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:-( He cheated.

Date: 5/20/2010 8:23:55 PM
Author: kittybean
Date: 5/20/2010 8:19:42 PM

Author: iota15


His text messages (1) are aimed at lessening his guilt, and (2) will only prolong your healing period. He''s a dirtbag. You''re not going to date him again (I hope), so when you feel ready, stop responding to texts, divvy up what you need to get, and delete/ignore all incoming texts and calls. Clean break. Let him deal with himself and what he did.
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This advice is absolutely dead-on. He''s a dirtbag. The sooner you cut him completely out of your life, the sooner you can move on, and the better your life will be. Both he and your ''friend'' are disgusting scum, and you don''t need or want to have any sort of relationship with either of them in the future.
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Parsley, I agree with the above too. It will be nigh on impossible to ignore both of them completely - after all you can''t switch your feelings off - but try as hard as you can, and make sure that you have "back-ups" for when you feel tempted to communicate with him - delete the numbers, bar your phone from calling them if you have them memorise, have a friend or family member who you can call any time of day or night when you feel tempted to call/text/email him.

It is a really awful process that you have to go through at the moment but it will become less raw with time, even if it doesn''t feel that way. Hugs to you.
 
how are you doing today honey? I hope you''re feeling at least a little bit better.

HUGS
 
I am so sorry to read about this. I know exactly how you are feeling, the sickness in your stomach, the ache in your heart. I''ve been there. You must remain strong. He can''t be allowed to play on your emotions. And I am sure he will try that. He has behaved in a reprehensible manner. If he is feeling miserable its his own fault. He decided to do this.

If you can hold out and be strong you will find the pain subsides. You will feel in control and in a position to make a decision about the future. You may choose to forgive him, or to walk away. You can''t make that decision now. Give yourself some time and work out what YOU want to do.

Sending you big hugs!
 
I''m so glad I have this place. I''ve had so much love and support from you, and I''m so grateful it''s untrue.

Today has been hard. I''m not sure how well this will go down, but bear with me, kay?

I talked to one of my best friends (a true best friend, one that is in complete shock and ready for blood kind of best friend) for a couple of hours on the phone. She''s an amazing person, has such a good head on her, and is of the only people whose advice I can always trust to be sound.

I was talking about how I''ve got to this stage today where I still HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM, but now I keep remembering how much I love him and how much I miss him. I can''t remember if I said here about his text last night? He sent me a message saying it didn''t feel right to go to sleep without me. It was my favourite part of the day and we had such routines and all these things that used to help me go to sleep. It got to me when I woke up and missed him. So that was where I was at today. I needed to know if he was sorry. I told my friend this and she said if you think you need to talk to him, do it. You''ll torture yourself either way. I''m not telling you to ring him, but do what you think is best.

So I did ring him. He didn''t answer. Got a message awhile later...."Hey whats up?" Like it was any other day. I said I needed to talk to him, his reply? Here''s the kicker. "What about?" Hmm. Can you think? After getting past that he was like "you''re just going to shout at me and call me a (expletive) and I am one, and you''ll just be upset etc." That really got to me, it was like...I''m upset all the time anyway. I know I need to talk to you sooner or later, and now I can''t hurt much more so best do it now. Then he just said "Ring me if you want" I dunno if it comes through to everyone, or if it''s just because I know him, but it was just so...like him going fine whatever, ring me. You know?

So I rang him. He was so matter of fact. I''m sorry, what happened happened, he is sorry. He sounded like someone talking on the phone while watching something on tv. I was so hurt, realising that he truly did not care, he sounded completely normal. He said he was sorry, and I said I couldn''t believe him, and then he snapped at me "Well what''s the point of talking to me then?" Actually snapped. So I hung up. And sobbed. I got messages apologising for snapping, saying he was sorry, he didn''t want me to hate him. It''s all rubbish. He''s a coward that didn''t want to hear me cry. He''s been acting all devastated to our housemate, but he''s just not. He just seems completely happy to be rid of me, like it was annoying that this came of it, but whatever, he''s free.

This hurts so much.
 
Date: 5/21/2010 6:45:46 PM
Author: Parsley
I''m so glad I have this place. I''ve had so much love and support from you, and I''m so grateful it''s untrue.

Today has been hard. I''m not sure how well this will go down, but bear with me, kay?

I talked to one of my best friends (a true best friend, one that is in complete shock and ready for blood kind of best friend) for a couple of hours on the phone. She''s an amazing person, has such a good head on her, and is of the only people whose advice I can always trust to be sound.

I was talking about how I''ve got to this stage today where I still HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM, but now I keep remembering how much I love him and how much I miss him. I can''t remember if I said here about his text last night? He sent me a message saying it didn''t feel right to go to sleep without me. It was my favourite part of the day and we had such routines and all these things that used to help me go to sleep. It got to me when I woke up and missed him. So that was where I was at today. I needed to know if he was sorry. I told my friend this and she said if you think you need to talk to him, do it. You''ll torture yourself either way. I''m not telling you to ring him, but do what you think is best.

So I did ring him. He didn''t answer. Got a message awhile later....''Hey whats up?'' Like it was any other day. I said I needed to talk to him, his reply? Here''s the kicker. ''What about?'' Hmm. Can you think? After getting past that he was like ''you''re just going to shout at me and call me a (expletive) and I am one, and you''ll just be upset etc.'' That really got to me, it was like...I''m upset all the time anyway. I know I need to talk to you sooner or later, and now I can''t hurt much more so best do it now. Then he just said ''Ring me if you want'' I dunno if it comes through to everyone, or if it''s just because I know him, but it was just so...like him going fine whatever, ring me. You know?

So I rang him. He was so matter of fact. I''m sorry, what happened happened, he is sorry. He sounded like someone talking on the phone while watching something on tv. I was so hurt, realising that he truly did not care, he sounded completely normal. He said he was sorry, and I said I couldn''t believe him, and then he snapped at me ''Well what''s the point of talking to me then?'' Actually snapped. So I hung up. And sobbed. I got messages apologising for snapping, saying he was sorry, he didn''t want me to hate him. It''s all rubbish. He''s a coward that didn''t want to hear me cry. He''s been acting all devastated to our housemate, but he''s just not. He just seems completely happy to be rid of me, like it was annoying that this came of it, but whatever, he''s free.

This hurts so much.
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OOOOOO, hon i am so sorry((((((Hugs)))) i know this is painful for you. to find out the person you loved with everything, feels like your an annoyance. I hate to say this, and everyone has already, but things happen for a reason. Keep thinking that, The Fates always seem to show their faces in situations like this when you least expect it. We are hear to talk to, if you need it....24 hours a day, 7 days a week
 
Could he have been with this other girl when you rang him?
 
No, she''s left the house. Everyone left there hated her for what she''d done.
 
oh parsley.

that conversation says everything you need to know about the man.

does he even sound sorry?

hell no.

he sounds like a complete swine. and one who had already taken you for granted!

i can hardly believe how disrepectful he is towards you!

of course he doesn''t want to hear you cry. he doesn''t care that you are hurting and would rather just not be bothered about he percieves is drama.

what a complete and utter sh**

i''m sorry but i would NOT forgive him for such appalling behaviour, ever. the way he has acted in the aftermath speaks VOLUMES.

we are here for you, always.

i for one will not be advocating giving this man another chance. if he doesn''t care he hurt you once, he wont care when he does it again. and again.
 
Date: 5/21/2010 7:04:25 PM
Author: Parsley
No, she''s left the house. Everyone left there hated her for what she''d done.
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I''m not trying to upset you but are you sure he was in the house? If you were calling his mobile he could have been anywhere. I wouldn''t contact him anymore. He obviously doesn''t want to have to deal with the fall out from his bad behaviour.
 
Oh, Parsley. Just reading about your situation has made me so mad!
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I''m sorry, but what a scumbag. I know it''s much more complex to you, because you loved him. And even though you''re angry, those feelings of love don''t disappear instantly. But I really think you should cut contact with him. And I know that''s so much easier said than done. Eventually those feelings of love/missing him will fade.

It would be one thing if it had been a one-time, fooled around with a random person type thing (not saying that''s okay, but it might be something that some people could move past). But this is not something that''s going to be repairable. And even though it seems like talking to him will help you understand why he could do such a thing, I don''t think it will.

Like I said earlier in the thread, I''ve been in your shoes (well, at least I''ve had this situation happen to me as well). And I''m not going to lie - I''m still mad about it, years later. But it''s not something I think about very often, and I''m only mad about it currently because I''m thinking about it. It still gets to me that my former "best friend" never even apologized to me for the hurtful things that she did. But you know what? That feeling gets really, really dull after a while. I promise. Much more than anger or pain, I am so thankful to have people like that out of my life! You will be, too.

When you feel the urge to contact him, just get on here if you need to...do something to distract yourself. After a while, the urge will be less strong. I just think that talking to him is going to make it even worse. Because the only thing worse than what he did is the fact that he seems to be really casual about it all. Ugh!
 
If you get the urge to ring him again, post here instead...
 
I''m sending lots of hugs and healing dust your way. I''m even sorrier now than I was before. I would have never expected him to react the way he has. We''re here for you, please don''t hesitate to let us know when you''re down.
 
Oh Parsley, big hugs. I''m so sorry this is happening to you.
 
Parsley, I am begging you, don''t call him anymore. He really and truly is an a-hole and has proven it with this recent behavior. I am utterly amazed he had the gall to snap at you, after what he has done. I realize you have residual feelings for him, and whenever you start feeling them re-play this last conversation in your head to remind yourself of how horrible he is. If that doesn''t work, post on PS and we wilI remind you. This guy has shown you his true colors, and they are ugly. Please be strong, don''t give him any more opportunities to hurt you. I promise you, you WILL heal from this. It will take time, but you will make it, just hang in there. You deserve so much more than this.
 
Parsley, I''m so sorry this is happening to you! ((((HUGS)))) Please be strong and don''t contact him or listen to him anymore. Cut all ties. You deserve better than this.
 
Thanks everyone. I''m really going to try not to contact him again.

And yes he definitely was in the house. We lived in a house with 5 other people, one of them was the ex best friend. She''s left. The other 4 are still there, among them a very dear friend, the one who found me and helped me pack etc. I spoke to her yesterday after that call and she was talking about him moping around. I know they''re not together, she didn''t want him to be with him, she wanted him as a medal, to prove she could get whoever she wanted. My friend said she spoke to him about it and he was saying how he realised he''d been used etc., and that he hated himself. After yesterday I told her it was all an act and he wasn''t sorry in the slightest.
 
Parsley, I re-read my post and it sounds like I''m yelling at you in it, and I want to apologize for that! I didn''t mean to sound like that at all, I just feel so badly for you that I don''t want you to be hurt anymore. I''m sorry I came on a little strong...I hope you are doing ok, I know this must be so extremely hard for you, many hugs being sent your way!
 
Parsley I am so sorry you have had to go through this. I know it is incredibly difficult. I went through the same thing a few years ago with my ex. It ended up with me moving to the other end of the country to start afresh.

I really think you are better off without him. I know it will be hard to stay strong and have NO contact with him but in the long run it will be so much better for you. No one deserves to be treated like that and with a so called friend too? It''s weak and disguating. The girl involved in my case wasn''t my best friend but she was part of my social circle and on the night I caught them together she had been gushing to me telling me what a perfect couple him and I made. Bull...they denied it for the year after. That was my mistake. Instead of kicking him out (we lived together too) I stayed with him for a further year. It did more damage than I could ever imagine and as a result I moved away and lost my best friends. He was aggressive. abusive, and manipulative and in that year managed to turn all my friends against me with his sweetness and light act in front of them, but behind the scenes he was a vile man/boy!

I say keep strong and stay away from him. Do not allow him to ruin your life. It sounds like you have a great network of family and friends to see you through this difficult time. Relish in their company and forget this loser!

(Nice to see another UK girl on here...there aren''t many of us here!)

Take care xxx
 
Junebug - Don''t worry, I didn''t take that from it at all! I''ve been grateful for every single reply, and know that that''s exactly what I would say to a friend as well.

Today has been another weird one. I slept ok, but with horrible dreams, and woke up feeling so awful. Been feeling on and off awful all day really. Went with my mum and dad to look at cars, and bought one! So that was exciting, but at the same time so gutting because I knew I wasn''t as excited as I should have been. On Tuesday, before this happened, I was bouncing off the walls about the possibility of getting a car this weekend, and now it''s happened, I''m happy, but not like I would have been.

I keep having flashes of her, and this overwhelming urge to pull all her hair out and hurt her in every way imaginable. It makes me flinch. I''m not violent. I have never felt this much hate towards one person, I''m having to keep reminding myself that I''m not like that, I''m not the kind of girl who has cat fights. But still...agh it makes me tense up and I just see these images in my head of what I would do (but obviously wouldn''t) and it''s just so...scary.
 
it''s fine to feel that way.

i would be as angry as you in your situation
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Oh, Parsley. Don't worry.. those feelings are quite normal, and they go away with time. Lots of it.. but time.

Also, I am terribly sorry for what you have gone through. It really is the absolute worst feeling, apart from a loved one dying. And in a sense, it's almost as if a loved one has died. In your case, it's two.

Please keep your chin up. You have our support.
 
Date: 5/22/2010 9:16:54 AM
Author: merrymunky
Parsley I am so sorry you have had to go through this. I know it is incredibly difficult. I went through the same thing a few years ago with my ex. It ended up with me moving to the other end of the country to start afresh.

I really think you are better off without him. I know it will be hard to stay strong and have NO contact with him but in the long run it will be so much better for you. No one deserves to be treated like that and with a so called friend too? It''s weak and disguating. The girl involved in my case wasn''t my best friend but she was part of my social circle and on the night I caught them together she had been gushing to me telling me what a perfect couple him and I made. Bull...they denied it for the year after. That was my mistake. Instead of kicking him out (we lived together too) I stayed with him for a further year. It did more damage than I could ever imagine and as a result I moved away and lost my best friends. He was aggressive. abusive, and manipulative and in that year managed to turn all my friends against me with his sweetness and light act in front of them, but behind the scenes he was a vile man/boy!

I say keep strong and stay away from him. Do not allow him to ruin your life. It sounds like you have a great network of family and friends to see you through this difficult time. Relish in their company and forget this loser!

(Nice to see another UK girl on here...there aren''t many of us here!)

Take care xxx
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I''m UK too. Lets go round en masse and kick him in!
 
i''m also in the UK and maisie''s idea sounds ace to me!
 
I didn''t realise there were so many of us here! Did you all have lovely weather today?

Kay I''m posting here for some distraction ladies. I''ve got a overwhelming urge to talk to him. It feels horrible. I''m really at the point where I miss him SO MUCH. I keep trying to remember how he hurt me but it just won''t jar me, I just miss him. I miss our jokes, our routines, the good things. Things weren''t great with us, but we had close moments every day. They''re what I''m missing. I keep remembering everything I love about him. This is hell.

I''m awful for blaming myself in any situation. I did it with him, and I did it with my previous boyfriend, they did something wrong, and I''d find a way that it was my fault. Now I''m doing it by thinking I was too horrible to him, what if I never speak to him again? I know I shouldn''t speak to him again but the prospect of that right now is just so scary.

Please please distract me and help me, every second I''m getting closer to texting him and I really know I shouldn''t do that. My chest is so heavy and tight and...empty.

xxx
 
What are you hoping will happen if you contact him? Do you hope he will beg for forgiveness and you can reconcile? I think in your heart you are waiting for this so you can start to piece things back together again.

In all honesty I think he will just upset you again. He was horrid the other day when you were texting him. Don''t set yourself up for that again. (((hugs)))
 
I don''t know what I''m hoping for. I know that it won''t end well and can''t end well, and that we shouldn''t get back together.

I just miss him. And, like I said, I''m awful for blaming myself, and have found myself wanting to apologise to him for being rude!!

God this is torture!
 
I know you miss him. Its hard and painful. You must stay strong for now. Don''t set yourself up for more hurt from him. If he really wanted to sort things out with you he would be grovelling at your feet. But he isn''t.
 
Find your willpower and stick to your guns, Parsley- DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!!! It''s later at night where you are than it is here in the U.S., so I''m guessing that the reason for your urge to call/text him is those nighttime lonely blues. Stay strong!
 
Yep, the weather was beautiful down here in Poole. I didn''t go out today though, stayed in my nice cool flat!

It''s perfectly natural that you should have pangs for him and be tempted to contact him. Total severance from a person is difficult. BUT it is better in the long run. Do you really want to be with him? Can you see yourself back together with him? And happy? Can you imagine being able to trust him again? I bet the answer is most likely a resounding NO right now. You are doing so well.
 
Trust is such a massive part of a relationship. He has betrayed you in the worst possible way. Do you honestly think it will never happen again. I know its possible. You have to look at his behaviour since you found him out. Has he shown true remorse? Has he begged you to forgive him? Has his life fallen apart at the thought of never being with you again?
 
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