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Completely Devastated...

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here's the one time i will disagree with musey. i think you should stop talking to him! seriously, your play by play of what you are doing sounds exhausting. if he doesn't want to discuss it, you can not force it out of him. you should allow him to collect himself and come to you when he is ready. i highly recommend you go about enjoying your relationship if you are determined to ignore the red flags. maybe having fun with you will lighten the pressure he may be feeling with his family, and certainly the pressure he may feel with yours (regarding the idea that he may have stolen from them). stop talking about the money, stop talking about the ring, and stop talking about getting engaged! because one thing is for certain, if he isn't ready, (and it sounds like he isn't sorry, it just does), nothing will aggravate him more, push him away more, than you constantly talking to him about this ring and what happened to the money. But for the record: you have way too many doubts to be ready to get married. this does not bode well at all. you really should focus on taking your time and getting to know each other better.
 
i never said that i was going to talk to him about the money. you may think that i am ignoring the red flags but i am not i am trusting him. i am still going to talk to him about the money with his parents thing because as i said before if we are going to get married someday here that we will need to be able to communicate. i cannot hold it all in until he becomes ready because i just want to know the truth esp. if something is wrong physically. so whether or not he tells me the truth is up to him but i dont want to sit here pretending everything is okay when i feel really upset about this whole thing.
 
Date: 11/6/2007 4:52:14 PM
Author: diamondsgirl22
i never said that i was going to talk to him about the money. you may think that i am ignoring the red flags but i am not i am trusting him. i am still going to talk to him about the money with his parents thing because as i said before if we are going to get married someday here that we will need to be able to communicate. i cannot hold it all in until he becomes ready because i just want to know the truth esp. if something is wrong physically. so whether or not he tells me the truth is up to him but i dont want to sit here pretending everything is okay when i feel really upset about this whole thing.
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I don''t understand......
 
whoever posted about the stealing of the money. they said that i shouldnt talk to him about him being a suspect in that and about the stealing. I am going to talk to him about his parents needing the money not about the stealing. understand now?
 
Date: 11/6/2007 4:52:14 PM
Author: diamondsgirl22
i never said that i was going to talk to him about the money. you may think that i am ignoring the red flags but i am not i am trusting him. i am still going to talk to him about the money with his parents thing because as i said before if we are going to get married someday here that we will need to be able to communicate. i cannot hold it all in until he becomes ready because i just want to know the truth esp. if something is wrong physically. so whether or not he tells me the truth is up to him but i dont want to sit here pretending everything is okay when i feel really upset about this whole thing.
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Um...look at the highlighted portions and tell me if you would like to make an edit.

I never said pretend that everything is okay, I said BACK OFF. It is but so much nagging a person can take. If the guy is going through something, then be supportive by being there and trying to take his mind off of it. Do not force him to talk about it when he does not want to. If you want to marry him, try being a little more selfless and think about how HE feels instead of how YOU are bothered by the lack of the "truth"? Do you honestly think you are ready to be engaged?
 
Date: 11/6/2007 4:58:21 PM
Author: diamondsgirl22
whoever posted about the stealing of the money. they said that i shouldnt talk to him about him being a suspect in that and about the stealing. I am going to talk to him about his parents needing the money not about the stealing. understand now?
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No, because I was talking about the money he gave his parents, not the stolen money. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, then here you are: you are coming across as obsessed with the loss of your engagement ring money instead of being supportive. No wonder he's upset.
 
i have not talked to him about the subject of his parents borrowing the money. i asked him about it and left it at that after he told me he didnt know. i do care abou thow he feels but i dont want to sit here in a reltionship and have him not be able to tell me something. i cannot believe how some of you ladies act around here. i know that you are trying to help but there is a point where it gets to be hurtful to the other lady involoved, which is me. i do care about how he feels which is why i am talking to him. i dont want you to edit it. i am not going to repeat myself so if you dont understand the post i posted above then i am sorry, what can i do to make you understand a little bit better?
 
i am in no way obsessed with the ering money. i am concerned about whether or not he is telling me the truth in where the money went and i want to know where it went. if someone in his family is sick or whatever the case. i care about the ering money but i really care about what is going on that he cant tell me the truth.
 
Maybe it would help if you quoted who you are responding to. Because the highlighted portion shows a contradiction. You aren''t going to talk to him about the money but you are going to talk to him about the money. I''m sorry if posts are coming across as hurtful but there is a reason people don''t think either of you are ready. You are going back and forth over and over, and this situation isn''t even that serious. What happens when a real crisis happens in your relationship. You can not force the poor guy to talk if he is not ready, no matter how bad you feel about it. Relationships take compromise, sometimes you just need to suck it up and be patient especially if you think it''s something very hard for him to talk about. You prying constantly must be the most frustrating thing for him to deal with. Leave the poor guy alone.
 
DG, I don't think that you're in the right frame of mind to benefit from the advice (though some of it is really excellent advice) that can given here. I know it's frustrating to feel conflicted between the need for advice and the need to defend your relationship, and that's probably a big reason why this thread is still going.

The bottom line is that the lovely ladies here will give you all the advice they can, because the vast majority of them genuinely want to help. However, none of us know any more about the situation (or any of the people involved) than what we can piece together from your posts -- which is generally where the confusion comes in.

I really think you'd be better served talking to close friends or even your family about the things you're going through. Because as much as we all want to understand and help, with a situation this complex... it's nearly impossible without getting specifics confused and lines crossed.
 
Date: 11/6/2007 5:17:18 PM
Author: musey
DG, I don't think that you're in the right frame of mind to benefit from the advice (though some of it is really excellent advice) that can given here. I know it's frustrating to feel conflicted between the need for advice and the need to defend your relationship, and that's probably a big reason why this thread is still going.

The bottom line is that the lovely ladies here will give you all the advice they can, because the vast majority of them genuinely want to help. However, none of us know any more about the situation (or any of the people involved) than what we can piece together from your posts -- which is generally where the confusion comes in.

I really think you'd be better served talking to close friends or even your family about the things you're going through. Because as much as we all want to understand and help, with a situation this complex... it's nearly impossible without getting specifics confused and lines crossed.
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Well put Musey. I think it's gotten to the point where everyone is going in circles and nothing is helping or accomplishing anything. I think it is just the situation, but I'm not really sure that anyone can say anything that hasn't already been said. Unless one of you ladies can prove me wrong!
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In any event, I think that there has been some really great points brought up in responce to your situation, DG. I hope that you can take what is needed from the advice and that everything works out for you.
 
Yeah, I think talking to a friend or relative, perhaps someone that knows both of you and understands your situation would be a better person to seek advice from. We can only offer advice based on the information you provide us with.
 
sorry but how much money is this really over?.

...and how did the accusations of him stealing, turn to him not stealing (wrong wording from your dad)


...and then to giving up your ring fund

... i dont know im just so confused....

if its alright i will chime in with my point of view, an engagement wont cure a relationship! many have said that on here please take that advice. i have a friend who believes that her super unstable and unhealthy relationship will all be cured by an engagement and i dont think that to get engaged or to even begin talking about or planning an engagement when things are rockey is a healthy thing to do.

i too live at home with my parents and so does M but thats cause we personally chose to do that, does that mean we arent finacially stable ABSOLUTELY NOT! if we wanted to move in together we could we have been saving since our 2nd year of being togther (we are going on 6 years this coming february). being finacially stable and being able to take care of yourself is very important. and it doesnt seem like you guys are finacially stable, and i know that money and economic standing shouldnt be what love is based upon, but those are critical things and they are what many marriges and relationships are broken over....

you should also be able to take care of yourself as an individual, and i know that i dont know you personally but it seems like you need to just take a breather and focus on yourself a bit, especially before you plan on bringing up this money situation again...you should have a clear mind going into that and it just seems like thats not a point where you are at right now

i have nothing against getting married at an early age if your ready for it. i mean im 20 going on 21 in a month and M is 23 and we are planning on getting engaged hopefully (fingers crossed) by the end of 2007....so im not sayiing that you cant make a relationship work when your young you can,but with the odds against young couples you really have to be strong and mature enough to handle certain situations even if your not ready for them...

i really do hope for the best for your relationship...and take some of the advice on this board, not as words to hurt you but to help you grow, i know that many many many women on here have helped me alot of times...so take their advice they know what they are talking about.

..but ULTIMATELY ITS UP TO YOU AND WHATS IN YOUR HEART, no one can tell you who to love, no one can tell you who to trust, those are decsions that you have to make yourself.

so take a breather and just think...im sure its all going to work out...it always does....
 
so here is the truth about the whole situation with him and i. he never lied to me about his parents needing the money. they needed it and i guess that from what he said it was hard for them to ask him for money. this money was used to help pay for his mother''s hospital bill because she had a heart attack. i knew this but didnt know that the money was going to that. it happened a few weeks ago. he never told me what the money was for because i never exactly made it clear to him that i wanted to know exacts. he is planning on talking to his parents about the money and if and when he will get it back. he never lied to me about it at all. i just want to put this in the past and move on because as far as i know he is being 100% truthful and honest with me. i am sorry if i am upsetting anyone and i value your advice but it is all fixed now so thank you for the advice. a lot of it proved to come in handy.
 
oh and someone in a post a little bit back said stuff that had to relate to the STOLEN money, yah know the whole thing with my brother and then my dad telling me to look out for myself. that is in the past. the thing that i have been talking about recently is about his parents needing to borrow money from him out of his savings. i asked him if they took all of it/ how much he had saved, and he said that that didnt matter. so pretty much it was a few thousand if not more. he works a lot. confused still?
 
Diamond,

I haven''t responded to this thread because, quite frankly, I can''t keep up and I find this all rather confusing and convoluted.

I will say this, you are spending an awful lot of time defending your boyfriend on an internet website to a bunch of people who, while wanting to give you good advice, quite frankly have no vested interest in your life. That, in and of itself, is a huge red flag to me.

I hope he didn''t steal, gamble, or give away whomevers money and that you two can move on from this debacle, but that you continuely return to this thread to defend him, yourself, your brother, etc. tells me you still aren''t quite comfortable with the whole situation and I hope you work with him to get to a place where you are.
 
Date: 11/7/2007 9:32:47 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Diamond,

I haven''t responded to this thread because, quite frankly, I can''t keep up and I find this all rather confusing and convoluted.

I will say this, you are spending an awful lot of time defending your boyfriend on an internet website to a bunch of people who, while wanting to give you good advice, quite frankly have no vested interest in your life. That, in and of itself, is a huge red flag to me.

I hope he didn''t steal, gamble, or give away whomevers money and that you two can move on from this debacle, but that you continuely return to this thread to defend him, yourself, your brother, etc. tells me you still aren''t quite comfortable with the whole situation and I hope you work with him to get to a place where you are.
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DI-TTO.
 
The only reason I can imagine that you persist in saying you trust this guy is that you really want to trust him. The truth is that you''ve been wracked with fear an suspicion, tormented by questions and confusion and flat out said "i am concerned about whether or not he is telling me the truth in where the money went and i want to know where it went."

So, now you believe you have the truth, but up until the moment you did.... you did not trust him. I think if you could just admit that to yourself, you''d feel clearer. WhatEVER he did or didn''t do, you need to admit that you had serious doubts about the integrity of your relationship. You''re not evil for having those feelings, but denying that they exist will eff you up.
 
nevermind
 
his mom had a heart attack and was hospitalized a few weeks ago? I can''t keep up...

So far all the advice people have given you, you do not take up (security camera, asking his parents not him about whether they borrowed money). It doesn''t seem like you want to get independent information. this posting has become a waste of time.
 
Date: 11/7/2007 10:50:55 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/7/2007 9:32:47 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Diamond,

I haven''t responded to this thread because, quite frankly, I can''t keep up and I find this all rather confusing and convoluted.

I will say this, you are spending an awful lot of time defending your boyfriend on an internet website to a bunch of people who, while wanting to give you good advice, quite frankly have no vested interest in your life. That, in and of itself, is a huge red flag to me.

I hope he didn''t steal, gamble, or give away whomevers money and that you two can move on from this debacle, but that you continuely return to this thread to defend him, yourself, your brother, etc. tells me you still aren''t quite comfortable with the whole situation and I hope you work with him to get to a place where you are.
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DI-TTO.
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THRI-ITTO.
 
I have been following this thread and trying so hard not to get involved...but:

(Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is made up and just keeps evolving based on our responses?)

DG22- It seems that you are having a really difficult time articulating all of the details involved in the issues at hand, which is probably why you are getting the cynical responses and advice that you don''t really want to take. If this is all for real, I would stop posting about it here. You probably should be getting support from your real life friends who likely understand the details of your situation better than you are able to explain them here.

It will work out the way it''s meant to be in the end.
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Date: 11/9/2007 4:41:01 PM
Author: *RubyRN*
I have been following this thread and trying so hard not to get involved...but:

(Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is made up and just keeps evolving based on our responses?)

DG22- It seems that you are having a really difficult time articulating all of the details involved in the issues at hand, which is probably why you are getting the cynical responses and advice that you don''t really want to take. If this is all for real, I would stop posting about it here. You probably should be getting support from your real life friends who likely understand the details of your situation better than you are able to explain them here.

It will work out the way it''s meant to be in the end.
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Thank you for saying what many of us are thinking. This whole thread is so very sad.
 
LostSapphire and Ruby, I generally like to give people the benefit of the doubt on the truthful-post front, but I can see where some of the coincidences certainly make it seem strange (particularly the suggestion that maybe it's a neighbor breaking in, followed by DG22's discovery that a neighbor has been breaking into their house... and then the suggestion that his parents needed the money for hospital bills, followed by DG22's discovery or remembering that his mother had suffered a heart attack and that they need money for hospital bills).

But really, what would be the point of her continuously returning for further advice if the situation were fabricated?

Still, diamondsgirl hasn't posted for two days now, so I'm hoping that she's taken my advice and gone elsewhere for help. PSers can't help her, especially when some of them are doubting the authenticity of her story.
 
It seems like there has been a rash of attention-seeking threads lately. It all smells a bit suspect to me too. And Quad-ditto on not being able to understand what the hell this thread is even about. Geez.
 
I have been watching this thread since the first post on October 31st. Something about the timing had me wondering even back then.

So I ran the report of "show all posts by this user".

At 12:00:38 pm on October 31st was the first "completely devastated" post. A long, sad tale, followed by 15 more posts that afternoon/evening alone.

The thing that I found strange was, that at 12:01:31 p.m. on October 31st (ie: one and a half minutes following the initial "Completely Devastated" post, there is another one by the same user in the "Happy Halloween" thread, as follows:
"woohoo, you ladies do some nice carving!!!!!! ..."

...hmmmmmm

 
Date: 11/9/2007 7:27:27 PM
Author: surfgirl
It seems like there has been a rash of attention-seeking threads lately. It all smells a bit suspect to me too. And Quad-ditto on not being able to understand what the hell this thread is even about. Geez.
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YUP.
 
Date: 11/9/2007 8:36:51 PM
Author: LostSapphire
I have been watching this thread since the first post on October 31st. Something about the timing had me wondering even back then.

So I ran the report of ''show all posts by this user''.

At 12:00:38 pm on October 31st was the first ''completely devastated'' post. A long, sad tale, followed by 15 more posts that afternoon/evening alone.

The thing that I found strange was, that at 12:01:31 p.m. on October 31st (ie: one and a half minutes following the initial ''Completely Devastated'' post, there is another one by the same user in the ''Happy Halloween'' thread, as follows:
''woohoo, you ladies do some nice carving!!!!!! ...''

...hmmmmmm

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Lost, I''m glad it''s not just me that notices these weird coincedences! I thought I was being too suspicious and not trusting enough... but I see things like that here on a regular basis. Someone comes on having some URGENT life altering CRISIS and it can be someone died, someone left them, someone cheated, someone did something heinously awful to them and we''re all supposed to help calm them down...then on some other section of the forum they''re posting away about buying jewelry, or upgrading their rings or some such nonsense. It''s really bizarro. But you have to remember that this IS the internet and all sorts of loonies hang out here...I''m not saying the OP on this thread is a looney, but yeah, I see a LOT of suspect threads coming up more and more lately. One has to wonder if it''s the same person or just a coinkydink.
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Thank you for that. I was starting to doubt myself, and think I was being a nasty, superstitious, unforgiving you-know-what.

The word "duped" comes to my mind.

ETA: what's a coinkydoink?

oops: I meant "coinkydink"?

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Date: 11/9/2007 4:41:01 PM
Author: *RubyRN*
I have been following this thread and trying so hard not to get involved...but:


(Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is made up and just keeps evolving based on our responses?)
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Not at all. My above post was a huge rant explaining why I thought just that. Then I decided just to stay out of it and deleted it 10 seconds after I clicked submit....
 
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