The LIW Small Talk Thread

[Jessie702]

Hey Jessie

Hope you had a great weekend and a wonderful night away with C!

Hey Too, i hope you had a good weekend hon

Nope, not a good weekend at all. we didnt go due to our dog getting a burr(sharp point plant) in her eye, it being in the ey all night, us not sleeping, her throwing up around the house, o and running into C's ex wife....wasnt good at all.

I'm sorry. I know you worked hard to put together a nice evening and were looking forward to getting away together.

Is your dog okay now?


Oh.... and ex-wifes are absolutely, without any doubt, the WORST. It's like they have some way to sense when things are going well or looking up or you've got something special planned and then.... they suck every bit of happiness and hope out of life.

Thanks so much hon. Yeah the dog is fine, i just wish C would have listened to me, and we took the dog in the middle of the night while we were up. We could have went on our trip still.

Yes...friggin Ex-wifes. I have never met her before, nor have seen her, and i hadnt wanted to. They do suck all the hope out of life. It was like, cold water been splashed in your face. Thank Goodness i had my ring on and not in the cleaner at home, i think she glanced at it.

 

[TooPatient]

Hopefully she got a real GOOD look at that gorgeous thing

I asked for advice once on PS when we were having particularly difficult ex issues. The response was so friendly and supportive I shared the background of why I was asking.... Well.... I have NO interest in ever seeing that thread come back and have learned that the details in our situation are best left vague. So, basically, I've got a topic that forces itself into every corner of my life that I'd love to just cry about to/with someone that I just don't go near on PS. It especially stinks since I don't have anyone IRL to discuss it with either

Long story short -- we're currently paying the ex $2,500 per MONTH with no end in sight. Even with reason, fact, and clear evidence in our favor we've lost every time we've tried to fight. Oh yes... and even without fighting her, we get stuck paying to have an attorney on-call for those times when SHE decides to push for more


So.... yeah.... that woman gets more in 6 months than I'm hoping to eventually spend on the ONE wedding I'll ever have. It's thanks to her that we've had to keep pushing it back and thanks to her I haven't bothered to set another date.



Sorry...
She has sort of forced herself back into our daily conversations again and I'm feeling massively defeated/flat/hopeless/sad/angry/resigned and am just
I mean, my brain says it'll get better and all we have to do is wait it out... my heart is just feeling like it's being jabbed by a knife every time I see something that would be beautiful for our wedding or have to consider taking a quarter off of school or...

 

[Jessie702]

Hopefully she got a real GOOD look at that gorgeous thing

I asked for advice once on PS when we were having particularly difficult ex issues. The response was so friendly and supportive I shared the background of why I was asking.... Well.... I have NO interest in ever seeing that thread come back and have learned that the details in our situation are best left vague. So, basically, I've got a topic that forces itself into every corner of my life that I'd love to just cry about to/with someone that I just don't go near on PS. It especially stinks since I don't have anyone IRL to discuss it with either

Long story short -- we're currently paying the ex $2,500 per MONTH with no end in sight. Even with reason, fact, and clear evidence in our favor we've lost every time we've tried to fight. Oh yes... and even without fighting her, we get stuck paying to have an attorney on-call for those times when SHE decides to push for more


So.... yeah.... that woman gets more in 6 months than I'm hoping to eventually spend on the ONE wedding I'll ever have. It's thanks to her that we've had to keep pushing it back and thanks to her I haven't bothered to set another date.



Sorry...
She has sort of forced herself back into our daily conversations again and I'm feeling massively defeated/flat/hopeless/sad/angry/resigned and am just
I mean, my brain says it'll get better and all we have to do is wait it out... my heart is just feeling like it's being jabbed by a knife every time I see something that would be beautiful for our wedding or have to consider taking a quarter off of school or...

Thanks Too, i hope she got a good look at it also. Thank God i had put on some makeup and a cute jogging suit. I felt a little self-consinicous when i saw her though, she is sooo thin, but than i saw her face and all the wrinkles in it. She is in her 50's but looks almost 70. C said, when we left, that, that was the thinnest he has ever seen her, and it was gross. So that made me feel a little better. *Sigh*

OMG....that is a lot of money to be paying his ex. Thats insane!!! and SUCKS, since you cant save up for a wedding or anything. I am so sorry hon, i completely understand how you feel now, well, can see where your comming from now. Theres no way of getting out of paying her? I mean, there has to be a judge somewhere who will end that ruling, since you two are trying to start a life, but cant now, because she is in the picture. You are better and stronger than me, i couldnt deal with that, since she will always be there. At least with me, C's ex wont be there in our life, he had to pay her off, but at least she doesnt get alimony monthly. They didnt have a pre-nup, and he ended having to pay a little more than 40,000 to end that marriage. She was a complete Witch with a B, when it came to ending it, she wanted half of everything, even though she didnt pay for anything, but her Macy card, and wanted the dog. Luckily, she got 40 grand, her car, and her debt. So i ahve no issue signing a pre-nup, because i know how scared he is. I just wish he would set a date already. I really dont want to wait 2 years until im done with school, well my BA, and than i move on to my MD. Okay, im rambling now...

Just be strong hon, and maybe, put away some money you get from Fin. Aid( If you get it), and start putting away your " Spare Change", i actually do that, and i literally put away change, usually for vacations. Ill change it in right before we go, so i can have some cash, without carrying large bills. Sometimes its 40 bucks, sometimes its 100. But, put away the spare change, even dollars, after a while it will add up, and ya never know, it might be enough to maybe put a deposit down for your wedding. Hell, depending on how much change you have, it might be enough for some part of the wedding. It might not be within a month, or two, but within 6, it might be enough, JUST DONT TOUCH IT!!! LoL....

Also, i know about not having someone to talk to about some things.But thats what PS is for, on some subjects...

 

[CaprineSun]

I'm so sorry TooPatient!!

 

[Jessie702]

Ladies, when your FI says something hurtful to you, do you tell him, or keep it inside?

Background: C and i went to dinner the other night, and right before, he told me to what what i ordered because i was eating too much, and i need to remeber my diet. Now, i dont need him to remind me of my diet, im reminded every day when i look in the mirror. I dont need him telling me all the time. Also, do you consider eating half a 4 inch sandwich too much, or is it me??

 

[kateydid05]

Hi Jessie,

When my boyfriend says something like that I call him right out on the carpet. He does the same for me. That's how we are. I am on a diet as well but he knows better than to say something like that. Even at my heaviest that was never something he brought up. And for what it's worth, the sandwich doesn't sound too bad (unless it was loaded with something unhealthy but even so). He is a guy though so he may not have realized what he said was hurtful and was trying to be helpful instead.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

TP-sorry to butt in, I can't remember the specifics of the situation but I remember how torn up you were about it. Is this alimony or child support?

 

[Jessie702]

Hi Jessie,

When my boyfriend says something like that I call him right out on the carpet. He does the same for me. That's how we are. I am on a diet as well but he knows better than to say something like that. Even at my heaviest that was never something he brought up. And for what it's worth, the sandwich doesn't sound too bad (unless it was loaded with something unhealthy but even so). He is a guy though so he may not have realized what he said was hurtful and was trying to be helpful instead.

Thanks Katey, i feel like he brings it up a lot now, and its just so damn upsetting. Its like, i dont need you to remind me of my diet, im reminded everytime i lookin in the mirror in the morning.

 

[kateydid05]

I think that if he says it a lot and it is really bothering you, you need to tell him. He won't know otherwise. I am sure that with all his health and diet issues lately you don't treat him that way so he should give you the same courtesy. It's hard to lose weight and us gals are extremely sensitive about it...we don't need the extra "help" unless we ask for it.

 

[CaprineSun]

I tell my SO right away. I'm not the type of person who can hold things in. If it's bothering me, you are going to know about it. lol.
My SO is the same, but tends to let more things roll off his shoulder than I. *shrug*


Random: SO is mentioning he might be expecting a raise soon. All I keep thinking about is a bigger diamond. I'd be sooo happy if it was a significant raise. lol

 

[TooPatient]

TP-sorry to butt in, I can't remember the specifics of the situation but I remember how torn up you were about it. Is this alimony or child support?

Hey HH
We love butting-in around here . Aiden is Soooo cute (yeah... I lurked in the pregnancy thread just so I could see pictures )


Officially it is "child support" but there is strong evidence that the large majority is due to fraudulent receipts. It is a huge mess but we just don't have the energy/money to fight it. We were actually talking the other day about this whole thing and both agreed that while it is massively difficult (impossible? -- hopefully not) to keep paying this much, neither of us would question in the slightest if we thought the money was going to make a good life for the daughter. (It has been 4 years (5?) or so since we last saw her, but I am in contact with the school and mutual friends so we're able to at least confirm that she is safe)
Things have gotten even more complicated recently.

 

[TooPatient]

Ladies, when your FI says something hurtful to you, do you tell him, or keep it inside?

Background: C and i went to dinner the other night, and right before, he told me to what what i ordered because i was eating too much, and i need to remeber my diet. Now, i dont need him to remind me of my diet, im reminded every day when i look in the mirror. I dont need him telling me all the time. Also, do you consider eating half a 4 inch sandwich too much, or is it me??

Depends on your relationship and how you both talk about these things. I remind B that he should try to order something reasonably healthy when he has a work lunch to go to because we've been trying to keep his blood-pressure down naturally (and drop some weight). We also take turns being the voice of reason at the grocery store when some delicious but unhealthy thing looks too good to pass up.

If there is something hurtful said, we're both pretty good (took awhile to get here though!) at saying something instead of letting it fester. Usually it turns out that there was a misunderstanding and it really isn't an issue. (and if it is an issue -- we talk and figure it out)


I don't think 1/2 of a 4" sandwich is eating too much.
May or may not be the healthiest thing but I guess it depends on what is on the sandwich (like what sort of meat (and how much), sauces, toppings, thick roll vs. whole-grain slice, etc) and what sort of sides it comes with.
B and I used to go to a little place for lunch every once in awhile and I'd get 1/2 a turkey sandwich... but they piled this huge amount of turkey on white bread and served it with several large pickles and this huge pile of fries (except when I switched it for mashed potatoes & gravy) --- I don't even want to think about how many calories those lunches had

We've been eating out (or ordering take-out) or buying pre-prepared foods (like Whole Foods ready-prepared deli meals) more often the last couple of quarters of school. I've started trying to look at the websites for nutritional info (when it is available) before we stop anywhere so I can try to get something that isn't as unhealthy.

 

[TooPatient]

I tell my SO right away. I'm not the type of person who can hold things in. If it's bothering me, you are going to know about it. lol.
My SO is the same, but tends to let more things roll off his shoulder than I. *shrug*


Random: SO is mentioning he might be expecting a raise soon. All I keep thinking about is a bigger diamond. I'd be sooo happy if it was a significant raise. lol

I hope he gets the raise! (and that is is VERY significant --- in which case we'll need to see pictures!!)

 

[CaprineSun]

I tell my SO right away. I'm not the type of person who can hold things in. If it's bothering me, you are going to know about it. lol.
My SO is the same, but tends to let more things roll off his shoulder than I. *shrug*


Random: SO is mentioning he might be expecting a raise soon. All I keep thinking about is a bigger diamond. I'd be sooo happy if it was a significant raise. lol

I hope he gets the raise! (and that is is VERY significant --- in which case we'll need to see pictures!!)

Thanks TooPatient!

Well, he found out & it's not as much as he was shooting for, but it still the highest raise in the company for his position! Good enough for me. LOL. I quickly told him to put the extra few thousands towards my diamond fund. I then said I was just kidding, but in reality, I'm only half-way joking.

 

[TooPatient]

I tell my SO right away. I'm not the type of person who can hold things in. If it's bothering me, you are going to know about it. lol.
My SO is the same, but tends to let more things roll off his shoulder than I. *shrug*


Random: SO is mentioning he might be expecting a raise soon. All I keep thinking about is a bigger diamond. I'd be sooo happy if it was a significant raise. lol

I hope he gets the raise! (and that is is VERY significant --- in which case we'll need to see pictures!!)

Thanks TooPatient!

Well, he found out & it's not as much as he was shooting for, but it still the highest raise in the company for his position! Good enough for me. LOL. I quickly told him to put the extra few thousands towards my diamond fund. I then said I was just kidding, but in reality, I'm only half-way joking.

Good for him!

Too bad it wasn't as much as he was expecting, but you can't do better than the highest available!

 

[CaprineSun]

Thank you!


And re: your situation, it must be so frustrating not wanting the money to go towards fraudulent things while still wanting the best for the daughter. I really do not like when other women take advantage like that.

Btw, I loooove those prepared Whole Foods meals. Delicious!

 

[TooPatient]

Thank you!


And re: your situation, it must be so frustrating not wanting the money to go towards fraudulent things while still wanting the best for the daughter. I really do not like when other women take advantage like that.

Btw, I loooove those prepared Whole Foods meals. Delicious!

Not too bad of a price either. We had their vegetarian "chicken" enchiladas when our dishwasher & refrigerator were dead and I was actually rather surprised at how good it was -- not really gourmet, but still yummy. I love that they come with a salad too.

 

[Jessie702]

Thanks for the Advise Ladies. So i havent checked back in, been so busy with school, and working part time, and life.

So whats everyone plans for the weekend?

 

[TooPatient]

Thanks for the Advise Ladies. So i havent checked back in, been so busy with school, and working part time, and life.

So whats everyone plans for the weekend?

Hi Jessie

Weekend? What's that?

Pull weeds and maybe rip the bushes out from around the front entry (we want to replace with rosemarry)
Calculus study.
Chemistry homework.
Laundry. Dishes. Bathrooms.
Instal lights in office.
Calculus. Chemistry.


I do plan to figure out something yummy and semi-nutritious to bake so B and I can take it as lunch next week. I'm leaning towards banana bread. Maybe miniature apple/rhubarb crisps?


How about you?
How's school?

 

[TooPatient]

I'm fighting off tears and an anxiety attack.

I'd like to hope that once I can calm down and read through the document again carefully and talk to our attorney, that things aren't as bad as they look..... Unfortunately we've been here before and it didn't work out that well.

 

[Jessie702]

awwww, hon, i know how you feel. Wanna freak out together. Lets just say, C and i are on a break right now, since i found out that i was pregnant, and he said, either abort or leave, because im not ready.

 

[TooPatient]

awwww, hon, i know how you feel. Wanna freak out together. Lets just say, C and i are on a break right now, since i found out that i was pregnant, and he said, either abort or leave, because im not ready.

OMG!!!

I can't believe he'd say that! (okay.... I can.... it seems to be a guy reaction )


How far along are you?

It sounds like you want to keep your baby -- if so CONGRATULATIONS!!

I'm sure once C realizes how much he misses you and how wonderful this baby could be, he'll come appologize to you. I've been lurking over in the pregnant PSer thread (one of the former LIW's was pregnant and I HAD to see pictures... then I got sucked in and just love seeing all the beautiful babies) and it seems that guys react differently to these things than we do. It almost seems like it isn't a "real" thing to them (pregnancy/baby/life-change) until something just.... clicks? (like feeling the baby kick or seeing the heartbeat)\


Big BIG hugs to you! You'll make it through this.

 

[Jessie702]

awwww, hon, i know how you feel. Wanna freak out together. Lets just say, C and i are on a break right now, since i found out that i was pregnant, and he said, either abort or leave, because im not ready.

OMG!!!

I can't believe he'd say that! (okay.... I can.... it seems to be a guy reaction )


How far along are you?

It sounds like you want to keep your baby -- if so CONGRATULATIONS!!

I'm sure once C realizes how much he misses you and how wonderful this baby could be, he'll come appologize to you. I've been lurking over in the pregnant PSer thread (one of the former LIW's was pregnant and I HAD to see pictures... then I got sucked in and just love seeing all the beautiful babies) and it seems that guys react differently to these things than we do. It almost seems like it isn't a "real" thing to them (pregnancy/baby/life-change) until something just.... clicks? (like feeling the baby kick or seeing the heartbeat)\


Big BIG hugs to you! You'll make it through this.

Thanks Too, Its so hard, and i can believe he said that, but he said some other hurtful things, and it feels like he broke us. We havent spoke since friday when i told him, and i need to talk to him today.

Im about 5 weeks along, so stil early. I want to keep my baby, and thank you. I just cant believe i could be a single mom, depending on how the conversation goes today.

Heres the thing, C is so stubborn. He was an only child, and his parents, and all his ex girlfriends/wives, gave him everything he wanted.( This wouldnt be his first abortion, it would actually be like his 3), i am hoping something clicks soon, because i miss him so much. *Sigh*, why cant there be like a mystic ball one can use to see whats the right thign to do and say.

 

[TooPatient]

I wonder how early the others aborted? He may never have really had the chance to get past the initial "OMG!OMG!OMG! This can't be happening! OMG!" since they all just listened to him.

Why do you HAVE to talk to him today?
Even if you do HAVE to talk to him, it seems to me that the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and keep in some contact with him as the shock wears off.

When do you get to go see the doctor? Maybe you can talk him into going with to see the heartbeat when the time comes.



I don't think being a single mom trying to go to school is the "ideal" situation, but you'll make it. It'll be a lot of work and you're going to have to be even more organized and strong.

 

[TooPatient]

Gah.

Oh. Well.



Jessie, Hope you're feeling well and C comes to his senses. A pregnancy & baby are difficult enough parts of life even with lots of support from those who love you. If he decides that he really doesn't want a baby in his life, even at the cost of losing you, stay strong. You can do this. (check your school for resources too -- they might have info about insurance for you & baby and some schools even have daycares so you can keep going on your degree)


If you need a less public way to talk, you're welcome to ask admin for a way to contact me (I think they can do that since I've seen long-time posters tell other PSers that they can get their info --- if that isn't the case, I'm sorry for posting). I enjoy "talking" with you.

 

[Jessie702]

Gah.

Oh. Well.



Jessie, Hope you're feeling well and C comes to his senses. A pregnancy & baby are difficult enough parts of life even with lots of support from those who love you. If he decides that he really doesn't want a baby in his life, even at the cost of losing you, stay strong. You can do this. (check your school for resources too -- they might have info about insurance for you & baby and some schools even have daycares so you can keep going on your degree)


If you need a less public way to talk, you're welcome to ask admin for a way to contact me (I think they can do that since I've seen long-time posters tell other PSers that they can get their info --- if that isn't the case, I'm sorry for posting). I enjoy "talking" with you.

I dont know when the others got tha baortion, your right, he might have not had time to get over the shock. I went to Babie R us today, and almost broke down, im glad i went with a friend who is also pregnant. She kept telling me, i can do this, and nto to worry, and if hee doesnt come around, he isnt a real man...lol. Sometimes i think we just need a little man bashing.

Luckily, my school does have a daycare, and its rather affordable. I cant get any insurance, expect for medicaid, since most insurances consider pregnancy a pre-existing condition. Thanks Too, i enjoy talking to you, i foind talking to people is the only way i can truly cope, because im not doing well on my own. I tried to get ahold of him today, and he wont return my phone calls or emails, which hurt. I wish i knew his love can with a condition, because i dont know if i would have fell for him, if i knew.

 

[CaprineSun]

OMG Jessie!

I'm so sorry one of the happiest times you should be enjoying is being marred by his bizarre behavior. I mean, he wanted to MARRY you! So why would he want you to abort?!?! Did he not plan on having any kids with you one day? If so, then it just came a little sooner than expected. I would be so confused too about the idea of being a single mom when you two were just thinking of marriage.


And since you want to keep it, begin to enjoy the new bond you and your child will share. Congrats on being a new mommy!

((hugs))

 

[TooPatient]

Jessie,

I've been reading your posts in the family section too and just wanted to send you more hugs.

You deserve so much better. He's old enough that it isn't a matter of him being "young and immature". You are a special, caring, wonderful woman and you deserve to have a man who will love and respect you. A man who respects you would NEVER say do this or get out. He would never even dream of touching another woman.

If you haven't done so already, look at the break-up advice thread here in LIW -- there are some awesome words of wisdom in there.

 

[Jessie702]

Thanks Too, Thanks Twinkle. I cant believe my relationship is over, and im an left with a child. I need to go pack my stuff, and say goodbye to the dogs, but i cant even muster up the stregnth to do that.

 

[TooPatient]

Does he want to keep the dogs or would he prefer you take them?