How am I supossed to deal with his Bachelor Party

[D2B]

Well, for me, I cant understand the point of bachelor or bacheloret parties. we didnt have them and didnt want them. Disrespecful and unecessary as a celebration of getting married and what, losing your supposed freedom ?? just dont get it or the point of them. I mean what is the point of them. If I or my husband to be felt the need to get drunk with friends, ogle and touch members of the opposite sex, I would question wether we were ready for the committment of marriage. But, hey, that is my opinion. And what about all the grooms friends who participate, yuck, they most likely have girlfriends or wives. No thanks.

to the original OP, if you dont like them, tell him - simple. I would go for a combined one for a compromise, a friend of ours did a combined one, where the bride and friends where on one side of the large venue and the groom and friends on the other. tell him your fears and boundries, for me, if he doesnt respect your opinion on this, that would be a bad sign for me.

D2B

 

[allycat0303]

I do agree that strip clubs are often used as the Litmus test for whether or not a girl trusts her guy, and it is more of a boundary issue with me.

I have noticed that this is one of those hot button topics though, where PS''ers get fired up!

a) Wet bar vs dry bar
b) Prenup agreements
c) Being disappointed with engagement rings

Imagine if we all got into a political debate

 

[risingsun]

Date: 2/27/2008 2:07:58 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/27/2008 12:22:09 AM
Author: risingsun

Date: 2/26/2008 10:55:42 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I just want to mention that every stripper I've come into contact with, and it's quite a few, has been either a grad student or a med student. It's easy money and I have no problems at all with the profession or my BF watching. I don't even care about lap dances. He's coming home to me, and that is what is important.

Now if I were afraid he wasn't coming home to me, I think that is huge reason for concern. Because there are serious trust issues going on.

ETS: My reasoning as to why it's ok for her to touch him while she's working and not in real life? Because she's getting PAID to perform for him. More often than not, strippers aren't interested in sex with attached men, and even most unattached men.

And this makes it acceptable? If she's giving him a lap dance, she's performing on him...If you are comfortable with your fiance doing this, more power to you. If it were my DH, he would be sleeping in the garage

Hey, some are comfortable, some are not. No right and wrong. Everyone should be honest with what they are comfortable with.

Personally what Frekechild says makes sense to me. TGuy is not going to be flattered by some stripper trying to dance on his lap. She's most likely not doing anything but try to make a buck.

What's the motive behind a woman wanting to touch TGuy in real life? And how would he process that information? Would he be tempted? Flattered? Freaked out? Reality adds another dimension that just isn't present in a strip club, IMHO.

If a male stripper touched you, would you think it was the same as a male coworker touching you? A guy you met at a bar?

I don't see why it would make more sense if both were the same to me. It's just not the same. I do agree though that strip clubs, etc should not be a litmus test on whether you trust your guy or not. Some ladies trust their men but don't like the whole concept of bachelor parties and strip clubs. That's totally understandable and should be voiced and concerns heard and considered.

I was responding to Freke's description of the many strippers she has known. The medical students and grad students just trying to pay their tuition through stripping. And when she said it was OK for the stripper/fiance to touch each other because it was a paid transaction, it just tickled my funny bone. I couldn't help but take it a step further in my evil little mind

Followed by "my fiance would never do that, but I will play devil's advocate for your fiance's right to do it" was disingenuous, IMO. What I do think is that the couple should decide what is appropriate for them. If both are not comfortable with the BP, than they need to be open and honest about their feelings. A man or woman, about to be married, needs to be able to stand up to their friends and say this is not OK for me.
ETA: Freke did "um" and eyeroll me so I did feel the desire to respond....I get PAID $80 per hour for my words of wisdom and that makes it OK

sorry, I'm having trouble ending this post...ok, I'm done.

 

[kellybelly]

bottom line:

you shouldn''t do anything that you wouldn''t tell your significant other about. and if in the moment you think they would be uncomfortable watching it if they were there, then that''s your answer.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 2/27/2008 9:15:01 AM
Author: kellybelly
bottom line:

you shouldn''t do anything that you wouldn''t tell your significant other about. and if in the moment you think they would be uncomfortable watching it if they were there, then that''s your answer.

Exactly.

 

[lovehersomuch]

my gf and i have talked about this and i told her that i wouldnt do that whole strip club thing because its not for me and most importantly i dont want to put her in a situation where she is uncomfortable or could potentially get hurt. i dont know why some guys are pressed on going to strip clubs for their bachelor parties because its really not all that.

instead im going to do some type of activity with my family and friends and her brothers so that we can all get to know eachother better and bond..

i am considering getting a lodge and going snowboarding for a couple of days.

 

[appletini]

A guy can cheat even if he''s not a bachelor party. And well its a double standard to say that only man will cheat.

When DH''s friend C, was getting married, C''s Fiancee was totally against the idea of a bachelor party, which was actually a joint bachelor party b/c another friend was getting married a few weeks later. Well fast forward 2 years, C and his wife are getting divorced because she left him for another man, and yet she was the one against the bachelor party.

 

[julabean]

Okay, since we''re already off topic here, I have a funny strip club story:

My FI''s best man went to a strip club for his bachelor party. This was the first time my FI actually had been in a strip club! So anyway, they''re at this strip club and some guy buys FI''s best man a lap dance. For the sake of the story, you should know that FI''s best man is a gymnastics coach and has been one for years and years. Well, when they brought the stripper over, FI''s best man and a bunch of his other coach friends FREAKED out because the stripper? She had been one of his students! Ooooops!

FI''s best man still gets crap about it and he was so scarred. He kept saying, "I can''t see this! I can''t see this!" Totally ruined the mood.

Also: Waitress is an excellent movie. Pie for everyone!

 

[risingsun]

lovehersomuch~You are a mensch!! And that means you are a great guy!

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 2/27/2008 1:28:07 PM
Author: appletini
A guy can cheat even if he''s not a bachelor party. And well its a double standard to say that only man will cheat.


When DH''s friend C, was getting married, C''s Fiancee was totally against the idea of a bachelor party, which was actually a joint bachelor party b/c another friend was getting married a few weeks later. Well fast forward 2 years, C and his wife are getting divorced because she left him for another man, and yet she was the one against the bachelor party.

It just goes to show you...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/27/2008 12:20:36 PM
Author: lovehersomuch
my gf and i have talked about this and i told her that i wouldnt do that whole strip club thing because its not for me and most importantly i dont want to put her in a situation where she is uncomfortable or could potentially get hurt. i dont know why some guys are pressed on going to strip clubs for their bachelor parties because its really not all that.

instead im going to do some type of activity with my family and friends and her brothers so that we can all get to know eachother better and bond..

i am considering getting a lodge and going snowboarding for a couple of days.

That is great! I find that more guys than you think would prefer something this. TGuy really wanted to go on a golf trip. However it''s often the friends who want a Vegas weekend away. Like I said, they paired it with football opening weekend, so it wasn''t really his choice...he didn''t know these guys well then so he felt nice to even be included.

My brother went on a river rafting trip and loved it.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

hmmmm.... i smell TROLL!

regardless, i'll still throw my two cents in- for kicks.

i've spent many eves in strip clubs. some of my close girl friends run a bachelorette/bachelor/divorce party service out of las vegas. they have a good relationship with the largest club there that features both girl and guy performers. they know most of the dancers pretty well, and it's interesting to hear their stories. bottom line, this is their JOB, and it's all BUSINESS. i understand and respect that, which is why i don't have a problem with it. i have a blast when we go there, and we're treated very well, as my friends bring them a lot of business.

but no, i didn't go there for my bachelorette party! DH did, and I gave his bro/BM $40 for a couple of lap dances. that's just the kind of gal I am. i trust him 100%, and of course felt at ease with the whole thing as I've been there myself and know what goes on at this particular estabishment.

 

[Pandora II]

FI and about 8 of his friends are going to Belarus for 4 days in April to run around and play 'Cold War' games and they want to fly a MiG ($50 apparently

).

I asked them to hold it several months before the wedding - so that I can contact the embassy, get them all out of jail and back to the UK in time for the wedding

Stag-do's (as they are called here) are massive.

I trust FI totally - a few of the guys going are single and I have a feeling he's going to be spending a lot of time guarding THEIR virtue. I really hope they all have a great time - and bring me back a decent bottle of whatever fire-water they drink in Belarus!


Actually FI turned round to me on the plane back from Italy on Tuesday evening and said that although he was looking forward to Belarus he probably wouldn't enjoy it as much as he had enjoyed the trip to Italy with me. Awwww.