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The LIW Small Talk Thread

Omg! Jessie! Are you ok? I am so sorry about what happened.

I came back from Hong Kong for few weeks then got sick. Tonight, I decided to come say hi. I can't believe what I am reading. Jessie, I wish I have come back earlier to check on you. Be strong. You have our support! HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
 
TooPatient|1304483115|2911830 said:
Does he want to keep the dogs or would he prefer you take them?
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He wants to dogs. I scedhuled an abortion for Friday morning, and have until than to decide what to do. *Sigh* why cant life come with a crystal ball
 
If you ever find that crystal ball you'll have to let me know... it really would make life so much easier.


Until then, there are some questions you should think about. Forget about C. Don't worry about the details (school, money, etc) for right this second. Just start with the very very basic pieces. Once you've had time to reflect on them, you'll be able to start working on the rest.

Are you prepared physically for what the abortion would be? (talk to your doctor about how they would DO the abortion, research what it involves on medical sites for additional information). You wouldn't walk into some surgery (however "routine") without researching the procedure so you should at least do that for this also.

Are you prepared for the possible long-term consequences of an abortion? Even if the consequence was that you were not able to ever get pregnant in the future?

Will you be able to cope emotionally if you have an abortion? Next week? Next year? In ten years?
for this one, think about the possible long-term consequences too -- How would you feel in 10 years if you were unable to have children?



After you've thought long and hard about these, then you can start thinking about the rest. If you decide to keep the baby, then you can start talking to your school advisors and forming a plan to finish your degree while caring for a baby.
 
Jessie, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. That said, if you do decide to go forward with the abortion, please know the facts and don't be influenced by anti-choice propaganda. I'm sure you mean well, TooPatient, but abortion is a safe medical procedure and complications are rare. Medical abortions (where you take oral medication to induce abortion) have not been linked to future infertility at all. Surgical abortion does have slightly higher risks, but it is still extremely unlikely that it would lead to future infertility or complications.

Wishing you strength no matter what you decide to do. Oh and I also hope you won't get back together with your boyfriend if you do go forward with the abortion. He's shown his true colors and I hope you let yourself see them.
 
Jessie, I just happened to come across this today, and I am so sorry for everything he is putting you through. One second you were lovingly planning a romantic getaway for two, and the next, this man who said he wanted to marry you says he'll leave you in a hot second if you have his baby? EFF HIM.

Please don't get an abortion because it's what he wants. Screw him. He's gone. Out of the picture. Mobs of PSers are currently running after him with pitchforks, so you don't have to worry about that. Do what's right for you and the unborn child. I won't try to influence your decision to abort or not to abort, but please, PLEASE make sure that whatever you are doing is what is right for you, not for him. And stay strong. You are much better off on your own than with someone who would treat you the way he has. No matter what you decide to do, don't do it for his approval and don't ever doubt that you're a thousand times better off without him.
 
thing2of2|1304538131|2912276 said:
Jessie, I'm so sorry you're in this situation. That said, if you do decide to go forward with the abortion, please know the facts and don't be influenced by anti-choice propaganda. I'm sure you mean well, TooPatient, but abortion is a safe medical procedure and complications are rare. Medical abortions (where you take oral medication to induce abortion) have not been linked to future infertility at all. Surgical abortion does have slightly higher risks, but it is still extremely unlikely that it would lead to future infertility or complications.

Wishing you strength no matter what you decide to do. Oh and I also hope you won't get back together with your boyfriend if you do go forward with the abortion. He's shown his true colors and I hope you let yourself see them.
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I agree. If the doctor plans to have her do an oral medication, the risks are very different than a surgical. I do think that she needs to know which method the doctor will use as part of her decision process. Other than the difference in physical side affects, I've been told that the emotional part is very different too.
(I'm not anti-choice... I'm suggesting exactly what I would for anything from super-strong-antibiotics to spine surgery and everything in between. For ANYTHING medical (or just life changing like a move to a new country or quitting a stable job at an established company to start your own business for example) I think researching, understanding the ups/downs of both sides, and thinking about life 5/10 years later is a good way to make decisions)


Jessie,
I understand (more than anyone here or IRL will ever know) what you are going through. I hope you haven't taken my posts as pushing for one option or the other -- I honestly can see the benefit to both in your situation. I just want to make sure you've really taken the time to understand what the doctor will do (if you decide that way) as well as think about what you will feel about your decision later on. I'd hate to see you feel forced into something that you may regret later. (since you said in the other thread that you feel like you are being forced to have an abortion).

Big hugs as you work through this and make your decision. Whatever you decide to do, be confident in your decision. It will work out.


ETA: The big, bolded, underlined bit ---- DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN YOUR LIFE ---- Thing is absolutely 1000000% right on this!
 
Jessie: I just want to say I am so sorry that things turned out this way ;( What a horrible thing for him to do to you! The most important thing during this time (both keeping it and not) is support from your SO (the one person you should be able to count on for THIS especially!). I can't imagine the heart wrenching pain you're feeling right now and the unknown going into it. But you are STRONG and you will do this, with or without him. He's shown one thing, that he didn't deserve that second chance you gave him and he doesn't deserve an amazing and hardworking beautiful woman such as yourself.

At the end of the day you need to do what's best for you and you're unborn child. You are right about one thing, there are tons of programs out there to help you if you need it. We are here for you when you need us. Be it a break down and just sobs because the man you loved with your whole heart and devoted 4 years to turned out to be a POS who backed out when the person he loved needed him the most or because your so angry you want to know where to buy a dart board where you can add his picture onto and throw darts at or just look for love and support we are here for you.

One thing is for certain is you are WAY to good for C. I'd take that heart ring he gave you and crack it in half and tell him that's what he did to your heart and so that's the condition the ring was returned to him in. The only difference is he won't be able to get a cent for a broken stone and you're heart will eventually heal and you'll have learned a whole slew of things from it. Go check out the break of blues thread for man hating songs and ben & jerry ice cream recommendations. At least you found this out prior to getting married, I know moving out and splitting up (especially with a child) is more divorce like but at least you don't have to deal with the legal BS with it too.


Great big HUGS to you hun!
 
Thank you all ladies. I still dont know what im going to do, its such a hard decision to make, faced with what i am. Also, its hard, faced with the future. On one side, i want to just get the abortion( it would be medical), so i wont have anything of C, and pray for forgiveness. On the other side, i want to keep the baby, but i dont know if im strong enough right now, to support a child on my own. Im not working, still in school, and in the midst of a breakup, what kind of situation is that to bring a baby into. Thank you all for your kind words, and hugs, i need all the hugs i can get.
 
Jessie702 said:
Thank you all ladies. I still dont know what im going to do, its such a hard decision to make, faced with what i am. Also, its hard, faced with the future. On one side, i want to just get the abortion( it would be medical), so i wont have anything of C, and pray for forgiveness. On the other side, i want to keep the baby, but i dont know if im strong enough right now, to support a child on my own. Im not working, still in school, and in the midst of a breakup, what kind of situation is that to bring a baby into. Thank you all for your kind words, and hugs, i need all the hugs i can get.
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HUGS Jessie. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a difficult decision right now ;( Have you thought perhaps giving the baby up for adoption? I realize that's not an easy thing to do after carrying the baby for 9 months but if you want to finish school and not have a whole lot to do with C that would be another option as well. That way someone who is ready to have a baby would give it a loving and wonderful home and when the child is old enough/ready the option to seek you out and find you that option is there too. Then you don't have to deal with C and worry about raising a child and going to school at the same time. I know friends that have done it and they said it was the hardest best decision that they could have made. I was adopted though foster care and babies are much more desired and you can even do an open adoption if you find a family that is interested. That way you get photos, updates and everything. My one GF actually gets to see her son and he knows he's adopted and even gets to visit her (although that's not usual from my understanding).

Just something else to consider that way it's not all all or none sort of choice. Have you sat down and made a list to help see your options? Sometimes it's hard to process when you've got feelings/stress/tired/school/etc all on your mind at once. If you write it down and do a list it might help you separate things and help you decide what route is best for you in both the long term and short term. Whatever you decide though just remember you're not alone in your decision. There are forums out there you can search for if you decide to keep the child, give it up or abort to help you heal/deal/decide from people who've been in a similar place as you are now.

HUGS again.




HUGS>.
 
Thank you all so mcuh, and i am considering my option. As of last night, i have started cramping, and i mean severe cramping. If they dotn get any better, i will be heading tot he ER, or at least the docs office at my school. I made the mistake of emailing C, telling him whats going on, and hoping he will come around. Sadly, his reaction made me even more mad at him, why care about how im feeling now, and worry and offer to pay for me to visit a doctor, if you dont want the baby.
 
Awww Jessie! I'm so sorry ;( I hope that the pain gets better but you really should get to the doctor. IMO C really showed his true colors with this unexpected pregnancy and baby or no baby doesn't deserve you. For me personally once someone breaks that trust (I have a lot of trust issues due to foster care/adoption/etc) it's super hard to get it back. I'm always wondering in the back of my mind if they'll do it again and those issues weren't as serious as the one C dropped the ball with.

I know it doesn't seem like things are going to get better right now bc you're tired in school and stressed and your world that you had thought you could count on fell apart around you, but I promise it will get better. You're beautiful, smart, strong and you know yourself. This experience is going to teach you even more about yourself and about life and you'll come though it and be a stronger and even more wise woman. Although when your in the mud trucking though it's hard to feel that way.

I will say if C wants to pay for your Dr. visit though that's the LEAST he should be doing. I'd take him up on his monetary offer but nothing more. He's shown he's not worth anything more than that with the way he's reacted. And considering you're having cramping could be a sign that something is wrong and perhaps he thinks that the issue will "go away on its own" and he can be the big hero and you'll forgive him for being a jack***.

Golly I feel horrible for even suggesting that but after reading it that's the way I took it :(sad
If I'm to blunt please let me know. The situation you are in is a very difficult one and the last thing I want to do is say something to make it worse for you so please let me know and I'll pipe down and just send you HUGS when you need them.
 
Jessie, please get yourself to a doctor as soon as you can. You're going through enough right now, please don't risk your own health on top of it all. Take care of yourself.
 
Jessie,

How are you? I hope you've gotten to a doctor and you're okay.
 
Thank you all ladies. I did go to the doctor, and as of right now, and long story short, im pregnant, but for my hormone level, they cant find anything on a ultrasound. They said, for where my hormone level is at, they should be able to see something on an ultrasound, and the two things they saw( one tiny speak in my uterus, and one near my tube), they arent sure what they are. They said one looks like a empty sack. They said the cramping is normal to a point, but since its mostly on one side its a bit concerning. On saturday i have to go back from more blood work, than on monday i will go to a gyno clinic, get the results of my new hormone level, and than from there they will know what to do. They said, its either a very early miscarriage, i could possible be just carrying around an empty sack, or the fetus is implanted somewhere it shouldnt be and they might need to remove it. Today, i dont feel so bad, but than i just woke up. I will admit that i am still a bit angry with C, but he was the only peson i could call yesturday to take me to the ER, since the school doc didnt want me driving myself. C took the day off of work, paid my hospital deposit, since i ahve no health insurance, and stayed with me the whole time, and held my hand, and purse if need be. He may be a jerk, but was concerned for my health, and is going with me for all of my followups
 
HUGS Jessie! I'm SO glad you went to the doctors! I'm sorry it didn't prove to be more informative and you have to go back, but at least you have a starting point. In regards to your relationship with C that something you'll have to work though yourself. I know for me personally the thought that the one person I should be able to count on backing out like that would leave a lot of feelings of hurt and distrust in serious situations that may come in the future for me and I'm not sure I could ever forgive him or get past that fear. However only you know C and you know what you need and if your relationship can get though this. If you can you may come out stronger but if I were to stay with him I'd have to see some proof that he's not just going to leave when you need him the most. However that being said if his reaction was just out of fear/his own insecurities and he deals with that and tries to make things right and you guys work though it together then that's something you need to decide for yourself. You don't need to worry about that now though, focus on figuring out what's going on and process your feelings. You can decide the rest later when you don't have so much on your plate. HUGS!
 
Jessie, I'm glad you went to the doctor. I hope you'll have some answers soon, and the cramping will subside so you can have some relief. Personally, I could never forgive C for what he did. I'm furious at him and I don't even know him. Only you can decide what to do, but please be careful. It's so easy to feel close to a person during a hard time such as this. But remember that just because you need someone, and he happens to be there, doesn't mean he's a good person. It doesn't right his wrongs. Frankly, it's the least he could do, and he owes it to you. But right now, it's just about your health and the baby. Don't worry about your relationship with C for now. Let him help get you to the doctor if that's the only way to get there, but put relationship thoughts on the backburner for now. One thing at a time. You're a strong woman. You'll get through this just fine.
 
Jessie-

I hope that all is well with your health!

Listen, you have to make your own decisions based on what is best for YOU regarding your body, the baby, and your relationship. Determine what kind of person you want to see yourself with forever... someone who loves your unconditionally? supports your decisions? is there for you when times are tough? these are things people typically seek in a marriage partner. If you feel that C can and is that person, who are we to tell you optherwise. My two cents is: he wasn't/isnt there for you for something soo major - that involves him! H was ready and willing to up and leave you and everything you had together because he got you pregnant with his child!!! My thought is, if you take him back and it works out for *now* what is to say there wont be something in the future that happens that will make him up and leave you in a major time of need??? THink about yourself and what you want out of a marriage and a partner.

HUGS!
 
Thank you all, as stupid as this sounds, i believe in second chances. This is his second and final chance. If he messes up than i leave, and he knows this.Now for my body, i dont know what is going on it, but wish whatever it is, it would stop or come out. I go to the doctor tommorow, to find out the results from my blood test, and an ultrasound. Ill post when i know more, but for right now, i dont know anything. Thank you all for support, Lord knows i need it. All the support, i can possibly get.
 
Thinking of you at the doctor today. I hope all goes well for you.

It seems to me if C has cheated before that you have already given him more than two chances. And this is hardly a minor infraction. It's potentially a moment that will define the rest of your lives. But I can't say I don't understand. I have always been the type to give second, third, and fourth chances myself. I understand you'd especially want to do that for the father of your child. All I can say is second chances have never worked out well for me, they've only prolonged the heartache. Ultimately, they've caused me more broken hearts, more embarrassment, more pain, and wasted more of my time, preventing me from pursuing the supportive, wonderful relationship I really needed for a long time. I do hope you will fare better in your relationship. But please be careful. Your health, and that of the child (should you decide to keep it and have a successful preganancy) NEED to be your absolute priority, and those same things should be C's priority. The extra stress of relationship problems just isn't something you need to be dealing with now.

I'm not sure whether you're leaning more toward keeping or terminating, but either way I am hopeful for a positive outcome at the doctor today. Take care of yourself.
 
blacksand|1304953766|2916217 said:
Thinking of you at the doctor today. I hope all goes well for you.

It seems to me if C has cheated before that you have already given him more than two chances. And this is hardly a minor infraction. It's potentially a moment that will define the rest of your lives. But I can't say I don't understand. I have always been the type to give second, third, and fourth chances myself. I understand you'd especially want to do that for the father of your child. All I can say is second chances have never worked out well for me, they've only prolonged the heartache. Ultimately, they've caused me more broken hearts, more embarrassment, more pain, and wasted more of my time, preventing me from pursuing the supportive, wonderful relationship I really needed for a long time. I do hope you will fare better in your relationship. But please be careful. Your health, and that of the child (should you decide to keep it and have a successful preganancy) NEED to be your absolute priority, and those same things should be C's priority. The extra stress of relationship problems just isn't something you need to be dealing with now.

I'm not sure whether you're leaning more toward keeping or terminating, but either way I am hopeful for a positive outcome at the doctor today. Take care of yourself.
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I've been thinking about how to word my reply but I think Blacksand hit is just right. Especially the bolded part. But I do understand how hard it is to end a relationship, especially a long one that would be great if only_____ .


Either way, take care of yourself. I hope your doctor appointment goes well and whatever happens, you're okay.
 
Jessie702|1304869357|2915415 said:
Thank you all, as stupid as this sounds, i believe in second chances. This is his second and final chance. If he messes up than i leave, and he knows this.Now for my body, i dont know what is going on it, but wish whatever it is, it would stop or come out. I go to the doctor tommorow, to find out the results from my blood test, and an ultrasound. Ill post when i know more, but for right now, i dont know anything. Thank you all for support, Lord knows i need it. All the support, i can possibly get.
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Actually you've shown him several times that if he "messes up" (not how I'd describe someone cheating on me and kicking me out of the house because I was pregnant with his child, but whatever), you WON'T leave.
 
Jessie, How are you?


Registered for the next two quarters of school. Chemistry and Micro-economics for summer quarter. Chemistry and Physics1(for engineering) for fall.

Registration seems to get earlier and earlier each quarter (because it really does since they base registration time on how many credits you have) -- we're not even 1/2 through this quarter yet!
 
Jessie, thinking of you. Hope you are doing well. Please update when you can.
 
Jessie, are you ok? Please keep us updated! I just came back from Las Vegas yesterday from my bachelorette trip, I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was there. Hope everything is fine!
 
Hi BG :wavey:


How was your weekend in Las Vegas?
And your trip home?

You must be excited -- just 3 months to go!
 
Hi Too! LV was good. I had the most amazing time with my girls. It is THE bachelorette party. We watched a stripshow, Thunder from Down Under. My maid of honor was dragged onto the stage. It was funny. We went clubbing for 2 nights. I got drunk one time. HAHA. :lol: We actually stayed there for 4 nights 5 days. We did a lot of shopping.. maybe WAY too much shopping. Oh well. Since the exchange rate is so good, everything is very cheap for us Canadian. OMG 3 months to go!!! How are you lately? I hope Jessie is ok!
 
Hi Ladies....

Congrats BG on your BP....that sounds like fun. Where did you stay??

Sorry i havent updated lately ladies, i have been busy with school, 2 trips to the ER, a few trips to the doctor, and bedrest. I have been in pain, and i think i updated you on that, the doctors dont know the source of the pain, just that i have pain. They thought maybe it was an infection, but the cultures came back negative, after getting 2 shots, and 4 pills. They prescribed me percoet for pain, and bedrest until the pain goes away, and clear fluids. I have been trying bedrest, it just sucks, i hate being in bed. They think i might be losing the baby, and that is part of the pain. All i know is the pain isnt better, im weak all the time, and if i walk just a bit too much my heart starts pounding, and i cant breathe. C and i are working on some things, no guartnees there, so i dont know what to post about that. I just want my body back at this time, i hate getting out of breathe, after walking for 5 minutes slowly, and getting sharp stabbing pains.


So what else is new?
 
Glad you had a great BP! Are you pretty much done with the wedding planning or is it getting crazier as you get closer?


Jessie -- I'm sorry you are having these problems. Take it easy and don't stress about you and C for right now -- just focus on taking care of yourself.



Talk to you ladies tomorrow.... it is 10:30 and my alarm goes off for calculus at 4 :knockout:
 
Thanks for updating, Jessie. I've been thinking about you. I hope you'll get some relief from the pain soon, both physical and emotional.
 
Hi ladies!

Jessie: I'm so sorry you're dealing with these health concerns and problems with C. I hope the doctors can figure out what is going on with you and how to help you.

Not much is up with me right now. Just working. Some issues with work. K and I are great. His grandfather passed away some weeks ago and he was pretty upset but dealt with everything well. He says the engagement is coming "soon enough" his definition of soon and mine are different of course. We did discuss possibly getting married next summer but nothing definite. Our two year anniversary is in July and I booked a helicopter flying lesson for us and we're supposed to go to Cape Cod for the weekend.
 
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