The LIW Small Talk Thread

[Lilac]

Good morning, everyone!

Haven''t been here in a couple days - I finished my summer class yesterday! It was a really intense and difficult class and I had a HUGE test, paper, and presentation all yesterday. And I absolutely positively hate presentations - I felt sick leading up to it but ended up doing well on it! And now I''m done with school for the summer!

Haven''t caught up on what''s going on with everyone else, I''m going to go back and read it all now. School just took over the last week or so... so I hope everyone is doing well!

I have SO MUCH laundry to do today - probably about 5 loads of laundry. I hate that. But at least no studying

 

[ksluice]

Morning, morning ladies!! Y''all are nearly my only form of social interaction as I am finishing up the dissertation-monster!! Thanks for all your friendliness!!

 

[princesss]

Morning!

LP!!!!!!! You''re BACK!!!!!!!!!

I missed you.


Topo, I''m glad we could be of service. Also, since it''s on my mind, and you''re moving to Charlotte....how do you feel about Ultimate Frisbee?

 

[Lauren8211]

WHY ARE THERE NO JOBS IN ANN ARBOR????

A bowl of Kix would fix this. Too bad I don''t have any.

 

[Lauren8211]

Morning Squirrly, Lilac, Princesss and Topo!

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:32:50 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Morning Squirrly, Lilac, Princesss and Topo!

hey! what about me?!

Morning everyone! Beautiful day outside

We got the only MAJOR thunderstorm (tornado warning) last night! There was hail, wind gusts (felt like a hurricane) and crazy lightening. Scary, but in a good way. The bad part was, one of the beautiful big trees in our front garden had to be cut down this morning

. And it was where a group of baby squirrels lived!

I hope they weren''t still in there...

 

[elation]

Morning everyone!

Today I have another question..

Has anyone had a guy best friend for years they thought was platonic, but later found that it wasn''t?
If so.. what happened to the friendship?

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:39:29 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/8/2009 9:32:50 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Morning Squirrly, Lilac, Princesss and Topo!

hey! what about me?!

Morning everyone! Beautiful day outside

We got the only MAJOR thunderstorm (tornado warning) last night! There was hail, wind gusts (felt like a hurricane) and crazy lightening. Scary, but in a good way. The bad part was, one of the beautiful big trees in our front garden had to be cut down this morning

. And it was where a group of baby squirrels lived!

I hope they weren''t still in there...

You weren''t here yet!

It''s beautiful here, too.

I hope the squirrels are OK! We haven''t had a good storm yet this year.

Jealous!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:40:09 AM
Author: elation
Morning everyone!

Today I have another question..

Has anyone had a guy best friend for years they thought was platonic, but later found that it wasn''t?
If so.. what happened to the friendship?

Rut roh!

No... what exactly happened?

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:40:09 AM
Author: elation
Morning everyone!

Today I have another question..

Has anyone had a guy best friend for years they thought was platonic, but later found that it wasn''t?
If so.. what happened to the friendship?

YEEEESSSSSSSS.............

Weare still friends and we worked it out but man was tha a tough road for awhile.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:40:09 AM
Author: elation
Morning everyone!

Today I have another question..

Has anyone had a guy best friend for years they thought was platonic, but later found that it wasn''t?
If so.. what happened to the friendship?

Yessum.

Thought it was TOTALLY platonic. Then got a phone message at 3 in the morning--on an answering machine no less...and YES FI heard it--from this guy proclaiming his love for me. Yes he was drunk. And I looked stupid because my FI called it all along.

The friendship dwindled. We still talk off and on but it''s not the same. It can''t be unfortunately.

 

[ckrickett]

I fogot to wish the ladies a good morning too!

 

[ksluice]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:30:29 AM
Author: princesss
Morning!


LP!!!!!!! You''re BACK!!!!!!!!!

I missed you.



Topo, I''m glad we could be of service. Also, since it''s on my mind, and you''re moving to Charlotte....how do you feel about Ultimate Frisbee?

I am embarrassed to admit that i never have gotten the hang of the frisbee. it always goes slanty for me. Just had my last mover in for the quote. He left the smell of cologne everywhere lol!

Hi Elle, Bia, Elation and Ckrickett...hope the morning brings you something good.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:40:29 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 7/8/2009 9:39:29 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/8/2009 9:32:50 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Morning Squirrly, Lilac, Princesss and Topo!

hey! what about me?!

Morning everyone! Beautiful day outside

We got the only MAJOR thunderstorm (tornado warning) last night! There was hail, wind gusts (felt like a hurricane) and crazy lightening. Scary, but in a good way. The bad part was, one of the beautiful big trees in our front garden had to be cut down this morning

. And it was where a group of baby squirrels lived!

I hope they weren''t still in there...

You weren''t here yet!

It''s beautiful here, too.

I hope the squirrels are OK! We haven''t had a good storm yet this year.

Jealous!

You are MORE then welcome to some of OUR thunderstorms..... I promise you can take as many as you like!

 

[elation]

Ladies all on the receiving end too?

Bia- I''m so sorry to hear that! Drunk proclamations of love?

Date: 7/8/2009 9:48:46 AM
Author: No... what exactly happened?
No... what exactly happened?

Well-
This friend of mine''s been a friend since I was 15 and we were the kind that instantly got along, had all the same interests and always had time for each other. We talked every day (you know.. like best friends do) and three years later we''re in different universities, different cities. In the year that I left, he told me straight up that he loved me and had for a while, then schpealed a super long schpeal about it.
*ground shakes*

I had a total panic attack and we didn''t talk a single word for the next year. We did eventually reconnect throughout the next years and worked hard to recover the lost friendship. I would say we have done the MOST EXCELLENT job ever! Except one thing sticks with me that he said before, when we were working on it. He said: we''ll never be able to go back to that same friendship again because for me, it included a romantic interest that can''t continue.
Well here we are, with a friendship not at all unlike our previous one (which was absolutely amazing to me). My girl best friend tells me that he is still in love with me.
*volcano erupts in the distance*

Last night, his girlfriend almost broke up with him. He called me straight away and I, like a best friend, went to talk to him. We rehashed on old times, he said nobody would ever meet the standard I had set.
*head blows up*


.. hm my head has been blowing up a lot recently. It''s taking me to the point where I am considering asking the BF to delay engagement. That''s another topic though- I''ll talk about that later if anyone wants to listen



P.S. TopoDazzle good luck on the dissertation work!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:12:53 AM
Author: elation
Ladies all on the receiving end too?

Bia- I''m so sorry to hear that! Drunk proclamations of love?

Date: 7/8/2009 9:48:46 AM
Author: No... what exactly happened?
No... what exactly happened?

Well-
This friend of mine''s been a friend since I was 15 and we were the kind that instantly got along, had all the same interests and always had time for each other. We talked every day (you know.. like best friends do) and three years later we''re in different universities, different cities. In the year that I left, he told me straight up that he loved me and had for a while, then schpealed a super long schpeal about it.
*ground shakes*

I had a total panic attack and we didn''t talk a single word for the next year. We did eventually reconnect throughout the next years and worked hard to recover the lost friendship. I would say we have done the MOST EXCELLENT job ever! Except one thing sticks with me that he said before, when we were working on it. He said: we''ll never be able to go back to that same friendship again because for me, it included a romantic interest that can''t continue.
Well here we are, with a friendship not at all unlike our previous one (which was absolutely amazing to me). My girl best friend tells me that he is still in love with me.
*volcano erupts in the distance*

Last night, his girlfriend almost broke up with him. He called me straight away and I, like a best friend, went to talk to him. We rehashed on old times, he said nobody would ever meet the standard I had set.
*head blows up*


.. hm my head has been blowing up a lot recently. It''s taking me to the point where I am considering asking the BF to delay engagement. That''s another topic though- I''ll talk about that later if anyone wants to listen



P.S. TopoDazzle good luck on the dissertation work!

I should ask... what are your feelings towards him....

 

[princesss]

I have a friend that I suspect is like that. It''s gotten to the point where I slowly distance myself and only see him if somebody else is around (preferably BF). It''s weird and I don''t like it.

Topo, trust me...we can teach you to throw a frisbee.

Yeah, I''m obsessed. I''m trying to pump myself up today so that I can actually make myself go do my track workout. I hate track workouts. BF and I are going together, though, so that''s good. I think he''s enjoying how into this I''m getting, because he played for 4 years before I got into it, and I always sat around being lazy while he went to play. Now I''m all about getting active and having fun, and he seems to really love that.

Elation, what''s going on that''s making you consider delaying the engagement? I''m all ears.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:22:39 AM
Author: princesss
I have a friend that I suspect is like that. It''s gotten to the point where I slowly distance myself and only see him if somebody else is around (preferably BF). It''s weird and I don''t like it.

Topo, trust me...we can teach you to throw a frisbee.

Yeah, I''m obsessed. I''m trying to pump myself up today so that I can actually make myself go do my track workout. I hate track workouts. BF and I are going together, though, so that''s good. I think he''s enjoying how into this I''m getting, because he played for 4 years before I got into it, and I always sat around being lazy while he went to play. Now I''m all about getting active and having fun, and he seems to really love that.

Elation, what''s going on that''s making you consider delaying the engagement? I''m all ears.

aw thats great that you and your BF get to work out together.
I can''t work out with my SO because he does Jui Jitsu and he would crush my little head...

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:22:39 AM
Author: princesss

Elation, what''s going on that''s making you consider delaying the engagement? I''m all ears.

Yes.

 

[vip0802]

Date: 7/8/2009 9:40:09 AM
Author: elation
Morning everyone!


Today I have another question..


Has anyone had a guy best friend for years they thought was platonic, but later found that it wasn''t?

If so.. what happened to the friendship?

yes! well, he wasn''t my "best" guy friend but definitely a really good one. he is now my BF of the past 3+ years! i guess the realization that it wasn''t platonic was mutual between us. it was weird at first though since, I always saw him as just a friend and vice versa. However, we both agree that our relationship is that much better because of that. i guess we''re lucky though...not too many male/female friendships last when it turns out one has feelings for the other.

 

[vip0802]

oh, I forgot to say: good morning all you lovely ladies!

TopoDazzle - good luck on your dissertation!

I''m at work today so I''m not sure if I can check the forum until later on tonight. I hope everyone has a fabulous day!

 

[elation]

Um-
Okay.
First off, thank you tons and tons for your encouragement to hear my burdens! You are all very gracious.

Actually from my perspective it has always been that I''ve wanted nothing more than pure friendship from my best friend. However, I do feel like I have destroyed his future because he is in love with someone that existed many years ago, he isn''t going to find anyone to beat that because as each day goes by she is less realistic and more ideal. The best friend in me desperately wants to fix that, it might be holding me back even if I know I can''t fix it (short of running off into the sunset with him).

But the thing that''s shaken me the most is a friend I recently met and was one of those with whom I instantly click. There''s been a handful of guys that I click really well with and can just TALK to (I''m an engineer, I live with six really great guy friends and hang out with another handful), but this one I am not physically attracted to at all, yet he''s running away with pieces of my heart. I can''t see myself with him at ALL: just out of a 10 year relationship, he is 30 to my 21, doesn''t share my religion.. yet my nerves scramble and I get adrenaline spikes (..oh please). This seems like a simple matter of head vs heart because I know that my SO will make the most excellent husband/father and I don''t deserve someone so good as him. But the little bit of perfect he hasn''t got covered, this next guy takes completely. And I KNOW that it means nothing - there will be many many times in marriage I may meet someone who will be ''better'' in some way or another but love is a choice and a commitment, you don''t go running off every time you see something shiny. For some inexplicable reason this guy is something shiny to only my heart.
And now I''ve started with dreams of him. (WHAAAT!)

That said.. I am ''only'' 21. I know that my SO (he''s 24) is a guy that I can marry happily and as I''ve said to myself before I couldn''t find better for me. I know he wants to get married and I don''t want to even imply to him in the slightest that I don''t want to marry him (I DO REALLY), but I know many people will say I am too young to be making such big decisions. For the first time, I''m wondering if they may be right. Even knowing that I will do absolutely nothing for this other guy, I''m wondering if this is a completely separate matter, what ''being ready'' really means. Maybe he just served as an eye-opener, but in that case, what am I seeing that I didn''t see before?

Sincerely,
Very Confused.



P.S. vip0802 - You are so very fortunate! Since I was little, I''d been hoping for a long term best friend to evolve into long term boyfriend. Sadly, didn''t work for me.

 

[ksluice]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:26:24 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/8/2009 10:22:39 AM

Author: princesss


Elation, what''s going on that''s making you consider delaying the engagement? I''m all ears.

Yes.

Ditto this Elation! (And thank you for the good wishes on the dissert...y''all are a huge help keeping the feelings of isolation at bay .

Princesss--what exactly is a track workout (unless you just mean the obvious of course)...i guess what i mean is: is this a ultimate-related track workout? and, hmmm, perhaps frisbee is the ultimate fall sport? do you think? Moving down in early Aug btw, so if it is a lovely autumnal activity you may just be able to twist my arm.

And speaking of moving, I don''t think I shared that I believe we *finally* got the house thing sorted. Fingers crossed tho since the lease isn''t in my hands yet. Although Ive learned that means less than one thinks since the last guy broke the lease we had signed. So new house found...clearly paying more rent than I wanted, but...hey--ya gotta have a place to live right? And since we had to do the whole thing sight unseen...well, i didn''t want to gamble. Better to pay a little more and be in a good place, don''t you think? (Please just agree with me here...)

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:50:08 AM
Author: elation
Um-
Okay.
First off, thank you tons and tons for your encouragement to hear my burdens! You are all very gracious.

Actually from my perspective it has always been that I've wanted nothing more than pure friendship from my best friend. However, I do feel like I have destroyed his future because he is in love with someone that existed many years ago, he isn't going to find anyone to beat that because as each day goes by she is less realistic and more ideal. The best friend in me desperately wants to fix that, it might be holding me back even if I know I can't fix it (short of running off into the sunset with him).

But the thing that's shaken me the most is a friend I recently met and was one of those with whom I instantly click. There's been a handful of guys that I click really well with and can just TALK to (I'm an engineer, I live with six really great guy friends and hang out with another handful), but this one I am not physically attracted to at all, yet he's running away with pieces of my heart. I can't see myself with him at ALL: just out of a 10 year relationship, he is 30 to my 21, doesn't share my religion.. yet my nerves scramble and I get adrenaline spikes (..oh please). This seems like a simple matter of head vs heart because I know that my SO will make the most excellent husband/father and I don't deserve someone so good as him. But the little bit of perfect he hasn't got covered, this next guy takes completely. And I KNOW that it means nothing - there will be many many times in marriage I may meet someone who will be 'better' in some way or another but love is a choice and a commitment, you don't go running off every time you see something shiny. For some inexplicable reason this guy is something shiny to only my heart.
And now I've started with dreams of him. (WHAAAT!)

That said.. I am 'only' 21. I know that my SO (he's 24) is a guy that I can marry happily and as I've said to myself before I couldn't find better for me. I know he wants to get married and I don't want to even imply to him in the slightest that I don't want to marry him (I DO REALLY), but I know many people will say I am too young to be making such big decisions. For the first time, I'm wondering if they may be right. Even knowing that I will do absolutely nothing for this other guy, I'm wondering if this is a completely separate matter, what 'being ready' really means. Maybe he just served as an eye-opener, but in that case, what am I seeing that I didn't see before?

Sincerely,
Very Confused.



P.S. vip0802 - You are so very fortunate! Since I was little, I'd been hoping for a long term best friend to evolve into long term boyfriend. Sadly, didn't work for me.

dead on.

I know you will work through this you have a solid head on your shoulders.
It sucks and I understand the whole "he owns your heart" I'm kinda like that with an ex. Altho my current SO is my rock and my love, apart of me wishes that I could combine the two. My ex was playful and understood me on a level that no one else has. Still games don't make a good relationship a strong foundation does. You will be fine, good luck!

 

[Lauren8211]

Aww.... EL.. that''s tough.

First off... it''s OK to have a crush. You body doesn''t shut down just because you''re in a relationship.

There is no right answer to this. I can only tell you what I''ve experienced. I''ve had a dream here or there about other men. I''ve flirted with guys at work (playful, not sexual!) because it makes me feel sexy. I''ve never once seriously considered leaving my SO, and no one makes me feel the way that he does. I know that he''s what I want, and I know that love and passion can ebb and flow.

There may be something as simple as there is something going on in your relationship that just needs a tune up. Sometimes if your SO is missing the mark on meeting your needs, other guys can seem... well.. better. So consider if there is anything that is bugging you,even the slightest, in your relationship.

Finally, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, you ARE young. I can''t imagine marrying the guy I met at 21! However... a lot of people did and are very happy.

Just because your SO will make a good hubby, doesn''t mean you should marry him. Likewise, just because you have a little crush doesn''t mean you shouldn''t. You have to really look at what is going on and make the best decision for yourself.

Good luck sweetie. I know this can be confusing.

 

[misskitty]

Morning, ladies!

Anyone else notice that it''s 07/08/09 today? (I''m so cheesy)

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:00:47 AM
Author: misskitty
Morning, ladies!

Anyone else notice that it''s 07/08/09 today? (I''m so cheesy)

I did not!

Fun!

 

[elation]

I so refuse to let him own my heart! He has no right!
..hah as if I had a choice.

I sincerely thank you ladies for the encouragement, but what do you think? Is twenty one "too young"? What more am I waiting for in life? (I do take all your words without offence). I don''t believe that there will be a dream I''ll have and can''t chase without SO seeing it through right behind me. Am I just waiting for my feelings to align? Will they ever?
Feelings seem to be pretty fickle.

Date: 7/8/2009 10:56:53 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Just because your SO will make a good hubby, doesn''t mean you should marry him.

What else does? (I don''t mean that it''s a mutually exclusive reason, just as in, what else? =p) If I do say this, I am ruining the future plans of post-graduation.. not that it has as much weight as marriage heh

And good morning, misskitty! I didn''t notice the date, but that is pretty awesome!!

 

[ksluice]

Can I just randomly interject that the most amazing american goldfinch is at my feeder right now with his lady...he''s guarding her while she eats....so sweet and such a sunshine-yellow!!!

Elation, it sounds like your head and heart are taking you on quite a roller coaster ride at the moment. I just want to say -- trust yourself.

Is 21 *too* young? Only you can know that. For me it would have been, but I''m not you. I needed lots of time and needed to try different relationships that meant relating in different ways to learn what didn''t work for me. I virtually made a career of the LTR (first 8 yrs then 5) and in my earlier years, I was engaged only to break it off (and thank goodness b/c I couldn''t have even dreamed for myself someone as wonderful as my B). It took me longer than I thought and put me about 8 years outside of that perfect life plan I had in my head (LOL to that plan, right?!!), but I don''t regret it b/c that is what I needed. Only you can know what you need.

I will say this tho...i really do believe that if your current BF truly isn''t the one for you in this moment, your feelings and thoughts will both shift. These circumstances will unfold and you will do the thing that is right for you whatever that is. If you need more time so that you can feel secure in your sense of knowing he''s *the* one, that is fine-but if you don''t need that, that''s great too Follow that and whatever choice you make will be fine.

 

[ladypirate]

Thanks for the warm welcome back guys! The new house is awesome, but we''re still trying to get everything unpacked. We also need to get a few new pieces of furniture because some of our furniture wouldn''t fit up the stairs. Doh!

Elation--I''m sorry to hear that you''re going through a rough patch. *hugs*