The Official TTC for 6 Months or More Thread

[royalasscherlover]

Hi all! Just wanted to pop in and say hello - it's been good for me to take a break but I've been rooting for everyone from afar.

rt, so sorry about AF. I hear you on the holidays. 2015 is a new year, hopefully bringing good news for all of us.

mp, thanks for thinking of me. I'm so glad that everything is continuing to go well for you. I recently visited one of my friends that I met in my clinic support group who had IVF twins in November - they are tiny but doing great!

jgator, i guess you never know what will happen, but I would want to get the show on the road with IVF, especially if you're conflicted about how much longer you want to try for another. For me, the longer this goes on, the harder it is to deal with and the more I wish I had jumped ahead sooner.

lc, I hope you can find a therapist you connect with. My clinic has one that we can talk with free of charge, which is really nice considering how much everything else costs! She is great and has worked with many people in the same situation, so she understands and can validate my feelings so I don't feel quite so crazy.

afm, we've had lots of ups and downs in the past month, but the good news is that the injectable estrogen ultimately worked to get rid of the fluid and thicken my lining and we transferred two embryos last week. Beta later this week and I'm trying to stay calm and keeping everything crossed that at least one is a good one this time. The wait is so hard!

 

[lliang_chi]

SB, I'm keeping everything crossed for you this week! I'm so glad the injectable estrogen worked for you. DUST DUST DUST little babies! I really want this for you guys!

RT, Sorry about AF. The holidays are crazy, and sorry you have to deal with your endo on top of it. But at least you get to see your family, right?

choro, Hooray for 12wks!!! So happy for you.

JGator, yeah, I can see how frustrating it would be for your DH to be hesitant about IVF. My DH would pull the same thing too. I think your guys' plan from the start of this was Clomid & IUIs then IVF was a good plan. Maybe some of this is your DH's hesitation on how much another baby will change your family life?

Tbaus,so wonderful seeing you here. Thanks for the supportive words. It helps a lot.

AFM, I have my 1st therapist appointment on Thursday. I have a 2nd recommendation from my midwives, but I couldn't make the schedule work with my vacation plans. So I'm going to meet with the one on Thursday and if I feel like I need another one, I'll try the 2nd recommendation in Jan after we're back from the holidays.

 

[monkeyprincess]

SB, oh wow, I'm keeping everything crossed that you get good news this week! Like LC said, I want this so badly for you. Please keep us posted.

Random, so sorry about AF. I hope the holidays don't make things harder on you and end up exceeding your expectations. Take good care of yourself.

LC, I hope you hit it off with the therapist. Sometimes, I feel like it would be good to have someone to vent to about all of the infertility stuff. Even now, I feel like I can't get excited or too attached, and I worry I will feel this way the whole pregnancy even if everything continues to go well. Having infertility or losses really jades us I think. Anyway, hope you find your session helpful.

 

[JGator]

RT, I hope you get to spend the holidays with your mom. When does the new job start? Sorry AF arrived and your endo is acting up too.

SB, good luck with your TWW. I really hope this is it for you. Keep us updated when you find out more.

LC, how did therapy go today? My DH is not reluctant due to our family dynamics changing - he should be, but I think he just feels like the RE office is a used car salesman kind of place and they are always asking for payment/money. It is called a baby factory around here and it's one of the largest fertility clinics in the country. We are going there because it's convenient, and they have the best reusults for my age group in the area. DH thinks they are rushing us, and also feels like IVF is the last step and are we ready to move there now. I am though! Very ready to just either be pregnant or not and move on after a couple tries.

MP, how are the twins? Hope you are feeling okay.

AFM, not much new. Stopped taking OPKs. I assume I will know if this cycle is a bust or not on/around Christmas. Just hanging in there for the old TWW.

 

[lliang_chi]

Thanks for asking JGator. Therapy was OK I guess. She said that I'm sad (duh), but feels like I'm doing what's typical to work things out. Her practice has a support group for women who had terminations, so she suggested I go there. The whole reason why I wanted to go was because I feel like I need to change something at my work because I'm really lacking there. But she didn't give me much to go one. I'll see her again after the holidays to get a plan, but I'm also going to try another one (also recommended by my midwife).

I'd have to agree with you for being ready to move onto IVF. If it were me, I'd press J that this is something that I'm not going to wait for. I feel like (with the exception of a few DHs in this thread) men just don't understand the anxiety we feel when TTC. Like for me, each cycle we're not successful is another 1.5 months that I'm getting older and this whole pregnancy AND caring for a baby is going to get HARDER. Anyway, best of luck for the TWW.

 

[monkeyprincess]

LC, I'm sorry to hear your session was underwhelming. Hoping the other referral proves to be more useful. Hang in there. I think this is just a crazy time of year in general, and even more so when you're dealing with extra stress or sadness.

JGator, I understand where you're coming from and feeling like time isn't on your side. I hope your DH comes around to your line of thinking. Things are going okay for me. I don't have another ultrasound until Tuesday. I thought I was able to pick up one heartbeat or both yesterday on the doppler, but this morning I woke up to a little light bleeding. Argh. The nurse I talked to wasn't concerned and said to just take it easy and watch it. So I'm trying to not get too alarmed.

SB, my fingers are crossed for you. Sending you good thoughts.

 

[JGator]

LC, sorry to hear you didn't click with the therapist. I would keep trying with the other recommendation. Yeah, I pretty much told DH I wanted to go ahead with IVF and we chose our insurance accordingly for 2015. So, I just hope he's ready when I am on the next cycle. I'm usually ready for stuff way before him - he has to process everything and take forever to decide hence our 6-month search for a car, his over 1-year mattress purchase decision, our 1-year wait to install recessed lights, etc. I guess I could wait one more cycle out as I don't know what the deal is with our RE office over the Holidays. I think the lab is closed, but that likely wouldn't impact us since it would be the first half of the cycle.

MP, sorry to hear about the spotting. Hang in there. The first 3 months are so scary. I'm so optimistic for you though!

SB, hoping for good news today.

 

[monkeyprincess]

JGator, your description of your DH sounds just like my DH. He puts off major decisions (and even minor ones sometimes) as long as possible and overthinks things. Sometimes, it's a good thing, but other times, it drives me crazy. I always tell him I wonder how he ever actually made the decision and went through with proposing to me! I'm glad you have the proper insurance coverage in place, and I'm sure he'll come around when he realizes that it would be best not to let too much time pass. Thanks for the good thoughts. The spotting is gone, and is just a little brown discharge when I wipe now. I listened to the heartbeat(s) again, so I feel much more calm.

 

[JGator]

MP, yay for heartbeats! Yes, our DHs sound similar. And don't even get me started on the wait for the proposal. I'll fill you in on that if we ever get to meet in person.... I'm so happy you heard the heartbeats and the spotting stopped. Thanks for updating me.

 

[lliang_chi]

MP and JG I also know what you mean about your DH's taking longer to process something. For our 2nd pregnancy this year, when we got our CVS results back resulting in a trisomy, and DH and I already spoke and agreed to how we were going to decide on it, I wanted to make an appointment ASAP. I told my husband, that the next surgery date was the next week, but he still asked for the weekend to "think things over". And so, I had to wait a whole f*cking week for the next surgery date. Was so f*cking pissed.

MP, hooray for the heart beat(s)

 

[royalasscherlover]

Thanks all for the good thoughts - it really means a lot to me to have your support. I was amazed to get a BFP on a home test last week - first time in my life. My first beta was good, but unfortunately the second only went up a tiny bit and didn't come close to doubling. RE says not viable and to stop all meds and hope it starts to come down on it's own when we retest in a few days. I am crushed - I desperately wanted this one to work and finally have some happy news and get off this terrible roller coaster in 2015. Plus I'm stuck at my in-laws for the week and really just want to be home alone with my husband to grieve.

I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and hope you have a better holiday than me.

 

[Loves Vintage]

SB - I am so sorry to read your news. You must be devastated. I am sorry this whole process has been so long and so heart-breaking. Thinking of you.

JG - I get what your DH is saying about IVF and the salesmanship. I saw that to some extent with both of my REs -- except my RE showed me actual statistics whereas my former RE just had a fancy office and false hope (I'm still bitter about that , it seems!) Nevertheless, your DH is going to have to come to terms with reality. I'd just keep printing off statistics for him until he agrees!! My DH never really questioned the need for IVF -- he's pretty fact-based in all of his decision-making, which is extremely helpful for me, as I am most decidedly not!! Will you have another consult with your RE for an IVF protocol? Hopefully, you can spend time on that and ordering your meds (so that it's not a stressful episode like it often is with last minute ordering) so that you can have an easy start to the process.

LC - Sorry to hear your first therapist visit wasn't great. I've been to quite a few therapists, and it has taken me a few misses before finding the two that have really helped me. Usually in a first appointment, they are going to want to take a lot of background info, so I wouldn't expect much help in the first visit or two. I would, however, bottom-line it for them at the first meeting so that you can direct the appointment and let him or her know exactly what you are looking for. What is going on at work? Anything we might be able to help with? Do you think you are clinically depressed, and if so, would you consider taking meds?

 

[JGator]

LC, how goes it? Thinking of you. DHs can be so frustrating!!!

SB, I am so sorry for your loss. That is not fair. I wish you were able to just curl up at home also. Please take some time for yourself. Hugs to you.

LV, my DH is very fact based too. I think our clinic/doc just doesn't spend much time with us. Right now, all our interactions are with the nurse who always seems to be reciting a speech from rote memory. I guess we could make another appt to see the doc. I don't know. I am trying not to think about all this stuff right now wiht the hoidays coming up, but AF should be here soon so we'll need a plan soon.

MP, when is the next scan?

AFM, not much new. Gearing up for the holidays.

 

[monkeyprincess]

SB, I'm so, so sorry to hear your update. To go from the high of your first ever BFP to finding out your betas didn't double is incredibly heartbreaking. Not to get your hopes up or anything, but is there for sure no chance that both implanted and you lost one? I'm sure your RE considered the possibility when he/she made the recommendation to stop meds. I'm just so sorry and especially about the timing and not being at home. The silver lining is that you got farther than you ever have before, but I know that it is of little comfort unless you actually are able to stay pregnant. Please take good care of yourself and grieve however you need to grieve. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

JGator, hope you enjoy the holidays and are able to make a decision with DH about how to move forward. After going through it, I believe the IVF really does give the best shot, but I know it is not easy to get to the point of being ready to move forward. I'm confident your DH will be ready soon though. Enjoy the holidays as best you can!

LC, thinking of you!

AFM, I had an ultrasound this morning and all is still well. I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow. I feel funny updating anymore on here, but I am not going to stop checking in with you all and cheering you on until you all get good news. Happy holidays!

 

[random_thought]

Just stopping in to say that I have all of you who are still trying in my thoughts and prayers. This is an incredibly tough time of year for us gals *hugs*

 

[JGator]

MP, DH is not ready yet. AF arrived today. I asked him what he wants to do. He said it is up to me. I said we can do another IUI, skip this cycle, or IVF. He said he doesn't care it's up to me, but no to the IVF. So, I called the nurse to try to schedule a CD 3 blood work/ultrasound for an IUI, but I have not heard back yet. I guess I should call again. I'm a little disappointed, but thinking the 3rd try worked for K with the RE so maybe just give this a shot and then after that, we either don't do anything or we do IVF when DH is ready. I still have a lot of injectible meds left from the first 2 IUI cycles also so we may as well use them. I'm okay with not having more kids so I can live with it either way just a little down on this day.

RT, good to hear from you. Hang in there.

Happy Holidays to All out there!

 

[choro72]

Sorry JGator. It sucks when hubbys are not on the same page. I hope this IUI does the trick.

Shortblonde, I'm so sorry. What rotten timing. hugs hugs hugs.

LC, any new development?

 

[random_thought]

So here was my Christmas. I got one piece of mail from a midwifery on Christmas Eve inquiring if I had found a doctor or midwife yet for the pregnancy I lost in August. So that was awesome. Then my 3 year old told me I have a tummy like Santa. So awesome again. Went to church and got turned away because there weren't enough chairs. Right when I needed church the most. Awesome once again. This morning got a phone call from my sister in law who wasn't even trying that she is pregnant. Just shoot me now.

 

[aviastar]

Oh, RT, I am so sorry! My DH has been taking the Christmas cards away as they arrive and screening them cause everyone in the world we know is pregnant/had a baby this year. I almost texted a friend to say thank you for the card with ,' I love getting your card cause you are done having kids!' But DH thankfully stepped in.

I also woke up to a UTI and a negative test yesterday morning. I had a bit of a cry. That may be a small understatement. Some painkillers later (managed to successfully cook a duck dinner high as a kite ), the day was getting better.

Basically- I feel ya sister, I feel ya. And I love ya. Hugs and more hugs. Take some time for yourself, if you can. And, um, let's find you a bigger church!

 

[random_thought]

Oh, RT, I am so sorry! My DH has been taking the Christmas cards away as they arrive and screening them cause everyone in the world we know is pregnant/had a baby this year. I almost texted a friend to say thank you for the card with ,' I love getting your card cause you are done having kids!' But DH thankfully stepped in.

I also woke up to a UTI and a negative test yesterday morning. I had a bit of a cry. That may be a small understatement. Some painkillers later (managed to successfully cook a duck dinner high as a kite ), the day was getting better.

Basically- I feel ya sister, I feel ya. And I love ya. Hugs and more hugs. Take some time for yourself, if you can. And, um, let's find you a bigger church!

Aviastar, thank you so much for the kind words I'm feeling much better today but it goes without saying that I still have a headache from crying all day yesterday. Oh man, it was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. The church we go to is actually fairly big, the problem is that everyone showed up at the same time for one of the services and I guess they hadnt anticipated that but it would've broke the fire code to admit everyone in or something *shrugs*

I'm ok with the cards because I do have Cayden which I'm thankful for but the last thing I want to hear about is how someone unexpectedly got pregnant after the reminder of my miscarriage. Just such an awful, awful combination of events. Thankfully I managed to suck it up and still bd'ed. I should O anytime now. I also connected with a girl in Colorado who has been having a hard time finding a support group so we basically said eff it, let's just start our own. I'm in the process of creating that online so hopefully that will help.

I'm sorry about your uti, I had one the other day too and they suck so bad! Also sorry about the negative test How many dpo are you now? I feel awful that I haven't been keeping up on here as well as I would like but it takes all my energy just to not glare at pregnant women let alone get out of bed and go to work and yada yada. Crappy excuse but it is what it is lol. I'm CD14 today so hopefully I'll ovulate soon!

 

[JGator]

Avia, sorry about the UTI and BFN. This is a really hard time. I'm glad you are back to posting to keep us company.

LC, how goes it? I hope you and E and J had a great Christmas and that you were able to get creative around O time.

RT, I'm glad you are feeling a little better. I CANNOT believe you got a card like that from the midwives office. You should call and complain. I'm glad you are creating your own support group too.

MP, I'm thrilled things are going well with the twins. Time is really going to fly.

AFM, I'm on IUI #3. CD 5. I went in on CD 3 for bloodwork and ultrasound. The doctor said I had 3 follies less than 10mm on each side and a thin lining which is good. I stared follistim injections on Friday night, and I go back on Monday AM for another check. So, hopefully, this will work as I just don't know if I/we will do anything else beyond this. I'm hoping this iUI will occur next weekend so I don't have to disapear from work in the new year for the procedure. I work from home but we have a corporate instant messaging software, and everyone expects me to be available on the messaging software all the time because I work from home.

 

[random_thought]

JGator- The first thing I did was send them a letter to complain lol, I couldn't believe it! Most doctor offices avoid sending things out around the holidays like that for this very reason! I'll be thinking good thoughts for your IUI, that must be so frustrating I know what you mean about the IM system too because our company is the same way, it's so annoying to schedule fertility stuff around that!

AFM-Well this is fairly annoying....This happened last month and then 2 days later I got a permanent rise and then got AF 8 days later. Hoping this month won't be similar...

 

[JGator]

RT, did you have anything to drink on Friday night?? Crazy chart. I hope you O'ed when you thought you did.

AFM, I went in for blood/ultrasound today. They said not much is happening, but that might be okay after only 3 days of meds. They said depending on the bloodwork results, they may have me up the Follistim dose. It's at 225 ius now so we'll see. I go back again on Wed AM. Not much else going on. Working half days as we have plans to see good/old friends from out of town every day this week so that will be nice.

 

[random_thought]

Nope, nothing to drink! Just throwing in extra bd-ing to cover my bases. Temp went up today but not enough to signal ovulation.

 

[JGator]

Rt, interesting. Our bodies are mysteries sometimes, aren't they?

AFM, my Follistim dosage was upped to 300 ius. My estrogen number was only 50ish after 3 days of meds. I think the other times it was around 180 so I wonder what's going on. Hopefully, my estrogen/follies will get back on track in the next few days, and I won't get too cranky on the higher dosage.

 

[monkeyprincess]

JGator, I'm keeping everything crossed for you with this IUI. I know it's discouraging after a few failed cycles, but I'm hoping you get that perfect egg this time around!

Random, hang in there. Hoping you are able to confirm ovulation again soon. I admire you for keeping up on your charting. I never did very well with temping.

Aviastar, big hugs to you. You had a really rough week last week, and the timing really couldn't have been worse. I really do believe you are going to get and stay pregnant sometime soon. I just wish you didn't have to go through all of this struggle first.

LC, I've been thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. Hoping this coming year is a much happier one for you!

SB, lots of thoughts and prayers going out to you right now. I really hope you are able to get some more information and ideas when you next meet with your RE.

Thinking of all you ladies. I'm so thankful for all the support you've all given me over the past year or so of struggles. I know all of our situations are different, but please don't give up or think you're alone. I'm keeping you all in my prayers!

 

[JGator]

MP, thanks for the well wishes. I hope all is well with you, and I can't wait for your next ultrasound update in mid-Jan.

RT, how goes it? Any updates on temping? I stopped after my BBT battery died. I should probably get a new one.

LC, how are things going? TWW-ville for you?

AFM, I had an ultrasound/bloodwork this AM. They are concerned that I am not responding as I only have 1 follie on one side and 2 on the other. They said they will likely increase the meds unless the bloodwork shows an improvement that they couldn't see on the ultrasound. I took 300 ius of follistim the last 2 nights. I'm feeling okay so far - I do have a headache. I did have some spotting today, also. Weird cycle. I guess it's a good thing we didn't do IVF this time with my body not producing much. I think I go back on Friday for another check depending on the bloodwork results call later today.

 

[random_thought]

For those wondering, this is where I'm at right now *shrugs*

 

[amc80]

For those wondering, this is where I'm at right now *shrugs*

I'm wondering if you O'd on cd16 and that high temp was an outlier.

 

[aviastar]

Thank you, RT, JGator, and MP.

it sounds like we are all having weird winter slumps , off cycles and bad days. I am hoping 2015 brings better luck and results for us all!

I saw my favorite NP this week, she has been my PCP since I was 18. I needed more antibiotics since I managed to also get a sinus infection this week, but I wanted to talk to her about how much trouble I have been having coping with the infertility roller coaster. I can ignore it and do pretty well, but I've really been struggling with making concrete decisions or actions. I am overwhelmed by the medical bills we have from the miscarriage- not the amount so much but just sitting down with them to sort through them is such an awful reminder that I'm avoiding and of course that's a terrible choice. And I don't want to make new appointments, the anxiety about starting active treatment again- what if it doesn't work, what of it does and I miscarry again?- is also overwhelming. I don't feel capable of of coping in any sort of healthy way. So, lovely woman that is she, suggested a small light dose of some anti depressants. I've started them this week, so too early to say if they will have the positive impact I am hoping for, but I am setting out in 2015 hopeful that this will be the bump I need to jump back in 100% and tackle the obstacles as they come with a bit more equanimity.

And already on the brighter side, our business has been doing very well, and some projected projects for 2015 will mean we can pursue whatever treatment we'd like without financial worry, so that's a huge relief!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you RT, keep us posted on your chart!

Good luck, JGator, I hope this IUI is it for you!

I'm following along with you in the other threads, MP, so, so happy for you!