Calliecake, that must’ve felt like a knife to the heart hearing such a crass and hurtful comment. Good for you for calling this person out at the time, it took courage to do that, and will hopefully make them think before ever mouthing off again.

 

[Avondale]

Does this approach seem wrong to those who you have read how I handled it and how I feel now.

It couldn't be further away from wrong. You want to acknowledge that you reacted emotionally in the spur of the moment, but now that you've had some time to calm down, you want to have a reasonable and mature talk about the situation.

I hope it goes well (or that it went well, if you already had the talk). It's a difficult subject to broach, even when you're in the right... especially when you're in the right in such a situation.

 

[Rhea]

These are people that have always been there, who have always had these beliefs. The re-election of a new president didn’t create them, only gave them venue to show their true colours.

This. One of my aunts is up my ass about not speaking to her over the last couple of years. But it's not because of who she planned to vote for, it's because of her ideas that led her to that decision. And me to mine. Family and friends are a choice.

 

[Ella]

Folks, last warning. No politics, whether US or other countries. No debating policies of a particular party, no blaming one side for problems.

 

[seaurchin]

Poor Ella. I hope they pay her well for having to put up with this unruly bunch!

I do have a suggestion. I was in a group once where if you misbehaved, your avatar would be put in a little jail section, where everyone could see your shameful funishment and leer at you. Wouldn't that be cute?

 

[carbonfan]

This dilemma has been weighing heavily in our household as well. There are so many variables to consider, especially with three growing kids in the mix, who are our greatest concern and are the most pressing reason why we are considering a move.

I have been researching a variety of geographic options over the last several days; however, my first choice would be Canada, specifically Vancouver or elsewhere in BC. But I would truly welcome the opportunity to live and work anywhere in Canada. I would be eternally grateful for any experience/advice in this regard! I seem to recall that we have a handful (or more!) of Canadians on this board so I thought I would throw this query out there. @Begonia, you specifically came to mind and I would love to hear your thoughts! I am reading everything I can find, but there is so much to digest (and life is already uber-busy!), so it would be amazing to get the inside scoop.

Many thanks in advance for any advice or info that would help us at this juncture!

 

[Bonfire]

This dilemma has been weighing heavily in our household as well. There are so many variables to consider, especially with three growing kids in the mix, who are our greatest concern and are the most pressing reason why we are considering a move.

I have been researching a variety of geographic options over the last several days; however, my first choice would be Canada, specifically Vancouver or elsewhere in BC. But I would truly welcome the opportunity to live and work anywhere in Canada. I would be eternally grateful for any experience/advice in this regard! I seem to recall that we have a handful (or more!) of Canadians on this board so I thought I would throw this query out there. @Begonia, you specifically came to mind and I would love to hear your thoughts! I am reading everything I can find, but there is so much to digest (and life is already uber-busy!), so it would be amazing to get the inside scoop.

Many thanks in advance for any advice or info that would help us at this juncture!

Tagging @canuk-gal too

 

[Begonia]

This dilemma has been weighing heavily in our household as well. There are so many variables to consider, especially with three growing kids in the mix, who are our greatest concern and are the most pressing reason why we are considering a move.

I have been researching a variety of geographic options over the last several days; however, my first choice would be Canada, specifically Vancouver or elsewhere in BC. But I would truly welcome the opportunity to live and work anywhere in Canada. I would be eternally grateful for any experience/advice in this regard! I seem to recall that we have a handful (or more!) of Canadians on this board so I thought I would throw this query out there. @Begonia, you specifically came to mind and I would love to hear your thoughts! I am reading everything I can find, but there is so much to digest (and life is already uber-busy!), so it would be amazing to get the inside scoop.

Many thanks in advance for any advice or info that would help us at

It's hard for me in some ways to weigh in as I've never lived in the US. Canadians feel culturally distinct from the US altho our economy is heavily influenced by yours. That will become more clear if you decide to try to get residency here.

I live not far from Vancouver, a mere ferry ride away. Not knowing where you currently live, you may be used to exorbitant housing prices and rent, hopefully you are, as that may be a bit of a shock, or not. Food costs have skyrocketed. We lack competition in our food suppliers and that shows in our weekly food bills. My family of 4 is paying $1000 more per month than 4 years ago.

Our Healthcare system is in a crisis, pure and simple. In BC we do not currently pay monthly for public Healthcare, although we do pay for it with our taxes. You cannot find a family doctor anywhere unless you're willing to join a private clinic (they didn't used to exist here, but now do) or pay a family practitioner a yearly fee (not all charge but many now do). Even then, there are no guarantees. Many many m a n y people are without a family physician. You can use online doctors for some medical issues but even they have a backlogged system, and don't provide all services. Example: my son needed a referral to a psychologist so he could be assessed for ADHD. I tried for 8 months to get him into a walk-in clinic to no avail. The online doctors couldn't refer so we ultimately had to go private and pay $1000 for an assessment. Healthcare is not free in Canada. Our emergency rooms are backlogged and there are many heartbreaking stories as a result of overworked doctors and nurses and a broken system.

Positives? Weather is mild, being the PNW, and the scenery is breathtakingly beautiful. There's plenty of outdoor activities to do. We are subject to forest fire smoke now, so if you have breathing issues, consider that.

Safety? Hard to assess that without knowing what your normal is. Relatively safe but do your homework. Each area is different.

That's some of the good, the bad and the ugly. Not too sure if this helps, but feel free to fire specific questions and I'll try my best!

 

[kenny]

Poor Ella. I hope they pay her well for having to put up with this unruly bunch!

I do have a suggestion. I was in a group once where if you misbehaved, your avatar would be put in a little jail section, where everyone could see your shameful funishment and leer at you. Wouldn't that be cute?

I know a forum where the mods put naughty posters into a forum named something like, "WHAAAAA! Where's my Binky?" HAHAHAHA!