Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS pls!

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Glad to hear you're feeling better... MUCHO DUST on the apartment search. You're going to be way way way Okay. I feel it in my bones.

(If I'm not around a ton, its not because I'm not super invested in your sitch ... I've just had a freelance gig come up that is absorbing ALL of my time. Not around on PS much probably 'til July. Thinking boutcha though! GOOD LUCK!!!!!)

Deco! I was missing you

Thanks for all of your support. Congrats on the freelance gig - don't forget about us and check in when you can!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I got approval for my apartment yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[mary poppins]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I got approval for my apartment yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yayyy! Congratulations!!!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

That's wonderful news! Congratulations!!!

 

[merilenda]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Yay, that's great news! Congrats!!!

 

[princesss]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Woohoo!!!

 

[iheartscience]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Yay, audball! That's awesome! Can't wait to hear (or see if you feel like posting pics!) how you furnish it!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks everyone! I go to sign the lease on Monday. Move in is 5 weeks from today. Negotiated $60/mo off the rent and got them to agree to take the security deposit now and first/last at move in so that gives me a few weeks to come up with the cash. It'll obliterate my furniture fund, but I'll get there....

And I can't WAIT to post pics, when I get furniture that is, hahah!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks everyone! I go to sign the lease on Monday. Move in is 5 weeks from today. Negotiated $60/mo off the rent and got them to agree to take the security deposit now and first/last at move in so that gives me a few weeks to come up with the cash. It'll obliterate my furniture fund, but I'll get there....

And I can't WAIT to post pics, when I get furniture that is, hahah!

In the beginning, all you need is a sleeping bag, towels, pillows, a foam pad to put the sleeping bag on, and window treatments. The rest will come in time.

 

[princesss]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks everyone! I go to sign the lease on Monday. Move in is 5 weeks from today. Negotiated $60/mo off the rent and got them to agree to take the security deposit now and first/last at move in so that gives me a few weeks to come up with the cash. It'll obliterate my furniture fund, but I'll get there....

And I can't WAIT to post pics, when I get furniture that is, hahah!

In the beginning, all you need is a sleeping bag, towels, pillows, a foam pad to put the sleeping bag on, and window treatments. The rest will come in time.

ITA! When I moved into my first place, I had a bed (thanks to my parents), a shelf from Target, a reading pillow, and a TV that sat on a plastic bin.

 

[UnluckyTwin]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Yes! Don't make the mistake I did! When I moved into a new place post break-up in which the ex kept everything, I felt like I had to completely furnish it immediately upon moving in. I bought stuff that I liked or that I thought would do, and now I realize that there is quite a bit I'd like to change, but it's all so new and I don't really have any $$ to spend on new furnishings so the only thing that makes sense is to hold onto it all for several more years. I really wish I'd waited until I came across stuff I loved and just bought it all over time.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks for the advice ladies.

I have been given two couches and a dining set. I do have (a very old) tv, and my laptop. I'll be able to borrow a friend's blow up mattress and a squishy memory foam topper, so that'll get me by.

I've compiled my shopping list, I'll just have to buy things as I can. I signed the lease yesterday. It's official.

On another note, I had a really bad day yesterday which surprisingly had very little to do with BF.
But it made me sleep poorly and now today I'm tired, have very little apetite, and feel like my heart is in my throat.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks everyone! I go to sign the lease on Monday. Move in is 5 weeks from today. Negotiated $60/mo off the rent and got them to agree to take the security deposit now and first/last at move in so that gives me a few weeks to come up with the cash. It'll obliterate my furniture fund, but I'll get there....

And I can't WAIT to post pics, when I get furniture that is, hahah!

Way to go! Good negotiating!


What I missed when I moved into my apartment: something (even paper/plastic) to heat food on/in or at least plastic ware to eat prepared meals with.

Emerilware --- I bought when on sale for $169 plus used a 20% off coupon. It is now almost 7 years later and we're still quite happy using them. The copper bottoms really make them great.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I'm sorry you had a bad yesterday.

When my husband and I first moved in to our first place together, I was 19, he was still 18. All we had was a couple of lawn chairs, sleeping bags and pillows, a camping stove, and a few plates. That's it. Those were some of the happiest days of our lives.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks everyone. I had an amazing day today with friends. Dinner, movie, girl's night. I really needed it.

 

[princesss]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hey! How was the rest of your weekend?

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hey princesss! Thanks for asking. First half way better than the second half. BF was supposed to be gone through Monday night. I went out with friends Friday and Saturday and had a blast. He came home early on Sunday afternoon and had a bad attitude the whole time. Kind of ruined Sunday and Monday. I posted on FB about how awesome a time I was having, I'm sure he packed up and came home because he wasn't having fun and just had to spoil my good time. But whatever. 25 more days.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Though bad news, my friend's apartment situation fell through and she had to renew where she was. So now I'm down to no furniture at all...and this place had the higher deposits, etc. It'll be fun...

My friend A was trying to cheer me up about it, he asked if I had extra sheets. When I said yes, he assured me we could build a really cool fort in the living room. Lol. God love him.

 

[iheartscience]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hey audball, I was wondering how things were going with you. What a bummer about the furniture! The fort sounds great, though! I bet if you scoured Craigslist and went to some thrift stores or antique/flea markets you could find some great stuff for not much money. I needed a dresser when we moved and was ready to drop several hundred dollars on one until I walked by a thrift store with an awesome one in the window for $50!

And I was wondering how things were going with you still living with the BF. What a pain that he tried to ruin your fun. You'll be out of there soon and you won't have to deal with anyone spoiling your fun!

 

[Winks_Elf]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Check local community papers. We have something called a Treasure Hunt magazine up here where people put ads for things they're selling. There's yard sales, Good Will thrift store, and put a post on your FB if anyone is looking to get rid of furniture you're in the market. You only need something to get you through the first few months while you get the deposits paid off and you're more on your feet. Whatever you do, don't charge anything!

Ikea has some cool things cheap, as does Walmart, Kmart, Pier 1, Homegoods, Sam's Club/Costco/BJ's Warehouse. You don't want to spend a fortune on furnishings at this point because as you grow emotionally and get more to know who you are, your taste in furniture may change.

I still say some lawn chairs, sleeping bag and egg crate pad will suffice for the first 4 to 6 months. That will buy you enough time to get more financially stable so you can get what you really want.

OH! Go check out the outdoor furniture in places like Sears, Wal-Mart & KMart, and wherever outdoor furnishings can be found down there. You may be able to get a killer deal on what would be a patio seating group! Use it as living room furniture for now. I don't know if you have an outdoor space or not but you can find a nice set that looks cute in a living room that can eventually be moved out doors for under $400! I got our set (love seat, two chairs and an oval coffee table) for only $300. I've had it on a covered porch for three seasons now (all year round), and it still looks like it did when it was brand new. With 4 kids that bounce all over it, that's a killer deal.

 

[monarch64]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Audball, congrats on signing your lease!!! So proud of you! Don't worry too much about the furniture, everything will fall into place eventually. It's amazing what one can make do with when strapped for cash, and also amazing what you can find out there that might be perfect for you, for cheap! You'll be just fine. Hat's off to you, you've come a long way, baby!

 

[ladyroadwarrior]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hello Audball,
I'm not sure why I was in the LIW forum at all (I'm a single gal, you see) but for some reason I was drawn to your post. I've read most of it and felt very connected to your story -- not the specifics, but the emotions you've conveyed.

First, I'd like to say that frankly, I am so EXCITED for you.

I'm also a professional woman of a similar age (27) who dealt with the breakup of a LTR 4 years ago that sent me reeling. The circumstances of my relationship aren't terribly important to the story, but I'll say that I was with my ex for four years, and he was a smart, caring, funny partner and I was deeply in love. In my story, he left me and I did not understand it at all. What I later learned is that there was nothing wrong with our relationship... except its timing.

It's this part that made me connect to your story. Sounds like you are really ready to get on with your adult life and your BF is not -- your timing is just not aligned. But this is where I am excited for you!

It's clear by what you've shared that you're very committed to your career and your education and I totally feel that its this time (mid to late twenties) that a focus on this will pay dividends for you in so many areas of your life. When I was dealing with my breakup, I decided to throw all my attention into work to try to distract myself from the sad and painful process of a breakup. Thank goodness. I applied for a new job six weeks after the breakup, which I promptly got. It was the kind of job I'd dreamed about but I didn't think I'd be qualified for. Since then, I've gotten promoted twice, increased my salary by 50k, and met a whole slew of friends who share my ambitions, my interests, and have made me feel more confident and happy then I've ever felt before.

I'm not dating anyone right now -- but all of my focus on developing my professional self has also lead me to meeting a whole bunch of wonderful, talented, and intelligent men who offer a great reminder to me of the calibre of guy I want to share my life with. And back to the timing point, I'm ready now for the type of relationship that I thought I was ready for back then. Certainly I have plenty of problems and flaws but I guess just being focused on myself for a bit has really clarified a lot of things that I didn't know needed clarifying.

I'm looking forward to all of the things that you'll get to discover about what you want that you don't even know are waiting for you!

Obviously you're not a middle school gay teen, but I think the whole "it gets better" campaign is really appropriate for post-relationship grief. You're choosing to create a whole new life for yourself. One where you get to make the decisions, grow in the directions you want to grow, and all that stuff. It's just going to get better and better.

P.S. Incidently, one of the things that I got to experience as a single gal is the purchase (and decorating! ) of my own place. So fun!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hey audball, I was wondering how things were going with you. What a bummer about the furniture! The fort sounds great, though! I bet if you scoured Craigslist and went to some thrift stores or antique/flea markets you could find some great stuff for not much money. I needed a dresser when we moved and was ready to drop several hundred dollars on one until I walked by a thrift store with an awesome one in the window for $50!

And I was wondering how things were going with you still living with the BF. What a pain that he tried to ruin your fun. You'll be out of there soon and you won't have to deal with anyone spoiling your fun!

Thanks for checking on my thing! I'll definitely be scouring the local salvation army's, goodwills, thrift stores, and craigslist. I want to decorate slowly and get pieces that I love.

Things with BF are back and forth. Some days are better than others. I honestly feel like he's given up trying and that breaking up is just a technicality at this point, as sad as that is to say. He's been being distant and avoiding me. I know he's hurt, and that's kind of his way of dealing with it, but it doesn't help things for us. So we shall see....

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Check local community papers. We have something called a Treasure Hunt magazine up here where people put ads for things they're selling. There's yard sales, Good Will thrift store, and put a post on your FB if anyone is looking to get rid of furniture you're in the market. You only need something to get you through the first few months while you get the deposits paid off and you're more on your feet. Whatever you do, don't charge anything!

Ikea has some cool things cheap, as does Walmart, Kmart, Pier 1, Homegoods, Sam's Club/Costco/BJ's Warehouse. You don't want to spend a fortune on furnishings at this point because as you grow emotionally and get more to know who you are, your taste in furniture may change.

I still say some lawn chairs, sleeping bag and egg crate pad will suffice for the first 4 to 6 months. That will buy you enough time to get more financially stable so you can get what you really want.

OH! Go check out the outdoor furniture in places like Sears, Wal-Mart & KMart, and wherever outdoor furnishings can be found down there. You may be able to get a killer deal on what would be a patio seating group! Use it as living room furniture for now. I don't know if you have an outdoor space or not but you can find a nice set that looks cute in a living room that can eventually be moved out doors for under $400! I got our set (love seat, two chairs and an oval coffee table) for only $300. I've had it on a covered porch for three seasons now (all year round), and it still looks like it did when it was brand new. With 4 kids that bounce all over it, that's a killer deal.

Thanks Wink! I'm definitely going to check out Walmart, Target, Kohl's, IKEA, etc...I'm hoping to find things I like for cheaper. The new place does have a small patio so as long as it were a smaller set, the patio furniture idea may work, thanks for the tip!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Audball, congrats on signing your lease!!! So proud of you! Don't worry too much about the furniture, everything will fall into place eventually. It's amazing what one can make do with when strapped for cash, and also amazing what you can find out there that might be perfect for you, for cheap! You'll be just fine. Hat's off to you, you've come a long way, baby!

Thanks monarch! I'm excited about the new place. I appreciate the support

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Hello Audball,
I'm not sure why I was in the LIW forum at all (I'm a single gal, you see) but for some reason I was drawn to your post. I've read most of it and felt very connected to your story -- not the specifics, but the emotions you've conveyed.

First, I'd like to say that frankly, I am so EXCITED for you.

I'm also a professional woman of a similar age (27) who dealt with the breakup of a LTR 4 years ago that sent me reeling. The circumstances of my relationship aren't terribly important to the story, but I'll say that I was with my ex for four years, and he was a smart, caring, funny partner and I was deeply in love. In my story, he left me and I did not understand it at all. What I later learned is that there was nothing wrong with our relationship... except its timing.

It's this part that made me connect to your story. Sounds like you are really ready to get on with your adult life and your BF is not -- your timing is just not aligned. But this is where I am excited for you!

It's clear by what you've shared that you're very committed to your career and your education and I totally feel that its this time (mid to late twenties) that a focus on this will pay dividends for you in so many areas of your life. When I was dealing with my breakup, I decided to throw all my attention into work to try to distract myself from the sad and painful process of a breakup. Thank goodness. I applied for a new job six weeks after the breakup, which I promptly got. It was the kind of job I'd dreamed about but I didn't think I'd be qualified for. Since then, I've gotten promoted twice, increased my salary by 50k, and met a whole slew of friends who share my ambitions, my interests, and have made me feel more confident and happy then I've ever felt before.

I'm not dating anyone right now -- but all of my focus on developing my professional self has also lead me to meeting a whole bunch of wonderful, talented, and intelligent men who offer a great reminder to me of the calibre of guy I want to share my life with. And back to the timing point, I'm ready now for the type of relationship that I thought I was ready for back then. Certainly I have plenty of problems and flaws but I guess just being focused on myself for a bit has really clarified a lot of things that I didn't know needed clarifying.

I'm looking forward to all of the things that you'll get to discover about what you want that you don't even know are waiting for you!

Obviously you're not a middle school gay teen, but I think the whole "it gets better" campaign is really appropriate for post-relationship grief. You're choosing to create a whole new life for yourself. One where you get to make the decisions, grow in the directions you want to grow, and all that stuff. It's just going to get better and better.

P.S. Incidently, one of the things that I got to experience as a single gal is the purchase (and decorating! ) of my own place. So fun!

Thank you for sharing your story! It was nice to hear and see that you've come out better for it and are loving your life. I appreciate your story. I know that it's going to get better, a little bit each day. I, too, am looking forward to decorating my new place. It'll be mine all mine

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

So far I have acquired a couch (free) and a beautiful dining room set (on loan from a friend who just had it in storage). I've attached pictures for anyone who is interested. The table is beautiful! The chairs are the same stain and green. I'm going to see if they'll let me paint the green a more neutral color, a nice ivory or crisp white maybe. If not, no biggie, I'd just prefer not green. But it's a beautiful table and free for me to use, so I can't complain!

Enjoy!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

And the sectional with CHAISE. Pretty excited about the chaise

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I can't believe you got that couch for free! It's nicer than my couch! Awesome!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I can't believe you got that couch for free! It's nicer than my couch! Awesome!

I know right! I'm pretty excited about it.