Do you want children?

[purselover]

We would be okay with no children, but we would like to adopt a little girl around 30 maybe, she would probably be a little older like between 2-5 years old.

This is also a deal breaker for me I would never be with someone who wanted a "biological" child.

 

[fuzzers]

Date: 12/10/2008 5:42:22 PM
Author: Amanda.Rx
I just can't imagine my life without a family of my own. SO and I both want children one day (maybe 2-3). I think it's romantic to create something so unique and special between you and the love of your life. Also, I love my parents and and I know how much they love me, and I thank them for the opportunities they gave me for my life. I can't think of a better way to repay them (and get joy of of life) than to continue what they did for me and give them the joy of grandchildren.

My sister doesn't want children (and my SO's sister probably won't have them), and it kills me that I won't have a niece of nephew. I can't imagine my family's or my SO's family blood line ending forever with us. It's such a sad thought. If you don't have children, what do you have leave behind when you leave this world?

Also, what an incredible feeling it must be to be pregnant! I can't think of a better use for my body as a woman, and I would be heart broken of I ever found out that I was incapable of having children.

I know everyone doesn't share the same opinion, but I think giving birth to a child and raising a family has got to be one of the most satisfying feelings in life.

Amanda, these are my sentiments EXACTLY!

I can think of no greater joy than conceiving a child with my current SO. I sometimes get flack for not being a "free-thinking woman of the 21st century" -whatever that means- but, different strokes for different folks.

 

[purelily]

Yes, we want kids

I read this thread right before I went to sleep last night wondering if I should answer and then my SO did something pretty strange....

My SO woke up in the middle of the night last night and said," Do you want kids?" We had talked about it many times before, so I looked at him and said "Of course!"

So, he says," Would your mom be excited if we had kids?"
I responded," Yah! my whole family can''t wait for us to have kids."

He was quiet for about a minute. Then said," Do you want to start trying to have kids soon?"

I told him I would love to try to have kids soon, because we both want to be young enough to have the energy for children.

Another silence entailed and he said, "Oh, we''re not engaged yet. We should probably do that first."

Hmm... I didn''t want to push him (I''ve been taking your advice!). So, I said "Oh, well, maybe no kids just yet then."
But he still wanted to talk about it... so last night at 3:30 while we were both exhausted and sleepy we had a long conversation about names and whether we want a boy or girl first (he doesn''t care, but I want a boy then a girl) and how we both want our first child within two years.

Cute, right?

 

[princesss]

Purelily, that''s adorable!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 12/10/2008 8:13:07 PM
Author: purelily

I told him I would love to try to have kids soon, because we both want to be young enough to have the energy for children.

good idea.

you don''t wantna chase a 7 yr old kid around in your 40''s.

 

[that_someone_special]

purelily-- VERY CUTE!!

 

[purelily]

Thanks Yah, my SO can be quite funny at times. Sorry for threadjacking! I just wanted to share and it was on topic

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Yes - I am almost 30 and I have no idea when my BF is going to propose...I know he wants 2 kids, but we have not talked timing. I am hoping he will be ok with us trying shortly after we get married, weather that is one year from now or longer.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/10/2008 7:13:26 PM
Author: purselover
We would be okay with no children, but we would like to adopt a little girl around 30 maybe, she would probably be a little older like between 2-5 years old.

This is also a deal breaker for me I would never be with someone who wanted a ''biological'' child.

I''m with you on this! I cannot imagine one reason on this earth to have a biological child. Thankfully I have a partner who agrees! We are currently ''anti kid'', but if we change our minds, we will adopt. We decided that we should ''decide'' if we want kids by 33ish, so that we can adopt by 36ish. That gives us 6.5-7 years to decide, and 10 yrs before kids

I am advocating for a child (or siblings!) who is 4-6, he wants kids under age 5. We''ll see. But for now, it''s us and the dog, and we are happy with that. But adoption is the back-up plan.

I would have my tubes tied tomorrow. I have ''zero'' interest in reproducing.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/10/2008 3:13:32 PM
Author: smithsmith
It would be a big fat NO for me, and BF is in totally with me on this one. In fact, I had my tubes tied 7 years ago and feel that was an awesome decision for me. I don''t tell most people this, though, since folks tend to think that I am the spawn of Satan for doing such a thing! When people ask me what my baby plans are, I just say, ''Oh, well I''m not even married yet, how can I think about babies!''

But yeah, you definitely need to hash this one out and be in total agreement before even getting engaged. Talk about a deal- and relationship-killer if the other person fells differently re: having kids.

I don''t think you''re the Spawn of Satan (and that''s coming with a woman with a baby...or maybe it''s BECAUSE I have a kid that I think that...

). I''m sure many woman would disagree or raise an eyebrow at the very least, but kudos to you for knowing who you are and exactly what you want...and ensuring that it stays that way.

I do have a question though...how do you/did you handle it when dating? Did you divulge the info right away? Not too many woman get their tubes tied even if they don''t want children and I would imagine that for some men it''s a dealbreaker - which would be a shame that they don''t give themselves a chance to fall in love with someone who may be right for them in all things except on whether they want to have a kid or not (which admittedly, is a big thing).

 

[glitterazzi]

Date: 12/9/2008 10:41:11 PM
Author: IloveAsschers13

Date: 12/9/2008 10:20:06 PM

Author: laughwithme

I will join the ''meant-to-be-a-Mom'' club... I basically feel like my life''s purpose won''t be complete until I bring a few little babies into this beautiful world...and yes, I am a believer that it is beautiful



B wants 2 kids, and I desperately want 3 (maybe 4 if finances allow.) I would love two boys and a girl, or three boys (but I get what I get!) We will likely start trying around the time we are both 27 or 28. We''ve agreed that of course after getting married/house, the #1 goal to achieve pre-babies is a trip to Europe. Heck, maybe we could start trying on the trip!



Like some of you, I have six (soon-to-be-seven) neices and nephews whom I love more than anything. I am also in love with B''s baby cousin (who has a lil brother/sister on the way also!) and I can *kind of* consider that baby to be my family, right???

okay, okay, he will be soon!

uhhh are we the same person?!?!?! geeze this is EXACTLY everything we are trying to do!!!

Okay... we must be triplets!!! LOL! While I don''t have an nieces or nephews, I do have "adopted" nieces and nephews (bff''s babies). My SO has baby fever!!! No - he doesn''t want to have babies before we are married, but he cannot get enough of our friends babies!!! And he''s SO DAMN CUTE when he''s around kids!!! How could I NOT want to have kids with him?! He wants boys only, and I had to sit him down and tell him to change his thinking because if I ever found out I was pregnant with a girl I would feel all alone with her if he was playing the boy only card. He needs to be pro-baby, regardless of the gender.

He''s "future guy" - you know - that guy who plans the future before he realizes what exactly he''s implying. (ex: first date he told me our first dance would be at our wedding... umm FIRST DATE!!! A little early for wedding talk!). He wants to be married in the next year (no, we''re not even engaged yet), and start trying to have a baby after our first anniversary. Did I mention he wants to celebrate our first anniversary in Italy... I''m not arguing!

So - here''s a question for you future mommies out there... have you done the ring/pencil test? My SO''s and mine say boy girl boy - but he swears that last boy isn''t REAL (he only wants 2... I guess he has something against middle children)!

 

[smithsmith]

I do have a question though...how do you/did you handle it when dating? Did you divulge the info right away? Not too many woman get their tubes tied even if they don''t want children and I would imagine that for some men it''s a dealbreaker - which would be a shame that they don''t give themselves a chance to fall in love with someone who may be right for them in all things except on whether they want to have a kid or not (which admittedly, is a big thing).

Thanks TravelingGal - you wouldn''t believe how nasty people can be when the find out my "secret," which is why I don''t share with many people in real life! I mean, I don''t give people crap about how many kids they have - to each their own, you know?

But anyway, I haven''t done a ton of "serious" dating so it has not been a big deal for me. I was in a long-term relationship when I got my tubes tied, and after that ended I sort of just casually dated around for a while and didn''t mention it. I figured those relationships weren''t going anywhere anyhow.

Having kids actually somehow came up on the first date with my wonderful BF. So I just told him right then. I was really into him so I figured he''d be better off knowing right off the bat. He was relieved!! It''s just one more thing that makes us perfect for each other.

If he had reacted negatively, we wouldn''t have been dating long.

Funny thing, when I was consulting with my doctor before the surgery, she said, "What would happen if you met the man of your dreams, and he wanted children?" I answered, "Well, he wouldn''t be the man of my dreams then would he!" Turns out I was right.

 

[fieryred33143]

I have always wanted children because I have always believed that was part of life. Just like going to Mass. I go because that was part of my life. But as the years went on, I started doubting. I love sleeping in. I love getting my spirit airline redlight specials and hopping on a plane the next night to NY. I love my life as is.

FI on the other hand has been wanting a baby for the past two years. Every single time we pass a child he would get this silly look on his face. And the not so funny thing is that he would have been perfectly happy having a baby without ever proposing or getting married

.

We''re engaged now and expecting. I was completely freaked out about it and still am but I''m warming up to the idea. He is on cloud 9. There isn''t a moment that passes that he doesn''t talk about the baby. He started crying when he saw the u/s. He kisses my belly (which as a big girl, doesn''t make me feel all that sexy LOL) every chance he gets. His enthusiasm is what makes me know that we''re at the right place/time to have this baby. His confidence boosts my confidence a lot. If he hadn''t felt this way I would probably be a mess right now.

So for those that aren''t sure I just wanted to let you know that having a partner who is 100% sure really does make the process so much easier and so much more beautiful. And if you are the one that is 100% sure and your partner is freaking out about the idea, it''ll pass (most of the time anyway) LOL

 

[purselover]

Date: 12/10/2008 11:25:45 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 12/10/2008 7:13:26 PM

Author: purselover

We would be okay with no children, but we would like to adopt a little girl around 30 maybe, she would probably be a little older like between 2-5 years old.


This is also a deal breaker for me I would never be with someone who wanted a ''biological'' child.

I''m with you on this! I cannot imagine one reason on this earth to have a biological child. Thankfully I have a partner who agrees! We are currently ''anti kid'', but if we change our minds, we will adopt. We decided that we should ''decide'' if we want kids by 33ish, so that we can adopt by 36ish. That gives us 6.5-7 years to decide, and 10 yrs before kids

I am advocating for a child (or siblings!) who is 4-6, he wants kids under age 5. We''ll see. But for now, it''s us and the dog, and we are happy with that. But adoption is the back-up plan.


I would have my tubes tied tomorrow. I have ''zero'' interest in reproducing.

yay I''m glad to see I''m not the only one

sometimes IRL I get the "why would you want to adopt" speech, people don''t always understand the adoption urge

 

[SuiteLady]

I would love to have a child. He also wants one. We are both over 35 and are very understanding that it is an uphill challenge with conception at our age. I kinda bopped through life always thinking that when I was ready for a child, I could have one like this *snaps fingers*. Welll....At my last gyno appointment, I learned that I was old and that all of my viable eggs have greatly diminished. What a smack on the head!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/11/2008 7:17:34 PM
Author: purselover

Date: 12/10/2008 11:25:45 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 12/10/2008 7:13:26 PM

Author: purselover

We would be okay with no children, but we would like to adopt a little girl around 30 maybe, she would probably be a little older like between 2-5 years old.


This is also a deal breaker for me I would never be with someone who wanted a ''biological'' child.

I''m with you on this! I cannot imagine one reason on this earth to have a biological child. Thankfully I have a partner who agrees! We are currently ''anti kid'', but if we change our minds, we will adopt. We decided that we should ''decide'' if we want kids by 33ish, so that we can adopt by 36ish. That gives us 6.5-7 years to decide, and 10 yrs before kids

I am advocating for a child (or siblings!) who is 4-6, he wants kids under age 5. We''ll see. But for now, it''s us and the dog, and we are happy with that. But adoption is the back-up plan.


I would have my tubes tied tomorrow. I have ''zero'' interest in reproducing.

yay I''m glad to see I''m not the only one

sometimes IRL I get the ''why would you want to adopt'' speech, people don''t always understand the adoption urge

I

Adoption Stories on TLC. They get me everytime! Adoption really is so beautiful, especially the older children who think they will never be adopted, and then they get this wonderful family! Makes me all warm and fuzzy!

 

[lala2332]

its nice to hear that there are other people who want children, but who don''t as a general rule like children. I''ve always thought I was kind of crazy in that way.

I don''t ever want to turn into a baby gusher....ew. But I know i will fiercly love my future children.

 

[glitterazzi]

Date: 12/11/2008 12:51:12 PM
Author: smithsmith

I do have a question though...how do you/did you handle it when dating? Did you divulge the info right away? Not too many woman get their tubes tied even if they don''t want children and I would imagine that for some men it''s a dealbreaker - which would be a shame that they don''t give themselves a chance to fall in love with someone who may be right for them in all things except on whether they want to have a kid or not (which admittedly, is a big thing).

Thanks TravelingGal - you wouldn''t believe how nasty people can be when the find out my ''secret,'' which is why I don''t share with many people in real life! I mean, I don''t give people crap about how many kids they have - to each their own, you know?


But anyway, I haven''t done a ton of ''serious'' dating so it has not been a big deal for me. I was in a long-term relationship when I got my tubes tied, and after that ended I sort of just casually dated around for a while and didn''t mention it. I figured those relationships weren''t going anywhere anyhow.


Having kids actually somehow came up on the first date with my wonderful BF. So I just told him right then. I was really into him so I figured he''d be better off knowing right off the bat. He was relieved!! It''s just one more thing that makes us perfect for each other.

If he had reacted negatively, we wouldn''t have been dating long.


Funny thing, when I was consulting with my doctor before the surgery, she said, ''What would happen if you met the man of your dreams, and he wanted children?'' I answered, ''Well, he wouldn''t be the man of my dreams then would he!'' Turns out I was right.

Wow - I''m a baby lover, and can''t wait to have kids, but I have to give you kudos for knowing what you want in life and not leaving anything up to chance. I give you props for making this decision, no one should have such a responsibility if they don''t want it. How completely empowering. Thanks for sharing your story - and you can tell anyone who thinks you''re Satan to go to hell... and live their own lives.

 

[gwendolyn]

Honestly, I don't really. I think I'd be a good parent, but I still don't especially want children. I'm not hugely against them either, but if at almost 31 I don't have the drive to have any, I doubt things will change anytime soon.

J says he will be happy either way (with kids or without) but that he would like to be a father. I told him a few times we should break up because of that, since I couldn't promise him I'd ever want kids. He said he'd only ever want kids with me anyway, so if we didn't have any, then he didn't want any, and that he knew we'd have a wonderful life together if we were parents or not.

I don't know why, but it makes me feel guilty, not wanting kids. Like, I know I'm supposed to, and that there must be something wrong with me because I don't. And it's not because I don't like kids or anything--I'm a teacher, and a good one at that, because I love my kids (my students) very much and work really hard to help make them the best people they can be. So, why don't I want my own? I don't entirely know. There are aspects of myself I would hate to pass on to someone else, but it's not just that. I just...don't.

 

[rnbwsktles]

This is always such an interesting topic. The stereotype seems to be that it''s the men that are always hesitant to have children, but it seems that many of you are saying the complete opposite!

The dreams I''ve had for my future have always included having a family. I''ve never been a career oriented person, and if it''s financially possible, I do not want to work while my children are young. Once they are in school full time, I would like to do something part time or even volunteer somewhere. But I want to be home when they get home from school. I worked at an after-school program for several years and I hated how those children were treated. Most were second class citizens to their parents careers (Mom or Dad would come in, still talking on their cell phone about work, sign their kid out, and drag them by the arm out the door while yelling at them for not having done their homework yet because Mom or Dad does not have time to help them later). I don''t want to have to send my child to school sick because I have no personal days left at work. There are so many reasons I want to be a stay at home Mom, but that''s a little off topic.

The FI and I have only been engaged for a few weeks and we don''t even have a date set yet, but we both agree that we would like children after 2 or 3 years of marriage. That will probably put me around 30. He''s afraid that he won''t be a good father and that he will never make enough money to support a family (he''s a paranoid/anxious person in general and will probably never overcome these fears), but at the same time he''s always coming up to me with new baby names he''s picked out and talks about restoring an old van he has so we have something to "drive the kids around in."

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/12/2008 12:12:05 PM
Author: rnbwsktles
This is always such an interesting topic. The stereotype seems to be that it''s the men that are always hesitant to have children, but it seems that many of you are saying the complete opposite!

The dreams I''ve had for my future have always included having a family. I''ve never been a career oriented person, and if it''s financially possible, I do not want to work while my children are young. Once they are in school full time, I would like to do something part time or even volunteer somewhere. But I want to be home when they get home from school. I worked at an after-school program for several years and I hated how those children were treated. Most were second class citizens to their parents careers (Mom or Dad would come in, still talking on their cell phone about work, sign their kid out, and drag them by the arm out the door while yelling at them for not having done their homework yet because Mom or Dad does not have time to help them later). I don''t want to have to send my child to school sick because I have no personal days left at work. There are so many reasons I want to be a stay at home Mom, but that''s a little off topic.

The FI and I have only been engaged for a few weeks and we don''t even have a date set yet, but we both agree that we would like children after 2 or 3 years of marriage. That will probably put me around 30. He''s afraid that he won''t be a good father and that he will never make enough money to support a family (he''s a paranoid/anxious person in general and will probably never overcome these fears), but at the same time he''s always coming up to me with new baby names he''s picked out and talks about restoring an old van he has so we have something to ''drive the kids around in.''

Poor SO is really anti-kid. His brother married a woman with a child, which he was not too keen on, and they are expecting already. (YAY for them!) SO is not excited AT ALL about his future niece/nephew, and it makes me so sad!

I wish he could be happy for his brother and excited about the coming baby, but he''s a total grump about it. It''s frustrating for me because after we were married, it would be MY niece or nephew too! (my first one!) and I am SUPRE EXCITED! But I don''t feel like I can act excited because of his lack of enthusiasm.

 

[radiantquest]

well my husband has a 12 year old daughter and she isnt pleasant. in fact she really is intolerable sometimes. he is less excited then me because of this. i watch the baby shows on TLC and that makes me really want one. i want one in the next year or so. he does not want another girl. i dont care either way. i want a girl for me and a boy for him. so either way i will be happy. there is alot that needs done before i can get pregnant though. finances need to be a little better and we need an addition on our house for a baby room. i wish he were more excited to have a baby, but i figure that when i am actually pregnant he will be excited about it. how could he not? i would get pregnant tomorrow if i could. saying that though i am not really fond of kids. other peoples kids that is. i know that it will be different when they are mine and are raised with my values.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/12/2008 4:34:17 PM
Author: radiantquest
well my husband has a 12 year old daughter and she isnt pleasant. in fact she really is intolerable sometimes. he is less excited then me because of this. i watch the baby shows on TLC and that makes me really want one. i want one in the next year or so. he does not want another girl. i dont care either way. i want a girl for me and a boy for him. so either way i will be happy. there is alot that needs done before i can get pregnant though. finances need to be a little better and we need an addition on our house for a baby room. i wish he were more excited to have a baby, but i figure that when i am actually pregnant he will be excited about it. how could he not? i would get pregnant tomorrow if i could. saying that though i am not really fond of kids. other peoples kids that is. i know that it will be different when they are mine and are raised with my values.

hahaha, this reminds me of what a friend told me: that you have kids when they are little and cute so that when they are obnoxious teens, you don''t kill them or give them away