The LIW Small Talk Thread

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:12:53 AM
Author: elation


I so refuse to let him own my heart! He has no right!
..hah as if I had a choice.

I sincerely thank you ladies for the encouragement, but what do you think? Is twenty one ''too young''? What more am I waiting for in life? (I do take all your words without offence). I don''t believe that there will be a dream I''ll have and can''t chase without SO seeing it through right behind me. Am I just waiting for my feelings to align? Will they ever?
Feelings seem to be pretty fickle.

Date: 7/8/2009 10:56:53 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Just because your SO will make a good hubby, doesn''t mean you should marry him.

What else does? (I don''t mean that it''s a mutually exclusive reason, just as in, what else? =p) If I do say this, I am ruining the future plans of post-graduation.. not that it has as much weight as marriage heh

And good morning, misskitty! I didn''t notice the date, but that is pretty awesome!!

For me.... 21 was absolutely, without a doubt, too young. I changed A LOT from 21 until now. I can''t say for you, but looking back from 27, I am so grateful I never made the decision to marry that young. That''s my personal feeling.

As far as what else makes a good hubby.. you still need passion, and you need to not feel like you''re settling for the "sure thing" You need someone who challenges you, and doesn''t take your crap -- someone you can respect. Someone who is your equal. You need that *feeling*! Any nice, caring, good looking guy could potentially make a good husband. But does he make a good partner for YOU?

 

[Dreamgirl]

Nice catch misskitty! Wonder if there will be any proposals on this day?

So I''ve got bad news.....S didn''t get either job he interviewed for

If any of you remember a couple of weeks ago he had an interview and he wasn''t interested AT ALL in the job. Well they called him and said the hiring freeze for that position has been put back into place (so they aren''t hiring right now again) The second job he had an interview with last week which he loved....they called and told him they just loved him but they hired within the company

however, they have placed him in a small list of people so if something is available they would hire him. But I doubt that will happen.

He has another test for some job tomorrow. Otherwise that is that!

Co-workers are taking me out to lunch today to celebrate my birthday this Friday. We will be too busy to go out tomorrow and I''m off Friday so we are going out today. Been talking all morning about where to go! lol

 

[Miscka]

hello ladies!

Elation...I am not sure what to tell you. ITA with Elle that just knowing he would be a good husband/father doesnt mean you should marry him. My ex will make a great husband and father (he is very "steady" which to me = boring

) but we were not right for each other. I need excitement and someone who is as passionate as I am. You may need different things, but you see what I mean. Did I miss this-how long have you been together?

Whoever mentioned dreaming about their ex made me LOL-I have dreams about my ex''s *family*-I loved them, and wish I could have kept them when I dumped him. For real.



I hope everyone else is having a good day! I am bored and lonely stuck at home! Bleah.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:25:00 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
Nice catch misskitty! Wonder if there will be any proposals on this day?

So I''ve got bad news.....S didn''t get either job he interviewed for

If any of you remember a couple of weeks ago he had an interview and he wasn''t interested AT ALL in the job. Well they called him and said the hiring freeze for that position has been put back into place (so they aren''t hiring right now again) The second job he had an interview with last week which he loved....they called and told him they just loved him but they hired within the company

however, they have placed him in a small list of people so if something is available they would hire him. But I doubt that will happen.

He has another test for some job tomorrow. Otherwise that is that!

Co-workers are taking me out to lunch today to celebrate my birthday this Friday. We will be too busy to go out tomorrow and I''m off Friday so we are going out today. Been talking all morning about where to go! lol

Blah.... that sucks DG.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:50:12 AM
Author: TopoDazzle

Date: 7/8/2009 10:26:24 AM
Author: Bia

Date: 7/8/2009 10:22:39 AM

Author: princesss


Elation, what''s going on that''s making you consider delaying the engagement? I''m all ears.

Yes.

Ditto this Elation! (And thank you for the good wishes on the dissert...y''all are a huge help keeping the feelings of isolation at bay .

Princesss--what exactly is a track workout (unless you just mean the obvious of course)...i guess what i mean is: is this a ultimate-related track workout? and, hmmm, perhaps frisbee is the ultimate fall sport? do you think? Moving down in early Aug btw, so if it is a lovely autumnal activity you may just be able to twist my arm.

And speaking of moving, I don''t think I shared that I believe we *finally* got the house thing sorted. Fingers crossed tho since the lease isn''t in my hands yet. Although Ive learned that means less than one thinks since the last guy broke the lease we had signed. So new house found...clearly paying more rent than I wanted, but...hey--ya gotta have a place to live right? And since we had to do the whole thing sight unseen...well, i didn''t want to gamble. Better to pay a little more and be in a good place, don''t you think? (Please just agree with me here...)

I spent $300 more a month than I had to for my first place here. It made me feel safe and was in a nice part of town. That was worth paying more. Now when I pick an apartment here, I know the options, but I picked a place in 2 hours flat and had to get back on the road. So I went with what made me feel safe. (In other words, I would have done the same thing you did.) And YES. Ultimate is the perfect fall sport. It''s from 8-10, which is great in the cool weather, and you run enough to keep you warm. Plus free beer afterwards doesn''t hurt.

Elation, it sounds like you have a crush. They happen. I met my BF at 18, and we''re 23. I''ve had a few crushes. They made me question things (we''re so young...what if he''s not right...what if I''m making a mistake...yada yada yada), but I took that and used it to re-focus on my BF. I had to admit to him at one point that I had a crush, because I felt like I needed to be open with him about why I was distant, and that way we could work on getting things back to normal TOGETHER. Because nobody is ever going to be a perfect match, and sometimes I meet guys that have some of the qualities I wish BF had. But it''s like they''ve only got the things he''s "missing," and not the 90% of things that my BF has. It''s easy to get infatuated with what''s "missing," so focus on what you have and what''s right. Go out of your way to spend time with your BF, and have fun with him. And whatever you do, don''t spend alone time with this other guy. If you truly want to marry this guy (when your head is clear and you can look at the relationship for what it is), then you need to protect it. Circle the wagons. You don''t owe this guy any explanation. Fade into the background and strike up the friendship again when the crush is gone.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:23:37 AM
Author: elledizzy5

As far as what else makes a good hubby.. you still need passion, and you need to not feel like you''re settling for the ''sure thing'' You need someone who challenges you, and doesn''t take your crap -- someone you can respect. Someone who is your equal. You need that *feeling*! Any nice, caring, good looking guy could potentially make a good husband. But does he make a good partner for YOU?

Yeah-what she said!

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:24 AM
Author: Miscka

Date: 7/8/2009 11:23:37 AM
Author: elledizzy5

As far as what else makes a good hubby.. you still need passion, and you need to not feel like you''re settling for the ''sure thing'' You need someone who challenges you, and doesn''t take your crap -- someone you can respect. Someone who is your equal. You need that *feeling*! Any nice, caring, good looking guy could potentially make a good husband. But does he make a good partner for YOU?

Yeah-what she said!

VERY important point.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:32:32 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:24 AM

Author: Miscka

Date: 7/8/2009 11:23:37 AM

Author: elledizzy5


As far as what else makes a good hubby.. you still need passion, and you need to not feel like you're settling for the 'sure thing' You need someone who challenges you, and doesn't take your crap -- someone you can respect. Someone who is your equal. You need that *feeling*! Any nice, caring, good looking guy could potentially make a good husband. But does he make a good partner for YOU?

Yeah-what she said!

VERY important point.

Ditto! My ex (who I was in a nearly 4 year long serious relationship with at your age) is a super nice dependable guy who is pretty good looking and comes from a wealthy family, but he is also kind of a doormat and has issues with self esteem and depression. I would be miserable married to him.

 

[misskitty]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:36:26 AM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 7/8/2009 11:32:32 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:24 AM


Author: Miscka

Date: 7/8/2009 11:23:37 AM


Author: elledizzy5



As far as what else makes a good hubby.. you still need passion, and you need to not feel like you''re settling for the ''sure thing'' You need someone who challenges you, and doesn''t take your crap -- someone you can respect. Someone who is your equal. You need that *feeling*! Any nice, caring, good looking guy could potentially make a good husband. But does he make a good partner for YOU?

Yeah-what she said!

VERY important point.

Ditto! My ex (who I was in a nearly 4 year long serious relationship with at your age) is a super nice dependable guy who is pretty good looking and comes from a wealthy family, but he is also kind of a doormat and has issues with self esteem and depression. I would be miserable married to him.

I''m going to park my "ditto, this" right here.


@ DG, sorry about S. The good side of that is that they liked him, so once the right opening shows up, he should be great.

 

[Bia]

Date: 7/8/2009 10:56:53 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Aww.... EL.. that''s tough.

First off... it''s OK to have a crush. You body doesn''t shut down just because you''re in a relationship.

There is no right answer to this. I can only tell you what I''ve experienced. I''ve had a dream here or there about other men. I''ve flirted with guys at work (playful, not sexual!) because it makes me feel sexy. I''ve never once seriously considered leaving my SO, and no one makes me feel the way that he does. I know that he''s what I want, and I know that love and passion can ebb and flow.

There may be something as simple as there is something going on in your relationship that just needs a tune up. Sometimes if your SO is missing the mark on meeting your needs, other guys can seem... well.. better. So consider if there is anything that is bugging you,even the slightest, in your relationship.

Finally, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, you ARE young. I can''t imagine marrying the guy I met at 21! However... a lot of people did and are very happy.

Just because your SO will make a good hubby, doesn''t mean you should marry him. Likewise, just because you have a little crush doesn''t mean you shouldn''t. You have to really look at what is going on and make the best decision for yourself.

Good luck sweetie. I know this can be confusing.

Exactly. I couldn''t agree more. Crushes, IMO, aren''t wrong. Flirting is normal. It''s not for everyone, but I agree with Elle, that it does make you feel sexy, and as long as you''re bringing it home to your SO--whether to spice it up or keep it hot--then by all means.

I''ve been with my FI for a long a$$ time. I adore him. But let''s be honest here, sometimes the same old thing feels just like that...the same and old. Relationships take work! If you have needs, tell him. Work on it.

And another ditto: Don''t consider marrying a man just because they will be a good provider/father/husband. That, IMO, is a mistake. There has to be more. It should be about you and him--and what you do for one another. The other stuff should compliment.

 

[Bia]

Dream: Sorry your BF didn''t get the job. Chin up

, it WILL happen!

 

[elation]

Thank you TopoDazzle, LadyPirate, Elle, Miscka, princesss, Bia, misskitty!

Hence the slight engagement delay may help me figure out what it is I am and want.. SO is very steady and I am not, I thought that was what made matches =P I don't think I know how to define 'right for each other'. Is respect linked to expectation? I feel like crap sometimes because he does so much for me while I wonder if it's possible to ever be truly satisfied with a man you come to really know, or if that comes with time and commitment. I'm all for loyalty
I am so glad you ladies are here with all your inifite wisdom.

And um..

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:05 AM
Author: princesss
And whatever you do, don't spend alone time with this other guy.

Too late... I was meeting with a friend and we were going out to dinner to the other guy's restaurant (bringing him business as it were) two things went wrong: 1. my friend was ditching me at quarter to nine and 2. the other guy just quit at the restaurant. Well I didn't have a car and I was stranded there.. so the black fates aligned or something because the other guy came for me. Spontaneity, for the win. We ended up just talking for the next few hours. JUST TALKING (if that means anything?) and I was still convincing myself that I didn't actually like him.



All tripped up!!!!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thanks for the vote of confidence ladies! He''s actually ok about it but I know he feels somewhat sad because that second job he really was interested in. I was worried this would happen though because when he was there for the interview, a lady there saw resumes on the counter or something and she said to someone else there "Oh, so-and-so is interviewing?!" as in, someone they knew. So when he told me that I was like oh great watch them hire that person!

 

[ksluice]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:43:53 AM
Author: Bia
Dream: Sorry your BF didn''t get the job. Chin up

, it WILL happen!

Adding my sorry to this, too, DG. But it is super that the other firm liked him so much. No doubt that something will happen soon!!!

 

[ksluice]

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:05 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/8/2009 10:50:12 AM

I spent $300 more a month than I had to for my first place here. It made me feel safe and was in a nice part of town. That was worth paying more. Now when I pick an apartment here, I know the options, but I picked a place in 2 hours flat and had to get back on the road. So I went with what made me feel safe. (In other words, I would have done the same thing you did.) And YES. Ultimate is the perfect fall sport. It''s from 8-10, which is great in the cool weather, and you run enough to keep you warm. Plus free beer afterwards doesn''t hurt.

LOL! That is exactly the price difference between the two places! As to the Ultimate...you nearly have me convinced. A little worried now about getting beamed in the head...or worse getting beamed b/c I ran into the oncoming frisbee with my head...

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 7/8/2009 12:00:16 PM
Author: TopoDazzle

Date: 7/8/2009 11:43:53 AM
Author: Bia
Dream: Sorry your BF didn''t get the job. Chin up

, it WILL happen!

Adding my sorry to this, too, DG. But it is super that the other firm liked him so much. No doubt that something will happen soon!!!

Thanks Topo. He really knows how to lay on the charm

Too bad they wouldn''t give him a chance though. He is such a hardworking dedicated person. You have no idea! I just worry that he ends up with a job he isn''t happy with and something that isn''t in his field/doesn''t pay well. You know? But at this point he is applying for various things along with his field because he''s gotta get something.

Stupid economy.

 

[jcarlylew]

dg- sorry about bf

how is everyone else today?

 

[Jessie702]

Morning Ladies....well its morning here. LoL.....How is everyone/

I can understand about work and the BF''s......C is having a hard time right now at his.....

they are trying to find ways to lay off people. The president of the company sent everyone an email and it said something along the lines of" in the following months, we will be looking at all our employees and displacing some" Now displacement sounds like lay off to me

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/8/2009 12:01:06 PM
Author: TopoDazzle

Date: 7/8/2009 11:29:05 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/8/2009 10:50:12 AM

I spent $300 more a month than I had to for my first place here. It made me feel safe and was in a nice part of town. That was worth paying more. Now when I pick an apartment here, I know the options, but I picked a place in 2 hours flat and had to get back on the road. So I went with what made me feel safe. (In other words, I would have done the same thing you did.) And YES. Ultimate is the perfect fall sport. It''s from 8-10, which is great in the cool weather, and you run enough to keep you warm. Plus free beer afterwards doesn''t hurt.

LOL! That is exactly the price difference between the two places! As to the Ultimate...you nearly have me convinced. A little worried now about getting beamed in the head...or worse getting beamed b/c I ran into the oncoming frisbee with my head...

It actually doesn''t hurt too badly, lol. I wasn''t so coordinated when I started playing last year, but people are so friendly and helpful (seriously, the women on the other team will give you pointers while they''re on the field playing against you) that it was pretty easy to get into the swing of things. And there''s always somebody willing to stay a little late/show up early and practice throwing.

DG: Sorry to hear about S.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/8/2009 12:26:26 PM
Author: Jessie702
Morning Ladies....well its morning here. LoL.....How is everyone/

I can understand about work and the BF''s......C is having a hard time right now at his.....

they are trying to find ways to lay off people. The president of the company sent everyone an email and it said something along the lines of'' in the following months, we will be looking at all our employees and displacing some'' Now displacement sounds like lay off to me

M is having a tough time, too. It''s been a year now and it''s really getting to him. I keep telling him to start looking in other cities, but he''s stubborn. He doesn''t want to do distance, and I don''t either, but if he can find a job in VA/DC I can find a way to move up there. He''s got a lead for a temporary job that would give him a lot more contacts, so I''m really hopeful. But who knows...

 

[Dreamgirl]

elation- I just went back and read your postings and wanted to offer out a word or two as well. It seems to me like this friend of yours (who''s in love with you) tells you these things and in my opinion- you just like hearing what he says to you and thats why you get butterflies and feel funny around him. As in- you are flattered that this guy likes you (so you like hearing it and being around him)

You are still fairly young and I could see feeling this way about someone who has told you numerous times how he feels about you. However, you mentioned that you don''t picture yourself "with" him so I don''t think you really have anything to worry about. I don''t really like to hand out extreme advice or question others'' lives but reading your post I almost wonder if your boyfriend whom would be a great husband/father just isn''t doing it 100% for you? It could just be that you are still uncertain of what you want. I''m not sure. Hang in there though and just let life play itself out!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thanks jcar!

Well I''m off to bday lunch. I''ll return!

 

[sparklyheart]

Hi Ladies!

I''m taking a study break on PS

DG: So sorry about your BF. Good luck to him with future job opportunities! It''s a tough market out there right now.. Just tell him to keep fighting for it! Happy almost-birthday!! Do you have any big plans?

Elation: I''m sorry you''re going through all of this right now! I just had to comment on one thing-Your friend who you''ve known forever. You said something about how you feel like you''ve ruined it for him because he has this idea of you as the perfect mate... unfortunately, that is his idea to get over. I had a friend like this in college and he literally sucked the life out of me.. He was so sad whenever I''d talk to other guys or mention that I was dating anyone. It''s so hard but taking a break from him may help more than you know. He needs to get out there and see other girls (besides his current girlfriend) and not have YOU to turn to.. He needs to figure out some other person who can be there for him. As long as you are the one he runs to, you will always be that perfect person he imagines and he will get a glimmer of hope everytime he cries on your shoulder (maybe not literally..). As for the other guy and your current BF, I don''t have much to say. You ARE young and you WILL change a lot in the next few years.. I wouldn''t end things with your BF but I also wouldn''t say yes to a proposal at this point.. Not until you figure out what''s going at the moment. An engagement ring won''t make you stop thinking about other guys and what they have but your BF doesn''t. Good luck with all of this. You sound like a smart girl so I know you''ll take care of yourself

 

[elation]

Thank you very much dreamgirl, sparklyheart, everyone!

I appreciate your honesty and I think I have to talk to the BF about this, though not in the detail that I''ve put here (jeez the internet is such public domain). I know it''s going to be hard to say and worse, hard to hear what he''ll say in return.. maybe I''ll let my emotions settle down a bit before jumping into a conversation like that. And that''ll be some time to try and stifle the other two as well.

But you are right - I''ll just let life play itself out and do what I do. If something blows up in my face, I''m sure I''ll be right back here crying about it =P
Still, thanks ladies, for vindicating me!


Dreamgirl - It''s your birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope the job market starts to treat your man better soon!
And yours too, princesss

 

[misskitty]

Happy birthday, DG! I hope it''s fabulous

 

[princesss]

It''s a hard discussion to have, elation. Not going to lie. When BF and I had it, he was pretty hurt. I think it helped him realize that I was talking about it in order to get past it, and to get things back to normal with us. I didn''t tell him who it was, because I knew he''d start comparing (especially because the guy looked like my ex, which could have brought up a WHOLE different set of issues), but my approach was that it sucked, and I was really upset by it, and I wanted things to be right with us. Because if you''re absolutely sure this is the guy for you, you need to do what you can to protect your relationship.

And as for what makes the guy right for you and a good partner for you...well, I think (cheesy as it sounds), you just know. You''re excited about the thought of him being there for even the terrible parts of life. Even the worst situations I can imagine going through (losing a child, being diagnosed with a debilitating disease, losing a loved one in a violent manner) I know I could get through with him by my side. Anybody can be a good partner in good times. Can you possibly imagine going through the hard times without him? When you have good news, is he the first person you want to tell?

It''s very possible to meet The One at a young age. I don''t think it''s a matter of being too young to meet them/get married, but for many people it''s a matter of being unable to pick/find the right partner at a young age. Many people confuse infatuation with love, or fall in love with the wrong person for them and don''t have the experience to see it (or see it and have the good sense not to marry them), which I think is why so many people say they couldn''t imagine marrying who they were with at 21, or quoting the higher divorce rate for younger couples.

 

[Lilac]

DG - Sorry your BF didn''t get the jobs

hopefully something else will come along. Oh and also... Happy birthday! (although I see from the birthday thread in Hangout it''s not till July 10th but happy birthday in advance!)

Elation - I don''t think 21 is too young at all for some people, but I think it is for others. I have some very immature 21 year old friends who I could never imagine getting married and having those types of responsibilities and making that lifelong commitment. But I am 21 (I just turned 21) and I''m married. DH and I have been together for almost 5 years and I have never felt either of us was too young to make this commitment to each other.

I think the important thing at least in my relationship with my husband is that we both were entirely and completely ready for this commitment. We knew what we were heading into and we knew how much work it would take. Every single day with him feels fresh, new, and exciting and I really can''t think of anything I would change about him or "add" to him that could make me more satisfied with who he is or who we are as a couple.

I think people our age (21) should really only consider making the huge commitment of marriage if they are absolutely and completely sure. Any doubts should definitely be considered because 21 *is* young to get engaged/married. I think it''s good you are thinking about this now before the engagement rather than waiting until afterwards.

I hope you can figure this out either by yourself or with your BF soon - and no matter what you decide, I hope you are satisfied with your decision and we''re all here to help if you want to talk about it more!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 7/8/2009 1:21:32 PM
Author: sparklyheart
DG: So sorry about your BF. Good luck to him with future job opportunities! It''s a tough market out there right now.. Just tell him to keep fighting for it! Happy almost-birthday!! Do you have any big plans?

Thanks sweets

for everything! I''m not sure of birthday plans but since I have the day off, I''d like to spend that time with my parents and FF. We are all off on that day so it should be lovely!

(did I mention PRESENTS?)

 

[Dreamgirl]

lol thank you to all you lovely ladies for the early birthday wishes!

I can't believe I'm going to be 28 on Friday. Gosh how time flies!

Co-workers took me to lunch, it was great. Then we went to Sunflower Market and they bought ice cream and brownies that we are going to eat later! That was so sweet of them but I couldn't help but think that as I get older, my metabolism has got to be slowing down. I better take it easy on the ice cream!

 

[Jessie702]

HAPPY BDAY D-GIRL

(singing)Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday Pretty Lady

Happy brithday to you"