PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[sugarpie honeybun]

CDT – I’m really sorry to read that your little guy is still sick. You may have already mentioned this here and I just missed it, but has he been tested for allergies?

Hi to everyone else

Did anyone catch this article yesterday on Vitamin D deficiency and infants? LINK

 

[cdt1101]

Date: 3/23/2010 10:00:09 AM
Author: sugarpie honeybun

CDT – I’m really sorry to read that your little guy is still sick. You may have already mentioned this here and I just missed it, but has he been tested for allergies?

Hi to everyone else

Did anyone catch this article yesterday on Vitamin D deficiency and infants? LINK

We went to an allergist 1st, back in December. But at the time Lex wasn''t showing many symptoms so he didn''t seem to think there were allergies involved. Not to mention, generally, they don''t diagnose a child w/ allergies as young as Lex. However, I had horrible, horrible allergies as a child...allergy shots, sinus surgery, you name I went thru it. So our pedi still maintains that allergies are what is causing all of this. We are going back to the allergist this week to see if they can help us at all. Thanks for asking

 

[vizsla]

gah, i have such a hard time actually explaining what i mean

i''m going to try again....

the number one plan of attack, when something (in this case sleeping) isn''t going well, is to blame the parent for not being consistent. Totally understandable - that is our job - to be consistent and teach our children.

So, what if they are consistent? the next plan of attack is to blame the parent because they ''hold the baby too much, they don’t put them down soon enough, they rush in to comfort, they don’t let the baby cry long enough, they don’t feed them enough during the day, they feed them too much during the day, they don’t stimulate enough, they swaddle, they don’t swaddle, they use a paci, they don’t use a paci'' – the list goes on and on.

Could it, in fact, be a developmental ability of the child? There are parents who do things ''by the book'' and don''t have success - but are made to feel like they are doing something ''wrong'' because their baby doesn''t show any improvement. Hence, the 400 ‘get your baby to sleep books’ – frustrated and desperate parents will try lots of things.

Babies are on a curve, and unfortunately, i think i have one on the extreme end when it comes to sleeping. Understandably, it’s probably very hard for parents who do have ‘easier’ children (note: I didn’t say ‘easy’ because I’m way too jealous of those people to include them

) to understand how difficult ‘spirited’ children can be. They take their successful experience and say that if we just do XYZ, our babies will adhere to the new rules. This may be the case for 80% of babies, but not all.

i guess I just want to make the argument that there are babies on all points of the ‘baby curve’ and to say emphatically that ''your baby will do this if YOU do this'' could be in error. just as some of the other theories have not panned out for charlie, i don''t have faith that CIO is the ''magic trick'' either – nor do I feel that it is appropriate for his temperment.

i''m not saying that i don''t value and appreciate all of your ideas.. lord knows I do!! which is why I keep coming back to this forum and spilling my frustrations and pitfalls and joyous moments. i''m willing do try just about anything. I know I’m suffering from sleep deprivation and can’t see that this is just a blip in my life. The fact that I work 11 to 12 hours a day and then am up with C the other 12 hours of the day doesn’t help either… but maybe it helps to understand where I am coming from.

The bottom line is that I’ve learned – thru charlie – to be soooo less judgy about people and their parenting. For example, I used to comment on my sister and how she bribes her kids to do everything… saying I would never ever ever do that.

Right now, I’d promise charlie a BMW for 8 hours of sleep

I still don’t agree with bribery… but I UNDERSTAND where she may be coming from KWIM?

Does that better explain me? And I’m not looking for a magical solution to my problem.. I’ve said before that I’m completely OK with charlie and his temperament and have learned to love it ;P

buuuuuuuuuut I DO think that, as of late, it’s gotten worse and extremely hard to handle.

I would be completely tickled if he JUST woke up to 2 or 3 times a night, but it’s every sleep cycle. Could it be that he really can’t let his body fall into that restorative sleep?

He goes down really easily (it’s under 10 mins at bedtime). But as soon as that 40 to 1hr sleep cycle is up, so is he.

________
CDT - from my experience in dealing with DH and a chronic illness - sometimes the best thing to do is take all pieces of the puzzle to another set of eyes. maybe there a little minor piece of the puzzle being overlooked? in any case i think you are doing an amazing job of working and caring after your little boy - i can''t imagine how difficult and frustrating this time has to be for you. i hope you are able to find something that will alleviate little lex''s illness quickly. ((hugs))

 

[vizsla]

and just to show you i still have a sense of humor - my boss bought c this bear and i waited until he did this before i snapped a picture and sent it back to him as a ''thanks''

 

[fieryred33143]

CDT-I''m so sad for poor Lex

. The trouble breathing would worry me too. Did they give you guys an apnea machine by chance?

 

[steph72276]

Aww, Viz...I''m so sorry you are feeling so down. I hope my advice yesterday didn''t come across as me being a know-it-all because trust me, I''m on my 2nd and I still don''t have this whole baby thing remotely figured out! I was just trying to think out loud of anything that could be causing him to wake in the middle of the night. You are not doing anything wrong at all, and I do think you are right and it just takes some babies longer to STTN. But in some good news, I was a crazy person with my first son. He would literally scream for about 12 hours out of the day. I was at my wit''s end and would cry on a daily basis. But he turned it all around and has been an angel since then. I know you hear this all the time and it''s hard to see it now, but this hard time will pass and before you know it, you will be out watching him play soccer at 5 years old and wonder where your baby went

. Big hugs!

 

[Burk]

Hey ladies! Tayva has strep throat and that coupled with Mr. High maintenance and trying to sell our house and build a new one has left very little PS time. I do try and read when I can (usually on my phone while nursing) so wanted to pop in and say hi and comment on a few things.

First, so excited to report we started K in his crib last night and he did very well. I was pretty scared since we have T and with her being sick did not want him waking her up but he went down easily at 8 and slept until 7am with 2 wakings for a quick feed and right back. Yay!

CDT~Sorry Lex is sick. I think I've mentioned to you before but T was the same way. She had pneumonia some 5 or so times before 18 months and was just chronically sick. She sees a great allergist and while he wouldn't put her (and us) through the trauma of the allergy tests at such a young age he does assume she has allergies and asthma and treats her as such. She's on Zyrtec and also nebulizer treatments. If your allergist won't be pro-active I'd find one who will! Or, maybe could you try a pulmonologist? At any rate, I hope you're able to find a way to get that poor baby better!!

viz~So sorry you're not getting a whole lot of sleep. T is high needs baby with her terrible food intolerances and reflux and K is also but not quite to the point T was so I can sort of relate. I was scared to CIO with her (to get her to put herself to sleep)because I feared she would be crying b/c she was in pain and I might not be able to tell the difference in her cries. High needs babies are a lot of work and T has turned into a high needs toddler so I just hope K doesn't become as extreme as she was or I'll be a mess!!

Hang in there!

Okay, whiny toddler wants a snack.....hopefully I'll be back later to catch up better!

 

[Mandarine]

Viz...I''m sorry

I think that''s why I think China (I think it was China!) hit the nail on the head when she said there are elements of temperament and luck that also play part in this. I HAVE been a "sleep nazi" meaning I have tried to follow strict schedules, etc...and my boys will be 6 months and still wake up to eat!. Is it because something I do or didn''t do? I don''t think so..I think they are either not ready, this became a habit, or all of the above. I think my babies get VERY attached to their habits (hence the swaddleholics term I have been using!)...and they are used now to eating at night...and so they do. I think that''s their temperament.

And I absolutely think some people just get lucky!...it''s nothing they did or didn''t do, but their baby STTN at 6 weeks (ohhhhh SO jealous!).

So I get what you''re saying. Not all parenting styles apply to everyone and not all babies are made equal!. You know C best, so take everyone''s advice with a grain of salt....and take what you feel would be best for you guys.

 

[steph72276]

Wow, this thread has been hopping in the last few days...so much to catch up on! I had a great time visiting with my parents this weekend. They couldn''t believe how chunky E has gotten since he was born! Thanks again for all the tips on how to keep E awake during the day. I tried and tried, but he just really loves his sleep! I do try to break things up and change his diaper, give him a bath, take him out on the screened in porch when he''s looking drowsy right after the bottle. I am going shopping for some more toys to put in a little Easter basket for him, so maybe those will keep him more entertained. He has fallen into a pattern now of going to sleep at 9:30 and waking up at 1am and 5am. Not too bad at all considering I usually get up at 5 or 6 anyway, so I''m feeling pretty good these days. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

RPS, sorry about having to travel so soon. Hope those few days go by quickly for you! Ahh, the sleeping pic is so cute...he looks so peaceful!

Amber, that pic of Piper is too cute! Love baby squeals!

Tao, the onesie was a gift and she got it here: http://erinsexpressions.com/

Fiery, the fake standing pic is so adorable! Before you know it, she will be walking all over the place!

QT, good to see you. How are you adjusting to life with 2?

Nov, thanks for the info on the sunscreen. Since we live in FL, I was wondering about that.

Mara, little boy swimsuits are too cute...gymboree always has cute ones.

Mandi, adorable pics of the boys...love your monthly onesies, how cute!

Hi, Lili!

Pandora, thank you. Evan is pretty much a clone of Andrew. D is so adorable...love her cheeks!

Blen, yea for no more patches! Those pics you have with him though are adorable!

Hi, DD and congrats on 10k!

MT, glad you talked to your doctor about it. I suffered with it more with my first, but just know it''s normal and don''t ever feel ashamed talking to your doc and family about it.

Sha, it is hard to get back on schedule if they get used to sleeping with you when they are sick. I still do this with Andrew sometimes if he''s really sick and then he wants to start getting in our bed at night when he''s better and I''m like "no! it was only while you were sick!"

Anchor, oh my what an ordeal you guys have been through! I''m so glad J is better. Hugs!

PG, oh no about almost dropping her! I want to get a carrier, but I worry about dropping E when he''s so little so I haven''t gotten one yet.

Ginger, sorry A isn''t sleeping at night. It is tough. I feel like E is finally turning a corner with it this week and he is almost 8 weeks, so hopefully A will soon too.

Hi, Mrs. M!

EB, yea on the move and H is a doll in his high chair!

TGal, thanks again for the tips. I did the whole movement thing with the rattle for a while yesterday and it helped to keep E up for a while! A was so cute in her crib...love her little hair!

CC, yea for O crawling! Now the real fun begins!!!

Hi, Sabine...good to see you! Glad J is doing well.

CDT, sorry Lex has been so sick. Hope he gets well soon, that is no fun for anyone in the house.

Hi, sugarpie!

Burk, sorry about T being sick on top of taking care of K and selling your house. You have a lot on you right now, take care of yourself!

 

[cdt1101]

Viz - thanks..I think if this 2nd appt w/ allergist doesn''t go well, we will be find a new dr (again).

Fiery - we no longer have the sleep apnea monitor, he had it when he was younger but showed no signs of apnea so we stopped that.

Burk - I was hoping you''d chime in. The pulmonologist was the quack who put Lex on all these steriods that have done nothing but make him worse. Funny you mention zyrtec, that''s been the ONLY medication that has made any improvement for him. Does Tayva take it regularly? My pedi wants us to try Singular. So we started that last night, but I understand it takes some time to see real improvement w/ it. What does Tayva use w/ the nebulizer? We''ve tried it all, Albuterol, Pulmicort, Xopenix, Flovent. Although the later we use as in inhaler instead because Lex still fightst the nebulizer so much.

 

[ChinaCat]

CDT- I am so sorry Lex is so sick, how frustrated and scared you must be. We all assume doctors should have all the answers, but mom intuition counts for a lot, so I''m glad you got a second opinion on the steriods. No advice, but hang in there.

VIZ- I really don''t know how you are physically working those hours and then not sleeping. I think you''ve gotten a lot of good advice, but I also think YOU know your baby best and need to do what you think is best for Charlie. I do think that CIO may work at some point, but I also think that YOU AND C need to be ready for it. And he may grow out of it. Hope hope. Fingers crossed.

I had questions and now I''ve forgotten, of course. Oh well, BBL if I can recall.

 

[fieryred33143]

Viz-First that picture is adorable and hilarious! I love it!!

Second, I agree with what you said.

One of the main reasons why I always said that Sophia would STTN when she decides she wants to STTN is because of the frustrations with trying and trying and not getting anywhere. Sophia is an easy baby. She just is. But she has also always done things on her own time. I remember once right before she turned 3 months, she slept from 9pm until 5am. I, however, did not stop feeding her overnight just because I knew she could go that long without feeding. I stopped feeding her when she wasn''t interested in eating. Same thing with sleeping. I didn''t do anything to get her to STTN. We did a bed time routine, as you do, and then went with the flow at night. At some point right before 6 months she decided she wanted to sleep all night and that''s what she did.

I think sleep is probably one of the most frustrating things as a new parent, especially when you hear stories of other children that sleep so easily when yours does not.

Finding what works for you is the right answer for you. There are things I read on here and other mom boards that I don''t agree with because it doesn''t, didn''t, or wouldn''t work for us. And there are things that I do that I''m sure others don''t agree with either.

 

[vizsla]

for the record.. i didn't take any offense to anyone's post.. quite the contrary.. i take in all the information to see what i could be doing differently/better in order to reach a happier solution.

it does gets hard when i am doing the 'right' things and the outcome isn't any different... i guess it's hard to digest the 'you should be doing this instead of that' and your problems will be solved pill <--- this is mostly directed at my MIL and mother.

burk - girl, you have quite a lot on your plate don't you? tell me, does having a 'spirited' toddler mean they are funny? i just pray that c will be HI-larious coupled with his 'spirit'

tao - yes, c and evan were born on the same day! can you believe they will be 5 months old next week?!?!?

i have chalked up some of this up to the whole '4 month' wakeful thingy... and we are weaning off the swaddle... one arm out when he goes down.. by the time he wakes up he has busted the other arm out of jail. he has super duper strong morrow reflex that wakes him up 6 times out of 10 - and i am waiting for this to subside before we unswaddle him completely.

this is another reason why i've started a sleep log (i think someone on here suggested this. see? i do listen and appreciate all of your advice

i want to present it to our pedi to ensure there isn't some bigger issue like apnea or a more serious medical disorder.

 

[anchor31]

Well, operation early bedtime was an epic failure last night. I''ll need to guear up on patience!

 

[Burk]

Date: 3/23/2010 11:20:09 AM
Author: cdt1101
Viz - thanks..I think if this 2nd appt w/ allergist doesn''t go well, we will be find a new dr (again).


Fiery - we no longer have the sleep apnea monitor, he had it when he was younger but showed no signs of apnea so we stopped that.


Burk - I was hoping you''d chime in. The pulmonologist was the quack who put Lex on all these steriods that have done nothing but make him worse. Funny you mention zyrtec, that''s been the ONLY medication that has made any improvement for him. Does Tayva take it regularly? My pedi wants us to try Singular. So we started that last night, but I understand it takes some time to see real improvement w/ it. What does Tayva use w/ the nebulizer? We''ve tried it all, Albuterol, Pulmicort, Xopenix, Flovent. Although the later we use as in inhaler instead because Lex still fightst the nebulizer so much.

Okay, so pulmonoligist=bad idea.

Tayva takes the zyrtec every night. We''ve used Singular and it was okay for her. In her nebulizer she did (she hasn''t had to do them for a couple months because she **seems* to be growing out of this) Pulmicort twice a day and Albuterol as needed-sometimes every 4 hours when she was really bad and always do the Albuterol before the Pulmicort. The way I understand it the Pulmicort is sort of a maintenance med and needs to be taken for a while to see the benefits while the Albuterol is supposed to open the airway for pretty immediate relief. We didn''t see the benefit of the nebulizers until after doing them religiously for a while. I really hope the Singular and Zyrtec help Lex out. I know how miserable it is to have to watch your baby suffer!

 

[TravelingGal]

Viz, I hear ya. Sleep is a hot topic on the 1st year mommy thread and everyone has been through the misery and everyone wants to help one another to get out of the misery. A friend of mine vented to me once (actually many times) about her DH. We''d talk and I''d offer her my two cents, but she didn''t want it. She just said to me, "You know, I know I sound like I''m asking for advice, but honestly, I don''t need a conclusion. I just want to vent." That made sense to me and I stopped offering her my view on what she was saying.

It''s natural to want to help people when they are struggling. But it seems that you just want to vent, and that''s fine.

You ask, can it be the developmental ability of the child? Yeah, sure, it could be. I think that many of us believe it''s a bit of both (parent and child), but you have to figure out and believe what you are comfortable with, and what keeps you sane. If you believe that the reason is entirely your child (and you probably should ask your ped, btw, because there certainly can be an issue) and that keeps you much less guilt free and more patient to wait it out, then that is the road you should take.

 

[Burk]

Viz~Oh yea, she''s funny! Her "spiritedness" has had it''s advantages like how social and outgoing she is and how tough she is (the girl seriously didn''t even cry when she burned her wrist on a hot pan the other day-under DH''s supervision). She is also pretty stinking smart (mommy bias yes, but her teachers at daycare RAVE about her daily)so yea, "spirit" can be good!

Anchor~Forgot to say I''m so sorry for the whole hospital ordeal. So scary! Sorry last night didn''t go well. Hopefully tonight is better.

Steph~Thanks! Busy is the only way I know how to function.

Seriously, though, this house needs to sell because having to have it showing ready is a PITA!! Glad E is getting into a good night time schedule!

 

[Mara]

oh cdt i am so sorry to hear about lex... i really hope you guys are able to find some answers soon for the poor little guy.

mandarine lol re: after the barf the STTN. seriously these boys like you on your toes eh? and i saw the gymboree email, i was like UH OH because i LOVE their stuff!!! and umm J needs NO MORE clothes. i have clothes filling the closet, the chest of drawers and folded all beneath it too. crazy!!

viz you are totally right in that it could be a host of diff things keeping C from cooperating with sleep. i do agree the parents get the blame most of the time (and to be honest most of the time it IS the parents in some how or some way even if they don't realize it! i have seen really obvious instances of this!) but that it could also be the child, not even trying to do anything but just chemically not there yet. i do believe though that so many times the culprit is some type of 'expectation' that has been set for the child whether anyone really realizes it and the kid's body or brain or whatever just can't shake it. aka i need a bottle at X time. or i need a cuddle now. re: the morrow reflex, J has a really strong one too which is prob why we'll keep him swaddled as long as he can take it because i swear the kid will jerk himself off the mattress with it. how can anyone sleep through that??

and you may have already answered but do you guys have white noise for him playing consistently? i do believe in CIO working in certain situations, and i know you don't want to do it, but there is a modified CIO option in the end of the 'no cry' book (ironic right??) that i thought was interesting and a lot like graduated extinction from HSHHC. basically like CIO with soothing. anyway if you have not looked at that section, maybe re-read it.

i totally agree that i dont know how you are working those crazy days and not sleeping. how are you even SANE? i am sorry, but i would be doing a CRAP ASS job at both parenting and my corporate job if that was me. you must be superwoman. i think that i wouldnt even HEAR my kid cry at that point, i'd be such a zombie sleeping for my grueling work day. ugh!!! i really hope you get some relief soon--and barring anything else can you leave C with your MIL or somtehing for a few hours so you can get some shut eye and maybe kind of refresh yourself??

burk hope that K doesn't turn out too much like T! two HM babies might be too much to handle...but they are so cute. has his reflux gotten better at all, did you try the camomile? J seems to be better in the last week with his gas and reflux, making him such a more pleasant baby to be around.

anchor, sorry to hear that last nite was not a success!!

_____

so last nite we put J down an hour earlier, at 9. we were going to try for 8 but schedule got away from us and it was not that dark out yet (damn time change!!) so i was trying for 8:30 but then he had explosive poo and needed another 1.5oz of food so it ended up being 9. he went down easily, which was great. he woke at 3:30 after sounding kind of restless thru the night (unusual for him) and then down again at 4:15 and up at 8:15 but i re-swaddled and put him back down with the sheep and now it's 9:15 and he's still down...i was just trying to get an extra 45 min out of him so we'll see how long he goes. the re-swaddling and putting back down was an experiment--typically once i take him out of the bassinet it's time to get up.

so the hour earlier seemed to work, but i am wondering if that contributed to his sleep time of 'only' 6.5 hours (don't shoot me anyone but we had two nights of 9 hours before so that is a big diff)...or if it was just him being restless last nite. he was squeaking a lot on the monitor in his light sleep cycles. but overall about a solid ~11.5 hours of sleep so far which is what i want out of him, so we'll try the 9pm again tonite and see if he can go longer. oh and we tanked him up same as we always do last nite so no change in food or anything.

i actually don't mind one wakeup in the nighttime (right now) because greg really does want to feed him before he goes to work, he says that is their 'boy time'... i know eventually they won't have this because J will sleep longer, so i don't mind it for now, esp since i am at home and can go back to sleep when he does. but when i go back to work in 7 weeks i would like the sleep to be pretty much through the entire night. note i say would like. we'll see what J has in store for us.

and my little seven week old is FRIGGIN ADORABLE now. he doesn't wake up screaming as often anymore, he can stare at me for days and is babbling at me, he has his own real personality now. the houseplant stage was so hard for me because i wanted interaction with him but he was just developing, and he wasn't even a 'cuddly' baby so we didn't do a ton of snuggling...but now he accepts touch and cuddles, kisses, head snuggles and he seems to really know me, it's way more fun. every day he just seems MORE. i can't wait to keep seeing more development from him.

oh and the crazy kid STANDS on us all the time...he already tries to walk up our bodies. he's so strong. on the kiddo developmental chart in the pedi office it says 3-6 months for that. i am scared he will be an early walker, yikes!! babyproofing the home might be sooner on the agenda than we expected.

one Q for moms...is anyone using the old fashioned walkers? my mom really wants us to get one, so i might get one for her house since she'll have him this summer when he is 4-7 months and her ranch house has huge expanses of wood floors that he would love. i was reading about why people don't tend to use them anymore (safety issues -- most of which are just common sense -- aka don't let your kid go near the hot curling iron cord!) but my sisters used them and we all loved ours. as in LOVED LOVED ours. so just curious if anyone is using one or planning to get one.

lastly, a vent on boobs... i am so over having giant boobs that are sensitive to touch with over-sensitive nipples. i can't even brush them on something without them smarting. and showering ...ouch. did i mention i am not a fan of what bf'ing does to your boobs? BAH. i will be so happy when it's done. not having the pump PULL on my nips or a little gum ridge chomping on them will be wonderful and i will never take them for granted again!

 

[Sabine]

cdt, does Lex by any chance have any skin issues? If you don''t have any luck with the allergist, could you try a dermatologist? I only suggest that because we took Jacks to the derm. and he''s now on zyrtec and atarax for allergies that manifest in eczema. It''s also really helped with the congestion he''s always had. Unfortunately I think he inherited my insane allergies =(.

Viz., I think it''s the No Cry Sleep Solution that says your LO only has a sleep problem if it''s a problem for YOU. Honestly, I think since you are really getting no sleep at this point, instead of worrying about the "right" things to do that aren''t working anyway, you could try to find ANYTHING that you could do to help him and you get some sleep. Are you opposed to co-sleeping?

 

[cdt1101]

Burk - You''re right on the pulmicort. the flovent is the same, we have to use for at least a month before we''d see an improvement. I''m hoping this allergist can really help us. Glad Tayva seems to be growing out of it.

China & Mara - thanks for the support!

Sabine - Lex only has mild eczema on his cheeks, but honestly it hasn''t been as bad lately. I definitely think Lex has inherited some of my allergy issues though

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/23/2010 12:36:04 PM
Author: Sabine
cdt, does Lex by any chance have any skin issues? If you don''t have any luck with the allergist, could you try a dermatologist? I only suggest that because we took Jacks to the derm. and he''s now on zyrtec and atarax for allergies that manifest in eczema. It''s also really helped with the congestion he''s always had. Unfortunately I think he inherited my insane allergies =(.

Viz., I think it''s the No Cry Sleep Solution that says your LO only has a sleep problem if it''s a problem for YOU. Honestly, I think since you are really getting no sleep at this point, instead of worrying about the ''right'' things to do that aren''t working anyway, you could try to find ANYTHING that you could do to help him and you get some sleep. Are you opposed to co-sleeping?

Ditto. Sounds like it might be a good option for you.

 

[vizsla]

hahaha burk... oh no.. i can already see i am going to have a 'spirited' child. yesterday i called daycare to check on charlie and i heard this squealing in the background.... and knew right away that was my little man. he had been doing it for an hour... just bouncing in the jumparoo squealing away - he was cracking everyone up. my little ham. charlie's primary caregiver refers to him as her 'boyfriend' and calls to check on him on the weekend if he's been sick during the week.. they love him

tg - i think you hit the nail on the head.. while sometimes i come here for a "fix" - other times i just need to vent, ya know? and it *can* feel like well meaning suggestions are more "what i *should* be doing, but i'm not" and consequently, in some way, i am 'failing' my child because i haven't been able to teach him how to sleep. i.e. doing things wrong.

i'll be the first to admit that even i get foggy about when i want to vent and when i want help... and, last week, i did just wanted someone to FIX it .... it's hard to be on point 24 hrs a day. the majority of the week i go with the flow and just deal. but yeah, i have those moments when i literally don't know how i'm going to do another night of up and down and function at work. hence my multiple PS breaks ;P

i just want to point out (for anyone else going thru this - particularly because it is not the most popular stance - but i love the support from those that do believe that an equal amount of success (potty training, sleeping, discipline) can be attributed to the parent AND the child. unfortunately, most techniques don't take that into consideration. it's the parents or bust.

i also think it *is* hard for those parents with receptive children to understand that it isn't just a matter of doing XYZ to get a desired result. if your child really truly isn't ready for something no amount of "training" will be as successful with a child that is not ready developmentally to one that is.

i do think there are things i could be doing to help the situation -- what those are exactly?? i'm not quite sure. for right now i'm sticking with the routine and the length of time i am comfortable with letting c cry before going to him. a few times he does fall back to sleep, other times -- not so much.

fiery - you were right about c waking up earlier to eat if we reduced the amount of the 3am feed. since we have been doing that (5-6 days??) he has gotten up an hour earlier crying to eat and not just soothe. looks like we are going to have to go back to the increased oz and just let the little man eat. i'd like to say this means he will give us an extra hour sleep but we all know that's loco talk

ETA: we did try co-sleeping for a long time. it isn't the best solution for us. charlie is SO LOUD at night and does a fair amount of thrashing around that what few mins of sleep we squeeze out of a night was disrupted. plus DH wasn't fully on board and was very uncomfortable with the arrangement. it is important for us to have him sleep in his own space and i believe eventually we will be successful. oh mirror mirror on the wall, when when my baby give mommy a break?

please don't say 'never'

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/23/2010 1:26:53 PM
Author: vizsla
hahaha burk... oh no.. i can already see i am going to have a ''spirited'' child. yesterday i called daycare to check on charlie and i heard this squealing in the background.... and knew right away that was my little man. he had been doing it for an hour... just bouncing in the jumparoo squealing away - he was cracking everyone up. my little ham. charlie''s primary caregiver refers to him as her ''boyfriend'' and calls to check on him on the weekend if he''s been sick during the week.. they love him

tg - i think you hit the nail on the head.. while sometimes i come here for a ''fix'' - other times i just need to vent, ya know? and it *can* feel like well meaning suggestions are more ''what i *should* be doing, but i''m not'' and consequently, in some way, i am ''failing'' my child because i haven''t been able to teach him how to sleep. i.e. doing things wrong.

i''ll be the first to admit that even i get foggy about when i want to vent and when i want help... and, last week, i did just wanted someone to FIX it .... it''s hard to be on point 24 hrs a day. the majority of the week i go with the flow and just deal. but yeah, i have those moments when i literally don''t know how i''m going to do another night of up and down and function at work. hence my multiple PS breaks ;P

i just want to point out (for anyone else going thru this - particularly because it is not the most popular stance - but i love the support from those that do believe that an equal amount of success (potty training, sleeping, discipline) can be attributed to the parent AND the child. unfortunately, most techniques don''t take that into consideration. it''s the parents or bust.

i also think it *is* hard for those parents with receptive children to understand that it isn''t just a matter of doing XYZ to get a desired result. if your child really truly isn''t ready for something no amount of ''training'' will be as successful with a child that is not ready developmentally to one that is.

i do think there are things i could be doing to help the situation -- what those are exactly?? i''m not quite sure. for right now i''m sticking with the routine and the length of time i am comfortable with letting c cry before going to him. a few times he does fall back to sleep, other times -- not so much.

fiery - you were right about c waking up earlier to eat if we reduced the amount of the 3am feed. since we have been doing that (5-6 days??) he has gotten up an hour earlier crying to eat and not just soothe. looks like we are going to have to go back to the increased oz and just let the little man eat. i''d like to say this means he will give us an extra hour sleep but we all know that''s loco talk

My general view is if the kid is alive and thriving, you haven''t failed. Yes, I know...pretty broad, but hey, that''s really the bottom line right?

I do think nearly all of the various books DO take into consideration the temperment of the child. I know HSHHC does. In fact, I can''t think of a single book that I''ve come in contact with that is parents or bust...and I tend to err on the side of the more "rigid" books.

As for the parents of receptive children, I''ll be the first to admit that sometimes, I have a hard time quite accepting the receptive children bit because a lot of people who do have babies who aren''t receptive say that my child sleep trained easily SIMPLY because she was a receptive child and easy going. I think that''s as much of a cop out as saying mothers who haven''t sleep trained their children is ONLY because the parents haven''t tried hard enough. Neither is true. Not saying you are saying this, btw, but from what I can see on PS, the parents who sleep trained their kids with more rigid methods not only had "easy" kids (some of them anway), but the parents disposition were more "dog to a bone" types. From lurking here, those women were extremely focused once they chose a method.

Yes, I agree that sometimes the child is just not developmentally ready, and if that is the case, I do think no amount of training is going to help. But sometimes they are just holding out on us, lol. Like the kid who never says a word but then speaks in full sentence. Or in my case, my goofy daughter who has never counted and I caught her last night on her monitor counting to 10 and humming full songs (which she''s never done).

I also think there is a point where when the child is not responding, but if is an otherwise healthy child, s/he SHOULD be developmentally ready. I only say this because I took Amelia to stupid amounts of therapy at the advice of her ped. She wouldn''t not stick food into her mouth by age 1. Maybe SHE wasn''t developmentally ready to do so, but come on...she should be sticking things in her mouth by that stage. So I sought help and after 3 or so bouts of therapy, she was eating - she just needed the right help from me. I also took her to physical therapy (I was less worried about that one). She did not crawl until age 1. Again, not developmentally ready, but I still did things to try and get her there because there''s nothing wrong with trying to move the process along, especially if the ped advises it.

I think with your son and sleeping, he truly may not be developmentally ready. I also think you are not ready to change what you''re doing. At 5 months (or however old he is), I can see why you take the stance you do...nothing wrong with it and as I said, you need to do what keeps you sane and I think any mother would support that. However, if your child gets to 18 months old and still is having sleep issues, I think the issue then has nothing to do with being developmentally ready, because there comes a point where you have to sit back and say, "Really now...let''s be honest, developmentally he''s fine, but emotionally we are still stuck in X place." A lot of moms don''t want to do things until their kids are emotionally ready too, and there''s nothing wrong with that either. But it''s good to know what''s a development issue and what''s an issue of emotions.

 

[NovemberBride]

Viz - hugs to you. I can feel your frustration.

Mandy - I hope the boys have turned the corner for you.

I need some advice re: supplementing with formula. I was determined to make it to 6 months with no supplementing, but it is just getting too hard to pump enough milk. I had this realization as I sat at the kitchen counter at 4 a.m. pumping to make up for yesterday''s shortfall so that she had enough milk for daycare today. I am not ready to quit, but I am planning to make up for my shortfall with formula so as not to continually stress about where I am going to get an extra ounce or two each night. I eat oatmeal every day and drink tons of water and tried Fenugreek but it made me very dizzy and nauseous, so I think I have exhausted most of the tricks to increase supply. The sad thing is my supply is fine, Olivia is perfectly satisfied when nursing, I just don''t respond that well to the pump.

For those of you who have done this, do you mix formula and breastmilk or give them in separate bottles (i.e. if I have enough breastmilk for 2 bottles but need 3, do I give 2 breastmilk bottles and 1 formula, or do I make all 3 a mix?). It is so frustrating that there are no resources on this since all the sites that are helpful for breastfeeding are totally anti-formula. Also, any recommendations on which formula to use? Olivia doesn''t have any reflux issues or allergies, so I guess I am just looking for something basic? Also, are amount of formula the same as breastmilk? It seems like formula fed babies get much bigger bottles. Right now Olivia gets 3 4oz. bottles for daycare.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Viz I have a friend who has a son who was just like your C. And my cousin. The only solution that worked was that mom co-slept with baby and dad slept in another room. This went on until 9 months old, when the babies seemed to outgrow that "fussy/colic" whatever stage. Funny thing, both boys are the funniest, happiest, smiliest kids ever. And daredevils. I absolutely think it is temperament. In your shoes I would 100% cosleep with my kid to get some sleep and deal with changing it later.

 

[puffy]

burk yay for K in the crib!! i was so relieved when we moved noah to his crib and he actually slept. we slept so much better too!! hope T feels better and good luck on the house!

viz i''m sorry you''re having such a hard time. you just have to do what''s right for you and just forget what the ''experts'' say. but C is super cute!!

steph haha, i can totally relate...EVERYTHING puts noah to sleep. he was sitting in the bumbo yesterday and B was "reading" to him and the next thing i know, B is running to me telling me noah''s sleeping so be quiet. but he still sleeps like a champ at night, so no complaints.

cdt sorry about lex..poor guy!

hi to all the other mommies!!! hope all the babies are doing well!

 

[Mara]

November... We just mix formula in bottle with milk. Greg calls it a drug cocktail haha. Also we give him 1-2oz formula for like 4oz breastmilk.

 

[AmberWaves]

Real quick hugs to CDT and Viz:

CDT, as a life-long sufferer of asthma/allergies I''m terrified of Piper getting them. She''s already getting eczema on her face and ear and I''m so sad I passed this on to her. I saw the havoc my asthma wreaked on my parents (One of whom had asthma), because they just knew they couldn''t "fix" me with a boo-boo kiss and let it be that, and with something like asthma there is really NOTHING you can do. I know too well, as the patient, not the parent how hard it is to deal with this stuff. I will keep you and Lex in my thoughts, I know this is so hard on you guys, having to watch him suffer with no way to make it better. At least, from the mouth of a former asthmatic/allergic baby- you are doing every single thing you can, and he will know that. When there is nothing else medicine can do, having Mommy and/or Daddy around can make it better in a lot of ways. I know that whenever I''d get a cold, I''d have a cold for three days or so, and asthma for weeks after. So sorry about the baby.

Viz: you''re doing the best you can. I''m not going to say anything about what you''re doing vs. not, because I''ve got nothing to boast about. I think all we can do as parents is to try whatever we can, and if it doesn''t work, it doesn''t work- and not to beat ourselves up about it. Who really knows why? Good luck, C is a cutie.

 

[cdt1101]

Date: 3/23/2010 3:14:31 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Real quick hugs to CDT and Viz:

CDT, as a life-long sufferer of asthma/allergies I''m terrified of Piper getting them. She''s already getting eczema on her face and ear and I''m so sad I passed this on to her. I saw the havoc my asthma wreaked on my parents (One of whom had asthma), because they just knew they couldn''t ''fix'' me with a boo-boo kiss and let it be that, and with something like asthma there is really NOTHING you can do. I know too well, as the patient, not the parent how hard it is to deal with this stuff. I will keep you and Lex in my thoughts, I know this is so hard on you guys, having to watch him suffer with no way to make it better. At least, from the mouth of a former asthmatic/allergic baby- you are doing every single thing you can, and he will know that. When there is nothing else medicine can do, having Mommy and/or Daddy around can make it better in a lot of ways. I know that whenever I''d get a cold, I''d have a cold for three days or so, and asthma for weeks after. So sorry about the baby.

Viz: you''re doing the best you can. I''m not going to say anything about what you''re doing vs. not, because I''ve got nothing to boast about. I think all we can do as parents is to try whatever we can, and if it doesn''t work, it doesn''t work- and not to beat ourselves up about it. Who really knows why? Good luck, C is a cutie.

Sorry to hear that you suffer from asthma. It must be terrifying for you. The hardest part for me right now, is I can''t help him, and he can''t tell me how he feels

No one in my family (or DHs) has suffered from this (allergies yes, but not asthma), so we have no idea what to do really. I just hope that he will grow out of this eventually. Thanks for sharing your prespective as a suffer and I hope Piper never has to deal w/ this (for your sake and hers).

 

[fieryred33143]

November-I would do formula and bm in separate bottles so that you make sure she gets all of the breastmilk first and then the formula if she''s still hungry. If for whatever reason she doesn''t finish a bottle, it has to be thrown away and you don''t want to throw away what you worked hard at getting. What I would do for Sophia is that if I could only pump 3.5 bottles of bm and I knew she needed 4, I would send the 3 bottles with 1 full bottle of formula and leave the .5 to combine with milk pumped from that day.

As for formulas, Sophia did really well on Similac Advance and was on Enfamil Lipil when we stopped bfing.

Amount of formula is the same as bm, it''s about what she tolerates. Sophia is almost 9 months (

) and only takes 6oz. We just increased to 7oz since we eliminated a bottle (she used to get 5 bottles but now that she''s on a 4 hour schedule, she only gets 4)