Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS
Okay, I read your concerns, and here is my honest, uncensored, heartfelt response:
#1 CHORES - He is a guy, a man, a MALE. He will never see it the way you do, not because he doesn't care, but because men and women are different! Ladies see and hear the world through PINK sunglasses and hearing aids. Guys see and hear the world through BLUE sunglasses and hearing aids. It's time to convey your concerns through BLUE SUNGLASSES, aka as a guy! You say you do everything? STOP. Stop doing everything. He expects you to do it all, and is a guy, so if one person does it, why should he? It's taken care of. So STOP. Believe me, he will question why you've stopped doing those everyday things you do, and it will open the path to conversation, and talk about it you will. Tell him you're on the same team, wearing the same color jersey, and you wish he would join and help out instead of always sitting on the sidelines.
#2 FREE TIME; #4 MONEY; #5 THE FUTURE - Honestly darling, it's all the same. So stop placing things in categories when its one HUGE issue. First, stop providing the money for his hobbies (if you are) Second, start doing things for yourself, aka going to the movies, bars/clubs, spa, hair salon, etc. I'm not saying spend money, because I know you're in saving mode... what I'm saying is start doing things for yourself. If you wait around to have him join the fun with things you like doing, honey, you're going to wait FOREVER. Believe me, when you start doing things on your own, he's going to wonder why, and it will open up conversation about what's going on, and BE HONEST. Tell him you want enjoy time with him, and need his partnership, and your concern about money. Which leads to my third point: Money.issues.are.UGLY. Let's face it, not everything is peaches and cream, and when it comes to money issues, it can get ugly. REAL ugly. So now is the time to lay it all down, hash it out, and figure out how the finances will work for the both of you. Get pen and paper, start an excel spreadsheet, get receipts, credit card statements, bills, everything, and sit down and WORK ON A BUDGET aka living expense. You need to see it on paper and see where your money is going. For all you know, he may not even realize how much he's dropping on his "hobbies", so help him manage it, and tell him you don't want to resent him for spending that much, but he needs to be reasonable. Look, it WON'T be easy, it will not be a pleasant time, but it must be done. In the end, you will both feel accomplished. Remember, everything you're both doing is not for just one person, its for the BOTH of you, for the SAME TEAM. Keep that in mind, and as your sole motivation.
#3 CHILDREN - People always change, so his stance might too. Maybe he may not want 5 or 10 children, but what about 1? Yes, each child is a financial decision too, so maybe having an army is not an expense he wants to make, but talk about it. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING!! Maybe just 1 child is something he can consider.
Darling, I really wish you the best of luck <3 I know it's not easy, and sometimes you feel alone, vulnerable, and totally at a loss of where you're headed, but remember, life is a learning process. You're both learning how to live with someone else, your privacy is gone, it's a new experience, so you will have bumps in the road, and it's ok if you do! It won't be perfect, but the most important thing is communication. Talk about your needs, concerns, and anything else. Respect him, adore him, let him know how much you need him to be an active partner in the relationship. Nothing is worse than having a team player sit on the sidelines while the other one takes all the brunts and shoves, but until you convey that to him, he'll be clueless.
So enough of my rant lol I really, hope everything goes good! <3
Okay, I read your concerns, and here is my honest, uncensored, heartfelt response:
#1 CHORES - He is a guy, a man, a MALE. He will never see it the way you do, not because he doesn't care, but because men and women are different! Ladies see and hear the world through PINK sunglasses and hearing aids. Guys see and hear the world through BLUE sunglasses and hearing aids. It's time to convey your concerns through BLUE SUNGLASSES, aka as a guy! You say you do everything? STOP. Stop doing everything. He expects you to do it all, and is a guy, so if one person does it, why should he? It's taken care of. So STOP. Believe me, he will question why you've stopped doing those everyday things you do, and it will open the path to conversation, and talk about it you will. Tell him you're on the same team, wearing the same color jersey, and you wish he would join and help out instead of always sitting on the sidelines.
#2 FREE TIME; #4 MONEY; #5 THE FUTURE - Honestly darling, it's all the same. So stop placing things in categories when its one HUGE issue. First, stop providing the money for his hobbies (if you are) Second, start doing things for yourself, aka going to the movies, bars/clubs, spa, hair salon, etc. I'm not saying spend money, because I know you're in saving mode... what I'm saying is start doing things for yourself. If you wait around to have him join the fun with things you like doing, honey, you're going to wait FOREVER. Believe me, when you start doing things on your own, he's going to wonder why, and it will open up conversation about what's going on, and BE HONEST. Tell him you want enjoy time with him, and need his partnership, and your concern about money. Which leads to my third point: Money.issues.are.UGLY. Let's face it, not everything is peaches and cream, and when it comes to money issues, it can get ugly. REAL ugly. So now is the time to lay it all down, hash it out, and figure out how the finances will work for the both of you. Get pen and paper, start an excel spreadsheet, get receipts, credit card statements, bills, everything, and sit down and WORK ON A BUDGET aka living expense. You need to see it on paper and see where your money is going. For all you know, he may not even realize how much he's dropping on his "hobbies", so help him manage it, and tell him you don't want to resent him for spending that much, but he needs to be reasonable. Look, it WON'T be easy, it will not be a pleasant time, but it must be done. In the end, you will both feel accomplished. Remember, everything you're both doing is not for just one person, its for the BOTH of you, for the SAME TEAM. Keep that in mind, and as your sole motivation.
#3 CHILDREN - People always change, so his stance might too. Maybe he may not want 5 or 10 children, but what about 1? Yes, each child is a financial decision too, so maybe having an army is not an expense he wants to make, but talk about it. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING!! Maybe just 1 child is something he can consider.
Darling, I really wish you the best of luck <3 I know it's not easy, and sometimes you feel alone, vulnerable, and totally at a loss of where you're headed, but remember, life is a learning process. You're both learning how to live with someone else, your privacy is gone, it's a new experience, so you will have bumps in the road, and it's ok if you do! It won't be perfect, but the most important thing is communication. Talk about your needs, concerns, and anything else. Respect him, adore him, let him know how much you need him to be an active partner in the relationship. Nothing is worse than having a team player sit on the sidelines while the other one takes all the brunts and shoves, but until you convey that to him, he'll be clueless.
So enough of my rant lol I really, hope everything goes good! <3