Should I say anything? my daughter's bf bought her a..

[Niel]

This is dangerous territory. You could create resentment that never goes away. Did you actually tell him that it was too steep? Or did you just want to do so?

Well, I did say...the stone is a bit too deep...

I disagree.

I have a stone that deep and it's beautiful. Idealsopes to prove it. And it was exactly the same price as less deep stones in a smaller ct. So it could very well be this was the best in his budget. I just wonder if you hasn't seen the gia cert just how much would you be dogging this stone? Was it's visibly that terrible??

No, I only look at it for about a minute and I didn't look at it under different lighting nor did I use my I-scope. Here's what I do know...the stone should be .10mm wider in diameter...

You wouldn't not be able to see that with the naked eye.

And from what I have found in personal experience that often times a .86 62.2 ct stone is often the same price as a 62.4 mm .9ct.

So does that really matter?

He very well could have weighed the pros and cobs and this was the best he found do. He might have found being able to say he hit the .9 ct mark was worth it when considering the mm and possibly the price was the same.

I'm just not sure I like that you make a post about how much of a dog your future SIL picked, but for all we know it could have a nice idealscope. I mean go look at HPD he picks lots of beautiful stones that don't have the best HCA

 

[Dancing Fire]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

So again, what matters most...that you care, or that she cares?

Most of us here do care about well cut stones.

 

[junebug17]

I wouldn't say anything. You offered your help and he decided to buy a diamond on his own, which is his right. You already gave your comments about the diamond. You've already let him know you have issues with the proportions. If anything, I think you missed your opportunity to be brutally honest when he asked you what you thought! This diamond is not a dud. It's a GIA Excellent and I'm sure it's a very pretty stone. I know many PS'ers have a hard time with a situation like this because an ideal cut diamond with perfect proportions is extremely important to them, but honestly most people just don't share that passion for perfection. I know it matters to you DF, but I just don't think we can always force our personal preferences onto others. Ultimately, it's really not your decision to make.

I just don't think a few diamond angles are worth running the risk of causing hard feelings. IMO the most imortant thing is that your future son in law is a good, decent person who loves your daughter with all his heart. That would be what is important to me. I would just focus on the joy of my daughter getting engaged soon and just be happy for them. It's a really exciting and special time in your daughter's (and your!) life!!

 

[chrono]

DF,
He wanted to be a hero so he bought the diamond without your input. He then showed it to you and asked your opinion, which you provided as steep/deep and he totally ignored your advice. At this point, no matter how much you want your daughter to have the best well cut diamond, it is his purchase and his mistake to make and live with it. Listen to your wise wife and HOLD YOUR TONGUE. It hurts less than biting your lip.

 

[msop04]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

So again, what matters most...that you care, or that she cares?

Most of us here do care about well cut stones.

...and the moment your DD and future SIL sign onto PS and ask for your opinion, have at it, DF!

Seriously though, I know it really bugs you that your daughter may not have gotten the "best of the best" of something you take a lot of pride in knowing about.

However, mentioning anything except how excited you are for her would kinda spoil the moment a little for both your daughter and her FI. Even if she asks if you think it's a nice stone, try your best not to say anything negative. If for some reason there proves to be leakage, then you should still say something positive like how nice the color or clarity may be... KWIM?

Your future SIL probably knows how dependant on you your daughter has been, but he's going to be her husband. It would probably hurt his feelings and/or make him harbor resentment if you step in and point out how he could've done better if he'd only asked you.

 

[VRBeauty]

Boundary Advice:
That steep deep issue is your problem, not theirs. They're happy.

If he asks for help - jump into action!

Please don't let your personal quest for diamond perfection - or your ego - get in the way of your relationship with your daughter and future son-in-law.

 

[Niel]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

So again, what matters most...that you care, or that she cares?

Most of us here do care about well cut stones.

Is she or he on here ?

 

[Lorelei]

I just had a thought rereading this thread, DF are you shooting us a line with this tale??? You seem to be enjoying some of the responses a little too much....

 

[Dancing Fire]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

So again, what matters most...that you care, or that she cares?

Most of us here do care about well cut stones.

Is she or he on here ?

I don't think so...

 

[Dancing Fire]

I just had a thought rereading this thread, DF are you shooting us a line with this tale??? You seem to be enjoying some of the responses a little too much....

Nope, This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God!

 

[Lorelei]

I just had a thought rereading this thread, DF are you shooting us a line with this tale??? You seem to be enjoying some of the responses a little too much....

Nope, This is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God!

If you say so my American BF....

 

[kenny]

Honestly, i think this post is one of personal preference, and almost one that you want to just battle your missus on being PS connoisseurs...let it go.

My 'personal preference' is for better light performance.
Why? Because I'm informed.
Most people are not informed.

Before I got informed my personal preference was for $5 knives, $25 guitars and $100 pianos.
I won't tell you what I've spent on such gizmos after getting informed, but they are worth every penny.

I honestly believe that better light performance would be the "personal" preference of anyone who witnesses different levels of light performance side by side.

That would make it not a personal preference, but a universal preference.

IMO whether DF should speak up is 100% about relationship stuff, 0% about any light performance controversy.

 

[proto]

if it were me, i would want to be told.

 

[Travelgal]

If you are going to say something, I think you should do it before he proposes and not wait for her to ask you about the diamond. I think you should approach it by saying that you can't wait for him to be part of the family (assuming you do) and saying that you have concern over the diamond he purchased because you know it was a big purchase and she will wear it for life (you said she wasn't the upgrade type).

If you wait until after he proposes, you are in a way asking your daughter to trust your or her future husbands opinion. So in a way, you are putting her in a position to choose sides (and yours is likely to prevail). I don't think that's fair to you, her or your future son in law. I think you should call him (or meet him somewhere) and tell him your honest opinion about the diamond. Tell him your concerns, give him an outline of what he should be looking for, recommend PS (if you want) and allow him to educate himself. But please don't wait until after he proposes. Intercept now if you are going to say something.

 

[minidancer]

I don't think you should say anything.

But if you do, it should certainly be BEFORE the proposal. And whatever you do, do not wait for your DD to ask the "magic question." It will just ruin the stone for her. If your DD asks what you think, you say "It. Is. Beautiful."

 

[Zizzy]

Please, please stop and think!
If your daughter asks the question as you're hoping... - you have to choose which is the most important: diamonds or your daughter. I'm sure your daughter wins hands down. In that case you say it's gorgeous, he's a lucky man to have her but he's a great guy and the the rest of it. Believe me anything else will leave a sour taste and could spoil what should be the happiest of times for her.

Think about it: we happen to love diamonds, but this could equally be a petrol-head forum and you could be having kittens about the car your SIL thinks is the dog's danglies. It's not as if he's brandishing a CZ in tungston! By not seeking your advice before buying he's indicated that he thinks this is a matter for him and your daughter and it is.

If I were your future SIL I'd be nodding, smiling and thinking that you are a smug, interfering pillock.Don't do it!

 

[BrilliantDummie]

Not really an expert on anything here but just wanted to chime in.

I am about to make a proposal to my girlfriend and got a diamond with help from all the amazing people here on PS. Neither my parents nor my gf's parents know anything about diamonds so I had to learn everything on my own. 3 months research and just as much of shopping around, continuous posts here and emailing back and forth with tons of people in the business.

Personally, the most important thing to me is that I spent countless hours trying to find the best stone that I can find because my future wife deserves nothing but the best. I do not mean the best price-tag, I mean the best quality and value. And I think that is the point here. I probably overspent by $1000 or so and she will most likely never know or notice the difference in the stone I got her versus a stone that would have been cheaper. $1000 is a lot of money for us but this is a once in a lifetime purchase. I know, and she will know that I got the best that I possibly could ever find for her at the time, and that mattters more to me in the grand scheme of things.

It's like when we bought a car for her. All she cares about is that the car is red. I am the one looking at reliability, safety ratings, maintenance, resale value, engine life, etc., etc. She knows in the end that the car that I tell her we are going to get is the best quality and value for the money we will be paying (plus she gets it in red color). Same with the diamond. Your daughter may never see the difference in diamonds "under the hood", but she will know that her bf got her the best value out there, even if he never acknowledges that you helped you will know she got the best.

I do not know your relationship with your SIL but if he was my future SIL I would definitely recommend something better. Not push for it, but just make a recommendation. Maybe even find something youreself first that is comparable in price but better in quality so that he can evaluate things on the spot instead of spending another 3 months learning the definition of Scintillation, Fire, Brilliance, etc.

If he does not take your advice, respect that and be cool with it. Sometimes a man must make decisions himself just to learn from his mistakes. I guess in the end you have to ask youreself in a worst case scenario, what knowledge would be worse for your daughter? "My bf got me a diamond he picked himself which is 95% as good as any other diamond but is not 100%" or the other choice "My bf got the diamond that my dad picked, it is 100% the best but my bf did not pick it himself"?

I definitely would not wait for her to ask your opinion. This is something that is between you and your SIL. If you wait for him to give it to her, there is nothing you can do but love it and be amazed by it and believe in all your knowledge and wisdom that it is the most beautiful piece of carbon you have ever seen in your life. This will be the emotion your daughter will be looking for and women read emotions very well.

Whatever you decide, congratulations and good luck!

 

[Dancing Fire]

If you are going to say something, I think you should do it before he proposes and not wait for her to ask you about the diamond. I think you should approach it by saying that you can't wait for him to be part of the family (assuming you do) and saying that you have concern over the diamond he purchased because you know it was a big purchase and she will wear it for life (you said she wasn't the upgrade type).

Too late now b/c the proposal will happen within the next few hours.

 

[BrilliantDummie]

[/quote]
Too late now b/c the proposal will happen within the next few hours.[/quote]

Well then I guess sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. My advice would be suck it up and be the most excited and amazed dad you could ever be. From this day on it is not your job anymore to make sure that she has everything she will ever need, it will be your SILs job. If you think he really dropped the ball on this one, all you can do is be there for him the next time he needs to make a big purchase and hope that he listens to your advice then.

Maybe we can see some pics of the ring after the proposal?

You never know, your daughter might take it as a complement that you want to photograph her ring to brag about on PS and your SIL will feel proud that he did such a good job? Just a suggestion.

 

[Tourmaline]

Too late now b/c the proposal will happen within the next few hours.

Oh my goodness, I hope you are able to hold your tongue.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Too late now b/c the proposal will happen within the next few hours.

Oh my goodness, I hope you are able to hold your tongue.

Yes, for now!.. my only comment was ..the stone is a bit too deep.

 

[Tourmaline]

my only comment was ..the stone is a bit too deep.

How did he react when you said that?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Very exciting! I take it the proposal is a suprise to her! Please come back and tell us when she lets you know she is engaged!

You'd better cancel your Octavia now, DF. Weddings are expensive!!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

my only comment was ..the stone is a bit too deep.

How did he react when you said that?

Don't think he was paying any attention to what I said...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Very exciting! I take it the proposal is a suprise to her! Please come back and tell us when she lets you know she is engaged!

You'd better cancel your Octavia now, DF. Weddings are expensive!!!!

DS, We will put it on your CC...

 

[Tekate]

No.. be happy for her.. not everyone has our love of stones.. and he didn't listen to you so be it.. congratulations on the upcoming marriage of your girl!!! best of luck to them.

GIA XXX .91ct H VS2 steep/deep ring from his jeweler friend. He showed me the ring and the copy of the GIA report then asked me what is my opinion on the stone?...I said wellll... the stone is a little too deep at 62.4%, crown is 36' X 40.8' pavil. ..

In the past I have had told both of their BFs when you guys are ready to buy a stone please let me know and I will point you guys to a few excellent online vendors, but DD#1 's bf wanted to be a hero and now my daughter will end up with a steep/deep rb. One positive note about this ring is that he didn't go to Zale or Kay's jeweler and purchase one of their $1999 1ct week end specials.

Anyhoo, Should I tell him to find a better cut stone? ..My wife said...JUST KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT ..

 

[AprilBaby]

He asked your opinion, I would give it to him. If he didn't ask I would keep my mouth shut. When my daughters time comes you better believe I will be sure she gets the best! My DIL and future DIL have both benefited from PS!

 

[Tourmaline]

When my daughters time comes you better believe I will be sure she gets the best!

How will you do that? By stepping on her boyfriend's toes if he doesn't want your input? Are diamonds more important than grandchildren?

 

[SirGuy]

First of all, congrats on your daughter's imminent engagement! That's the best news here.

Now, I agree that it's hard to not say something. But at least it wasn't a Zales "diamond" (yeah, I air-quoted that thing) he got. It could have been a lot worse!

Maybe he was trying to impress her and you. Surely she knows your passion for diamonds. I think she'll be happy that, overall, he did a pretty good job considering! You'll know this guy for a long time if he becomes part of the family. There will be plenty of opportunities for him to approach you for advice in the future.

 

[Bonfire]

This is between them. Your DW is a smart lady listen to her. As much as it pains you, stuff a sock in it