The All New Ladies-In-Waiting Club!

[book_of_love]

Well, that''s it. Its over.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes in advance, I''m shaking quite a bit and I can''t really control my hands.


I got tired of just waiting for him to call, so I called his mother, where he had been staying. I don''t know if it was his mother that answered, but she said that he wasn''t there. I asked if he was at work and she said that she had no idea, BUT HE WAS AT HIS GIRLFRIENDS HOUSE!!!!


WHAT THE HECK? I''M SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIANCEE TO BE!!!!

 

[njc]

OH NO!!! BoL i am SO SO SO sorry!!! {{((HUGS))}} I cant even begin to imagine all the feelings you are going through right now! I''m sure it is extremly tough thinking you were in one stage and suddenly not being there. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!!!

 

[book_of_love]

The thing that really gets me is that he didn''t have the decency to tell me! What is wrong with him? I have to find out from his mother, who knew that I was his fiancee to be and she sounded more than annoyed when I called.

I''m ready to call back and tell her to have him call me because its an emergency, and if he calls, I''m just going to let him have it.

 

[kanne]

Hi all

GoldenGirl I just wanted to thank you for being the list keeper..you are too good!!

BTW the photo you posted is amazing. What a romantic spot... it has that great old church feel without being too churchy.

Was it appletini who mentioned having the reception at her grams? I love that idea as well. All you need is a great caterer, a tent, and a million white lights (oh and the wedding port-a potties lol can''t forget those..)

NJC yay!! I''ll be thinking of you this weekend. too exciting!! How cute that your mom was pointing out all the bridal places. You two will have such a blast when it is time to pick out dresses etc... good luck

and blue roses I''m so glad that your dad is improving. sending hugs!!

that''s all for now. I''ll be offline for a few days but will post the setting update next week. bye

-lovey

 

[kanne]

oh BOL
I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!
If it was his mother who answered and sounded annoyed, I'm sure that it was directed to her SON and not to you. It was cruel of her to tell you the news in that way. But if he truly is cheating, then it is better that you know now..before you made any major commitments. ((HUGS)). We are here for you.

-lovey

 

[njc]

That is pretty low that he just brushed you off so to say.

I dont know what to tell you about calling his mom back if she sounded annoyed you called in the first place. I''m SOOO mad at him for you!!!

 

[book_of_love]

I need to talk to him at one point or another to say everything that I have to say. I have a friend of mine that is going to pay him a visit and I think I''ll have a letter for him to hand over as well, then maybe he''ll call me. I''m tempted to hop on the next plane, wait for him at work and then give him a piece of my mind!

This is why I have huge trust issues! I can''t do this anymore!

 

[yanekie25]

BOL, that is so awful. I can''t believe he would do that. I mean come on, be an adult. I wouldn''t call his mom. I would count your lucky stars that you aren''t engaged to a cheating bastard (excuse the strong language). Move on. I think this deserves a cheer up gift. Go out and get yourself something gorgeous and totally indulgent. A massage, a facial, and sexy stilletto. {{{HUGS}}}} all around.

NJC, how cute. I guess your mom wasn''t that subtle. I can''t wait to see it. Do you have any idea of the design setting, stone shape anything

Goldengirl, I can''t believe how high up on that list I am.

That place is gorgeous. I can''t believe it and with the twinkle lights, totally romantic. It''s an outside wedding in a church. Satisfies everyone.

Croi, I know m - medium. The culet is usually thin to medium - thick - very thick. Not sure what f is. Maybe faint???

 

[Croí]

BoL: it''s ROTTEN, what a horrible way to hear the worst possible news but let me tell you, I KNOW you are better off. It might take a while for you to get there but you will.
My ex only told me he had a ring for me AFTER I LEFT HIM, which to me was cruel beyond belief. He''d had it for over a year and a half but I had no idea but was sad, sad, sad and had finally accepted that marriage was never going to be what he wanted - and I left him .... and MONTHS later, he tells me ''but I had a ring''. Awful. I waited eleven years for him to ''grow up'' enough to commit and ended up losing everything.
BUT LOOK AT ME NOW !!!! I am with someone who is so far different from him that they could be from different planets - I swore I''d never again let anyone into my heart and now my heart can hardly hold all the love he pours into it .......

YOU WILL FIND A WONDERFUL MAN, WORTHY OF YOU ..... and you''ll be happy and you''ll be so glad that this happened and you didn''t end up with this spineless loser.

I know it''s easy for me to say though, I remember all those dark, lonely, sad feelings - my heart goes out to you ..........
*hugsextraespeciallytight*
C

PS. YK25 I got an e-mail answer to my questions - ''f'' is for ''facet'' apparently although I do think ''faint'' works good too !

 

[appletini]

BOL: I feel for you, that is terrible! But think of this as a learning experience, and you are now closer to finding Mr. Right. But for now, go out with your girls, flirt with boys, and have fun! Oh and I highly recommend a spa day...its always nice to pamper yourself. The secret to breakups whether you are the dumper or the dumpee is to stay insanely busy so that you don''t have time to think about it, surround yourself with your best friends, and have a makeover. I''ve been there, and even though I broke up with him after 5.5 years, it was still hard, b/c I had to give up my best friend and make some lifestyle adjustments, but from then until I met my current BF/love of my life/soul mate I had a blast and partied like crazy, but also experienced lots of personal growth. Then when the timing was right a wonderful man came into my life. I also think that from college graduation-25 a person is still going through a lot of transitions...kind of like going from high school to college. I''m turning 25 next week, and now I finally feel like I''m starting to turn into an adult.

GG: I love your ceremony location...gorgeous!!!

 

[Erin]

BOL - what an ass and a coward!

You listen to these girls - they (and I) have been through this before - though all our words of wisdom don''t take away the hurt at the present time.

The easiest transition you can make for yourself right now is think of all the wonderful qualities your ''future husband'' should have. Then remind yourself how this ''future husband'' would never have dreamt of treating you the way this man did. The man you are meant to be with will be forthcoming and honest, supportive, your confidant and your best friend.

Although it''s hard to choose who you fall in love with, try to keep those qualities that are important to you in mind while you reflect upon what''s happened recently. You might find that this is life''s way of adjusting your path so that you someday find the right one.

I hope somehow this perspective can help you refocus your feelings of hurt into acceptance because the path that lies ahead of you will take you to a better place and to a better man.

 

[book_of_love]

Okay, I went for a drive to clear my mind and I think I''m doing better. I think I''m more mad than anything. He was my best friend, I turned to him for everything, and now I''ll just have to adjust a few things and rely on other friends to help me out.

I sent him a nasty email (he shouldn''t have given me his password) and I left him an even nastier voicemail. I will also be sending him a letter, to be delivered by a friend of mine, I''ve decided that it will just have a CD in it, the lyrics to the song express everything that I have to say better than I could in words. I''ve told him about the song before because I almost had to use it once.

This may be very mean, and very vindictive, but it won''t be my fault if his car gets towed today (No, I''m not really doing this, just blowing hot air.) He''s driving with a suspended license, no insurance or registration...wouldn''t it be a pitty if his car was towed

Okay...so I''m seriously considering it, I could make a call...would I be absoutely out of my mind if I did it? I haven''t done it yet, but its so tempting. He''s never shown any remorse towards me, so I could make him? maybe?

I am going out with friends tonight. They''re people I work with and I''ve kept them up to date as to whats going on, so they''re taking me out to get my mind off of things. I have only until Wednesday down here and then I can get out of town. Over christmas break, I am going to volunteer my butt off to keep my mind off of things and do whatever I can to improve myself and keep my chin up.

 

[Erin]

Someone please talk her out of having his car towed - I just can''t seem to find the words

 

[appletini]

BOL: As much as you want to get him in trouble right now, with his car, etc. DON''T! Be the better person. What goes around comes around, so I''m sure he''ll eventually be punished in one way or another. Also as tempting as it is (I know from experience) do your best to forget the email password. I personally love to snoop, so I know this can be very difficult, but it will be best for you to look forward and not back.

Take this time to vent and have a good cry to get it alll out of your system. Sometimes a big cry does a lot to make you feel better. I think thats great that you plan on volunteering over Christmas break! Maybe a hottie will be volunteering with you. You can always share your feelings with us, we''ve all been there. And my personal motto "What doesn''t kill you, makes you stronger!"

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

B.O.L - I would like to apologise on behalf of my gender, his behavour is simply horrid, ungentlemanly and unforgivable. similar things happened to my gf in the past, I don't know how anyone could do such things. it really does upset me and makes me so mad

it is important that you remember that living well is the best revenge; take sometime, then find someone else, someone far better, who adores you, a gentleman who truly deserves you.

as for the scumbag, if he is breaking the law, you would only be doing your civic duty as a good citizen in turning him in... but I agree with appletini, try to be the bigger person (but don't feel too guilty if you make the call)

 

[blueroses]

B.O.L. -- Oh, sweetie, I am SO SORRY

What an insanely painful and earth-shattering phone call that must have been for you. I know right now it feels like the walls are closing in and the sky is falling. No one--especially someone who was supposed to love you--has the right to treat you with such disregard and cruelty. It's little comfort now, I'm sure, but think how lucky you are to not have to find something like this out 5, 10 years down the line...you deserve a partner who honors you and treats you with kindness, compassion, and respect. You are well rid of this man, even if right now it's too unfathomable to even get your head around. I believe in karma, and this guy will reap what he sows.

You, on the other hand deserve to have, and will have happiness again, and your capacity to love will eventually help you heal. Hang in there, honey, and we are here for you.

((((HUGS))))

p.s. try to do something nice for yourself this weekend....a manicure, a movie, a hot fudge sundae....



p.p.s. I was behind on all the responses. I second(third?) what others have said: as tempting as it is to fight fire with fire, try not to stoop to his level as far as his car goes....you are the wronged party here, so there's no need to even the score in any way that would make him feel justified or be able to rationalize his AWFUL behavior. Letter, e-mail, ok. But do your best to make your next steps about YOU and not him. He is so not worth your time and energy AT ALL. Hang in there.

 

[Croí]

oh BoL
TRY to take the high road re: the car. and I agree too about the password. in the end you''ll only be hurting yourself because he''ll just use your actions (justified though they might be under the circumstances) to validate his own behaviour; your ''behaviour'' will become a reason why he HAD to cheat. It sucks but that is how it would turn out, believe me

You''ll win bigger gains by NOT doing the things you are now so tempted to do and it''ll make him squirm and maybe even on some level (if he has an ounce of decency in him somewhere) realise what a horrible person he has been to you and that you did not deserve it.

Most of all you''ll have nothing to feel badly about now, or later, if you can just hold onto that higher path. I mostly held it and for the few times I didn''t and turned into a rip-roaring lunatic; I understand why I did it but I wish now I hadn''t. It only hurt and upset me more, turned up the emotional-pain button and for a two-minute feeling of ''got ya'', it didn''t last and I felt I''d left myself down by how I acted.

I TRULY believe you will find the man who will love you and care for you and adore you and make your head spin and your heart happy.

We are all here for you, sending good vibes and warm thoughts. He isn''t worth another thought or tear. Let him sweat. Send the CD and then just cut him out of your life as best you can. It gets easier with time to not be constantly reminded.
Then, just as so many of the ladies here have said, you''ll meet Mr. Wonderful, Mr. Perfect-for-You and you''ll be the happiest human on the planet !!

thinking of you - sending BIG bright energy .......
*hugshugs*
C

 

[Dodger Gurl]

BoL, I am so sorry to hear that!!!

What a totally jacked up thing to do! Grrrrrrr!!!!!

It only shows how immature and cowardly he is that he didn''t even have the decency and guts to tell you the truth. It hurts to find out that someone doesn’t feel about you the way you thought they did, especially in the way that you found out. But I am soooo happy for you that you found out now rather than later!!! Please remember that none of this is your fault whatsoever – you are a beautiful, intelligent, and special woman and you deserve someone who loves and adores you just as much (if not more than) the way you love and adore them. I hope you will be able to find comfort in your friends and family and take some alone time too for some healing and growing. It will take time to heal, but don’t give up on it!!! I know that one day there will be the most wonderful chapter

in your book of love, and don’t let this jerk let you miss out on it! [insert great big hug here]

P.S. I too vote that you don’t do the car towing thing, just because I think he will use it as an excuse to justify the horrible way in which he treated you. Just be glad that the jerk is off your hands now and that he is someone else’s problem and not yours, the big baby!!! Can you say B-A-B-Y?!?! --->

 

[allycat0303]

BOL: Oh MY GOD !!!!!

. What a jerk!!! What is wrong with this guy?? I don''t know how long you''ve been dating him, but this must be the most painful thing. I can''t believe he didn''t even tell you. He didn''t even call you to tell you that it was over. I believe very, very strongly in kharma. You just don''t get away with a stunt like that. Don''t get his car towed (although I have to admit, this guy REALLY deserves it.) What I really understand is how he could go from talking about marriage to something else. I just can''t imagine something like that happening. It is so extreme. Take care of yourself, and surround yourself with some good friends that can take care of you. HUGS!

 

[book_of_love]

You guys really are great *big hugs all around*

Don''t worry, I didn''t stoop to his level. I didn''t tow his car and I won''t have it towed. I just talked to my friend about having it towed and he talked me out of it. I''m just keeping my fingers crossed that the gov''t reposseses his car for being late on payments

Then he won''t have a leg to stand on.


I am a firm believer in Karma and what goes around must come around, so I''ll just wait until he gets his. I think his friend even knew about his girlfriend even before I did. I have his friend on my AOL because that''s how I talked to him after he lost his phone (has has phone issues). Anyways, I tried talking to his friend the other day and he wouldn''t tell me anything, the only thing he would say was "Bros before hoes" so I gave up with that route. He used to know the password to my voicemail, I have since changed it.

My plans for the evening changed, one of the guys I was going to go out for dinner with has a job interview so he had to leave town. Instead, my two best girlfriends and I are going to see Bridget Jones 2 and have a nice dinner.

I even spoiled myself with two new bras and panties to match

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words, this has really helped me through the tough times. As much as I believe that he''s perfect for me (in the fact that he knows me so well and we fit perfectly) I know that this is for the best and things will turn around for me.

 

[appletini]

Bridget Jones 2 will definitely make you laugh...it is so hillarious. I saw it opening night in London.

 

[yanekie25]

Sounds great. I think you are better off. Glad you didn''t have the car towed. No need to stoop to his level. I like the idea of the cd. It says it all. Now, his friend, I guess I can''t blame him. His first alliance is to his boy, oh well. I don''t really know you or the guy, but I think you are better off, if he is having issues with phone bills, car notes, suspended license, this guy is not going to be able to save for the big lovely rock you deserve.

Just think, that there is a guy out there who will have everything together to get you what you deserve. This experience will just make you appreciate him more.

New underwear always make me feel better.

 

[Erin]

New underwear always makes me feel better, too!

 

[blueroses]

Just keep reminding yourself that a lot of what you are mourning isn''t the loss of HIM, it''s the loss of the DREAM of him. He clearly ISN''T that perfect for you and CAN''T really know you so well if he would crush you like this.

It''s so hard to let go of a planned future that now won''t happen--I''ve been there

--but it means there is a TRULY perfect partner for you somewhere who will give you the dignity you deserve.

 

[Dodger Gurl]

Hey BoL -

New undies

- $75
Movie ticket

- $10
Finding a guy who is not

- priceless!

LOL.

By the way, Happy Friday everyone!!!!!!!

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

I tried talking to his friend the other day and he wouldn''t tell me anything, the only thing he would say was ''Bros before hoes''

that is disgusting!

if that is that way his friends talk about women, you are better off rid of him!

 

[blueroses]

I agree diamondgeezer....didn''t say it before b/c there''s so much other stuff to address, but I feel like any guy who has such a childish/sexist mindset is not ready or worthy of settling down. (And I know his friend said it, not him, but I think it''s telling.)

B.O.L. you are worth SO MUCH MORE!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful weekend staying busy and doing nice things for yourself.....you could even make it a double feature and go drool over Clooney, Pitt, Damon and the boys after Bridget Jones?

we''re here for you

 

[susiQ]

BOL- when I moved to Florida 3 years ago and left my ex behind the same thing happened.... and I found out from his mom also. He was supposed to be working and saving money to be able to move to be with me....but then he "accidentally" found someone else. It was the best thing that ever happened to me in the end b/c 6 months later I met my current BF and future husband. I know its devastating. I lost my bestfriend of 4 years and the first love I ever had.... but there was so much more and better out there that I never even realized existed. Now is your time to pamper yourself and grow. Before you know it we will see you back here with your new prince charming!!! The best thing to do is stay busy and nurture your relationships with friends and family. Big hugs!!!! I feel your pain and frustration!!!!

 

[palmbaybabe]

bol - so sorry to hear about everything, i know it is very hard but you are doing wonderfully already. i''m sure we''ve all been there so we are here for you now.


susiQ - are you still in florida? where about? my boyfriend lives there and i will be going to visit on the 27th (and get my ring - yippeeeeee!!!!!!) i can''t wait, only 17 days till i leave

 

[goldengirl]

BOL---aw, honey.

((((hugs)))) I am so sorry you have to go through this. Wanna give me the bastard's address so I can key his car??

I truly think infidelity is the worst thing you could do to a person. How miserable that it happened to you... and yet, better to know now than five years after the wedding, right?

You are more than he deserved and I know you will find someone who will love and appreciate and respect you like a real man should.

Please take some time to take care of yourself and don't be afraid to call your friends or your family for help and support. A relationship is never easy to get over and is even worse when he takes the most underhanded, cowardly way out. ((((hugs)))) You are in my thoughts.

ETA: I, too, believe in karma. My ex, who was manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive and tried desperately to cheat on my with every girl he met, finally broke it off (well, it was pretty mutual hatred by that point, lol) with me and then like, 24 hours later his latest girlfriend moved in. He called/emailed me constantly about how she was soooooo much better than I was, and how I was going to regret losing him (

) and how FABulous his life was now. Right, whatever. I ignored him and he finally stopped talking to me. After six months of no contact, I got another email: he lost his job, his unemployment checks are running out, his car is getting repo'ed and his girlfriend (oh, yes, HER) is cheating on him. With her cocaine dealer.

And he realizes how much he misses me and he wants me back. (Read: wants me to come back and put his life back into order, where I'd kept it when we were together.) I laughed and naturally, turned him down. He lost his house (he says he'd purchased, but I'm willing to bet that's a lie; hell, he lied about getting married!) and he had to move back in with his parents, but they'd only take him back if he went to college. So he signed up for college............and FAILED all his freshman classes despite many hours spent studying. That was the last I'd heard from him. I think he finally figured out it was kinda pathetic of him to keep emailing me.

Oh, yeah, I believe in karma.