I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[TooPatient]

DF -- I'm sorry for your family's loss. I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs to you and your entire family.

 

[gregchang35]

DF i am sorry to read your news. Deepest sympathies to you and your familly.

 

[dragonfly411]

Thank you TooPatient and Gregchang. We are doing better today. It looks like the funeral will be next week. I thankfully have many warm memories of him, and I'm glad we'll get to remember him for the fond memories.

 

[pandabee]

I'm so sorry for your loss DF. It sounds like he lead a bright and happy life.

 

[distracts]

I'm so bad at my new job. I turned down two other jobs I would like more to take this one (which is in fundraising, which I've never done before), on the advice of EVERYONE I know, because the connections I make at this one are so much better. But I suck at it. I am screwing up left and right and am frustrated almost to tears every day. I've never felt this way at a job before. I'm sure I'm making a horrible impression on all these important people and think rather than making my career, this job is going to break it. So frustrated. Just had to vent.

 

[dragonfly411]

Distracts - Have you approached your superior about it? I'd go to them, and be very honest. Let them know that you feel like you're making mistakes, and could they offer any insight or advice on how to make sure this doesn't happen? Let them know that you really think highly of the position but feel like you're just not getting it right and you'd like to find a way to do a better job. ::HUGS::

 

[aviastar]

I'm so bad at my new job. I turned down two other jobs I would like more to take this one (which is in fundraising, which I've never done before), on the advice of EVERYONE I know, because the connections I make at this one are so much better. But I suck at it. I am screwing up left and right and am frustrated almost to tears every day. I've never felt this way at a job before. I'm sure I'm making a horrible impression on all these important people and think rather than making my career, this job is going to break it. So frustrated. Just had to vent.

Fundraising is hard. I've done a fair amount for non-profits and there is a major learning curve. But you will get better! And if the people you work with are any kind of not-asshat they know about the huge learning curve, too, and they'll help you instead of judge you. I find it to be very much like waiting tables; you get out there and just start doing it before you're totally comfortable and yea, you're going to forget to put a few orders in, but then, all of the sudden a few months in, you're a champ and they're asking you to train others.

And even if fundraising ends up not being your long term career path, it's such a huge part of the non profit and political (you're in campaigns, right?) that it will benefit you to be familiar with the process from a hands on perspective. No matter what you end up doing in the long run, those fundraisers will love you because you know just how hard their job is!

 

[distracts]

Aviastar, yeah, I'm in campaigns. I wanted to do fundraising because I knew nothing about it except that they got me money to make the campaign go. And some of my campaign bffs are fundraisers and really like it and seem to always be employed. Plus there's the bit where I want to have kids and it might be better when I do to work for a nonprofit rather than be in the crazy campaign world, which feels like a betrayal to say, but there it is.

Dragonfly411, thank you for the advice! I just emailed my superior about it - I think part of the issue is I work from home in a different city than everyone except the candidate, so I don't feel like I get much feedback. None of the usual pat-on-the-back you're-doing-great-just-new-here stuff you usually get on a new job, you know? Didn't think that stuff was super important but apparently it is! I feel like I'm working in a void with no barometer. Possibly that's a mixed metaphor.

 

[distracts]

I don't want to start a whole thread, but SO's uncle passed in his sleep last night. He was only in his very early sixties, and more like forties in spirit and body. We just got the call that he couldn't be awakened this morning. We are devastated. He was such a vibrant and energetic person. He was just playing with his fog horn from a shrimp boat. Like a little boy with a new toy. Any prayers and positive feelings that can be spared, we would appreciate them. He was an artist. He made all of the cabinetry and wooden furniture in his and his wife's home, and it was more beautiful than most woodwork I see now. He was a dedicated fireman until he retired, and a caretaker for lost animals of any sort. I'm going to miss his hugs.

I'm sorry for your loss. am constantly shocked by the number of family friends who have passed away in their sixties. One of my parents' best friends died a few years ago, and he was the healthiest person we knew - ate super healthy, ran marathons, did triathlons, etc. I feel like it's much more devastating when it happens to people who seem to be in perfect health, who you would never suspect were near the end, because you feel like you never got to really say your goodbyes or mentally prepare.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Please forgive the me-centric post with all that's going on in everyone's lives, but I am going to take the last of four parts of the CPA exam in two hours and frankly I'm about ready to puke. If anyone* could offer a word or two of encouragement I would really appreciate it...

*CIRCE, are you out there?!? I appreciate the strength I get from EVERYONE, and you especially have been so great on this journey!!!

Thank you ALL.

OK, back to government financial statement and not-for-profit accounting and segment reporting. Where's that barfing emotie when you need it...

 

[Enerchi]

You can do it dee*jay!! You are brilliant and motivated and you WANT it! Dust dust dust!!!

I have faith in you!!

 

[Mayk]

You can do it dee*jay!! You are brilliant and motivated and you WANT it! Dust dust dust!!!

I have faith in you!!

+1. You go girl! You got this!

 

[VRBeauty]

You can do it dee*jay!! You are brilliant and motivated and you WANT it! Dust dust dust!!!

I have faith in you!!

+1. You go girl! You got this!

Ditto and ditto! Go show them how it's done!

 

[Dee*Jay]

THANK YOU Enerchi, Mayk and VR!!!

I have no idea what to think coming out of that... The first exam I thought I failed and I got a 97... the second I felt pretty good about and I had an 85... the third I left in a total panic and landed an 80, so who knows. If I had to totally *guess* I am going with I passed, but I'll know in two weeks when scores are released.

But can I just say I'm irrationally p!ssed off about all the thing I WORKED REALLY FECKING HARD to learn and they didn't even ask me about?!? One thing I spent TWO SOLID WEEKS ON and had one single multiple choice question that a chimpanzee using just his fingers and toes could have answered.

 

[missy]

Dee Jay!!!! Hope you did amazingly well on the exam!!!!! Sending you tons and tons of dust!!! I also have faith in you!

And I hear you on the not getting any questions about what you studied so intensely. Isn't that always the way? But hey, at least you are now well versed in it all!

 

[PintoBean]

THANK YOU Enerchi, Mayk and VR!!!

I have no idea what to think coming out of that... The first exam I thought I failed and I got a 97... the second I felt pretty good about and I had an 85... the third I left in a total panic and landed an 80, so who knows. If I had to totally *guess* I am going with I passed, but I'll know in two weeks when scores are released.

But can I just say I'm irrationally p!ssed off about all the thing I WORKED REALLY FECKING HARD to learn and they didn't even ask me about?!? One thing I spent TWO SOLID WEEKS ON and had one single multiple choice question that a chimpanzee using just his fingers and toes could have answered.

Dee*Jay ,

It's obvious from your posts that you're smart as he!! , hard working, and all heart. You are a triple threat and that exam doesn't stand a chance against you. You whooped it's butt and I know you did great!

 

[Kelinas]

So DH got stationed in S Korea in Feb. We have been working on getting our command sponsorship packet done ever since he left, so that our two daughters(was preg when he left, delivered in July) and I could move over. My due date in July rolled around and it still hadn't been approved, so DH came back for a few weeks for the delivery and to help out. Well, after jumping through hoops left and right to get everything done that they wanted for the packet to be approved so that we can get over there ASAP, we hear back this past week that they will not approve for he to come over until March 2014...over a year after he left. *sigh*

I know it is only 4.5 more months and that we are 2/3 of the way done, but it is still frustrating! I am exhausted chasing after our 3 year old and getting her potty trained, and caring for our 3 month old. Plus I was really hoping that we could be back together before Christmas. DH is seeing if he can get it approved for him to come visit over Christmas. Technically they don't have to let him since he already took his one leave(vacation) that they are allowed per year for unaccompanied tours. His unit is supportive of him being able to take leave again since they know the mess we have been dealing with, but unfortunately they don't have the final say. So, if I could get a little dust sent my way that he can come back to visit over Christmas and that I don't go insane from sleep deprivation/stress before March, I would greatly appreciate it!!!!

Where in Korea is he stationed? Are you opposed to the idea of going NCS? A lot of spouses that i know went NCS, but I do understand the burdens of doing so.

When i went, we applied on the first week of Dec, and got approved 10 days later.
What category does your husband fall under? 1, 2 3?

 

[Circe]

Please forgive the me-centric post with all that's going on in everyone's lives, but I am going to take the last of four parts of the CPA exam in two hours and frankly I'm about ready to puke. If anyone* could offer a word or two of encouragement I would really appreciate it...

*CIRCE, are you out there?!? I appreciate the strength I get from EVERYONE, and you especially have been so great on this journey!!!

Thank you ALL.

OK, back to government financial statement and not-for-profit accounting and segment reporting. Where's that barfing emotie when you need it...

Obviously, it's kismet that I finally peeked back into this thread tonight - Deej, REPRESENT. You are going to ACE that sucker.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Thank you so much Missy! And yes, now I am well versed in all sorts of sh!t they didn't want to know about...

Pinto, you are far too kind -- I really appreciate it!

And Circe, if you say it will be then IT WILL BE.

I just gathered up all my notes and put them away... literally a 12" pile of paper, mostly handwritten in the equivalent of 10 point font, with multi-colored ink and highlighting galore. If I NEVER see that dead forest of information again it will be too soon. When scores are released on Nov. 1 I will gladly throw it all in the fire.

And to confess on my craziness... Every day since last August I have sprung (OK "sprung" may be a slight exaggeration on some days) out of bed and gone to study something. Today... I had nothing to study... I am going to take the three part IRS certified tax preparer exam but the materials haven't arrived yet and I understand that to be a walk in the park compared to what I've just been through, so I had an entire day to do... um... nothing. I was lost. Well, alright, after I gave the bathroom a much-needed cleaning I was lost. I'd better find something new to learn pronto.

 

[Matata]

I'd better find something new to learn pronto.

Dear Ms. Type A, how about learning the art of relaxation

 

[Dee*Jay]

I'd better find something new to learn pronto.

Dear Ms. Type A, how about learning the art of relaxation

I hear the words you're saying dear Matata, but for me it will never happen in this lifetime...

 

[TooPatient]

DeeJay -- You did awesome! I'm sure you'll get a great score back!

Distracts -- That is tough. I hope you're boss is able to help you a bit.


Gah -- My WHOLE house reaks of smoke. "A" decided to microwave a little piece of bread.... for FIVE minutes. She knows how to warm bread and does it all the time. She did this to make a mess so DH and I won't go anywhere by ourselves again (she actually said this to me). Oh the look on her face when I said we WOULD be going away for a night or two just the TWO of us on occasion! (BTW, she stayed one night at the winery in her own room and was upset that we stayed a 2nd night after our wedding without her -- which I don't think is unreasonable given she is 14, didn't have to do anything but re-heat the same foods I've had her microwave before, didn't have to take care of the dogs, and had our neighbor watching things from his house)

 

[TooPatient]

Just about 1am (12:51am). Spent the last four hours scrubbing the kitchen. Lots thrown in the trash. Everything else scrubbed, soaped, run through the dishwasher (or laundry), or doused in boiling water.

40 degrees outside. Every last window and door upstairs wide open with the heat off -- trying to get the smell of smoke out.

The microwave may or may not be usable again. I'll have to see if I can unscrew the cover to clean inside the case. The inside is stained yellow and nothing is taking it off.

I smell. My clothes need to go through the wash and I need a shower.


We sat down and talked with "A". She said that it might be possible that her subconscious caused her to make "mistakes" because she didn't like that we were staying a night at the winery without her.
This was her first night alone. I figured she may be a little afraid on her own and call the neighbor for a noise outside. I did NOT figure she'd do something like this. I thought I'd made it so completely fool proof that she'd have no way for anything to happen and this would be a positive experience for her as she learns self-confidence and responsibility. Meals were all ready to go. Just had to microwave them. Nothing she hadn't done before. Each thing was something she'd microwaved a dozen times over summer break. The only other thing she had to do was feed the cats like she does most days.

She is very much like a young child who feels they have to always come with and when someone else has a birthday gets a present too. We're trying to explain to her and show her how a healthy family functions and how a healthy marriage functions. She has her weekends away with her teen group. We have activities including weekends away as a family. DH and I have a night every now and then alone -- we get time to relax and just be together while she gets time to relax and be trusted. (We did explain to her before this night by herself (and now again after) that it is NOT meant as a punishment or that we don't like being with her. This is supposed to be good for her. It lets her gain more trust and responsibility and shows how confident we are in her. It should also be sort of fun and relaxing as she can read, eat, bath, etc when she feels like!)
(Yes, she does still get upset when DH or I have a birthday and she doesn't get to buy something for herself....)

I am so sad and frustrated right now.

 

[Dee*Jay]

TooPatient, what an amazing person you are to have taken on this relationship with "A". You seem to be communicating, which is more than half the battle, and she admitted she was aware of what she did and it was wrong. This is a process of growth and adaptation for "A" (and likely also for you). Where does your hubby's support lie? I don't mean taking sides, but rather when something like this happens does he make it known to "A" that her behavior is unacceptable?

ETA: You mentioned that you just spent a long time cleaning the house. Did "A" participate in that process with you? I think having a hand in the clean up of her mess is important.

I wish I had advice for you other than hang in there, be patient (but not "too" patient LOL), drink when you need to, and post for support because we are here for you!

And thank you for your kind words about my test.

 

[TooPatient]

TooPatient, what an amazing person you are to have taken on this relationship with "A". You seem to be communicating, which is more than half the battle, and she admitted she was aware of what she did and it was wrong. This is a process of growth and adaptation for "A" (and likely also for you). Where does your hubby's support lie? I don't mean taking sides, but rather when something like this happens does he make it known to "A" that her behavior is unacceptable?

ETA: You mentioned that you just spent a long time cleaning the house. Did "A" participate in that process with you? I think having a hand in the clean up of her mess is important.

I wish I had advice for you other than hang in there, be patient (but not "too" patient LOL), drink when you need to, and post for support because we are here for you!

And thank you for your kind words about my test.

Gah!
Long reply typed up this morning and then it just disappeared!

Anyway.....

We did talk at length with her about what happened. DH made it very clear that she IS responsible for her behaviors and that they were NOT okay. He and I did most of the cleaning yesterday to see what would actually work to get the stains and smell gone. She will be helping with the rest of the cleaning that has to happen over the next few days.

She has spent most of her life (all up until she came to be with us) being told that she isn't responsible for her actions. Her mother lets herself be manipulated (and models massive manipulation for "A") easily. "A" has never had to answer for her behaviors. If she wants something, she is used to doing something like this to make it happen.


There is more going on. DH and I are going to talk with our friend (she's still at the winery having fun ) and get her feedback and suggestions. (she is a retired teacher who was trained in and taught special needs children and has seen "A" enough to have some good ideas about what "A" is thinking) I talked with her some on Friday and her reading exactly matched mine on a lot of things but she had some other observations that I'd missed.

 

[armywife13]

So DH got stationed in S Korea in Feb. We have been working on getting our command sponsorship packet done ever since he left, so that our two daughters(was preg when he left, delivered in July) and I could move over. My due date in July rolled around and it still hadn't been approved, so DH came back for a few weeks for the delivery and to help out. Well, after jumping through hoops left and right to get everything done that they wanted for the packet to be approved so that we can get over there ASAP, we hear back this past week that they will not approve for he to come over until March 2014...over a year after he left. *sigh*

I know it is only 4.5 more months and that we are 2/3 of the way done, but it is still frustrating! I am exhausted chasing after our 3 year old and getting her potty trained, and caring for our 3 month old. Plus I was really hoping that we could be back together before Christmas. DH is seeing if he can get it approved for him to come visit over Christmas. Technically they don't have to let him since he already took his one leave(vacation) that they are allowed per year for unaccompanied tours. His unit is supportive of him being able to take leave again since they know the mess we have been dealing with, but unfortunately they don't have the final say. So, if I could get a little dust sent my way that he can come back to visit over Christmas and that I don't go insane from sleep deprivation/stress before March, I would greatly appreciate it!!!!

Where in Korea is he stationed? Are you opposed to the idea of going NCS? A lot of spouses that i know went NCS, but I do understand the burdens of doing so.

When i went, we applied on the first week of Dec, and got approved 10 days later.
What category does your husband fall under? 1, 2 3?

The amount of money we would need to spend to get there and live there while NCS makes me very hesitant. Plus we would need to be without most of our belongings until March. If it were just DH and I, I would be ok with it. But throwing a 3 year old and 3 month old into the mix makes it very unappealing-despite us wanting our family to be together asap.

I am unsure of the category DH falls under, I will have to check. We did find out the reason our move date got pushed back and it turned out to be our fault. He originally had orders for an unaccompanied tour. My pregnancy was high risk(but conveniently not high risk enough to allow him to stay back) so we moved up by family because we didn't want my daughter and I being alone at our previous duty station. Since they moved my daughter and I, they are requiring him to complete the unaccompanied tour first, even though we completed the IPCOT packet to extend for a 3rd year in order to get the funding for the move approved. If we had stayed at our previous duty station we would have been approved and moved over right away. *sigh* Live and learn!

 

[Kaleigh]

Hugs to all..

 

[PintoBean]

New job hoops! My start date was 10/14, and the pay dates for October are 10/15 and 10/31! Crikey
I'm used to being paid in the past either every other week on the same day of the week, and more recently, every Friday, so this will be an interesting adjustment! (darn first world problems!)

 

[Kelinas]

So DH got stationed in S Korea in Feb. We have been working on getting our command sponsorship packet done ever since he left, so that our two daughters(was preg when he left, delivered in July) and I could move over. My due date in July rolled around and it still hadn't been approved, so DH came back for a few weeks for the delivery and to help out. Well, after jumping through hoops left and right to get everything done that they wanted for the packet to be approved so that we can get over there ASAP, we hear back this past week that they will not approve for he to come over until March 2014...over a year after he left. *sigh*

I know it is only 4.5 more months and that we are 2/3 of the way done, but it is still frustrating! I am exhausted chasing after our 3 year old and getting her potty trained, and caring for our 3 month old. Plus I was really hoping that we could be back together before Christmas. DH is seeing if he can get it approved for him to come visit over Christmas. Technically they don't have to let him since he already took his one leave(vacation) that they are allowed per year for unaccompanied tours. His unit is supportive of him being able to take leave again since they know the mess we have been dealing with, but unfortunately they don't have the final say. So, if I could get a little dust sent my way that he can come back to visit over Christmas and that I don't go insane from sleep deprivation/stress before March, I would greatly appreciate it!!!!

Where in Korea is he stationed? Are you opposed to the idea of going NCS? A lot of spouses that i know went NCS, but I do understand the burdens of doing so.

When i went, we applied on the first week of Dec, and got approved 10 days later.
What category does your husband fall under? 1, 2 3?

The amount of money we would need to spend to get there and live there while NCS makes me very hesitant. Plus we would need to be without most of our belongings until March. If it were just DH and I, I would be ok with it. But throwing a 3 year old and 3 month old into the mix makes it very unappealing-despite us wanting our family to be together asap.

I am unsure of the category DH falls under, I will have to check. We did find out the reason our move date got pushed back and it turned out to be our fault. He originally had orders for an unaccompanied tour. My pregnancy was high risk(but conveniently not high risk enough to allow him to stay back) so we moved up by family because we didn't want my daughter and I being alone at our previous duty station. Since they moved my daughter and I, they are requiring him to complete the unaccompanied tour first, even though we completed the IPCOT packet to extend for a 3rd year in order to get the funding for the move approved. If we had stayed at our previous duty station we would have been approved and moved over right away. *sigh* Live and learn!

Which base?
If hes in USAGHumphreys, its not difficult at all to get settled in. I asked category because if he is a 1, he can contest it and bring your family over asap. 2 is slightly less needed but still important, and 3 is everyone else.

 

[Cozystitches]

I'm so ready to be done with Parent Teacher conferences! To the general public who think I work from first bell and rush out the door at the last bell, I've been at work until almost 8pm three nights last week and again last night, tonight is a "short" night where school is out at 11:30, and I have meetings starting from 12:30 until 5:30.....oh and don't forget all the fun of grading/planning/mandatory volunteer work I get to do. Sigh.... Don't get me wrong, I love to teach, but these 12-13 hr days are killers.