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PS Mommies Thread!

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HOH4J, I think most of us were talking about BFing, society''s views, the road blocks, not really about *you*. I don''t know you at all. You just started the discussion.

Elle, luckily we have the right to decide if BFing works/is right for us. There are TONS of things I didn''t know about before I had a kid. I feel like that is how it should be b/c some of the stuff is unpleasant. But honestly all I have to do is look at my DD. She is so amazing and being a mom is very cool. I don''t regret anything.
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Date: 7/23/2008 10:35:30 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
HOH4J, I think most of us were talking about BFing, society''s views, the road blocks, not really about *you*. I don''t know you at all. You just started the discussion.

Elle, luckily we have the right to decide if BFing works/is right for us. There are TONS of things I didn''t know about before I had a kid. I feel like that is how it should be b/c some of the stuff is unpleasant. But honestly all I have to do is look at my DD. She is so amazing and being a mom is very cool. I don''t regret anything.
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That is refreshing to hear. Thanks for letting me visit ladies, and thanks for giving me new perspective.
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Now back to LIW to obsess about the diamond ring sitting in the drawer next to FF''s side of the bed.... *sigh*
 
elle, I just think there is a point in everyone''s life where their priorities change. So, yeah, my body will never be as great as it was a few years ago, and I don''t get to sleep in anymore, or be selfish with my time but I get to be DD''s mom. That''s enough for me. But enjoy your youth. It''s fun to obsess over your engagement and wedding. You coming here is a real sign of maturity (not that I even know your age. Haha) Good luck with everything.
 
Diver -- LOOOOOOOOVE the haircut -- gorgeous! I''m completely jealous too b/c i had a similar cut once and it looked bad on my round-ish face, but i loved how it felt! You are *made* for that cut!

Re: boobs getting smaller -- sucks, doesn''t it? I think after the girls are here (and after bf''ing) I might save up for a lift. I got really aggravated at how they were little empty bags of skin after the boys and after i lost the weight....

Re: BFing in public... wish i''d seen that thread. I BF''d anywhere with the boys if necessary. It can be done discreetly so I just don''t get why people get so offended about it. Not too long ago my DH told me about a lady BFing at Target (where he works) -- openly and while she walked through the store. She was from a different country (don''t remember where) and it was all hanging out for the world to see. I thought maybe that would seem a bit extreme, but it''s probably normal for her. Is it just in America or are people offended elsewhere?

Re: that "baby itch" -- it happened when each of my boys were around 1 1/2 (note that they are 2 1/2 years apart;) -- it was really hard when D was around that age b/c i felt that itch again (believe it or not hahaha!), but we were done having kids. I wonder if I''ll feel that way when the girls hit that age....

Just dropping in to say Hi to all the mommies. My next appt is tomorrow -- other than that, nothing new here. Just huge :)

jen
25 weeks today
 
Sorry to just pop in here, but I wanted to tell Jas12 that it''s a good idea to get your pelvic pain checked out. My SIL had a long natural labor, with a 9lb baby boy, and still had pain for months after. When she went to the doctor it turned out she had fractured her pelvis while in labor, and no one had noticed!
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She still walks a little strange as it went untreated for a while but the pain is a million times better now, and he''s a year old. Just an FYI! Good luck! Thanks for letting me drop in here!
 
Amber--fractured pelvis---oh no. I will certainly get it checked now. I don''t think i broke anything but Co was a good size and my pushing stage was fast and furious. I remember intense pelvic pain immediately afterward but i just chalked it up to part of the whole birthing process--maybe not. Thanks for responding.

elledizzy--glad that this thread could provide another perspective, as someone mentioned we don''t need to all have the exact same views on things, but in this case it is not just a matter of ''nudity'' (if you can call it that) or indecency, it is the way babies are fed and although it is not all that surprising, it is weird that our culture can''t embrace this when we embrace so many other overtly sexualized aspects of our bodies.

MrsS. someone guessed that Cohen was b/w 9-10 months!!! Boo, i don''t want him to look that big so soon!

Lili--i wish J would sleep *somewhere* for you--you deserve it. I hope she will be a great sleeper when she gets a little bigger. She is so strong and active (i can tell by her head control in your pics) she will eventually wear herself out and konk out for a good nap (or so my theory goes
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Tgal--that is so neat/strange about the daily eye change! I didn''t know that. Must be kinda neat to see what look she has every morning
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Elledizzy, glad that you were able to get some perspective. And for the record, my mom did BF me (a lot of us weren''t, as in that generation, formula was touted as the way to go if you could afford it).

HOH, I really think you need to give it a rest. Someone on that thread said it best...you had the opportunity to back down and try to understand what people were saying. You chose not to, and it seems you still choose not to. That is fine. I never said you didn''t have a right to your opinion, which I don''t find all that out of sorts with what a lot of people think. You weren''t wrong to think that way. It was the WAY you presented your argument which led people to say what they did. Trust me, the ladies who responded READ what you WROTE.

We are now, on this thread, having a civil conversation about BFing. I''d be happy to continue this discussion if you want to do so without defending yourself about the other thread. We''re past that. We mommas have been talking about BFing a long time, yanno?

lili, I did the manual creasing of the eyelid too!
 
Date: 7/23/2008 9:42:54 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Jas12, I totally agree about mall bathrooms being the best. BRU is good too. Glad you had such a good weekend! I also think if you have pain you should go to the doctor.

TGal, when are you going to WI? Maybe we will overlap. That does suck that you are being thrown back into it. It will all work out though. I don''t think T''s eye shape has change but her eye color does. That is interesting.

msb, we have her some baby ty. last night. Seemed to help. At least she didn''t constantly wake up screaming. Hope K''s molars pop through soon!

Ella, oh to be in my old clothes again...*sigh*...my neighbor said it just takes time. Boo!

So we are leaving for Vegas tonight. Pray for us. I am so worried about this trip. I was on the verge of a panic attack last night. I wish I could wiggle my nose and just BE there. I''ll miss you ladies!
Tacori, I leave August 24 and am there until the 28th. You? I''ll be in Madison.

And a note to HOH, I take back what I said on reading what you wrote...I thought you meant in that thread. Obviously all the women here did not read that thread, so I apologize for my misunderstanding.
 
Date: 7/23/2008 9:57:12 AM
Author: divergrrl

Date: 7/23/2008 9:35:29 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I also did not realize how hard it was to BF a baby, I thought it came naturally to them.


OMG...you have no idea. I didn''t either until I had a kid. Somewhere on the preggo thread I list my bfing woes. I won''t get into again, but 3 STRAIGHT months of sheer hell, 24/7. Going to the lactation clinic every other day to be sure my son wasn''t losing weight. Getting mastitis (I''d rather go through labor & delivery than ever get mastitis). Sobbing every time I fed him (which is about 10 times a day as a newborn).

Tacori went thru hell too & perservered like a champ, (nursing on all fours to get rid of clogged milk ducts)

But....those times when I would get him on right, and its just the greatest thing.

It''s that thing you just can''t wrap your head around when you don''t have kids (and nieces, dogs, your friends kids, siblings absolutely do not even come close) but when you have your own baby, someone who will call you mom, all the stuff that preoccupied your head as important suddenly ceases to matter.

It''s not that you don''t care or let yourself go, its more like a light goes off and you are like ''ah, I get it now''.

Momma bear & her cub all the way.

So its ok if you don''t get it now, but when it comes to breastfeeding....there is a lot in this world to get offended about. A mother feeding her infant is not one of them. And sure its weird to see a flash of boob for a second if you aren''t used to it, that''s ok...but I think it would be nice if people relaxed the sexual connection to a boob and realized its just a ''feedbag'' more or less.

Thanks for being open minded.


Jas, I used to love the Nordstrom lounge. In fact, I still feed D her bottle there, because Jake can run around safely (its an enclosed room) and I don''t have to worry about stranger danger. There are always moms lounging on the comfy couches, end tables for our Starbucks, and we all chat about the babies. Much more comfy! I love feeding lounges.
Diver, a friend of mine had her nipple pretty much almost "chewed off" (I still don''t know what that means and I kinda don''t wanna). She would break out in a cold sweat before feeding time and ended up sobbing too. I know we all want what is "best" for our babies, but don''t you wonder if at some point we should just switch to bottle? I wonder if the "Breast is Best" campaign can be as detrimental to moms as the formula one was back in the day.

I mean, I refused to give up for 2 months even when I hardly had milk!
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I had a rash all over my boobs from the medical tape used to stick the SNS tube on me. It just sucked.

Of course, Amelia''s latch was beautiful, and I never got even a trace of a sore nipple. If it''s not one thing, it''s another. The interesting thing is I would venture to guess that all of us were nervous about L&D, but probably none of us gave much of a second thought to BFing thinking it would come "naturally." For most of us, BFing ended up being way tougher.

The funny part is...with the second child, I''ll probably try it again, with nearly as much gusto (although I will give up this time after 2 or so weeks if the milk doesn''t come in!)
 
Jas12
Thanks. I hope that day will come soon.
Hehe, she''s got a strong neck from being the busy body that she is.
Got plenty of exercise from always looking around toward anything new.

I hear you about missing holding the newborn.
It seems like they were tiny for just the shortest time.
DH didn''t seem to heartbroken about it though since he loves her at this stage now
where she''s more sturdy and robust
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re: pelvic pain. You should definitely have the dr check it out.
I didn''t have any. It was more like pubic tenderness for me for the first 12 weeks.

MrsS
Back to your normal exercise routine already?
Sheesh woman, you must got your pre-preggo body back already.
What I want to know is where do you find the time to work out with 2 kids and an infant?
I hardly have time to eat my meal with one little monster.
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TGal, I am going a week before you. Too bad. I totally would have made the 90 mile drive to meet ya!
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I hope to BF again as well. Though I must be careful about the shield next time. What a PITA! Plus they say it affects your milk supply. But lady you gave it all you got and you should be proud of yourself! BTW Target has a sale on Enfinmal (sp?) 20% more for free. I stocked up. Still not sure when to use "next step" or if I should. So confusing!

Okay, I better finish getting ready. We are leaving in an hour. I doubt I will have computer access. So have fun ladies! Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!
 
Date: 7/23/2008 3:10:13 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
TGal, I am going a week before you. Too bad. I totally would have made the 90 mile drive to meet ya!
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I hope to BF again as well. Though I must be careful about the shield next time. What a PITA! Plus they say it affects your milk supply. But lady you gave it all you got and you should be proud of yourself! BTW Target has a sale on Enfinmal (sp?) 20% more for free. I stocked up. Still not sure when to use ''next step'' or if I should. So confusing!

Okay, I better finish getting ready. We are leaving in an hour. I doubt I will have computer access. So have fun ladies! Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!
They wanted to schedule it the week before but I was just coming off maternity leave so it was cutting it too close. 90 miles...where in WI are you going?

I buy my enfamil at Costco. They recently had a $3 instant rebate which made the large cans $29. I''ll check out the Target sale...thanks!

lili, I totally hear ya about missing holding the wee ones. It really is SUCH a short time that they are THAT small...although when I was in the thick of things, it seemed that newborn stage would never pass.
 
Hi Mommies~ sorry I''ve been MIA, work is super busy so I don''t have time to post but try to keep up with the thread. Doing a quick drive by to post little B''s recent pix and a quick question to all the working moms.

lately the stress from work and the fatigue from not getting enough sleep plus taking care little B has taken a toll on DH and I. We even talked about separating for a while to see if things will get better. How do u ladies juggle work, baby and marriage? It''s like we''re stress out at work 8 hours a day and we go home to a crying, fussing (but I still love him to death) baby which is still waking up 2~3 times a night. we just feel so drain.

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TGal, I bought 8 of the big cans for $25 (I think, maybe $24.50). I was so excited. My family lives in Milwaukee. I think it is 90 miles. I know it is around a 90 min. drive so just assumed. But we will be there the first two weeks of August. Maybe next time they will line up.

Bobo, so cute! Sorry things have been rough. PLEASE do NOT separate! It will get easier. Make sure you make some time for the two of you (date night?) Little B will start sleeping through the night and that will make everything easier. Took T 6 months. How old is little B again? Anyways, I hear ya on stressed and I am a SHAM. I cannot imagine how much you working moms go through. My hat''s off to you.
 
BOBO CHEEKS! OMIGOSH those are so yummy looking.....I love round, sweet baby cheeks...

Formula: I buy the Kirkland brand. $19 for 2 cans. Awesome! I am so looking forward to whole milk! LOL.

Did anyone hear you can start whole milk at 10 months? I''ll wait till my ped gives her the go ahead (her 12mo appt) but it is interesting how fast stuff changes.
 
Diver, my friend said the problem with giving them milk too soon is that they need the iron that is in formula. Her doctor told her she could start at 10 months though (since she was weening around then). Sometimes I think next time I will use generic b/c formula is expensive!!!!
 
I actually have a question for you PS mommies!

I have a girlfriend who had a baby last July, just turned 1 year. Her son is still not sleeping through the night, up 2-3 times (is that typical?) , is still co-sleeping in the bed with her and her hubby (even though hubby doesn''t agree - he wont say anything to upset her, its a major point of contention between them).

She says it doesn''t work with his "personality" to let him cry anything out. She carries the baby monitor around with her everywhere she goes in the house (is that typical? I know NOTHING about babies). The minute he stirs, whimpers, or cries, she''s RIGHT there to tend to him.

Is there a such thing as over-babying? It seems like this could cause separation anxiety?

I thought she was going a little crazy, but again... I''m not a mommy so I don''t know.

Any insight into how you were with your first baby would be helpful, it seems like her behavior is putting a strain on her relationship with her husband, as I am friends equally with both of them.
 
elle, that is tough when parents have different parenting styles. Many people do co-sleeping but we do not. She has been in her own room since she was 4 months (and it would have been sooner if I wasn''t BFing). I do the 15 min rule. I let her cry for 15 mins and if she is STILL crying after than something is wrong and we tend to her. But usually she falls back asleep after a few mins. I think learning to put yourself to sleep is a VERY important skill. She is not babied at all. She plays by herself, puts herself to sleep, even holds her own bottle. But there is NOTHING you can do or say to change your friend''s parenting. Her husband should if it bothers him but she will get defensive.
 
Thanks Tacori, little B is 5 1/2 months. We don''t really have date night but once in a while we''ll ask MIL to care for little B on sat. (she care for him on weekdays when we''re at work) but we feel bad because MIL already care him for us and we just don''t want her to work overtime on weekends so usually our meal out is quick and hard to digest because both of us is eating so fast so we can get back to little B.

l hope you will have a smooth trip!

Thanks Diver, love your hair cut!!
 
Oh man elle...that is such a hotly contested thing...I''d not worry about it if I were you. Some kids can''t cry it out, some do just fine, and some parents just aren''t built to listen to it.

Really, at the end of the end of the day, you just do what you need to do to stay sane. We will all make mistakes and eff up something about our kids somehow. The attachement parenting side of things says cosleeping is ultimately beneficial in the long run, the independent sleep folks say learning to self soothe is more important.

Truly...po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe...people need to do what works for their family and everyone else needs to mind their own business.

And separation anxiety is its own thing. Some kids just have it. Trust me, when they are old enough to care about what their friends think, they''ll have NO PROBLEM separating from parents!


And in my opinion, there really is no overbabying when you are responding to basic needs. Like we all said before, don''t worry about it until you have your own kids. Everything you *think* you know, everything you say you''ll *never* do will go right out the window. You might not believe me now, but I hate to break it to you, its true.

At any rate, leave the parenting to the parents. You''ll get your turn soon enough! Congrats on the ring in FF''s drawer, I hope you get it soon!
 
Thanks Tacori and Diver!

I never had ANY intention of butting in or telling anyone how to parent. I know better than that!
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My asking was just because I was sort of curious, but it seems like there is no real clear answer to any of the parenting issues, and you do what you can to get by. I *think* I''d likely be the type to have my kid tough it out since that''s how my parents were, but obviously, everything changes once you''ve had your own.

I guess my problem is that I like to know EVERYTHING about a topic before I jump into it. I research the crap out of everything, and unfortunately, there''s no mathematical equation for raising a healthy, happy baby!

Thanks for the congrats on the ring, also! I just need LIW patience dust now!!
 
Date: 7/23/2008 3:58:17 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Thanks Tacori and Diver!

I never had ANY intention of butting in or telling anyone how to parent. I know better than that!
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My asking was just because I was sort of curious, but it seems like there is no real clear answer to any of the parenting issues, and you do what you can to get by. I *think* I''d likely be the type to have my kid tough it out since that''s how my parents were, but obviously, everything changes once you''ve had your own.

I guess my problem is that I like to know EVERYTHING about a topic before I jump into it. I research the crap out of everything, and unfortunately, there''s no mathematical equation for raising a healthy, happy baby!

Thanks for the congrats on the ring, also! I just need LIW patience dust now!!
I have an opinion on your friend''s situation, but will post later tonight. My mom is here and we are going to spend time together with the Tot. Check back tomorrow if you''re interested in my 2 cents.

Bobo, more later on your situation, but I wanted to say my heart goes out to you. It''s tough dealing with a baby, but I agree with Tacori...don''t let it be the factor in separating right now.

More later!
 
Bobo: First off, separating NEVER makes things better. Its the first step towards divorce. and whoever gets the baby will be 10x more stressed because they are doing it all themselves all the time. The other one (usually the man) will be sad missing his child, but blissfully unencumbered & free to relax etc. Oh yeah, that sounds like things will get better!

I say separate if you are truly in a non-workable marriage, but other than that, get counseling. Most therapists have a sliding scale & churches do it for free.

And this too shall pass. I ripped dh a new one when Jake was 2months old . I wanted to KILL HIM he was ticking me off so bad.

tell your dh the two of you need to just keep communicating and when little one sleeps everyone will get a better mood. How old is baby Bobo? You might want to just let him cry it out a few nights if he''s an older baby (6mos) and then he''ll get it and everyone will sleep.

One thing I remember hearing, and its hard to do, but you have to put your spouse first. So when you see him, give him a hug first, a kiss first, and ask him how his day went before you slobber all over Baby Bobo. Ask him to do the same for you.

And when all else fails...give each other a hug. Just a nice, long hug. Remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.

If you only want to separate because you are having the new baby blues, don''t....get help first. Get sleep first. You owe it to yourselves & your baby to try. Because it would be a shame to let a good marriage go the wayside.

Now if he''s an outright cad -- to the curb with him! LOL...
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bobo, i''m a sahm too so i can''t exactly relate. although caring for my older 2 all day along with an infant feels like a full time job. anyway, you might try taking turns with your hubby getting up with bobo at night. one of you gets to sleep while the other tends to the baby and then switch. that way at least one of you is getting rested. I think tacori''s hubby did that with tessa for only one night a week but tacori could just sleep as long as she wanted and I think sleep deprivation can be the hardest thing to overcome when it comes to parenting/functioning. I have to get my sleep or i''m grumpy and just not as good of a mommy. I can''t remember how old bobo is either but maybe letting him cry a bit at night might be something you should try if you''re not already. I let my oldest do some crying it out when she was 6 months. the first few nights I cried outside of her bedroom but she soon learned how to put herself back to sleep, until we took the paci away at 3 but that''s a whole other can of worms...
 
Thanks Diver, we both know separating will not make things better. I guess we''re talking about it because we''re both feel so drain and tired that we just don''t have the energy to communicate.

DH and I dated for 11 years before we got married and little B arrived a little over a year after we got married. So it''s a bit hard to adjust going from two people to now. But we did made a pact before I got pregnant that we will never get a divorce for the sake of our child and to do our best to work everything out. We expect parenthood will be hard, we just don''t know it will be this hard.
 
bobo, it is hard but I can promise you it does get easier. I think you really should see if you can find someone else to watch bobo for a couple of hours, even if it''s one night a month so you and your hubby can go out withing rushing and just enjoy each other company. of course, you''ll probably end up talking about bobo all through dinner
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Thanks MrsS, since little B is in the same room with us usually both of us wake up when he cries. We talked about moving him to another room but DH is not ready for that yet.

We tried taking turn, but both of us still jump up from sleep when he cries even if I or DH sleep in separate room so that don''t really work....

got it go back to work, thanks for letting me vent.
 
I always miss the good stuff!
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DH took a few days off work to spend time with T and I so we''ve been busy, busy. I should have made time for PS! My late two cents for what it''s worth: Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I''ve ever done. The best thing I''ve done, but the hardest. It is not my, or anyone else''s place to pass judgement on how someone chooses to be a mom (outside of abuse obviously) and that includes how they feed their child. It "wasn''t me" to breastfeed in public. I pumped and fed her from a bottle if we were going out. My choice is not for everyone and I''m sure some mommies would not agree. But, it''s my choice. I did what was best for my child and our family. That''s all that matters. Oh, and I have to second (third, tenth, whatever) everyone who commented on how hard BFing is. SO HARD. And SO painful! I will do it again with my next one, though. It''s all worth it when your baby looks up at you and smiles!!! (corny, I know!
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Tacori~I''m sure you''re well on your way by now and I''m sure Tessa is doing great. She probably has everyone within her sight in love with her! Hope you have fun!

Diver~
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LOVE the hair! It turned out perfect! You must feel so relieved.

Jas~so glad Cohen was a good traveler! Sorry you felt pressure to nurse in a bathroom stall. Our mall has a family room like the one you described. It even has a tv and wipe warmers! I love it.

Tgal~Glad all can be forgiven with a couple pics! Easy enough.
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So sorry to hear about your sales meeting! I feel for you. I was a stress case taking Tayva to daycare last week. Your mom will love her time with her grandbaby, though!

lili~Thanks! I had never seen a walker like it. I giggle every time I put her in it. I was so relieved to cancel her GI test.

Ella~No teeth yet. The past couple weeks the red bumps have gone down. Still lots of drool and she has a runny nose. Wondering if maybe they''ll be coming soon. Two months of this teething crap with nothing to show for it!
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How are your kiddos?

Jen~Good to *see* you. Your pic in your avatar is great!!

Bobo~What an adorable picture!! I''m so sorry to hear about how hard things have been!! Is little B waking up hungry or uncomfortable? I remember you saying you were concerned about Little B having reflux. Are you still? If he is waking up because he doesn''t feel good, he could have reflux. Since T has been on Prilosec she hasn''t had near the reflux issues. Just something to think about. Also, if he''s waking hungry you might think about starting solids? I know your ped wants him to eat 32 oz a day first, but I know for Tayva that rarely happened prior to solids and she does GREAT on solids. Just something to think about. Hang in there!

re: boobs getting smaller-mine didn''t and I''m pissed!
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Everyone told me they would and I was looking forward to it. I waited until my milk dried up thinking I would need to go buy new bras, but no luck. I tell DH all the time that after kids I''m getting a reduction and a lift!

Okay. Must go to bed. I have CPR/First Aid class tomorrow morning. DH is watching T and our friend''s 18 mo-old while we''re at the class!
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Date: 7/23/2008 3:58:17 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Thanks Tacori and Diver!

I never had ANY intention of butting in or telling anyone how to parent. I know better than that!
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My asking was just because I was sort of curious, but it seems like there is no real clear answer to any of the parenting issues, and you do what you can to get by. I *think* I'd likely be the type to have my kid tough it out since that's how my parents were, but obviously, everything changes once you've had your own.

I guess my problem is that I like to know EVERYTHING about a topic before I jump into it. I research the crap out of everything, and unfortunately, there's no mathematical equation for raising a healthy, happy baby!

Thanks for the congrats on the ring, also! I just need LIW patience dust now!!

Well, that's good you weren't going to say anything because it's annoying to get advice from other parents, much less someone who doesn't have kids.

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But I applaud you for thinking about these things now. Hopefully you and your man will be able to discuss how you would like to parent, and realize that when it actually happens it's tougher than you think and you'll have disagreements. But if you at least have the same philosophy from the get go (attachment vs deattachment parenting, etc), you'll be a step ahead.

And you know, if you *think* you're going to be a certain type of parent, you may be right! I thought I would be a certain way and I haven't deviated much at all from the way I thought I'd be. I would say read a lot when/if you get preggo on parenting. There's no time once you have the kid to read those books.
As for your friend...well, I'm probably the dissenting voice here because I think it's possible to "overbaby" a child. Babies are smarter than some people give them credit for and jumping every time they say boo makes them say boo a lot more. I'm with Tacori on the 15 minute rule. You definitely want to make sure you give your child what s/he needs, but sometimes they cry because they don't want to do something they really need to be doing (like sleeping.)

That being said, if the kid is getting a lot of love, s/he will turn out fine IMHO. I'm not a believer in co-sleeping, but lots of people do it AND like it (it's the ones who complain about it who I don't quite understand). Personally, it would drive me nuts. If your friend has no problems running to the kid at every noise, carrying around that monitor everywhere, etc, then more power to her and things should work out fine. The only bummer is that it seems that her hubby and her disagree on parenting styles and that is just something they will need to figure out.


Oh, and every baby has her own personality, but docs would probably say that *most* babies should be sleeping through the night at a year old. I personally believe that you can create night waking habits without realizing it.


To answer on how I am with my own baby...well, I should say that first of all, I've been lucky to have a kid who seems to like to sleep. My goal was to mess with it as little as possible. I believe in CIO (Cry It Out), but interestingly, I haven't had to yet (at least not on a full scale). I was really into trying to get Amelia to have healthy sleep habits and it's helped me stay sane. I don't go to her *right away* at every coo or whimper. As a result, she'll go to sleep without freaking out and in the morning she just hangs out in her crib and just plays by herself. Hopefully, this all doesn't change too drastically.


At three months old we dropped her night feeding and we've been able to have a full night's sleep ever since. So it is possible for babies to do so early on. With big things like sleep, swaddling, etc I try to get her into the habits I thought were beneficial early (before 4 months) when their memory is much shorter.


Hope that answers your question a bit.

 
Date: 7/23/2008 3:22:07 PM
Author: Bobo ^__*
Hi Mommies~ sorry I've been MIA, work is super busy so I don't have time to post but try to keep up with the thread. Doing a quick drive by to post little B's recent pix and a quick question to all the working moms.

lately the stress from work and the fatigue from not getting enough sleep plus taking care little B has taken a toll on DH and I. We even talked about separating for a while to see if things will get better. How do u ladies juggle work, baby and marriage? It's like we're stress out at work 8 hours a day and we go home to a crying, fussing (but I still love him to death) baby which is still waking up 2~3 times a night. we just feel so drain.


Hi Bobo,

I wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through a stressful time. I think all of here can empathize to a certain degree, if not to a high degree!

To answer your question about how we juggle, I agree with MrsS...one of the key things to a sane life is sleep.

This kind of piggybacks on what I said to Elledizzy, but before we had this baby I really wanted to NOT push my marriage aside (although it does have to take backseat for awhile). Because of this I chose to do the following, and was very darn lucky it's worked out...

- Let TGuy know he is important. Let him *think* that he is more important to me than Amelia. Hee hee.

- Moved Amelia to her crib at 5 weeks old. She has never slept in our bed or in our room (she was in a bassinet in the living room before we moved her and I slept on the couch). Nor will she. Our bed is our marriage bed, NOT our FAMILY bed.

- Put her to bed and walk away. This way it is much easier for anyone to put her to bed (in case we want to go out and use a sitter, i.e. mom.)

- Give her an early bedtime. I initially was targeting 6pm to 6am but 7pm to 7am seems to be more natural for her so I've settled on that. This has been KEY for us as TGuy and I have couple time and "me" time. Every night we have dinner and just talk about adult stuff (and baby stuff too!) We also can go OUT on dates without guilt. I also feel far better asking my mom to come watch her when all she has to do is make sure nothing bad happens. She can just kick back and read, talk on the phone or whatever. In the meantime, we go out without worry and take our time. We've already had a movie night which would have been mentally impossible to me if I knew Amelia was home awake.

- Kill the night feeding as early as possible. I was really worried about this one and the thought of dealing with CIO at 3 am was NOT appealing to me. The doc said by 4 months babies do not need night feedings. They may *want* it but will survive fine without it. On a leap of faith, (I actually just typed "sleep of faith" by accident, but it's the same motive) we tried it, and amazingly it worked. TGuy and I got sleep...a beautiful thing.

- Not be scared to "try" things. Sleep is precious..so much so I was scared to mess with things. I was scared to move her into her crib. Scared to wean her off the swaddle. Scared to keeping pushing up her bedtime for fear it would mean she would wake up earlier in the night. Even though there were bumps and a few nights here and there with less sleep, all the things I mentioned worked out fine.

Now, I should say here that while I am not a SAHM, I DO work from home so it helps with the above whereas two working outside the home parents would have a really tough time doing what what we are doing. I have gotten flack for giving Amelia such an early bedtime. I've been asked when TGuy gets to play with her during the week. Well you know what? He's not the type of guy to come home from work and want to play with her for an hour. He'll come, give her 10 minutes and then want to do his own thing. So I am not going to push her bedtime back when she is exhausted for that wimpy 10 minutes of TGuy fun. Her sleep (naps and nightsleep) is a PRIORITY over everything. Going out, being with friends, running errands...everything.

For some people, a much more attached style of parenting works. I was not a baby gaga person and a life balance (when appropriate) was important to me. I give Amelia a ton of attention and fun time when she's awake, but I am pretty regimented when it comes to schedule.

As for any advice I have for you...well, that is tough because as Burk said, it seems that little B might have reflux issues, which really throws a wrench into the equation. I could not leave Amelia through the night if she was in any pain. But I will say that you and your DH are going to have to discuss what kind of path you are going to take with little B and come to an agreement. He's still young enough where his memory is short so personally, I'd do what was previously suggested and at least try the 15 minute rule.

I agree with Diver. Remind each other why you love each other and got married in the first place. It seems that is happening because you are both so drained so you have got to find a solution so you all can get more sleep. I wish I could tell you exactly how to do that...I'd be rich if I had the answer.

Good luck Bobo...hang in there!!!
 
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